Slow Burn
by AMiserableLove
Summary: Since he moved back into the loft, Nick and Jess have been at odds with each other, refusing to accept what's between them. The sexual tension, the chemistry. They are both denying the obvious passion. Perhaps a summer heat wave will change all of that..
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl  
**

**Please read and review. Your reviews make me want to write more. And while I'm not going to be one of those authors that refuses to post unless everyone reviews...they do motivate me and I appreciate knowing what you thought, good or bad :)  
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They had been fighting for weeks.

Not all out war. A few snide comments here, and a glare there. They had refrained from their usual shouting matches—but the tension was thick enough that even Winston and Schmidt had begun to take notice.

After he had moved back in, after she had welcomed him with a few words and a knowing smirk, things had been good—different…but good.

And then things had gotten weird.

It was like suddenly they both couldn't hide from the big fat elephant in the room.

So they handled it the only way they knew how.

They ignored it.

And they fought.

A lot.

They danced around the mutual attraction, the sexual tension, and the obvious chemistry. They refused to accept what was so blatantly clear to both of them. What had been made obvious the moment she had decided to throw a fit and fight tooth and nail for him to stay in the loft. The moment he had decided that because of her reaction to him moving out, because of a few simply said words, a few wide-eyed blue gazes—he was going to stay; throwing away his relationship with Caroline in the process.

And now they could barely stand the sight of each other.

Because looking at the other was like seeing something that you wanted, you needed, but were afraid you could never have.

Afraid you didn't deserve.

It was torture.

And that torture was slowly becoming unbearable.

As was the excessive heat in the apartment…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**

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Sighing, Jess fanned an old People magazine in front of her face, closing her eyes she tried to trick her brain into thinking it was much cooler in the loft than it really was. Lifting her thick dark hair in her free hand, she shifted uncomfortably on the couch. It felt as though Winston and Schmidt had left hours ago in search for fans for their apartment. She briefly debated leaving; driving around for a bit—at least her car had air conditioning (sometimes)...but the extreme heat was making her lazy and almost as soon as she considered the thought she squashed it, not wanting to risk moving any more than was necessary.

"This is a awful. I've never been so hot in my life," her eyes opened and she swung her attention to Nick who was leaning over the kitchen island, with a cold beer placed firmly against his head. "This is your fault you know. If I weren't so hot, I'd walk over there and punch you in the face."

Nick rolled his eyes and scowled at her, "seriously Jess? Seriously? How is a summer heat wave and a broken air conditioner my fault?" He rolled the beer across his forehead and contemplated sticking his head in the freezer.

Frowning she sat up on the couch and let out a frustrated sigh as her bare arms and legs stuck to the leather—not noticing how Nick tried to avert his eyes, tried not to devour the sight of her in tiny pink shorts and a small white tank top. But she rarely wore anything so revealing, and the simple task of looking away proved to be much harder than it sounded.

With quick angry movements she threw her hair, damp with sweat, up into a sloppy ponytail— irritated with him for reasons she really didn't want to say out loud. So instead, she decided to take the more obvious route. "You're right it's not your fault that there's a heat wave or that our air conditioner broke. It is your fault that you tried to fix said broken air conditioner because you are Mr. Cheap Pants McGee…" At his snort, her frown deepened and she sent him an icy look that could have cooled the room considerably, were mere looks capable of doing so, before continuing. "And when you realized that the repair job was far beyond your supposed capable hands, you refused to let me call Remy…who's job it is to fix the darn thing in the first place! And then…THEN when you decide hey maybe it's a good idea to have a working air conditioner in mid summer…and hey maybe it's a good idea to call a repair man… you decide this on a Sunday…when no one is working or is charging an arm and a leg to make an emergency stop…and…AND you come to this decision on the hottest day of the year. The hottest day in ten years! The heat is breaking all kinds of records…and we don't have air conditioning Nick…because you…you—"

"Alright! I get it…it's my fault! Everything is my fault." His voice had taken on an edge as he glared at her across the room.

She glared right back and fanned her magazine even faster. "Well as long as you can admit it," she scoffed, still angry with him, and not feeling any better that he had admitted it was his fault that they were sitting in the uncomfortable heat.

They let silence overtake them—she sat waving her magazine, her efforts proving quite futile in the suffocating heat, and he stood alternating the beer bottle between his lips and forehead. They didn't speak to each other, just continued to let the tension grow between them, reluctantly keeping each other company as they waited for Schmidt and Winston to get back with the much needed fans.

Closing her eyes again, Jess leaned her head back against the couch. She hated this. She hated fighting with him—but she didn't know how else to deal with her pesky emotions…the _undeniable attraction_ she felt towards him. He drove her crazy. It was quite embarrassing; the time she spent laying in bed thinking about him—thinking about him in ways a roommate,_ a friend_ shouldn't be thinking about him. So instead of being adult about it, instead of either trying her hardest to get rid of these new-found emotions or acting on them…she lashed out at him.

Sometimes she wondered if he fought back because he was feeling the same way as she, or if it was because he was Nick, and he was never one to back down to her._ He was too stubborn. _With a long drawn out slightly exaggerated sigh, she stood up. Her limbs felt heavy—the hot temperature in the apartment made her entire body feel weighed down and slow. She was hot, annoyed, and_ twirly._

Not a good combination.

"Where are they?" She muttered more to herself than to Nick, completely aware that her voice had taken on a somewhat whiny tone.

"Like you said Jess, the heat is breaking all kinds of records…it's going to be difficult to find a store with fans in stock."

She glanced over at him. His plain white shirt was clinging to him in a not so unattractive way. His forehead was lined with a mixture of sweat and condensation from his bottle. He had picked up some part time work helping a buddy landscape here and there and his skin had deepened a few shades darker from the sun. He looked _good_, and she wanted to curse him out for the simple fact that she found him attractive—hell he looked down right _smokin hot_ at the moment. And damn him, _damn him_ for kicking her twirliness up a notch!

He caught her staring and sneered. It unnerved him when she looked at him the way she was now. Like she was trying to figure out what was going on inside his brain, like he was some kind of puzzle she couldn't figure out. It drove him crazy, and at the same time—he wished that he could read _her_ better. When she looked at him like that, he wanted to know what _she_ was thinking—lately she was so hot and cold that he had no clue what was going on inside her crazy pretty little head.

"Are you going to blame me for that too...for Winston and Schmidt taking forever...for fans being a hard find on a day like today?" He asked, smirking as she jumped slightly at his voice—she had clearly been daydreaming; a bad habit of hers he liked to call her out on often. And while he pretended it annoyed him, and he acted as though she were slightly childish for constantly getting lost in her thoughts…he actually thought it was pretty cute, endearing even. It was something he would never tell her, but when she got that far away look in her big blue eyes, he found himself struggling not to smile tenderly at her—because that would be weak, and he couldn't let her see his weakness. If he let his guard down even just a little bit, she would see him for what he really was...

Completely and totally infatuated with her.

Scowling at the thought he looked down at the ground, with a slight shake of his head. He was angry—angry that he couldn't help himself, angry that she had managed to completely take him by surprise with her big blue eyes, her slightly innocent nature laced with a stubbornness that could match his own, and her deeply rooted optimism. She had caught him off guard, had sneaked up on him and almost completely knocked him on his ass, and he was just barely hanging on by a thread. But he was hanging on...he was too stubborn not to. And God help him it was hard—she was everything a man would want in a woman. And she deserved much better than him—he had nothing to offer—nothing to give.

And the thought made him even _angrier._

"I'm not blaming you for how long it's taking them, but I'm still blaming you for the fact that we are even in this situation in the first place," she said, her tone clipped and frustrated brought his eyes back to her—she had begun to pace the living room, her face was flushed and shiny.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You drive me crazy," he muttered.

"Likewise Nick," she shot back, placing her hands on her hips, she stopped her pacing and narrowed her eyes at him.

He raised a brow and stared back at her, feeling prickles of anger skirt its way down his body. "Well I'm glad we can agree on something...we can't stand each other…good for us."

She flinched at that...she had never said she couldn't stand him—he drove her crazy, but it was for reasons she wasn't willing to admit to him...reasons she tried not to acknowledged herself. Biting the inside of her cheek, she fidgeted under his glare. Maybe she really did annoy him, maybe the glimmer of attraction she had thought existed between them was really all one sided—maybe there was no passion simmering between them, maybe it was all just a figment of her stupid imagination.

_Maybe it was wishful thinking._

Frowning she looked away from him and towards the apartment door, suddenly feeling like a desperate fool. "Yeah good for us," she whispered softly, trying not to feel sorry for herself.

He watched her from the kitchen as an unreadable expression crossed her features before she turned her head from him. She was a complete mystery to him, one minute she had been fuming and annoyed and now...now she just looked sad, slightly depressed. And seeing the small frown tugging at her lips, he had a strong and sudden urge to walk over to her and pull her into his arms and apologize for being a miserable bastard while begging her to forgive him for the way he had been acting towards her lately.

"Jess…" He said his voice soft.

She glanced over at him, clearly surprised by the gentle tone of his voice and looking at him expectantly, tilted her head to the side as she waited for him to continue.

"I'm…" As she stared at him from across the room, he lost his train of thought, it was amazing how quickly he could get distracted by her presence, how fast he could lose himself in that cool pale gaze of hers. Shaking his head slightly, he attempted to regain his composure and taking a deep breath gathered his thoughts. But as the apartment door began to rattle and muffled voices could be heard outside the loft, his attention shifted. Frowning he gave her a slight shrug, feeling somewhat defeated. "I'm sorry about the air conditioning," he said quietly, not knowing what else to say to her.

Sighing, she shook her head, "just forget about it," she mumbled and turned her attention to the door as it swung open and Winston and Schmidt fell into the apartment, struggling with multiple boxes of fans, as they bickered and stumbled over each other. Watching the sight unfold, Jess narrowed her eyes, both confused and surprised as Cece tagged along behind them.

"It is hotter than Hades out there!" Schmidt exclaimed, setting the boxes on the floor, with an over-exaggerated huff.

Jess smirked, noting the multiple boxes of fans before looking at the model with a raised brow. "What are you doing here? I've texted you like fifty times."

Cece shrugged, "I was shopping and left my phone in the car. When I saw I had so many texts from you, I decided to stop by and see what's up." She paused giving both Winston and Schmidt a slightly amused look followed by a crooked smile. "I saw these two clowns in the parking lot."

Jess considered her friend for a moment—at first, after the break up, things had been a bit awkward for the model and Schmidt. The tension between the two was obvious, but so was the sadness, the longing...the regret. It didn't last long though— after a few weeks, it was like the two of them had never been involved, had never even cared for each other. Cece had quickly slipped back into her unapproachable role; acting more than a little condescending towards her ex boyfriend...and in return, Schmidt had accepted her cool demeanor without questions. His jokes and pick-up lines had become few and far between and while he still used the jar more than any of them, there was something missing in his usually uncalled for and vulgar remarks. He wasn't himself, and Jess couldn't blame him, because as an outsider looking in...Cece had almost completely cut him out... it was as if they had never dated, as if they had never meant anything to each other, as if she was better off without him.

And Jess' heart ached for the both of them, she hated seeing either of them hurt—but she kept her mouth shut, knowing that if it were meant to be then they would work it out.

"Well I'm glad you are here, let's go back to your apartment. I'm sure you can tell by the unbearable temperature in here…our air isn't working."

Cece smiled, her dark eyes glittered mischievously as she scanned the loft. "Actually I was talking to the guys in the parking lot and I guess they came up with a kind of cool idea at the store…" Her sentence lingered as she glanced over at Winston and Schmidt who were removing the fans from the boxes.

Schmidt looked up with a quick smile. "Oh yeah…Winston and I bought a few extra things at the store…they are in the back of my car…we have to bring them up."

Letting out a slightly exasperated sigh, Nick turned on the fan to full power, standing directly in front of it so it would blow cool air right in his face. "What else did you buy?"

Winston shrugged setting up an oscillating fan that Jess was patiently standing in front of waiting for him to turn on. "Just a few blow up pools, some misters, and a lot of beer and liquor."

"You guys are ridiculous." Nick said, shaking his head, with a glare.

Jess frowned silently agreeing with Nick—what were they going to do with all of that stuff...it seemed a little overkill. "Why did you buy all of that?" She asked, squealing in delight and closing her eyes as Winston turned on the fan and cool air began to blast at her, whipping loose strands of hair around her face.

Schmidt grinned at his roommates, "because my good friends, if you can't beat the heat…join it. We are going to have a rooftop party. We'll get some nice tunes going, fill up the pools, set up a bar, get the misters up and running. We haven't had a party here since Nick's frat party gone wrong. It'll be super-fly yo..._super-fly. _And, bikinis are not only welcomed but strongly encouraged."

Cece scowled and sighed at his last words, but there was a vague look of tenderness lurking in her eyes as she pulled yet another fan out of a box and turned to Jess and Nick. "What do you think?" She asked with a little shrug, as Winston took the fan from her and plugged it in.

Nick frowned, not enjoying the thought of a bunch of bodies being crammed up on the roof in such hot weather. And it was all bound to spill over into the apartment sooner rather than later—things would break, people would be making-out on his bed...it was just asking for trouble. "It's a terrible idea."

The words had barely left his mouth before Jess grinned, excitement lighting up her face. "It's a great idea!" She said enthusiastically, looking over at him as their words clashed; amusement played across her face briefly at their differing opinions before she glanced away, bringing her focus back to the rest of the roommates.

Smiling Schmidt clapped his hands. "Alright so Nick loses, as the majority of the roommates agree that the idea is super-fly…"

Nick scowled. "If you say_ super-fly_ one more time, I swear to God Schmidt…"

Schmidt ignored him, waving his comment away as he rolled his eyes. "Okay so let's turn the roof into a pool side paradise, an oasis if you wil."

Sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose, Nick shook his head. "You bought blow up pools Schmidt, it's hardly going to be a pool side paradise."

Schmidt frowned, "use your imagination Nick, I bought beach balls too. And _lots_ of liquor. It's going to be amazing, and your depressing attitude is only going to bring everyone down." His tone was disappointed and slightly paternal, and Nick was reminded of being lectured by his own father, which got his back up more.

"Who is going to want to come to an outdoor party, in the middle of a heat wave?" He asked, his voice raising and taking on a somewhat screechy tone as he looked over at Winston, hoping that at least he would back him up on it— but Winston only shrugged, smirking at him with a slight chuckle.

Schmidt rolled his eyes. "You are such a downer. It makes me sad to know how I've failed you." At Nick's sarcastic laugh, Schmidt continued. "It'll be fun, we have misters to cool people off, the pools, and enough liquor and beer to last until the wee hours of the morning. Now if you are done complaining, we have the rest of my car to empty out, and a poolside oasis to set up on the roof. Call, text, tweet, and facebook your friends, everyone, it's go time in T-minus three hours…tonight is going to be epic."

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**Please review :)  
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**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is a bit more fun, but I can't promise the tension won't come back... ;)**

**On a side...thanks so much for your reviews and alerts.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl  
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**Please read and review!  
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**P.S.- Jess swimsuit is the same one she wore when seeing Russell's ex-wife in the sauna in the Tomatoes episode...I think it was Tomatoes...forgive me if I'm wrong! Anyway, although I kind of describe it just a little FYI for those wondering.  
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Surveying the rooftop, Jess smirked as she took in the sight before her**, **Schmidt had really done a great job transforming it into a nice little oasis. The inflatable pools were actually quite a bit bigger than she had imagined and could fit more than a few people comfortably in them**—**although if she was being completely honest, she wasn't really sure how many partygoers would really take a dip that evening. Personally, she thought it might be a bit awkward just sitting around in a bunch of kiddie pools and doubted very many people would actually show up in their suits**—**but she kept her opinion to herself not wanting to burst Schmidt's happy little bubble. Aside from the pools, a few fans were set up on opposite sides of the roof, along with some misters to lightly cool off whoever walked past them. And although it was still incredibly hot**—**with the sun fading away the temperature had dropped significantly, making the atmosphere not only festive but bordering comfortable.

Continuing to walk out onto the roof she noticed coolers stocked with ice and filled with what looked like every kind of beer imaginable. Schmidt had found some old white Christmas lights and had strung them up for "ambiance". And per his request, or rather his insistence, she had wandered down to visit Remy to see if he had any extra tables and chairs in his creepy storage cellar. To her delight not only did he have some, but had also had the perfect old bar with matching stools. When she had asked if they could borrow that as well, he had acted put out, unsure about the rooftop party and whether it was a wise idea...but she had offered to bake him banana walnut bread (his favorite) for the next four weekends in a row, and upon hearing that, he had grudgingly told her to have the guys go ahead and take what they needed, while reminding her keep the noise level to a minimum. She had promised him it wouldn't get too out of control, and as she had left, mentioned the broken air conditioning; relieved when he had promised to send someone to look at it. And thinking about their misunderstood landlord, she grinned somewhat smugly...Nick thought the guy was a complete creep, but really, miscommunication about a threesome or not, he wasn't all that bad.

"Well don't you look like you stepped out of the 60's."

Turning at the sound of Cece's voice, Jess grinned as her friend walked over to her, her eyes widening as she took in the sight of the model; she was wearing an extremely low cut and short black cover-up over what appeared to be a very tiny black bikini.

"Exactly what I was going for. Don't you look like you stepped out of the Play Boy mansion."

Cece laughed at that, "exactly what I was going for."

Chuckling, Jess considered Cece's attire before glancing down at her own, scrunching up her nose as she did. "Do I really look like I'm trying too hard to do the whole retro thing?"

Cece stared at her a moment, her dark eyes raking over her, as she studied her outfit. She tried to picture in her own head what her friend was seeing. With her dark and bouncy ponytail, accessorized with a bright red headband, and her flirty lightweight white cover-up, hiding her red and white polka dotted two-piece...she felt both comfortable and cute. Her bathing suit wasn't extremely small or too revealing, the cut had just a bit of a vintage look to it...showing off her curves nicely without being too indecent. It was a look she had felt confident in when she had been getting ready earlier...but now she wasn't so sure. Considering her friend's sexy attire, she wondered if she had played it too safe**—**and it wasn't that she was a prude, she had just wanted to be at ease knowing that if she had too many drinks, she wouldn't fall out of her suit if for some reason she decided to get crazy and take her cover-up off later.

Smiling Cece shook her head, "no the high ponytail and headband made me think 60's but you look great...so who cares."

Curiously, she felt relieved at Cece's statement...which was odd, as she usually was quite comfortable with her own style. She liked to have fun with it and rarely tried to compare herself to her model friend...or anyone else for that matter. Briefly she wondered if her apprehension and uncertainty about her style had anything to do with a certain bartender. And letting her gaze dart over to Nick, she watched him, appreciating the way he looked in his a light blue t-shirt and dark swimming trunks as he manned the bar that Remy had provided. It was stocked with liquor and surrounded with a few stools and some other tables and chairs that the landlord had also lent them**—**and it really did make a nice little addition to their party. Continuing to stare at Nick, she bit her lip, slightly annoyed that her sudden concern about her appearance might have something to do with_ him._ Sighing softly to herself she fought back a frown**—**the jerk looked way too good casually mixing drinks for Shelby and Winston. And as he smirked at something Shelby said, she looked away quickly, staring hard at the ground; she missed that**—**talking comfortably with him, making each other laugh, she even missed sitting with him in companionable silence.

_Heck, she just missed him_.

And she hated where they were at now**—**the snide comments, clipped statements, and glaring stares. How in the world had they gotten to this point? Glancing back up, she let her eyes roam over his dark features once more before, deciding then and there to make an effort to be civil with him...starting at that moment.

Turning from the trio at the bar, she watched as Schmidt approached them from the opposite direction; he was grinning from ear to ear and looked completely content in his white short-sleeved button down and bright pair of swimming trunks.

"Alright ladies I'm sure people will be arriving shortly. Did you let your friends know which entrance to come in through?" At both her and Cece's nods, he continued, "I'm going to put some music on...so let's all go over to the bar and take a shot to Get. The. Party. Started!" His gaze lingered on Cece as he spoke, "Cecelia looking lovely as always, I especially love your choice in swimwear." He looked her up and down with a slight twinkle in his blue eyes.

Cece sighed, and barely acknowledging him, shook her head. "Not happening Schmidt...not ever happening again." She muttered the words as she pushed past him and shooting Jess a half-smile, walked away.

Waiting a heartbeat or two, Jess glanced over at Schmidt, his eyes were still firmly glued on Cece, watching her as she made her way to the bar. "Why did you break up with her, if you still have feelings for her? Why did you just let her go?"

Schmidt looked over at her, something flashed in his eyes**—**it could have been regret, but before she had the chance to linger on it, he gave her his signature grin and a slight shrug. "Jess I'm just appreciating a beautiful woman."

Raising an eyebrow, Jess nodded and hooked an arm through his, tugging on him she began leading them over to the bar. "Sure Schmidt." She said quietly. And patting him on the arm, she left it at that, not wanting to meddle too much in her friend's affairs.

Although his head was down, fixing Cece a diet coke with Jack, he knew the second she had approached the rest of them. The light scent of vanilla wafted through the air**—**his senses seemed to heighten ever so slightly at her close proximity. Glancing up, Nick watched as Jess leaned over a bit on the bar and studied the bottles behind him that were set up on an empty bookcase**—**slowly her eyes drifted over towards the cooler, which sat next to him and was stocked with different mixers and chasers, before finally they landed on him. She surprised him by giving him a small tentative smile, and almost immediately, without thought, he responded, returning it with a genuine one of his own. And really, how could he not? She looked like a pretty picture with her dark waves pulled back and a cute little red thing tied securely in her hair. Her blue eyes looked almost too blue to be real, looking up at him from under her thick curtain of bangs. In her white dress, with a hint of a red swimsuit underneath, she looked cute and fresh, and_ perfect._

Sliding the drink he had fixed for Cece over to the model, he looked back at Jess expectantly. "What are you drinking tonight?"

She raised an eyebrow at his question. "Are you really going to work the bar tonight…I mean it's your night off."

He shrugged, "Schmidt, Winston, and I are going to take shifts until the liquor is gone...or until Schmidt is too drunk to care that no one is manning this thing...whichever comes first."

Jess laughed. "Well I guess it's better that you have the first shift then. You won't have to deal with the obnoxious drinkers."

He nodded, he couldn't remember the last time they had spoken so easily. It was nice. And the ever pessimistic part of him wondered how long it would last. "So what can I get you?"

Her eyes lingered on the bottle of pink wine she had personally added to the collection of alcohol, before they drifted back up to him. She shrugged, "surprise me."

He grinned at that, "dangerous words Jessica Day."

"Just don't get me too drunk, I don't want anyone taking advantage of me later." She gave him an exaggerated wink and fluffed her hair with a a little smile before turning her attention to Schmidt and Winston, who were arguing about whether or not their first shot should be Jack Daniels or tequila.

As she became absorbed in the debate, he shook his head with a slight chuckle, keeping to himself that he'd kill anyone that tried to touch her that night**—**slightly surprised by the intense and out of place thought. Distracted and feeling a bit dazed, he silently told himself to pull it together, and grabbed some cherry syrup, cherry Coke and rum. Schmidt had really outdone himself with the party supplies, and Nick had to wonder if he had planned the whole thing earlier and had only pretended that it was a spur of the moment decision. It didn't really matter that much to him, he wasn't really as put out about the whole thing as he had acted earlier**—**he was merely surprised by the amount of time, money, and effort spent. Mixing the ingredients together, he looked up as Jess, Cece, and Shelby made faces at the suggested shots.

"Jack is not a first shot kind of shot Winston," Schmidt said, looking slightly disgusted. "Besides we have ladies here and if you can't tell by their _horrified_ expressions none of them, except for maybe Cece, the girl can really hold her liquor, are exactly jumping up and down at the prospect of drinking it."

Jess shrugged before speaking up, "I mean, I don't hate whiskey but I definitely need to be a few drinks in to be able to handle it. And Cece shouldn't drink too much of it…she gets mean." She looked pointedly at the Jack and diet that Nick had fixed her friend.

Cece grinned and waved Jess' comment away. "Let's just do a fun shot."

Winston sighed, "I'm not doing a girly shot."

Shelby hooked her arm through his, and gave him a slightly pouty look. "It's just one shot babe."

Looking at the group, Nick shook his head. They were lucky he was determined to stay in a good mood, because this conversation had the potential to get really annoying real quick. "What about a lemon drop? It's just vodka, chased with a lemon and sugar. You kind of do it like a tequila shot. Sprinkle the sugar on the lemon and then shoot the vodka and suck on the lemon."

Winston rolled his eyes, "I know what a damn lemon drop is...but we don't have lemon slices or sugar."

"Actually we do," Nick stated picking up a bag of sliced lemons from the cooler and throwing some sugar packets on the bar, he pointed at Schmidt who shrugged his shoulders unconcerned.

"If I throw a party I liked to be prepared."

Winston rolled his eyes before nodding somewhat frustrated. "Fine! Let's just get it over with."

Nick glanced around him and raised a brow before shaking his head in amusement as Schmidt handed him a bag of tiny disposable cups. "Seriously Schmidt?"

"Nick I don't skimp when I throw a bash…you know this. Don't act surprised."

Rolling his eyes, he set up six cups in front of him and poured the vodka before handing each of his friends a sugar packet and a lemon. As they all prepared their lemons, Jess glanced over at him and smiled, leaning over she motioned him towards her. Curious he leaned in, sucking in a breath as her vanilla scent invaded his nose again.

"Can I be honest? I've never done a tequila shot or a lemon drop. I have no clue what I'm doing." She told him in a loud whisper, her eyes sparkling with amusement at herself.

He grinned, "seriously Jess?"

"Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm just surprised...Jessica Day," he shook his head, "no crazy college nights?"

She shrugged, playing with the packet of sugar and trying not to smile too widely at him**—**it was hard, she hadn't felt this relaxed around him in awhile, and she secretly thanked Schmidt for his wonderful if not random idea to throw a party. Taking a sip of the drink Nick had fixed her, she smirked at the cherry taste**— **she would definitely have to ask him to make _tha_t for her again. "I was extremely poor in college. I kid you not I drank Arbor Mist wine and cheap beer every weekend. _Every single weekend_. And when I did go out, I just told the bartender to fix me something cheap and fruity. If I did shots, it was either something strong and straight to the point, like Jack Daniels with Cece, or something girly and pre-mixed…like a_ Washington Apple!_" She clapped her hands thinking about the tasty shot. "Soooo soooo good. Anyway, I didn't hear your instructions from before...I don't know what I'm doing!" She pinned him with her blue eyes. "Help."

He stared at her for a moment, physically struggling to keep from grinning like a fool at her. Did she know how cute she was? Frowning at the uncharacteristic though, he cleared his throat, glad that the night was creeping up on them**—**his face felt hot with a blush, and the last thing he needed was for her to see him gawking and blushing at her like an idiot. He would have to be careful tonight, especially with free flowing alcohol and this new unspoken truce they had suddenly come to...he didn't want to ruin anything by making a wrong move**—** like dragging her down to the apartment, taking her to his room and showing her just how cute he thought she was. Bringing his attention back to the task at hand, he forced a smile.

"Pour the sugar on the lemon," he said doing it with his own, "and then we are all going to take the shot of vodka together...suck on the lemon…and really it's as simple as that."

Jess smirked and licked her fingers as she emptied the contents of the sugar packet. "Vodka, then lemon. Got it. Easy as pie." She looked up and her smirk widened into a smile as she met Nick's eyes, feeling her stomach flutter a bit as the corners of his mouth twitched up into a soft half-grin and his dark eyes held hers for a moment longer than necessary.

Sighing loudly, Schmidt glanced over their way. "If you guys are done flirting, can we take our shot now?"

Jess felt her face heat as she looked up at Nick, who just merely raised a brow at Schmidt's words. When he glanced back down at her, quickly she realized that she was still leaning over the bar, as was he, their faces were mere inches from each other**.** Before, when he had been teaching her how to do the shot, they had been speaking in soft hushed tones**—**it absolutely would appear to an innocent bystander that they were having a very intimate and private conversation.

Leaning away from him, she put some space between them and looked back over at the smirking faces of their friends. "Um yeah bro…totally ready to get my drink on, let's do this!" She winced, feeling her face grow hot with her completely lame comment.

With a grin Nick caught her eye again, "_That_ may be worthy of the douche bag jar."

She nodded her face still hot, "I can't even _try_ to argue with that.

"Okay, okay, let's just get this shot over with..my phone is blowing up." Schmidt looked around at the faces of his friends, and raised his vodka. "To an epic night with friends."

They all cheered at that and clanked their plastic cups before throwing their shots back. Jess could barely taste the liquor as she sucked on her lemon and savored the sweet sugary taste. Laughing as Winston immediately demanded he get his shot of Jack, she grabbed the drink Nick had fixed her and downed the rest of it; placing it back on the bar, she licked her lips enjoying the taste of cherry, liquor and sugar. Feeling eyes on her, she peeked up and shot a questioning look at Nick who was watching her...and smirking.

_Always smirking._

"Did you just chase your shot with the drink I made you?" He asked, his voice both curious and amused.

She glanced down at her empty drink, "yeah, it's good._ Really good_."

"I put a lot of rum in that Jess…be careful."

Looking around her, she noticed that most of their friends had wandered away from the bar and a few more people had arrived. Letting her gaze fall back on Nick, she leaned towards him and spoke softly. "Are you trying to get me drunk Nicholas?"

He stared at her a moment, her voice had taken on a somewhat husky tone, and the slight smell of liquor mixed with a scent that was entirely her own was incredibly intoxicating...and incredibly _dangerous_. Watching as her eyes twinkled in the dim light, and the corner of her mouth lifted playfully...for the second time that night he had to fight for control, desperate not to make the wrong move. And as she stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer, he struggled to smile, and shrugged her comment off with a quick chuckle.

"Just be careful you don't drink too much...I'm not holding your hair back if you get sick."

She grinned and considered his words; the shot along with her drink made her feel good. And while she was nowhere near being drunk**—**she wasn't that much of a lightweight...she could feel the slight buzz rushing through her veins. And as she considered him for a moment she had to wonder whether it was from the alcohol or from just being around _him_.

Gesturing to the drinks behind the bar she gave him a mischievous grin. "Can I have some pink wine?"

Raising a brow, he nodded and grabbed the bottle, pouring her a cup, he shook his head. "Interesting combination of drinks so far Jess."

She tilted her head and smiled her thanks as he handed her the cup, and staring at him over the rim of her drink, she felt the sudden urge to jump him, almost chuckling out loud at the crazy thought. But unfortunately for her, as he narrowed his eyes, and held her stare, she realized there was very little she could do to help it. His quiet demeanor, thoughtful gazes, and smirking mouth was making her feel incredibly twirly and the slight high she had from just talking to him was both dangerous and exhilarating.

Taking a sip she watched him as she spoke, "Pink wine makes me slutty."

Nick almost dropped his bottle of beer**—** she had playfully told him that before, but that didn't stop the statement from making his throat tighten and his pulse pick up in pace. Continuing the silent standoff with her, he held her gaze and ignored a blonde and brunette dressed in practically zero clothing that approached the bar, one of them cleared her throat trying to gain his attention with little success. Keeping his focus on Jess, he noticed how her blue eyes looked to be a shade darker than normal, appearing smokier...and God help him, sexier.

"Is that so?" He asked carefully, annoyed when the brunette cleared her throat again.

Jess' attention drifted over to the scantily clad duo before resting back on him. His dark stare still hadn't wavered from her and her heart was suddenly pounding, her head felt a bit dizzy, and this time she definitely knew it had nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with _him._ Trying to play it cool she nodded, hoping it appeared nonchalant. "Yep," she said making a popping noise with her lips.

He leaned towards her, so that they were close, closer than they had been before when Schmidt had called them out, and it only surprised him a little when she didn't pull away from him**—**she was after all just as stubborn as him.

"Is there a reason you're looking to be slutty tonight Jess?" He couldn't take his eyes off her, enjoying when her face flushed prettily at his loaded question. They had talked about sex before in the apartment...multiple times...but he was pretty sure that he wasn't the only one that could feel the sudden tension between them at the moment.

Refusing to back down to him, she lifted her mouth into a small smirk. "That depends Nicholas."

"On what?"

She held his eyes, surprised the air didn't spark with the electric chemistry that was practically crackling between them. Taking a deep breath, she took a sip of her wine to calm her nerves before placing it back on the bar. "On if a certain _someone_ gives me a reason to be slutty…" she let the sentence hang there, and surprised by her own boldness, picked up her wine again and gestured with her free hand to the two girls who were rapping their fingers against the bar, not so patiently waiting for Nick's attention.

"Looks like your shift has started Nick…see ya later."

Not waiting for him to answer, she pushed away from the bar, knowing full well his eyes were on her as she walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

He was staring.

And sulking.

Nick was aware of both facts as he watched Jess laugh at something some douche bag guy sitting at the bar with her had said. The two had been chatting away like close intimate friends for the past twenty minutes straight. And from the moment the guy had caught Jess alone at the bar, save for Winston who was playing bartender, Nick had been unable to take his eyes off the pair. The douche bag—looked like just that. With his dark skinny jeans, small black t-shirt with a deep V-neck, large glasses—that Nick would bet his life on were completely unnecessary, and knitted beanie...he couldn't help but scoff while secretly judging the guy...if only for the simple fact that he had to be a complete moron for even attempting to dress hipster cool in the excessive heat. And as he leaned over and placed his hand on Jess' arm, talking excitedly about something or other, obviously captivated by her wide blue eyes and smirking mouth, Nick clenched his hands into fists and attempted to talk himself down.

But it was nearly _impossible._

Since she had sauntered away from him earlier; leaving him completely speechless after her flirty and suggestive comments, he had avoided her like the plague. Any time she had walked up to a group of people he was talking to, he had flashed her a quick smile before hurriedly excusing himself, needing to put space between them, afraid he would do or say something inappropriate. It wasn't her fault he was awkward and insecure and had no friggin' clue whether or not her comments had been said seriously or were just meant to lighten the previously tense and hostile mood between them. And thinking about it, really thinking about it,—she couldn't have _really_ been hinting at the fact that she wanted to be slutty…with him.

He wasn't that lucky.

Although once, when he had been speaking with Sadie and her girlfriend, she had walked up to them and had given him a small tentative smile, her eyes searching his. And because he was still unsure about their previous conversation, because it was Jess and damnit he had to stop thinking about her...gawking at her, but mostly because he's just a damn dumbass—he had merely nodded at her, just barely noticing the slight wavering of her smile, the brief drooping of her shoulders. And unable to stand the tension, he had mentioned something about the bar and turning to leave; he had seen_ it_…a look of hurt flash in her eyes, before she had quickly recovered and had directed her attention from him to speak with her friends. Since then, _she_ had been the one avoiding him, she had been the one to walk away whenever he had come near her.

They were involved in a very odd and very complicated dance, and he was getting damn frustrated and tired of it.

Taking a large swig of his beer he turned around to see a grinning Cece staring at him. With a sigh, he shook his head and raised his hand. "Don't…just don't even say whatever it is you're thinking about saying."

Her grin widened. "You do realize you've been staring over there for the past ten minutes."

He scowled. "Twenty—it's been twenty minutes. At least be accurate."

She laughed. "Instead of standing over here drooling and sulking, why don't you go _do something?_"

Nick rolled his eyes at the suddenly annoying model. "I'm not drooling," he muttered, unable to stop his gaze from darting back to the bar where Jess _still_ sat talking to her new pal.

Cece shrugged, and walked up to him, "her problem with Russell was they didn't have_ passion_…they didn't fight, they didn't argue, I'm not even sure they really just sat together and laughed. That spark...it was missing. And—and he never did anything…" she glanced over at her friend, before looking back at Nick, "_daring_. Never went out on a limb."

He stared at her, absorbing the information—Jess had never _really_ talked to any of them about Russell; whenever he or Winston and Schmidt had mentioned him, she would turn slightly pink and wave away their questions, telling them the relationship was in the past and that she wanted to move on from it. Thinking back on her reaction to the break-up, he considered Cece's words about passion and fighting, before looking back over at Jess.

"Why are you telling me this?" He asked Cece, his eyes still on her friend.

But before she had the chance to answer him, they were interrupted.

"Cecelia!" Schmidt approached them, his face lighting up as he walked over to her, "I have to talk to you."

Cece rolled her eyes but even as her face remained impassive, Nick saw her tighten her grip around the drink she held, her knuckles immediately going white with the effort. "Schmidt what don't you understand about…_never happening again_?" She asked, her tone flat and bored.

Schmidt briefly looked over at Nick, before quickly looking back at the model. "Cece just talk to me…_please._" His voice lost all of its former playfulness and had taken on a serious, pleading note.

Sighing she hesitated a moment, her eyes locked onto Schmidt's, and then slowly she nodded, looking tired and slightly defeated. And at that moment, Nick truly felt bad for her, knowing what it was like to fight your feelings for someone…to not to be able to resist someone.

And he glanced over at Jess at the thought.

As Schmidt grabbed her hand and began leading her away, she stopped at Nick's side, looking up at him, she smiled softly. "Because I want her to be happy." She said quietly, answering his question from before, and placing a hand on his arm, she squeezed it before walking away.

Nick tore his attention away from Jess long enough to watch Cece disappear with Schmidt into the throng of people, turning her words over in his head. She wanted her to be _happy_? What the hell did that mean? If she was implying that he could make Jess happy, she hadn't a clue what she was talking about. He was a nobody...good for nothing Nick Miller—his track record with women wasn't exactly impressive. And yet...glancing back over at Jess as she accepted another drink from Winston and looked down at her phone, he watched as_ hipster guy_ stared at her, watched as he scooted slightly closer to her, watched as Jess looked up and gave him a soft encouraging smile. He might not be able to make her happy but he sure as hell wasn't going to watch as she attempted to wrap some jackass douche-bag around her finger.

And swearing under his breath, he drank the rest of his beer before heading over towards the bar.

* * *

Jess almost laughed as Lady Gaga's _On The Edge of Glory_ began blaring across the rooftop, while wondering with slight amusement if Schmidt was currently behind the music choice. Looking up she saw Winston cringe at the song and mutter something under his breath about it—whoever was currently in control of the music wouldn't be for much longer. And briefly scanning the area around her, she wondered if Cece was dancing the night away, wishing she was with her friend instead of chatting with Brandon, a guy she had just met recently and bonded with, _kind of_, over their shared teaching career. She tried to pay attention as he told her a story about the Freshman Language Arts class he taught in a neighboring district and nodding politely attempted to appear interested in what he was saying...but her mind was elsewhere.

On Nick.

_Of course._

She tried not to scowl, not wanting Brandon to think it was intended for him—but she was so _angry, _so _embarrassed, _ and it was hard for her to feign interest in what he was saying. She tried to insert laughs and smiles at the appropriate times, but it was getting increasingly difficult; her mind kept wandering, replaying the stupid _stupid_ comments she had left Nick with earlier in the night. _Why had she mentioned pink wine and being slutty?_ Why had she implied that she had wanted _him_ to give her a reason to be slutty? Why had she said all of that to him, when they could barely stand the sight of each other?

It had been stupid, so very, very stupid.

Sighing, she took a sip of her wine.

"You okay Jess?"

She glanced over at Winston who was pouring a shot for Brandon, watching as he threw the now empty bottle into a bin before turning back to her. Their liquor supply was quickly dwindling. The coolers scattered around the rooftop were still pretty well stocked with beer as many partygoers had brought their own, but the bar had been a hot spot off and on throughout the night for shots and the like. And feeling her roommate continue to watch her closely while sliding Brandon his drink, she forced a bright smile.

"Never been better."

Winston searched her face briefly before his eyes landed behind her—something crossed his features quickly and he raised an eyebrow with a small shake of his head.

"If you say so," wiping his hands on a towel, he looked over at Brandon who had become engrossed with his phone, then back at her, "looks like my shift is up," giving her a small somewhat apologetic smile, he turned quickly and left.

Jess smirked as he hurriedly walked away; he hadn't been working behind the bar for very long, around the same time she had sat down on one of the stools and had been approached by Brandon. And Schmidt definitely was not going to be happy that the counter was left unmanned. Glancing around the party, she gave a little shrug—maybe with Lady Gaga blaring and alcohol coursing through his system, he wouldn't care or notice. She was pretty sure Nick had mentioned something about only manning it until Schmidt was too drunk to care or the liquor had run out, and letting her eyes fall on the empty bottles in the trash bin behind the bar, she figured they were probably close to both things happening. Still staring at the bottles, she briefly made a mental note to make sure they recycled them the following morning before looking up, noticing with a small frown as Nick walked behind the bar and picked up the towel that Winston had left behind. Her heart sped up as he lowered his gaze to her, locking her in his dark stare.

"Hey," he said, his voice quiet, his eyes continuing to hold hers.

She felt her own eyes widen as he placed both hands on the bar and looked down at her. And shifting uncomfortably under his penetrating stare, she glanced down at the bar, studying the scratched surface—someone had carved his or her initials in it.

_R.M._

She momentarily wondered if it had been Remy and couldn't help the tiny smile that tugged at her lips at the thought.

"Hey man, do you have anymore whiskey?"

Jess looked over at Brandon—his voice sounded quite a bit more slurred than it had when he had first joined her. But then again, while she had just sipped on pink wine, she had seen him take two shots and finish a beer. Considering him a moment she watched as he took off his glasses and wiped the lenses. He looked _hot.._.and not in the smoldering annoyingly attractive way that _a certain bartender_ looked at the moment...no he looked it, in a completely uncomfortable, senseless kind of way. The air was still thick and stifling, and she had to wonder a bit about his choice in attire. The dark jeans and knitted hat didn't seem to be the best choice for the evening. And she couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't at least chosen a cooler, lighter shirt if he was going to opt for the other two articles of clothing. As he looked over at her and shot her a slow smile, she smiled back at him, a natural reaction, and brought her gaze back up to Nick. She studied him as he stared at Brandon for a moment, his eyes narrowing into a threatening glare, before he leaned over the bar ever so slightly.

"Go away." Nick said to him, his voice was still quiet and laced with something that sounded slightly territorial..._dangerous._

Jess felt her mouth drop open at his simple demand and turning to look at Brandon, she watched as his eyes grew wide and went back and forth between her and Nick. For a moment she couldn't speak as realization dawned in Brandon's eyes—a realization that she wanted to quickly inform him was completely i_naccurate. _But in order to do that, one must be able to speak and she was having trouble finding her voice at the moment.

Shaking his head, Brandon ran a hand through his hair, knocking his hat off of his head in the process, "um listen I didn't know she was seeing someone."

_Seriously?_

"What?!" She finally found her voice and it came out on a laugh, the surprise in her tone clearly evident. Shaking her head quickly, she shot him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm not," she said to him softly, and turning, she shot Nick a glare, "_I'm not._" She said again, her voice growing harsher with the words.

Nick held her eyes for a moment, something unreadable passed over his gaze as his jaw clenched and he raised a dark brow—giving her words only the slightest bit of acknowledgment. And as he studied her, she could feel her breathing begin to come in and out at a quicker pace, her heart jumped to her throat and her palms went damp. Breaking eye contact, she looked back at Brandon, who suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable and out of place. He was no longer sitting on the stool next to hers but was instead standing; a thick line of sweat had formed above his upper lip. She frowned, annoyed with him for reasons that were most likely entirely unfair and entirely_ not_ his fault.

"Right, well I've gotta get going anyway. I think my friends are leaving soon." Brandon's eyes shifted to Nick, who continued to silently watch him.

Scowling she drifted her attention to him as well, trying not to let her gaze linger before glancing back over at Brandon. "He's just grumpy. _Honestly..._you don't have to go. Right Nicholas?" She shot a glare at him, daring him to say something else. He held her stare briefly and with a slight tilt of his mouth, gave her a smirk, one that didn't reach his eyes, before shrugging and shooting Brandon a smile that really more closely resembled a sneer.

"Sure you can stay," he said his tone flat and unconvincing.

Brandon backed away from the bar, before flashing her a small smile. "Yeaaaah um it was nice meeting you Jess. I've gotta go find my friends anyway so..." he looked at Nick who merely raised a brow at him, before nodding in Jess' direction. "Bye."

Watching as he hurriedly disappeared into the crowd of people, she tried to process what the heck had just happened. Had Nick really just scared him off..._on purpose_?! Feeling her temperature beginning to rise, she noted that it had nothing to do with the heat and everything to do with the man that stood behind the bar quietly watching her as she attempted to control her anger. And she noted with a hazy sense of amusement as the song playing abruptly switched from Lady Gaga to something slow and sultry.

_Just perfect._

Slowly swinging her gaze back to Nick, she pinned him with a fierce look. "What the hell was that?" She asked, feeling irritated, confused, and a _bunch of other emotions_ she couldn't quite place.

_She was furious._

That much was obvious, and not knowing what to say to her, Nick shrugged, playing with the towel in his hand. He had wanted to get her alone, had wanted to have a few minutes _to just talk to her_— clearly he had been impatient and quite obviously lacked the finesse of getting her alone without being an ass about it. He wasn't used to feeling like this, _he didn't want to fee like this_. She drove him crazy. Half of the time he wasn't sure if he wanted to strangle her or kiss her and feeling the way he did...it pissed him off, made him irritable. But it didn't excuse his behavior and taking note of her angry pale eyes that were narrowed into tiny slits, how her voice had wavered slightly with her barely controlled temper, he figured he had some explaining to do.

"Look, I—I just wanted to talk to you," he glanced down at the wet towel bunched in his hands, feeling extremely stupid.

"Really caveman?" She reached over the bar and grabbed the towel, snapping his attention to her. "Pretty sure next time you want to talk to me, a simple…_hey could we talk_…would suffice, instead of scaring off…"

"If I scared off hipster…"

"Brandon," she interjected, her tone annoyed.

He smirked, knowing it would probably infuriate her but unable to help it. "If I scared off _Brandon_ so easily that's really more his problem than mine."

She huffed, "well you know what _Mr. Tough Guy_…he was nice and interesting and I liked him, " she lied, knowing that if someone put a gun to her head and asked her to spill the beans on Brandon, the most she could tell them about the guy was that he was a Language Arts teacher and she believed he might have one cat…or he hated cats. She couldn't remember.

"Did you?" He questioned, his voice soft.

"Did I what?" She asked him, noticing the way his hands were gripping the edge of the bar.

"Like him?"

She shook her head, rolling her eyes at the question. "I don't know. I…what does it matter?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, getting angry for reasons he couldn't exactly say out loud, not without revealing himself to her. But really, what had been so great about the guy she had been talking to? What had been so likable? He considered the questions while holding her gaze and they were silent for a moment, neither looking away, both refusing to back down.

After the silence had lingered on for long enough he glanced down at the bar. "Pink wine makes you slutty?" He motioned to her drink.

Her eyes drifted to her wine, a pink blush staining her cheeks. "What the—what does that mean?"

He leaned in towards her, "you tell me Jess."

Jess blew out a frustrated breath, feeling both embarrassed and angry. She wanted nothing more than to run away from him. She _hated_ the way he made her feel, like she was on the verge of losing control. Standing she picked up her wine, "exactly what I said. It makes me slutty," she stated taking a sip, refusing to back down to him, refusing to let him have the upper hand in whatever game it was he was playing.

His eyes darted in the direction that Brandon had walked away, "so what you said to me, earlier, about a certain someone giving you a reason to make you slutty..._did you mean it_…" he let the sentence hang, giving her time to grasp what he was asking, to let her know that he had figured she'd been talking about him. "Or just anyone in general?"

_You…Nick. Just you._

She forced the thought from her head, annoyed with it.

At her silence, he laughed somewhat coldly. "Ahhh I get it...you were just planning on letting loose tonight, with whoever was willing?"

She flinched, at that; it hurt. She didn't know why—she lived with _three_ guys. They talked about sex and one-night stands, and everything else in between quite often. _All the time._ And they treated her like a friend, a buddy, rarely did they try to shield her from the normal things that they chatted about on a daily basis. But Nick's words, his implications—they struck a chord with her. Previously she hadn't cared what they had thought when she had mentioned feeling twirly and wanting to sleep around...but that was _before_. Before her pesky and unfortunate feelings for Nick had changed.

As she stared into his eyes and saw the heat in his gaze she felt her temper flare. "You're an idiot," she muttered, grabbing her drink. She was done with their conversation.

As she turned to leave, Nick closed his eyes. _What the hell was he doing?_ She was right...he _was_ an idiot. "Jess…" he said, his voice full of remorse.

She spun around, "leave me alone Nick…just leave me alone. If I want to sleep with someone…anyone, tonight, well then that's my business…_not yours._"

And before he had the chance to respond, she turned from him and not seeing the redhead that had approached the bar behind her, she practically ran right into her; jumping back at the last second, she spilled her pink wine down the front of her white dress.

"Oh my gosh!" The redhead exclaimed, looking truly sorry and horrified, as she stared at Jess' dress, the front now drenched a light shade of pink. "I'm so sorry."

Jess wanted to cry. It was silly really. It was just a dress, and she was pretty sure the wine wouldn't stain it but nevertheless she wanted to cry. And knowing that the urge had very little to do with the alcohol soaking her clothes, she felt her eyes fill with tears.

"I'm really, really sorry." The redhead said again, sounding genuinely saddened by the state of Jess' dress.

Jess waved the comment away, knowing her reaction, her tears were completely out of place. "It's fine," she said, her wavering voice claiming otherwise. "I'll just go change." Managing a small watery smile for the concerned redhead, she stepped around her, ignoring Nick as he called out her name.

And for the second time that night, she left him standing behind the bar, watching as she walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl. Sigh.**

* * *

Throwing the door to the apartment open, Jess frowned as she took in the sight of people randomly hanging out throughout the loft. It was the _last_ thing she needed. She was angry, wet, and on the verge of crying and there were people_ everywhere_. Scanning the area around her, she saw Schmidt and Cece quietly talking in a corner near the kitchen table. As if sensing her presence, her friend looked up, catching her eye, concern passed over her attractive features as they held each others stares for a moment. And shaking her head slightly, Jess tried to silently convey to the model that she didn't want or need her company. She saw a small frown tug at her friend's lips, before she nodded and turned her attention back to Schmidt with a small shrug of her shoulders and a lingering gaze that told her she would make Jess tell her _everything_ later. Sighing, Jess bit her lip and mentally scolded herself, the voice inside her head hissing to keep it together…at least until she made it to her room. Weaving in and out of the crowds of people squeezed into their living room and spilling out into the hallway, she finally made it to her door and pushed it open angrily. Whipping her white cover-up dress over her head, she threw it against the wall opposite of her, letting out a little shout of frustration with the effort. As she turned to slam her bedroom door shut, she nearly gasped as Nick came rushing into her room after her.

"Get out," she said as she backed away from him, her voice sounded small in her ears and rang with a weakness that she hoped he didn't hear.

"Jess," he said her name softly. It had taken him less than a minute to shake himself out of his dumb daze as he had watched her walk away, and almost immediately he had pushed past the crowds of people on the rooftop, frantically trying to catch up to her. And now, now that they were standing in the same room, now that there was so much to say, so much to attempt to get out in the open, he didn't know where to start. Taking a moment he watched as she placed her hands on her hips, her stance was challenging…defensive. Starting with an apology probably wouldn't hurt.

"Jess we need to talk."

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Nick just leave okay? I'm tired, angry, my dress is ruined, my bathing suit is wet, and—and I need you to just get out of my room. _Now._"

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to figure out how to get through to her...simple begging would have to suffice. "Please just talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about."

Opening his eyes he shot her an incredulous look, she was so _stubborn_. "Really?"

Nodding and turning from him she tried to harness her anger. She couldn't let him see how much he had hurt her. How embarrassed she had been earlier when he had avoided her after she had_ blatantly_ flirted with him—dropping suggestive invitations and soft lingering glances. She didn't want him to realize, how angry and humiliated she felt knowing he had thought she was just feeling slutty that night and felt like "letting loose"—looking for a quick lay with anyone. She shook her head at her thoughts, damn it she shouldn't have said anything. It was partially _her fault_. They had been at each others throats lately—what had she been thinking practically throwing herself at him?_ Of course_ he wasn't interested. She had just mistaken Nick's normal temper for heat and passion of a _different_ kind. Why had she tricked herself into seeing something more between them? Why couldn't she just take Nick's behavior towards her for what it was? She annoyed him. She irritated him. But even so, he was still a decent guy who looked out for her because he felt _obligated_ to do so. That was it. There was no passion—no attraction between them.

Although...

Decent guy or not...why had he scared Brandon off?

Why did he care if she slept with him...or anyone else for that matter? He had clearly been angry at the thought of her finding a one-night stand for the night. Thinking back to his dark eyes, his hands gripping the bar, his words spoken to both Brandon and her in a slightly dangerous tone, she barely suppressed a shudder.

"Have you heard a word I've said?" His clearly frustrated voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

She turned back around to face him, "no," she said honestly, trying to keep from smirking as his eyes narrowed at her answer.

"I said I'm sorry I was such a jerk back there…it was uncalled for. I shouldn't have been so…" he trailed off, and looking down at the floor, he tried to find the right words without completely giving himself away—if he was being completely honest, the reason he had acted the way he had was because of _pure raging jealousy_. "Well I shouldn't have been such a jerk." He finished uneasily, looking back up at her, he ran a hand through his hair with quick aggravated movements.

She stared at him, his brown eyes were watching her intensely, and he looked truly uncomfortable—she almost took pity on him.

Almost.

"Whatever Nick." She muttered, and walking over to her closet, stepped into it and began searching for another cover-up to put on—her pride was too wounded for her to soften at his words.

Nick sighed, watching as she disappeared into her closet. It was much easier having her out of sight—when he had burst into her room he hadn't expected to see her in_ only_ her swimsuit_. It was unnerving_. She was all smooth creamy skin, and flushed face and big blue eyes. And as much as he hated knowing he had hurt her feelings, he couldn't help but think she was pretty amazing to look at when angry.

As Jess walked back out of her closet, still clad only in her two-piece and holding a black cover-up dress, she stopped short seeing him again. "You're still here." She stated flatly, sliding the closet door shut behind her.

Nick stepped forward noting her pale and unforgiving eyes, staring at him hard, her gaze unwavering. "We have to talk."

"I don't want to."

"Jess we_ need_ to talk…we can't keep doing _this._"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Doing what?"

"Fighting. Aren't you tired of it? Don't you want to go back to how things were before?"

She considered his words; _of course_ she wanted to go back to how things were before. She would give her left arm to go back to how things were before she had decided to betray herself and fall for him—everything would be so much_ simpler, _less scary_._ But as she stared at him, as she took in the sight of his scruffy face, his dark eyes, his slightly brooding figure, she knew that she wouldn't ever be able to go back to the way they were before. And thinking about it, really giving herself a moment to consider it—she wasn't entirely sure that their relationship had ever been a _simple_ one…a _real_ one. Not for her. She was actually pretty sure that she had always harbored feelings for him, she had just been pushing them away…denying them. Talking to him wouldn't get her anywhere tonight—she'd only end up hurt or angry or both.

"I don't want to talk tonight." She said stubbornly, pushing those thoughts aside as best she could. "I just want to put my dress on and fix my hair and go back out there and try to have a good time," she paused, "hey maybe I can find Brandon and see if I can undo the mess _you_ made." She wasn't sure what possessed her to bring Brandon into the conversation and as she watched his jaw tense at her words, she briefly wondered if she was playing with fire.

Nick scowled at her words, his heart sunk at the thought of her seeking out_ that moron_, as jealous anger prickled up his spine. "The douche bag that I _saved you_ from on the roof?"

"The douche bag…" she stopped, wincing at her words, "_the guy_ that you scared away for God knows what reason…yes his name is _Brandon._"

Nick took a step towards her, followed by another and then another. "Don't be stupid Jess, that guy was an idiot."

She tossed her head back as he continued to walk towards her, glaring up at him defiantly. "Nick you barely said two words to him, how would you know?"

Annoyed with the direction the conversation had taken, he rolled his eyes. "I didn't have to talk to him, you could tell by just looking at him. Who wears _that t_o a summer rooftop party in the middle of a heat wave? Douche-bags do."

Although those had been her thoughts exactly, except for maybe the douche-bag part, she kept that to herself and frowned at him, wishing he would just stay where he was. She was getting slightly unnerved by the fact that he was slowly coming towards her and felt somewhat trapped with the small gap between them closing with each step he took. Half of her wanted to back up, wanted to cower away...but she knew that would that be a sign of weakness—_and_ her closet door was right at her back, not really giving her much room to move.

"You are so judgmental Nick. No one is ever cool enough for you. Everyone always has an issue. It's so—so _frustrating_!"

He paused at her words—she was clearly exasperated by him. Her blue eyes were looking up at him from under her thick cloud of bangs, glimmering with annoyance and _something else_ he didn't quite recognize. "I'm not judgmental. I just call it like it is." He told her, his tone matter of fact.

She scoffed at that, "oh please…no one is ever good enough for you. Mr. Cool Nick Miller. I'm so cool that I can't give anyone a chance." He had stopped just inches from her and she tilted her head up, attempting to glare at him at a more comfortable angle. "And could you back up? I need space."

His lips lifted into a maddening smirk and his eyes looked down at her with a dangerous glint in them, ignoring her words, he refused to give her the space she had asked for. "I'm sorry Jess that I don't live in a world where people are kind and good…"

"Um okay Nick—"

"And have the best intentions."

"You're ridiculous."

"Or act like fuckin' fairytale characters."

"Fairytale…okay what the hell—"

"And are decent and non-douchey…"

She laughed. "Okay non-douchey that's not a thing-"

"It is a thing."

"I don't even know what we are talking about anymore!"

"You! You live in world where everything is rainbows and sunshine, where you think the guy that sits next to you at the bar is actually a good guy and not just trying to get in your damn pants. People suck and you are a horrible judge of character." He stated bluntly watching, as her eyes grew round and angry.

She placed her hands on her hips, her fingers fisting into the cover-up she still held in one hand. Okay, so they were going to have this conversation…_again_. "I am not a bad judge of character!"

He rolled his eyes, "sure Jess."

"People _are decent_ Nick, you just don't give them a chance. Brandon's a school teacher, he's nice, he's interesting, and…"

"A douche." Nick finished for her, smiling when she scowled at him.

"You don't know him!" She shouted feeling her temper begin to rise. How did he do that to her? He was always riling her up, getting under her skin. How in the world had she developed such _intense_ feelings for a man that irritated her, frustrated her, and made her feel absolutely crazy?

"I don't need to know him to know he's a…"

"For the love of God, Nick do not finish that sentence with douche." She said raising her hand as if to stop the words before they left his mouth.

"Douche." He said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Huffing out a breath, she shot him a furious look, "did you ever think—ever even _consider_ that maybe you're the bad judge of character? _Huh?_ I mean Remy for example…"

"Oh you wanna go down that path?" He laughed cutting her off, completely amazed that she would even_ think_ about bringing up their creepy landlord to win the argument.

"Yeah I do."

"To further prove my point?

"He's a good guy!" She yelled, wondering why she was the only one raising her voice. She hated that he had gotten her to the point where she was shouting and he was merely smirking and laughing at her.

"He's insane." Nick stated simply, amused and maybe more than a little aroused by her flashing eyes, her heaving chest and raised voice. And trying to focus, attempted to shake the thought out of his head—it could be _dangerous_ to think that way right now.

"Everyone has issues!" She sighed, "he's not that bad, when I went down to his storage room today he was completely civil—"

"You went down to his creepy kill shelter?" Now_ his_ voice was beginning to rise a bit.

"Oh Nick stop being dramatic it's not a kill shelter!" She almost chuckled at his ludicrous statement but the angry look in his dark eyes made her reconsider the laugh that bubbled up in her throat.

"Alone?" He asked her, his tone taking on an edge.

She shrugged, "Schmidt asked me to. You knew that we got all the stuff from him…why are you acting surprised?"

"Because I didn't give it much thought until now. I don't think I realized you were stupid enough to wander down there…_alone_."

Insulted and exasperated she threw her hands up, her black cover-up hit him in the face in the process and she would have laughed, had he not reached out and grabbed it from her hand and threw it to the floor. Annoyed, she leveled him with a glare. "_Yes_ I went down there alone. And as you can see I'm in one piece…the only thing I had to give up was a little extra time on the weekends to bake him some banana bread. Man Nick, Remy sounds like a real big creep huh?" Before he could answer her, she barreled on. "And…_AND_ he's going to send someone to fix our air conditioning. Strike two for him I guess how dare he—"

"Do his job?" He cut her off, raising a brow.

"A job you weren't going to let him do because you have some odd hang up that he's some kind of psycho!" She practically shrieked, what little patience she had left dissolving at his smug tone.

"He is!" Nick yelled, not quite believing she was defending their creepy landlord who liked to file his brooms to sharp points and slept in a storage room next to a fuckin' bucket of gasoline.

"He is not!"

"You are insane Jess!

"You are!

"I don't wander down to dark and creepy kill shelters _alone_, practically begging to end up on Dateline NBC!"

"Oh my God!"

"It's true."

"Why are we even fighting about this?" She yelled, feeling her control beginning to fray around the edges.

"I don't know!" He shouted back.

They stood there glaring at each other, both wondering how they had gotten to the point they were currently at—how an apology had turned into a shouting match featuring their creepy landlord.

Fed up, Jess shook her head, throwing him another glare. "I'm going back to the party. I'm sure_ Brandon_ hasn't left." She leaned towards him with a sudden and fake smile plastered on her face and an evil look gleaming in her eyes. "You aren't _that_ scary you know. I'm sure with some gentle convincing I can make amends."

Nick's body tensed at her words, "you aren't going after _him_."

Feeling her pulse race as his dark eyes held hers, challenging her to make a move, she refused to cower at his menacingly said words. "You don't really have any say on what I do and with _whom I do it with._" She told him, deliberately drawing out her last words, knowing she was treading into dangerous waters.

He didn't say anything—just held her blue gaze for a moment. She was pushing his buttons, daring him to make a move, to attempt to stop her, and letting his eyes drift over her flushed cheeks, her pouty lips, her heaving chest, and down her body, clad only in her swimsuit, he knew he was losing control fast. Bringing his eyes back to hers, he noticed they had gone wide and her cheeks had deepened a darker shade of pink.

And then suddenly something inside of him snapped.

"The hell I don't," he muttered and then he was reaching for her and pulling her towards him.

She was still angry with him, and she meant to fight him—she meant to struggle out of his grasp. But as his mouth sought hers, she found herself fisting her hands in his shirt when she should have been pushing him away. She found her lips opening greedily and accepting his kiss hungrily, when she should have been turning her face from his. And she kissed him—she kissed him and everything around them, their argument, the party going on outside, the fact that they were friends and roommates and this would undeniably make things awkward between them—it all melted away. And she sank into him, and let him brand her, marking her as his with his hot and demanding kiss.

He wasn't gentle and she hadn't expected him to be.

His unshaven face scratched her delicate skin. His hands, rough from his landscaping job were everywhere at once, roaming over her body, down her sides, and up again before wrapping around her waist and pulling her towards him. And she couldn't stop the moan that tumbled from her lips, as they stumbled into her closet door and she found her back up against it. Feeling a thrill rush through her as he kissed her with all the passion and urgency that she had been missing with Russell and deep down inside had known she would find with him—she whimpered softly, sinking into his embrace as the thought resonated in her head. She was drowning in his kiss, and gladly, she let him pull her under, wanting nothing more than to continue to experience the sensations he was suddenly opening her up to, knowing that there was no turning back now...not for her.

He was kissing her, she,_ Jess_, was in her arms, and damn it—it felt good.

As a soft moan escaped her lips, and her hot breath whispered across his skin, Nick had to force himself not to pull her bathing suit down and take her right then and there against the closet door. His mind was reeling—he hadn't intended on kissing her. He hadn't meant to taste her. He had really only meant to apologize and then_ leave._ But those pale blue eyes had pulled him in, and her taunting words about another man had gotten to him more than he cared to admit. And now, now, she was meeting him kiss for kiss, her arms had snaked up from his shirt to his neck and she was holding him to her—kissing him like her damn life depended on it. And as he felt her soft supple skin beneath his hands, as he heard her whimpers and felt her tongue demand he continue to kiss her, continue to taste her, he shuddered involuntarily.

He couldn't get enough of it.

And he didn't think he had the strength to stop.

_To ever stop._

Jess could only sigh as his hand reached up and began pulling at her bathing suit top. She didn't let herself think, really think, about what was going on, about what was going to happen—where they were headed. She only let herself concentrate on the feel of his lips against hers, his hands on her body—growing hot and impatient as he struggled with the halter ties of her two-piece. And as his fingers faltered, he swore under his breath, trying to yank the ties loose causing her to almost laugh at his frustration but then he was kissing her neck and his tongue was darting out on her skin and her _almost laugh_ quickly became a moan. Fisting her hands in his hair as he trailed kisses down her neck and back up again, across her jaw line and finally, finally back to her lips, she smiled when his mouth found hers once again, gasping when he thrust his hips towards her, sending tiny slivers of pleasure shooting down her body as a gasp escaped hers.

And as he continued to kiss her deeply, hotly, passionately, roaming his hands over her, pressing his body further into hers, it was with a dim and hazy brain that she slowly registered the shouts and cheers that suddenly sounded in her ears.

Hesitantly, almost as if in slow motion, she pulled her head back from his—he looked almost as dazed and confused as she felt, and it took a moment for both of them to realize the cheers were coming from the living room. Her bedroom door was still wide open and _something_ was going on almost right outside of it…by the sound of the cheers some kind of game was taking place.

Stepping back from her, Nick looked down at her. Her hair, still in high pony tail, was slightly disheveled, and loose strands curling from the heat, framed her face. Her face was flushed and her lips, red and pouty, glistened from their kiss and were parted slightly. But it was her eyes...those blue eyes that killed him; they were slightly glazed and looking up at him, searching his face and seeking answers—answers that he couldn't give her. And taking in the sight of her—her messed up hair, flushed face, and crooked bathing suit top…he felt ashamed and angry.

_Jess._

He had almost pushed her up against the wall and fucked her senseless with no thought, no worry about possible repercussions. Selfishly he had almost thrown caution to the wind, he had almost ruined _everything_. Backing up another step he ran a hand down his face and back up again before glancing down at her. She was still breathing heavily, her eyes were still wide and searching.

"Jess," he whispered, his voice hoarse, as another shout went up in the living room, he sighed. "Damnit Jess…I'm—I'm sorry."

He didn't know what else to do, what else to say. He was struggling to stay calm, afraid that if she kept looking at him like that he'd push her up against the door again and damn their friendship, damn their living situation, and damn the fact that she was too good for him and deserved better—he'd push all that aside and let himself take exactly what he wanted.

_All of her._

Shaking his head, he turned from her. "I'm sorry." He said, and not waiting for her to respond, he quickly left her room, knowing that even though he was doing what he thought was right, their relationship had changed forever.

Her heart was going to pound right out of her chest.

Watching as Nick quickly left the room, she tried to calm her rapid heart beat—fleetingly she debated going after him, demanding answers from him. But as her legs trembled slightly, she decided against it almost immediately. Leaning her head against her closet door, she looked up at the ceiling and let out a shaky breath before bringing an unsteady hand to her lips. Running her fingers across them she blushed; they felt raw and hot and thoroughly kissed. Later she would probably muster up enough energy to at least feel angry at him for kissing her and then leaving without any explanation. But now, as her heart slowly began to beat at a normal pace, and her breathing became a little less heavy, _now_ she only wanted to stay in her room and try to figure out what the hell had just happened between them. How—after he had kissed her like that, all passion, and fire, and need—how would she ever be able to look at him again and not think about, not picture, their kiss?

And closing her eyes she allowed herself a small smirk...her living situation had just gotten a lot more interesting.


	6. Chapter 6

_It was still hot._

Glancing down at her watch, Jess noticed it was just barely after 8:00 a.m. and already the air was thick with heat—temperatures promised to reach record highs for the second day in a row. Surveying the rooftop, she sighed as the early morning sun peeked through puffy white clouds and hit her skin, warming it almost immediately. As she took in the sight of the bottles and cans and _God knows what else_ strewn anywhere and everywhere, she made a face, almost gagging as the offensive smell of stale beer, liquor, and cigarettes invaded her nose.

After what had started out as a restless night—where she had replayed her kiss with Nick over and over again in her mind, tossing and turning while her emotions ping ponged between pure girlish giddiness and anger at Nick for kissing her and then bolting, she had fallen asleep exhausted. The party had raged on outside for hours. It had woken her up at least once, and in her hazy delirium, it had taken a few moments for her to remember that the kiss with Nick had not just been some erotic dream but _one hundred percent real. _And remembering what had happened, thinking about the heat of his lips on hers, the feel of his hands brushing her skin, touching her and making her burn with a desire that both scared and excited her, she had warred with her emotions again before falling back to sleep, her mind considering and playing with the different ways that kiss _could_ have ended.

That morning she had woken up surprisingly refreshed and rested with boundless energy. After taking a quick shower and running into Schmidt in the hallway, who had already tidied up the kitchen and living room, she had promised him that she would clean up the rooftop after breakfast and had shooed him out the door, telling him he didn't want to be late for work. But as she began to throw bottles and cans into a plastic bag for recyclables she smirked, she had probably gotten the raw end of the deal. And passing one of the inflatable pools, she barely suppressed a groan; there was a beach ball floating in it, cigarette butts, a pair of sunglasses, a few beer cans, and someone's bathing suit top.

Yeah she had _definitely_ gotten the raw end of the deal.

But glancing up at the morning sky and squinting behind her sunglasses as the sun burned through the clouds, she gave a slight shrug. She had a lot of thinking to do, and lots of energy to get rid of—cleaning was the perfect outlet. And skirting around the pool, she picked up a few more bottles before glancing back at the murky water..,maybe she would save_ some_ work for the guys.

* * *

As Nick opened the door to the rooftop he stopped short when he saw Jess standing a few yards away, tossing bottles and garbage into different bags. Holding the door open he registered the heat—it was going to be another hot one, and his lip curled slightly at the thought. Thinking back on Jess' words about Remy, he really hoped that their landlord decided to keep his word and would send someone to look at the air conditioning sooner rather than later. He couldn't take the stifling heat in the apartment for much longer. Bringing his attention back to Jess, he smiled as she made a face and groaned at what was assumedly something inappropriate or disgusting floating in one of the pools. And although he wanted to stop himself, he couldn't help but appreciate the sight of her in short jean shorts, a plain white t-shirt, and big black sunglasses. Her dark hair was long and loose, but he figured she would soon throw it up in one of those messy up do's that she somehow managed to make look both adorable and sexy.

Continuing to watch her, he felt a sinking feeling deep in the pit of his stomach, as the events from the night before flashed before his eyes. He had known that he would have to face her eventually and apologize for his actions—his stupidity. He had been an ass, had acted like a damned jealous boyfriend instead of her roommate and friend. Sure they had always toed the line with their relationship, had always bantered back and forth with heat and the hint of _something more..._but he had truly never meant to take it past that.

_She was Jess._

She was rainbows and sunshine, optimistic and good-hearted. And he was Nick, a pessimist, gloom and doom. He just brought her down. And while he was fully aware that she had responded to his kiss passionately, with equal vigor…she deserved better. He definitely wasn't good for her, had nothing to offer, and he didn't want to ruin what was left of their already shaky friendship. On top of that, they were _roommates_...they couldn't start anything. It would be a bad and awkward situation for everyone involved—and he would just mess things up between them. It was bound to happen. She was too good for him, plain and simple, and it was time to set the record straight, to apologize and hopefully move on from last night. Walking out onto the roof he heard the door close behind him, watching as she spun around surprised and feeling his resolve slip a little, he sucked in a deep breath and tried to keep his focus.

Jess watched as he walked towards her, suddenly extremely glad that she had grabbed her sunglasses before coming up to the roof. She felt safer with them on, they were like a security blanket, protecting her from revealing all the emotions that suddenly bombarded her as he slowly approached her.

Nervous, happy, confused, angry, excited.

_All of the above._

"Hey," he said, squinting into the morning sun that was directly behind her.

"Hey," she said back, relieved that her tone sounded just as calm and even as his.

"Pretty big mess." Nick gestured to the area around them.

She nodded, her eyes following his movements, "yep, looks like we missed a pretty big party. Or I missed one…I mean I didn't go back to the party after…" she could feel her face heat as her sentence trailed off and once again was grateful for the large sunglasses that hid her eyes. "Well I didn't go back to the party," she finished awkwardly.

He nodded, feeling as uncomfortable as she looked, and pointing to the bag she held, offered a forced smile. "I can finish up."

She glanced down at the plastic bag, "I don't mind. I was just collecting all the bottles and cans to recycle, it's no big deal."

He shrugged, and looked around them—it would take_ hours_ to clean up the mess, it was definitely a two-man job. But his buddy Jim, who owned the landscaping company he was helping out with, was on vacation, and he didn't have to work at the bar again that night—he had the time. It was odd having some extra free time, but with the additional income from landscaping he only had to work about four nights a week at the bar, as long as the majority of the time he was able to pick up both Friday and Saturday nights. He was making enough money to get by comfortably for the summer—although whenever he thought about it that way, he would get a pinch in his stomach. He didn't want to be comfortable for_ just_ the summer. It was something that had been bothering him for awhile now and he knew it was time to change career paths. Letting his eyes rest on Jess, he wondered what she would suggest in terms of a career for him—maybe once the incident from the night before blew over, he would ask her.

"You stay out much longer you'll burn." He said, glancing down at her exposed pale skin.

She laughed—it was pathetic how her stomach was tying itself into knots and her pulse had picked up, racing unsteadily all because of his mere presence. She wondered what he would say if he knew that their kiss was currently taunting her, flashing over and over again in her mind, vividly replaying in graphic erotic detail. "It's like eight in the morning…not even the heat of the day."

He smirked at that, "that doesn't mean you won't get burned Jess."

"It's a lot of work for one person Nick."

He shrugged, "I've got the time."

Tilting her head, she stared up at him. "So do I."

Reaching down he grabbed the bag from her, "go to breakfast with Cece then…get out of the apartment and find a place with air."

She briefly debated arguing with him, but as he stood in front of her quietly watching her, she figured he needed to clear his mind just as she had needed to clear hers. It wasn't a fight worth fighting. "Okay Nick…but if you need help text me. I'll come back up."

He laughed at that, "I'm sure I can handle it." And as she smirked up at him, he found himself suddenly wishing that she would take her sunglasses off. Usually he felt completely defenseless against her pale blue eyes, but now that they were hiding behind her sunglasses and shadowing the emotions that usually so clearly and freely flashed in their blue depths, he wished he could see them.

Nodding she glanced around them before bringing her attention back to him, "I guess I'll see you later then." She gave him an awkward half wave and a smile before turning to leave, wondering briefly if she should mention last night, if she should demand answers from him before leaving the roof.

"Jess." His voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

Turning back around, she studied him as he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. His dark hair was messy— his black t-shirt probably wasn't the best choice for the hot day, but his khaki shorts would most likely keep him cool as long as he didn't stay up on the roof too long...

"Yeah?" She asked him, her heart began to beat faster, sensing the impending "talk".

He stared at her a moment, once again wishing he could see her eyes, before taking in a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

She tried not to smirk at the statement—she knew it had been coming. Deep down she had been waiting for it, for him to try to do the "right thing". To act as if it had all been one-sided, to pretend as if she hadn't practically thrown herself at him. And she waited for the anger to come, the annoyance that he would so blatantly choose to ignore her role in the whole thing...but it didn't. Instead a cool calmness took over her and staring at him, she couldn't help but feel slightly sympathetic towards him. His hands were gripping the bag tightly and his eyes were looking at her intensely, silently pleading for her to accept his apology and leave it at that.

She was going to disappoint him.

Taking her sunglasses off, she allowed her eyes a moment to adjust to the bright sunlight before giving him a hard look. "Are you?"

Nick wondered why he had been so desperate to see her eyes before, now that he could clearly see them, he found himself getting lost in their penetrating stare. Sighing he glanced away from her, unable to take the heat of her blue gaze. "Am I sorry? Yeah—yeah of course...you know I am."

She bit her lip, willing back the disappointment. "No—no...I don't think you are."

Surprised, his eyes shot back to hers, confusion clear in their depths. "What does_ that_ mean?"

She shrugged, "Are you sorry it happened Nick…_truly sorry?_"

"I just told you I was—it shouldn't have happened."

"I didn't ask if it should have happened...I asked if you are sorry it did?"

He only scowled at that, directing his attention to the ground and not answering her.

Seeing his frustration, Jess almost backed down but knowing how long it had taken them to get to the point they were at, she knew she couldn't let him off the hook so easily. "Do you regret it Nick?"

Nick snapped his eyes to hers at the quietly spoken question. A warm breeze was gently blowing a few strands of dark hair around her cheeks—which were flushed from what was most likely the heat and raw emotion. Her blue eyes appeared both vulnerable and determined, and while her stance was firm—he could tell she was slightly nervous and unsure, struggling to keep her composure as she waited for his answer. And really…_regret it_? Kissing her? While he was angry at himself for doing it, for taking advantage of the situation...he honestly couldn't say he regretted it.

"Last night…do you regret it?" She asked again, taking a step towards him, invading his personal space—he could smell her shampoo, it was a fresh clean scent...intoxicating. "Kissing me? Do you really regret it?"

_She was killing him._

"No." He said it simply, truthfully.

Jess nodded at that, tilting her head and considering his answer a moment, she smiled softly, looking somewhat amused. "_Then quit apologizing_."

"Jess…" he started but she raised her hand stopping him.

Giving him a pointed look she turned and walked away from him and he didn't say anything to bring her back, only watched as her figure slowly retreated...and not once did she look back. She simply left him there, feeling helpless and more confused than he had earlier. And, _what did she want from him?_ Standing there for a moment, he shook his head and rubbed his temples. He really was an idiot. He had missed his chance. Why hadn't he set things straight with her? Instead of apologizing and letting her know that what had happened the night before couldn't happen again—he had admitted he didn't regret their kiss. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Didn't she realize what could potentially happen if they took their relationship a step further and he messed it up? _He could lose her._ Looking around at the mess that lay before him, he sighed. Whatever it was that she expected from him, he knew he was bound to disappoint her.

* * *

"So that happened."

Jess leaned back in her chair and sipping on her iced tea, watched her friend for a reaction. She had decided that Nick's suggestion of going out to breakfast with Cece was actually not a half bad idea. However, since she had already eaten a light meal that morning she had called her friend up and had suggested a shopping trip followed by an early lunch. Never one to turn down shopping on her day off, Cece had quickly agreed. Although Jess was pretty sure that her curiosity for what had happened the night before played a fairly big part in Cece's eagerness to join her. Jess had to give her credit though, she hadn't once asked while they window-shopped and shoe shopped about the events from the night before —what had happened to cause her to rush into the apartment and not come out of her room for the rest of the night. In fact, Jess had been the one to break first—while they waited for the salads they had ordered and snacked on a basket of bread, she had spilled the beans, unable to contain the details _and_ her emotions any longer.

"Wow." Cece fiddled with her straw, seemingly absorbing everything Jess had just told her as she pushed around the ice in her water with slow and deliberate movements, watching as the ice clinked against the glass. Exasperated and anxious for her friend to say something—_anything_, Jess bit her lip, and waited until finally she raised her dark eyes to hers with a small smirk and a slow nod of appreciation. "I knew it was bound to happen. Good for Nick."

Jess rolled her eyes, at that. "Didn't you hear a word I said? He basically said he wished it had never happened!"

Cece's smirk dipped down into a small scowl, "yeah...I heard every word of it—so don't play dumb with me Jess. You just said _he admitted to not regretting kissing you_."

Jess huffed and gave a curt nod, and picking up a piece of bread, she began tearing it into small pieces with quick aggravated movements. "Yeah…yeah I know. But—but where does that leave us? I honestly think he would prefer to pretend that it_ never_ happened...I think he just wishes things could go back to normal, to the way they used to be." And frustrated with the thought, she began to attack her bread with new-found vigor.

With a sigh Cece grabbed the roll, or what was left of it, from Jess' hands and waited patiently for her friend to meet her eyes. "_Listen_ you and Nick…you guys never had a _normal_ relationship. You know it, I know it, we both know he knows it, and I'm sure even Winston and Schmidt know it—"

"Okay so _everyone_ knows it…big deal...that doesn't help me." Jess mumbled, looking down at the pieces of bread in front of her.

"Hey! Eyes up here." Cece demanded, taking on the authoritative tone that usually got people snapping to attention—Jess was no exception to the rule and reluctantly looked back up at the model with a small pout playing across her lips. "What I'm saying is, you and Nick are at a turning point in your relationship. A crossroads of sorts. You can both take the plunge and see where that takes you…_or_ you can sit back and do nothing and just let this chance pass you by, both regretting it in the process."

"But I don't know what to do! I can't talk to him—I'll either just get angry—because let's be honest, he'll probably say something to intentionally set me off...or even worse I'll get tongue-tied—and resort to old movie quotes. I don't know. I feel like I'm flying blind here...maybe I should dig out the feeling stick..." Her voice had taken on a tone of desperation, and hearing it, she winced, but deep down she couldn't bring herself to really care all tat much—she was at a complete loss for what to do next and it was driving her crazy.

"Okay, _no_ to the feeling stick. We all know how Nick feels about that thing..." pausing Cece pinned her with twinkling dark eyes, "how about try seducing him." She suggested, simply grinning when a young teenaged waiter placed their salads on the table, his hands rattling the dishes as he heard her words.

Jess rolled her eyes and waited for the now drooling boy to walk away, shooting her a glare as he did. "That's _ridiculous_ Cece I can't seduce him, " she scoffed.

Raising an eyebrow, Cece picked up her fork. "Why not?"

"Well—well…what would that accomplish?" She stuttered completely thrown by the idea of seducing_ Nick._

"Probably a lot. Sex—sex brings out the best and worst in people." With a casual shrug, Cece took a bite of her salad, completely unconcerned by the incredulous look Jess shot her.

"That's ridiculous," she snorted. "I wouldn't even know_ how_ to seduce him anyway." Her voice came out a whisper as she glanced around, hoping no one could overhear their conversation.

Laughing Cece shot her a skeptical look, "go to his room and take your clothes off. I'm sure that'll be enough."

"Cece!" Jess hissed as their waiter walked passed them again, nearly dropping a tray of dishes at Cece's bluntly said words.

Smirking Cece leveled her with a hard stare and a slight shrug. "I'm serious Jess."

Not responding right away, she picked up her fork and began pushing around her salad. Taking a bite of her food she considered Cece's words carefully. "I live with two other people. I—I...no I can't."

"Schmidt and I are going to dinner tonight."

"Oh you are...well this is news."

Looking suddenly uncomfortable Cece took a sip of water. "Yeah, well we talked last night. And it's...whatever. I think…I think we're going to give it another shot. I don't know. It's no big deal."

Knowing that it was actually a pretty big deal, Jess didn't press her friend for further details—she had learned the hard way that Cece would open up when she was ready. "Well that's um..._nice._"

"Yeah, yeah it is. Anyway, Schmidt can sleep at my place. And you know Winston will probably stay at Shelby's...so most likely you'll have the place to yourself."

Jess bit her lip, regardless of whether or not she planned on seducing him, she knew that being alone with Nick could be a somewhat _dangerous_ set up for the both of them. And letting herself really consider the idea of being alone with him, of seducing him, she felt her cheeks heat and her body tingle, suddenly, she became nervous even _thinking_ about it.

"What if he rejects me—what if I get hurt?" She whispered after a few silent moments.

Cece's face softened at her words, and reaching over the table she grabbed Jess' hand and squeezed it. "Then you get hurt babe. But do you really just want to stay at this standstill with him? Do you really want things to go back to what you call _normal_?"

She sighed, defeated. "No…but I don't know if seducing him is the answer. I think I should just talk to him."

Letting go of her hand Cece shrugged. "Maybe."

And not saying another word she picked her fork up and began picking at her salad again—and as they fell into a comfortable silence, Jess knew that the conversation was over. She had asked Cece for her help and she had in return given Jess some very interesting and unconventional advice. And turning her friend's suggestion over in her mind, she almost groaned out loud as her reluctance, Cece's words, and images of the night before battled for dominance in her mind.

_Seduce Nick?_

With a soft sigh she took a bite of her salad, she _knew_ she had to do something...

She just wasn't sure what that something was...

Yet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Mature content ahead! You've been warned!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl!**

* * *

Staring at her reflection in the mirror Jess took in a slow, deep breath.

"You can do this Jess. You can do this."

No she couldn't.

Sighing, she walked away from her reflection and tightened her robe more firmly around her waist. Who was she kidding? She couldn't walk across the hall and seduce Nick. She wasn't that kind of person. Besides, she would absolutely die from embarrassment if he turned her away.

But what if he didn't?

What if it was the big push they both needed?

Why not just walk over there and talk to him instead?—the more reasonable part of her brain argued.

_Sex brings out the best and worst in people._

Cece's words rang in her ears—it was true, sex _did_ do that. But what if it brought out the worst in them? What if they slept together and realized they had made an awful mistake? Closing her eyes she chewed on her lip, nervously weighing her options. And picking up a brush, she began to run it through her long dark hair with quick movements, while thinking about the past few times she had attempted to seduce men. With Russell, when she had tried to ignite some kind of passion from him—that had failed _miserably..._only leading to their eventual break-up. And Paul, sex with Paul had been _nice_, but when she had attempted anything out of the ordinary…well usually that hadn't worked out. And she cringed with a shake of her head, thinking about when she had tried to lightly choke him. _What the heck had she been thinking?_ Finally she thought about the last time she had attempted to seduce someone by showing up completely naked...

Spencer.

And look where that had gotten her.

_Right on Nick's doorstep._

She paused in her actions—before, whenever she had looked back on that day, what had happened with Spencer, she always thought of it as one of the worst in her life. But now with that thought, about ending up on Nick's doorstep, resonating in her brain, she felt a small smile tug at her lips. That awful, horrible day really didn't seem so awful and horrible now that she _really_ thought about it. In fact, it actually seemed pretty great...because the outcome had ended up being sort of perfect. Had she not shown up naked at her old home, intent on seducing her boyfriend, she never would have ended up as Nick's roommate. She never would have met him…_any of them—_and she almost shuddered at the thought.

Maybe each failed seduction, each failed relationship, had just been a small step towards something bigger and better. Each painful moment and embarrassing memory had just been leading her to _him_, gently pushing her to this moment…with Nick.

Taking another deep breath she glanced at her bedroom door, considering the man across the hall.

It was now or never.

* * *

After reading the same sentence for the twentieth time in a row, frustrated, Nick threw his book aside. He had been in his room for the past hour because he knew _she_ was out there...somewhere in the apartment. It was for that exact reason that he couldn't bring himself to open his door and walk into the kitchen and grab the goddamn beer he was craving—he didn't want to risk running into _her_. They were alone in the apartment after all—and that was extremely _dangerous_.

After she had gotten him to admit that he didn't regret kissing her, after she had given him_ that look_, and then had walked away from him without saying a word...he knew that he was treading in murky, unclear waters. Because of this, he had managed to successfully avoid her all day. It had been easier than he had thought it would be. She had made it simple by staying out of the loft for the majority of the afternoon and evening, having only gotten home a few hours ago. And he had immediately left and had gone out to grab a bite to eat for dinner—wandering aimlessly for a bit before returning home, relieved to find she was closed away in her room.

Glancing at the clock he saw it now read a little past ten. Maybe she would fall asleep early, maybe in another hour or so he could leave his room and...

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on his door and his heart began pounding in his chest—it could obviously only be one person.

Jess.

Standing up, he stared hard at the door, wondering if he should just remain silent. Maybe she would think he was sleeping. Maybe she would figure he wasn't home—he had been fairly quiet when returning. As a second knock sounded, a bit harder, more insistent, he frowned. It was Jess…who was he kidding? She'd gotten it in her head to come and talk to him—she'd start pounding soon if he didn't answer.

Sighing he stared at the door, feeling nervous, awkward, and something else—something he couldn't exactly pinpoint. "it's not locked."

After only a heartbeat or two, it slowly opened, and he watched, waiting for her to enter the room. And when she did, he almost stopped breathing. She was wearing nothing but a short flimsy floral robe—her dark hair was loose and fell over her shoulders in soft shiny waves. Her blue eyes were looking at him with that gut dropping combination of both vulnerability and determination. Swearing silently in his head, he clenched his fists—what was she doing? What the hell was she up to?

"Um Nicholas… hi." Jess walked into his room and closed the door—her hands behind her on the knob, she leaned back against it a bit, apparently trying to steady her breath, she looked slightly shaky—a bit unraveled.

"Hi…what…err do you need something?" He tried to keeps his eyes firmly on her face but he wanted so badly to let his gaze roam over her barely covered body—making him feel even more like the unworthy scumbag he already knew he was.

She didn't say anything right away—she looked as if she were working up the courage to do something—her eyes squinted a bit around the edges, and she bit her bottom lip, worrying it slowly, carefully. He waited patiently; his eyes still struggling to remain on hers, fighting not to focus in on that plump red lip she was working between her teeth, trying not to dip down to her poorly concealed figure. She was _killing_ him, torturing him slowly. _Finally_, with a little sigh, she pushed herself away from the door and then smiled somewhat shyly before speaking.

"Sleep with me."

The words flew out of her mouth before Jess could stop them, and her whole body felt hot as a heavy silence quickly followed her undignified outburst. She had to fight the urge to clasp her hands over her mouth in horror or burst out laughing in amusement at her blurted out statement. Neither reaction very appropriate, given the circumstances and what she had just said.

So much for being subtle and sexy.

She had planned on walking into his room while giving him a few smoldering looks and as calm and graceful as ever she was going to untie her robe and let their mutual attraction and passion for each other take it from there.

And now…not so much.

"Excuse me...what?" His eyes were shining with disbelief as he nearly gawked at her, unsure if he had heard the words correctly.

"I think you should sleep with me." She said more firmly, looking him straight on. Might as well go for the gold, she mused silently to herself, watching as his eyes narrowed at her words.

"Jess don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to sleep with you." He ground the words out past clenched teeth. He could barely breathe barely think straight—she couldn't be serious.

She tried not to falter at his words, but her stomach dropped and face grew hot. "Why not?"

"Because…because…I'm just not!" he couldn't believe this was happening—what the hell had gotten into her?

Swallowing she took a step forward, reminding herself to keep calm, "you don't want to sleep with me?"

He nearly flinched at her question, and shaking his head, he scowled as he stared at her a moment—her dark waves, and delicate face with those damn blue eyes, and that ridiculously short robe...he couldn't answer her truthfully.

"Jess, just go back to your room and put some clothes on...obviously we need to talk."

"Nick—"

"Jess we need to talk!"

"I don't want to _talk._" she practically spat at him, realizing that she sounded stubborn and slightly immature, but somehow unable to care. She was taking the bull by the horns and she was being spontaneous and impulsive and darnit he wasn't going to stop her now. "I don't want to talk Nick." She said again.

He was fighting a losing battle, deep down inside he knew it, but something in him was still willing to fight, terrified of the outcome, afraid of what would happen if he gave in. "Please…Jess. I can't…we can't…" His voice sounded gruff with a tone of desperation tinged in it—he was very close to panicking. Hell, he couldn't sleep with Jess—if he did, there would be no going back for him...not when it came to _her_. And he had messed up every relationship he had ever had before. He couldn't risk it with her. He couldn't risk not having her in his life, even if it was just as a friend. He'd rather that, than not having her in his life at all. And that would only be the inevitable if he chose to do what his entire body was _screaming_ for him to do. He wasn't good at relationships with women, he always manged to fuck it up...and he couldn't do that to her, he just couldn't.

"No don't say anything yet. Just—I mean…." she paused and took a breath to collect herself. "If you don't want to...if you really don't want to then go ahead and tell me now. I'll turn around and leave and we can both just agree to pretend this never happened. But if you are standing there, fighting your impulses. If every fiber of your being is telling you to push caution, reasoning, aside and to just go for it…well then I think you should. I'm not asking for anything else tonight Nick. I'm not asking for declarations or promises or anything else, I'm just asking…I'm just asking for tonight. I don't know what will come of it…I haven't thought it through that far." She shrugged suddenly—somewhat helplessly, "just don't push me away, not if it's really what you want. I don't want to fight what we have both been feeling for awhile now. I don't want to pretend it's not there. I don't want to let this chance pass us by. I don't want to regret never exploring this...this_ thing_ between us. So let's just give each other tonight. And then after that...who knows." She gave him a smile, she could feel her lips trembling with the effort—suddenly she felt like crying.

As she finished her embarrassingly long speech to him, a heavy silence deafened the room and she watched as Nick studied her. His dark eyes were practically unreadable from across the room, giving her no indication of what he was feeling at that moment. And as he continued to stare at her, not saying anything—she briefly wondered if he had even heard a word she had said. And then he sighed, shook his head slightly and she saw _apology_ written all over his face—her heart leapt to her throat as her brain began racing—trying to figure out how to get out of this suddenly awful and humiliating situation.

"Jess…" his voice came out strained, almost gravelly—she looked so vulnerable, her blue eyes wide and shining were glittering with apprehension. It was practically impossible for him to speak.

As he trailed off, Jess tried to smile but was incapable of doing so, not with the hot feel of tears burning her eyes. "No—don't…it's okay. I'm sorry…" she backed up slowly, trying to shove her humiliation aside, at least until she left. Once she was in the safety of her own room would she allow herself to succumb to her emotions—she just had to make a quick exit...and as her back hit his door she almost winced, wishing she could just disappear. "I…I…" she couldn't say anything, couldn't form any words, could barley think. It wasn't the embarrassment of his obvious rejection that was getting to her so much as the _crushing_ disappointment. Turning from him quickly, she reached for the doorknob and fumbled opening the door—her hands were so shaky and her eyes were blurring with tears. She cursed quietly under her breath, hating herself for ever going through with the stupid idea in the first place. Finally, she had just managed to open it and was intent on leaving when suddenly she felt him behind her; his longer frame was reaching over her and pushing the door closed and then slowly he was turning her around to face him.

Jess lowered her eyes, frowning softly, "Nick..." she whispered her voice wavering as she stared at the ground. "It's okay...just let me…"

But he didn't give her a chance to finish—placing a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up towards him and all thoughts, all words, left her. For a brief moment she was able to see his eyes, tender and gentle, before he leaned down towards her and kissed her softly.

_Dear God._

When she had decided to go through with Cece's suggestion and seduce Nick...she had pictured it all passion and heat.

She hadn't been prepared for_ this._

_Soft, gentle, slow, so heart-achingly slow.  
_

As his lips brushed over hers slowly, softly, she felt as if hundreds of tiny butterflies were dancing around in her stomach, and her vision sharpened and then blurred around the edges as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. And when his tongue gently sought entrance to her mouth all she could do was close her eyes on a moan and let him continue his divinely sensual assault on her mouth.

Nick wasn't letting himself think it through—he couldn't let himself think it through. All he could do was focus on the soft and pliant woman in his arms who he had dreamed about and had fantasized about, torturing himself for months on end, to no real satisfaction. Gathering her close, he deepened the kiss and when she moaned softly he smiled against her lips, feeling a thrill of heat rush through his body. Turning her away from the door, he continued to kiss her as he backed her up and steered her toward the bed, reveling in the feel of her body pressed against his, the taste of her mouth—fresh and sweet like her. And when the back of her legs bumped the mattress, he lifted his head from hers and looked down into her prettily flushed face. It took a moment for her eyes to flutter open and when they did, and she saw him staring down at her, the corner of her mouth lifted into a slight half smile, causing his own lips to kick up into a small smirk.

"Are you sure about this?" He had to ask; he had to make sure. God help him if she said no—it would take every ounce of his strength to walk away...but he _had_ to give her the chance to back out.

She nodded quickly and not saying a word, reached down between them slowly, carefully. He backed up half a step to see what she was doing, and his throat tightened almost painfully as he watched her untie the belt of her robe and pull it open—silk rustling against skin was the only sound that could be heard, before she pushed the robe off her shoulders and let it slither to the ground.

He couldn't move.

His pulse was racing; his heart practically slammed out of his chest as he let his eyes roam freely over her body. She was perfect—just like he knew she would be, just like he had imagined she would be. Her pale ivory skin was smooth and tinged pink, her curves were soft and subtle and just begging to be touched. As she stood in front of him, in the dim light provided only from the bedside reading lamp on his nightstand, he couldn't help but think she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire fucking life. And as he lifted his eyes to her face, noticing how she was biting on her lip, her expression somewhat hesitant, somewhat shy...he figured the least he could do was tell her so.

"Jess…" His voice was hoarse. "You're...you're amazing."

Her tentative smile grew and then she stepped up to him and raised herself onto her toes and kissed him.

She couldn't believe she was in his room—having just stripped naked and kissing him. Only moments ago she had been feeling such dread and disappointment at what she was sure was rejection and now, _now _as he kissed her back—all she could feel was excitement, desire, and passion course its way through her body. Placing her hands on the bottom of his shirt, she began to lift it off of him, letting him take over the task and allowing him to pull it over his head, when her shaky hands fumbled with it. Once it was off, her fingers lingered on the rim of his pants, and she wanted to scream in frustration for suddenly feeling so shy and unsure.

Seeing her hesitation, he placed his hands on hers and waited for her to meet his gaze. "We don't have to Jess."

She laughed softly, slightly embarrassed—she was being dumb. "No…I want to." Her voice was somewhat husky and more than a little shaky. "I'm just nervous. I don't know why. You would think I've never done this before."

He smirked, "What do you want me to do?"

She smiled at him and quirked a brow up while placing a hand on her hip, "Nick Miller, don't you know what to do with a naked woman who has just practically thrown herself at you?"

He raised an eyebrow at her questions and brought a hand to her hair, running his fingers through it, he watched as the dark strands fell back onto her shoulders. "Only if she's sure."

Jess swallowed, knowing _this_ was it, and holding his gaze as his brown eyes found hers again, nodded. "She is."

He smiled down at her, "then maybe you should get on the bed."

She turned her head a bit and glanced behind her, letting her eyes linger on the aforementioned bed as her apprehension suddenly grew. "Oh, right. Riiiiight. The bed…that would be a good idea. Seeing as though a bed would be the most likely place to…um to…well…" she trailed off with a shake of her head, knowing she was rambling, and aware of the voice in her head telling her to _shut-up_.

"Jess." Nick interrupted her, his voice soft and amused.

"Hmmm?"

"Get on the damn bed."

At his demand, Jess looked back at him and raising an eyebrow, she tilted her head to the side, considering his words. Normally she'd come back with some quick retort, never one to be bossed around by him, but instead something thrilling shot through her veins at the thought of him telling her what to do in the bedroom. It made her hot with desire and wet in anticipation...she knew she was gone. Almost laughing at the thought, she smirked and climbed onto his bed. Settling in the middle of it she reminded herself to knock off the mindless chit-chat while completely naked—it was embarrassing to say the least. And raising her eyes up to him with a soft smile, she nearly gasped—well hello Nick Miller! He had removed the rest of his clothing and was standing at the edge of his bed, patiently waiting for her attention. Propping herself up on her elbows, her smile widened.

"Come here."

Hell, he wasn't going to argue with her—barely hesitating at her request, he placed a knee on the mattress and made his way over to her, enjoying the way her eyes softened and the corners of her mouth lifted, the closer he came. When he was directly in front of her, just barely hovering over her, she flashed him with the full force of her brilliant thousand-watt Jessica Day smile...and he was lost. And before either of them could ruin the moment with an awkward comment or an attempt at humor—he kissed her again, and in the back of his mind, he briefly acknowledged the fact that he didn't think he would ever get tired of kissing her. It felt too perfect...too _right_. Her arms instantly came up around his neck and he had to remind himself that he wanted to take it_ slow—_he wanted to savor this. Leaning into her, he pressed his body against hers, gently pushing her down onto the mattress. And when she was flat on her back, staring up at him with those big guileless blue eyes— he took a moment, remembering this wasn't a dream. _This_ was reality; Jess was in his bed…naked. They were at a turning point in their relationship and there was no stopping now. But he didn't vocalize this—there was no going back for him...for her...for either of them. Taking a moment to look down at her with her hair fanned out on his pillow, her pale eyes, smoky with desire looking up at him and her body smooth and soft laying beneath his—he shook himself slightly...

The time for gawking was over.

When his lips found the sensitive spot where her jawline and neck met, Jess sighed and closed her eyes. His hands traveled down her body—whisper soft, just barely touching her skin. He brushed the sides of her breasts, lingered over her torso a bit, and then followed the curve of her hips before bringing his hands back up again. His mouth at her neck, his fingers soft on her body, it was driving her crazy, and she moaned lifting her hips toward him, silently asking him for more. She felt his lips curve into a smile against her neck and just when she was about to comment his fingers moved from her hips, traveled across her thigh, to exactly where she wanted him, needed him, was begging for him most. His touch still light, danced over her, causing her breath to hitch—coming in sharp and out shaky.

"Nick," she whispered his name, not knowing if she was asking for him to stop or pleading for him to continue.

"Tell me what you want." he was trying to hang on to his control...but with each passing moment it was proving to be a difficult task.

Her mouth curved into a smile, "I thought you said you knew what to do with a naked woman."

He grinned down at her, wanting to permanently implant the vision of her naked beneath him and smiling up at him in his brain. "I want you to tell me." And suddenly his smile faded and his features grew serious. "Where do you want me to touch you?" his finger fluttered up towards her stomach, "Here?"

She shook her _no_—he was crazy if he thought she could speak when he was looking at and touching her like _that._

He moved his fingers lower, closer to where they had been before, but not quite, "here?"

She shook her head again—he was killing her, and she was quite certain he was thoroughly enjoying it.

As his fingers moved to where they had been not only moments ago, he almost groaned, feeling how hot and wet she already was. Pressing into her lightly, he watched, and a surge of lust swept through him, as she gasped softly, "here?" his voice was rough and deep.

Jess nodded fast, almost desperately, not knowing what else to do, not knowing if there was anything else she _could_ do at that moment.

"Tell me." he had to hear her say it—he needed to hear her say it.

"Nick." she breathed, raising her eyes to his, she let his dark and serious gaze pull her in. "Oh God please." she couldn't finish, was it possible to come from a penetrating stare alone.

"Jess...tell me."

"Please...Nick."

"Please what?" He was hanging on to his control, grasping it tightly...but just barely.

"There. Please—I need you to touch me there."

The words had barely left her mouth before he was pushing his fingers fully into her, causing her to moan in pleasure.

"Oh God."

Slowly Nick moved his fingers in and out of her, watching as her eyes closed and her hips rose meeting his hand, urging him to continue what it was he was doing to her. She was so tight and wet, that he nearly pulled out then and there, the need to drive himself into her was so great. And when his thumb grazed across her most sensitive part, causing her to cry out in pleasure, he could barely contain the smile that spread across his lips as he watched her just about come undone beneath him, imagining what her reaction would be when he was finally fully inside of her. She was incredible—and good God, somehow, right now, at this moment, she was totally and completely his. Applying more pressure with his thumb, his fingers continued to work her, causing her whimpers and moans to come faster and louder until she was trembling beneath him and whispering his name.

"Stop, please," her words were barely audible, "I don't…please I want you inside of me…when I do."

Her sentence was soft and broken, and in his passion filled haze, in his need to see her come, he barely heard her. But when her words registered in his brain and he realized what it was that she wanted, he had to steady himself—pull himself together, before he could move. With a deep breath, Nick adjusted his position so that he was directly over her, and patiently, he waited for her eyes to open, watching when they slowly did. Her smiled was so bright, her cheeks pink, her eyes glimmering with a mixture of desire, affection, and trust...it caused a painful lump in his throat. She was incredible.

"Jess." he said her name once, and then he was entering her, the feeling of her wrapped around him immediately sending shock waves of heat coursing through him as he watched her mouth open slightly as a cry of pleasure escaped her lips. He had to struggle to keep control—fight not to just pound himself into her. It was amazing...everything he knew it would be...with _her._

It was perfect. The feel of him inside of her, filling her completely—it was wonderful, amazing, mind-blowing. Perfect. Slowly, he began to move inside of her—thrusting in and out with controlled unhurried movements. And as her hips rose meeting his, Jess couldn't contain the whimpers and moans that spilled from her mouth. His lips found hers, and she poured herself into the kiss, clinging to him as he pumped himself slowly in and out of her. And a wonderful pressure began building inside of her, quickly consuming her body—she broke their kiss on a moan when he thrust deep and then stilled his actions for a moment, causing her body to shudder slightly.

"Oh God." she whispered. It had never been this good before—_why hadn't it ever been this good before_? Afraid of the answer, not wanting to think about it too much, she found his eyes, and holding his gaze, whimpered as Nick began his slow torturous movements once more.

"Don't look away," he could barely get the words out as he continued to move, trying not to let his control slip, afraid that very soon he would lose it completely.

It was all so right...so very, very right.

Her eyes never left his, as she clung to him, meeting him thrust for thrust. Their pace was slow and sensual and perfect. The heat and passion were there, simmering just beneath the surface—easily it could go the other way; easily they could have both lost control. But they clung to it, knowing that_ this_, what they were doing, was so much more intimate, so much more personal than rough kisses and passionate embraces. And as they stared into each others eyes, breathing heavily, the sounds of their bodies coming together, a soft moan or a slight whimper occasionally escaping their lips, the pleasure began to build slowly at first, until it was consuming them, taking over their bodies.

She hooked a leg around his back, moaning as it shifted their positions just slightly, "Nick…I'm going to…" she broke off, her voice trembling somewhere between a sigh and moan as he thrust into her deeper, harder than before.

"Tell me." he demanded and brought his hand between them and began rubbing his thumb over her again, watching as her eyes widened and her mouth opened in pleasure.

"Nick! Keep doing that…I'm going to come. Oh God keep doing that. Oh God yes." she practically chanted, not caring that she was very close to begging.

He continued to rub her, continued to move slow and deep inside of her—and still, they held each others gaze. Still, they refused to look away from the other. As the pleasure began to build inside of her, as her breathing became slightly labored and she felt herself begin to lose control, she gripped him against her tighter, holding on to him, knowing she was about to fall over the edge and afraid if she didn't hold him tight...she may never come back.

He could feel her quivering beneath him, he could feel her tighten around him. He wanted her to let go, he _needed_ her to. He had to feel her come—there was no way in hell he would allow himself to go first. Thrusting into her again and again, a grunt escaping his lips, sweat lining his brow, he struggled to remain in control, fought to hold back until she had reached her peak. Murmuring soft words, whispering her name, he continued to stroke her from the inside out until finally he felt her body tense and then start to tremble and and knowing that she was close and that he was almost there, beyond the point of holding back himself, he gave her one last push to send her over the edge.

Rubbing her softly, he stared into her pale blue eyes, "come for me baby. I want to feel you come around me…I need you to come Jess."

And hearing his words, she finally let herself go—clenching him hard and whispering his name before the orgasm overtook her body and she was shot to another place entirely. Her vision blurred, and her arms tightened around his neck—she practically sobbed his name again her words almost incoherent; the pleasure was so real, so intense.

As she clenched and unclenched around him, gripping him tightly inside of her, he groaned, not sure he had ever felt anything so good—and then on an oath he followed her, allowing the pleasure to take over his body. And continuing his movements, pumping himself in and out of her, until he had no more left to give, until he was completely empty—until he was satisfied to the point of being numb that he could no longer move, could barely friggin breathe, he practically collapsed on top of her with one last groan.

For a moment neither of them moved—neither of them spoke.

Silence, strange, pure, unbroken silence.

Slowly, she raised a hand to the back of his head and began running her fingers through his hair with gentle, tender, movements. Enjoying the moment; relishing in the feel of her body beneath his, Nick relaxed briefly, allowing his heart rate to come back down, his breathing to steady—and then in a flash of realization he swore, figuring he must be pretty damn heavy...he was probably crushing her slender frame. Rolling off of her quick, he brought her with him as he moved onto his back, tucking her against him, and smiling when she immediately rested her head on his chest, and her fingers began tracing little patterns across his body. Closing his eyes, he settled, hearing the sleepy and dazed voices in his head begin to wake up—soon, he knew he would begin questioning their actions...but for now, he was perfectly content just laying with her.

"Nick?" her voice was slightly raspy, somewhat sleepy.

"Hmmm?" He opened an eye and peeked down at her.

"That was…"

"Amazing?" he finished for her, smiling to himself, because smugly enough, he knew it was true...he knew she felt the same way.

Jess didn't look up, just kept making little circles and swoops with her fingers—_amazing_ didn't even cut it, not for her, but was probably as close as they could get. "Yes."

He pulled her closer, briefly wondering what they had been waiting for, knowing somewhere in the back of his mind there was an answer he didn't want to hear. "It was."

But she snuggled deeper into him, sighing contentedly, and those annoying thoughts quickly fled—they lay like that for awhile...not really talking, just enjoying holding each other.

After awhile, Nick suddenly remembered something—something he thought he'd never show her again, and sat up slightly, making her groan in protest. But he only smirked down at her, before reaching over and opening the drawer to his nightstand. Digging around in it for a bit, he finally found what he was looking for. And sitting up completely, he watched as she sat up too—facing him, she shot him a pouty look. Her hair disheveled, her lips puffed out just slightly, her eyes searching his in question, he couldn't help but smile at her somewhat evilly. Holding up what he had retrieved from the nightstand his smile turned into a wide grin.

"I guess I can give this back to you now, seeing as though I just cashed it in."

Raising a brow, she eyed what he held, "What is that?"

Holding it out to her, he watched as she took it from him, her eyes flashing to his when she realized what it was. "You kept _this_?"

He nodded, his eyes drifting to the gift certificate for Nerdy Weird Sex he had stolen from her last Christmas, "I had thought maybe one night I could get you drunk and take advantage of you…little did I know you were so hot for me." He joked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips at him, trying not to smile but unable to pull it off, gave in and flashed him a full-fledged grin. "I can't believe you kept this Nicholas."

He shrugged, suddenly feeling somewhat uncomfortable—while he liked to pretend he kept it at as a joke...truthfully, something in him had cringed last Christmas—deep down inside pure jealousy had nearly broke through when she had shown him the certificate intended for Paul. "I guess I have to give it back now though…" he said jokingly, trying to keep the conversation light.

Jess laughed—it was odd, how after a completely mind-blowing experience with him, how much the stupid coupon and the fact that he still had it, touched her. Glancing down at it, she almost felt embarrassed she had even made it…_almost._ Looking back up at him she leaned towards him, an idea suddenly flashing in her brain. "That, Nicholas was not nerdy weird sex."

She had a gleam in her eyes that made certain parts of his body take notice, and briefly he wondered if he was already up for round two...if_ she_ was.. "Oh really?"

Nodding she reached over him and placed the coupon back on his nightstand while quickly straddling him in the process. "And there's no expiration date on it…so you can use it more than once."

He was having trouble concentrating on what she was saying with her body on top of his, "Yeah?"

She smirked down at him, enjoying the feel of being in control. "Yeah…would you like to cash in now?"

He shrugged trying to seem casual, even though his heart felt like it might burst through his chest. "If it's not too much trouble...sure."

Her smirk turned into a slow purely feminine smile and she shifted her position so that she was on all fours hovering over him. "Oh of course not." She moved like she was going to kiss him, stopping just before her lips brushed against his, and shot him a smile that could only be described as evil before slowly moving her way _down_ his body.

And when her mouth closed around him, he screwed his eyes shut tight, fisting his hands into the comforter on the bed as she began moving up and down his length. Dimly, he thought that he was never throwing that coupon away, and then every coherent thought flew from his mind as she began to act out her version of Nerdy Weird Sex...lips, tongue, teeth...and all.

Later, when she lay wrapped in his arms, sound asleep, he felt more content, more complete than he had in a very long time. And staring down at her sleeping figure, taking in the sight of her peaceful face, he wondered if maybe she was what he needed—what he had been waiting for to begin to put the pieces of his somewhat broken life back together.

Closing his eyes he smiled into the now dark room, maybe Jessica Day was exactly what he needed.


	8. Chapter 8

**You guys! Thanks so much for the reviews, alerts, and favorites...you are all awesome! :)  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**

* * *

"Jess quit being such a weirdo and come back here."

Shooting a pointed look over her shoulder, Jess flashed Nick a bright grin and wrapped her robe more firmly around her waist—she had been trying to leave for the past hour. When she had first made a move to get out of Nick's bed, his arm had tightened around her waist in silent protest. The second time she had attempted to leave, the arm around her waist had traveled lower causing her breath to hitch ever so slightly. The third time she had tried to wiggle her way out of his bed, she had found herself flipped onto her back, pinned beneath him, and all thoughts of leaving had fled her.

"I have to get back to my room," she told him, watching as he sat up in bed, his hair messed up and his dark eyes shining with amusement. Her body felt wonderfully used, she was a tad sore, and she had barely gotten the seven hours of sleep she needed to be able to function normally. But staring at him, watching as he smirked at her, and letting her eyes linger over his body, she realized she felt more rested and energized than she had in a long time.

"It's six-thirty in the morning," he stated in a matter of fact tone.

Jess nodded, waving his comment away, she opened his door and poked her head out, scanning the hallway, she tried her best to be stealth like. "You know Schmidt will be home soon, he has his whole morning routine he has to do before going into the office. And Winston always leaves Shelby's when she leaves for work. So that means I have to get my butt back across the hall."

Nick felt a smile pull at his lips as he watched her poke her head out of the doorway again and then look back at him. His throat tightened and his heart skipped a beat—with her dark hair tousled prettily and her tiny robe barely covering her body, her blue eyes slightly sleepy but still bright, and her face all but glowing...she looked like a happily satisfied woman. He contemplated jumping out of bed and showing her again what a terrible idea her decision to leave so early in the morning was, but they had briefly talked the night before and had decided for the time being to keep the change in their relationship from their other two roommates—they hadn't discussed it much past that. He supposed they were going to just take things one step at a time, and watching as she flashed him another grin, he told himself he was _okay_ with that, pushing aside the nagging feeling in his gut that argued otherwise.

"Alright I'm making a run for it," she told him, nodding her head with conviction.

"Jess no one is here, you could bang pots and pans while walking across the hall and it'd be fine."

She smirked, her eyes twinkling with mirth, "mums the word Miller," and giving him one last smile she dashed out of his room closing, the door behind her.

Shaking his head, he tried to stop a stupid grin from forming on his lips, but as he stared at the door and thought about the night before...flashes of Jess underneath him, on top of him, whispering his name heatedly—he shrugged his shoulders and let himself indulge in a smile so wide it almost hurt his face.

* * *

Almost an hour later, Jess walked out of her room appropriately dressed in a light pair of pale yellow pajamas. It wasn't until she had gotten back to her room and was pulling her clothes on that she had registered the cool temperature in the apartment. With so much on her mind the day before, she hadn't even realized the loft was no longer stifling. She smirked—Remy had followed through...just like_ she_ _knew_ he would. And while she thought it was quite interesting Nick hadn't mentioned it...even though he had been the only one home the day before so he had_ obviously_ been there when the repair man had come...she decided to let it slide.

For now.

Shuffling into the kitchen she stopped short when she saw that all three of her roommates were sitting and standing around the kitchen island having morning coffee and breakfast. Feeling her face heat as Nick glanced up from his coffee mug—his dark eyes held hers for a moment before he gave her the barest hint of a smile and looked back down at the newspaper in front of him—she shook her head and bit her lip.

Oh dear Lord...she was in trouble.

Clearing her throat, she walked into the kitchen, flashing Schmidt a bright grin when he looked up from his laptop in question. "You're up too? What's wrong with you and Nick? Usually you're just getting up as I'm leaving, and he's sleeping away the morning hours like the bum we all know he is."

Jess shrugged, hoping her blush wasn't as obvious as it felt—her face felt as if someone were holding a blow torch to it.

"So what's with this whole thing with Cece's mom being in town? And why do I have to meet her" Winston asked, shoveling a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, his gaze swung between both her and Schmidt expectantly.

Jess glanced at Schmidt who had suddenly started typing a bit harder on his computer—she wondered if it was just her imagination or if a thin line of sweat had broken out across his forehead. Thinking about Winston's question, she tilted her head to the side. She had almost forgotten about the bombshell Cece had dropped on her the day before after they had had lunch together—her mother was coming into town this morning… a "surprise" visit. The woman was not only insisting on taking she and Cece to dinner but also the rest of Jess' roommates, knowing that her daughter spent a decent amount of time hanging out with them. Whether or not her friend's mother knew about Schmidt, she wasn't sure...but decided to keep that to herself, not quite certain if it would insult him. Shrugging her shoulders, she glanced over at Winston who was still waiting for an answer— and to be honest Cece's mom could be very overprotective and maybe just slightly overbearing, but Jess loved her dearly and was looking forward to seeing her.

"It's a surprise visit...or a last minute visit. She's invited us to dinner and you are all going. Especially you two—I need you guys there to make me look better." Schmidt said to both Winston and Nick, before Jess could answer. "At least if you guys are there Ceclia's mother will see I'm obviously more put together and accomplished than some of the other slackers my age…"

Letting her gaze drift over to Nick, Jess tuned Schmidt out, his voice a little too grating for her at such an early hour. As she looked over at the man who's bed she had been sleeping in (or trying to at least) not only a couple of hours ago, his dark eyes caught hers and he held her stare for the briefest of moments before giving her a quick wink. At the surprising action, she felt her eyes widen and her heart begin to pound before she looked away quickly—images flashed in her head of their time together the night before, sensual and intense, and then this morning, slow and lazy. Her body felt as if it was on fire and she tried to steady her breathing. _Oh God_, she was horrible at keeping secrets, and having him so close, and looking at her like _that..._she was sure she would give them away sooner or later. Clearing her throat again, she tried to tune herself back into Schmidt's long-winded speech.

"Now we don't want you guys to act too much like yourselves, I can't have Cece's mom thinking I willingly hang out with riff-raff like the two of you. Just dress a little nicer, Nick that means clean clothes, and no flannels….what time is the dinner again Jess?"

"Sex." she responded quickly. Her eyes immediately widening while a surprised little laugh escaped her mouth as she realized what she had said. Biting on her lip, she peeked up at her roommates—Schmidt's eyes were narrowed, Winston looked confused, and Nick was grinning like an _ass_ down into his coffee. "I mean six…it's at six."

"Did you just say sex?" Schmidt asked, peering at her closely.

"No." she shook her head, and tried to act confused by his question, "ummm…no...nope. I didn't."

"No…no you definitely said sex." Winston stated while pointing an accusing finger at her.

"Get your heads out of the gutter. I said six," embarrassment was slowly creeping in, she was going to die, and it didn't help that she was fully aware that Nick's eyes were on her, dark and amused.

She wanted to punch him in the face.

"Jess are you twirly?" Schmidt asked her, "because, I can't have you ruin tonight for me so you are going to have to take care of that."

"Twirly?" Winston asked raising his brows at her.

Jess shrugged not saying anything—not entirely sure if she could speak at the moment without making a fool of herself.

"Horny…it's her word for horny." Nick supplied giving her a wide grin.

She shot him a glare...now she_ really_ wanted to punch him.

"Seriously Jess…I need your head in the game. You _know_ Cece's mom, you need to be there for me. I need you as my guide." Schmidt stated, sounding a bit desperate...his voice rising an octave higher than normal.

Turning from them she huffed out a breath, "Schmidt it's fine…I'm fine, just a slip of the tongue," and immediately her thoughts wondered to where exactly Nick's tongue had been earlier that morning...

_Stop it!_—a voice inside her head pleaded.

"Yeah well we can't have those slips at dinner tonight. Cece's mom is completely old school and what if the sole purpose of her visit is to check me out.…"

Walking over to the cabinets, she opened a cupboard before interrupting him, "Schmidt, you guys just got back together. I'm sure this trip was planned way before she even knew about your reunion...which only happened _two days ago_," she pointed out, paying no attention to Schmidt when his eyes narrowed. "Don't let her fool you, there's nothing surprising about this trip. She likes to check up on Cece regularly...anyway, I grew up with her, I know her. She's a lovely woman, you'll be fine, everything will be just fine. Quit freaking out!"

"For your information Jessica Day, Cece's mother is fully aware of who I am. Don't insult me. The _nerve_. And all I'm saying is that if your mind is going to be elsewhere, take care of it before dinner tonight. If you need to borrow a headshot to self complete to I've got a stack of them in my night stand...and I look damn good in them too, might I add."

"Ewww," she shook her head disgusted...thinking about Schmidt that way...just ew.

"Jar…just…jar Schmidt." Winston said, sounding as disgusted as she felt.

"Why do you have a stack of head-shots in your night stand?" Nick asked him lazily, still clearly amused by the whole scenario.

Not caring to hear his answer, Jess glanced up at the open cupboard and rapped her fingers on the counter in a dull steady beat. Debating on coffee over tea for a bit, she decided that coffee would probably make her extra jittery—clearly something she didn't need...not with the way she had been acting, and swiftly knocked it off the list. Decision made, she reached up to pull a box of tea down, as she was doing so, Nick appeared out of what was seemingly friggin _no where_ and stepped up next to her, causing her to fumble with the box and drop it onto the floor. Before she could react, he bent down to retrieve the fallen tea bags and box and as he straightened, gave her a crooked smile.

"Mind still elsewhere Jess?" he leaned against the counter, watching with some amusement as she filled the teakettle with water and noticing the adorable way she bit her lower lip and concentrated on her task as if it was the most important thing in the world.

"What? No. No…I'm just tired." she shook her head fast, avoiding his eyes.

"Really? Didn't get much sleep last night?" he asked, biting back a chuckle when her hands shook and rattled the kettle as she set it on the stove.

Jess hated him. It was official. _She hated him_...and by hate she meant she wanted to punch him in the face...and_ then_ jump his bones. Ugh...she was pathetic...and she couldn't help but wonder if her face would permanently stay red, as she was quite sure she had been blushing since coming into the kitchen. "I slept fine Nicholas, just fine."

Nick nodded, "good that's good…" pausing briefly he raised a brow, "you sure about that?"

Letting out a distressed little sigh, Jess glanced over at Schmidt and Winston and noticing that they were currently in an argument about whether or not it was acceptable for Schmidt to keep head-shots of himself in his nightstand, she pinned Nick with a glare. "Knock it off Nicholas, I'm going to break." she hissed quietly, casting her gaze back over to their other two roommates.

Crossing his arms over his chest Nick grinned, the look he shot her full of innocence. "What are you talking about? Just trying to be a good roommate here, I thought you looked tired."

She scowled at him and decided then and there to ignore him..._completely ignore him..._no matter how bad she wanted to kiss him...and maybe do some other stuff... _FOCUS_!—her brain screamed. Determined not to let him get to her, she reached up into the cupboard to pull down her favorite mug and not able to reach it, silently cursed Schmidt for putting it on the top shelf. Raising herself on tiptoes to grab it, annoyed by Schmidt for being taller than her and at Nick for standing so damn close, she barely paid attention to what she was doing and lost her balance. Stumbling back a bit she almost yelped when she felt Nick step up behind her—his body pressed ever so slightly against her back, and his hands came to a firm rest on her hips, steadying her..._touching_ her. Again images from the night before flashed in front of her eyes, causing her body to tingle and her thighs to clench.

"Let me get that for you," his voice soft and deep in her ear, sent shivers down her spine as he reached over her and grabbed the mug.

Deliberately Nick lingered behind her for a moment, knowing he was making her nervous and possibly just slightly angry, especially with Winston and Schmidt so close by—but unable to help himself. Besides, the two were clearly still in a heated argument over those damned head-shots, and really, he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary—just helping a roommate out. Backing away he smiled innocently as she turned and faced him with an icy blue glare—the withering effect she had probably been hoping it would have on him doing little to douse both his amusement and desire.

Yanking her mug from him, flustered, Jess stalked over to the kettle and filled her cup up setting it on the counter with a little bang. Hot water splashed over the rim, nearly burning her hand, and when she heard a muffled laugh, Jess ground her teeth, wondering what in the hell she had found so darn attractive about him in the first place. When he offered her a tea bag, she glanced down at her mug filled only with water and frowned, before accepting the offered tea. As she watched it steep, she could feel his eyes still on her—her traitorous body still burning and her mind taunting her with images of what he had done to her the night before. She was about to comment on his stare, about to hiss at him to knock it off, when Schmidt spoke up, clearly finished arguing with Winston.

"Okay, I want everyone ready tonight by five sharp, no slacking. " he gave Nick a look while drawing out the word 'slacking' before directing his attention to Jess, "and Jess if you really need to relieve some tension, no one is going to judge, I can't have you slipping up at dinner like you did before. Winston and I will be at work and I'm sure Nick can give you the privacy you need, so take care of business and then lock it up."

"Lock what up?" Jess asked, refusing to even acknowledge the clearly smirking Nick that stood next to her.

"Twirly Jess...lock her up." Schmidt stated as if it should be obvious.

"Schmidt I misspoke…I am not twirly…I'm nowhere near being twirly. In fact I don't need sex. Sex is overrated. Sex sucks! I might as well wear a chastity belt from now on because no one and I mean NO ONE is getting into these pants EVER! NO. ONE." She fought not to turn to Nick and shoot him the evil eye, knowing he was probably amused and close to laughing at her for her stupid outburst, and of course, the thought riled her up even more. "In fact I'm never having sex again. Ever!" And with that statement she stalked out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the bathroom, refusing to acknowledge the low chuckle she heard slip from Nick's lips as she walked away.

Schmidt shook his head, watching as Jess left and looking at his roommates with wide confused eyes, shrugged. "Well _that_ was an overreaction. What's up with her?"

Nick's amused laugh was his only answer.

* * *

Shutting the bathroom door quietly behind him, Nick took a moment to stare at the closed shower curtain—the bathroom was quickly getting humid and steamy from the hot water. He had been standing outside for the past five minutes debating whether or not coming into the bathroom while Jess was showering was a wise idea. Smirking as he heard her start to hum what he assumed was a little made up tune, he figured now was as best of time as any to apologize to her for making her uncomfortable in the kitchen. But really, could she blame him?—she was such an easy target, and he really hadn't done or said_ too_ much. His implications were actually quite innocent; she had made it simple, by coming into the kitchen clearly flustered.

How was he expected to behave?...he couldn't help himself.

Still…after their amazing night, he didn't want to ruin anything before it had barely just begun. And with Schmidt long gone at work and Winston out at the gym, he had some time to show her just how _sorry_ he truly was.

* * *

Sighing under the spray of hot water, Jess began to hum a bit to clear her mind. She knew she was being overly sensitive but she was horrible at secrets. She was going to break—shatter into a million little guilty pieces right in front of Winston and Schmidt. It didn't help that on top of feeling guilty for keeping secrets, she was feeling confused about her relationship with Nick...yet thrilled and excited about the turn in events at the same time—it was all so much! Lifting her face to the water and closing her eyes, she bit her lip—she probably had thoroughly freaked Nick out with her awkward actions...but he really shouldn't have taken such pleasure in seeing her embarrassed and flustered. And remembering his smirking mouth and clear amusement at her discomfort she huffed, growing irritated again.

Jerk.

"Can I join you?"

Jess jumped and squealed at the sound of Nick's voice outside of the shower. Glancing over her shoulder she saw that he had pulled back the curtain just slightly and her heart started pounding seeing him standing so close to her—she had to fight the urge to cover herself up. Which she knew was ridiculous and juvenile seeing as though he had seen her naked both last night and this morning…from various angles and positions. Clearing her throat, she raised her face back towards the spray of water, closing her eyes again while trying to calm herself.

"I don't care what you do." she said smirking into the water when she felt cool air rush into the shower as he opened the curtain fully and stepped in behind her. She was determined to play it cool though, he couldn't know how much power he had over her.

"Jessica Day, are you angry with me?" Nick asked her, stepping up so he was just barely pressing against her—and appreciating the view of her from behind, he had to fight to keep his voice steady.

"May-maybe." she said, her tone softer than she had intended it to be.

"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable in the kitchen." he told her quietly, reaching over her, he grabbed her bright pink loofa from its hook and picking up the bottle of shower gel he knew was hers, squirted some of it onto the sponge. The smell of coconuts and lime filled the shower and he grinned at the scent of her seasonal summer choice for body wash...it was so Jess-like.

She swallowed, suddenly the temperature of the water felt way too hot and she was feeling a bit dizzy...and _twirly_. Damnit—so much for acting cool and aloof. "It's fine…I'm not really that mad." she admitted somewhat reluctantly, watching as water made its way down the drain.

"Good, because I'm not really that sorry." He said, laughing when she spun around to face him in an angry huff. And he used that moment to his advantage, taking the time to consider the sight of her. Her hair looked almost black and was clinging to her face and down her back and shoulders in heavy wet ropes, her light blue eyes were bright and flashing, her body was glistening under the spray of the shower…and holy hell it was almost too much...it was hard for him to keep any amount of composure. He wanted to bend her over and slam into her...fuck her senseless until she forgot how angry she was with him.

"You are such a jerk Nick!"

He laughed at that, her words breaking him from his slight reverie and bringing his gaze back up to her face, he watched as she narrowed her eyes, when he finally met her stare.

"Get out…I want to finish my shower."

Holding up the loofah, he took a step towards her. "I was going to help you with that."

"I don't need your help Nicholas."

"Really?"

"Really, now get-"

Jess' sentence broke off on a gasp as he hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her towards him—as their bodies, slippery and wet collided, she had to bite back a moan as desire roared through her. Ahhhh hell. Now she was definitely a goner.

"You sure about that?"

Were they having a conversation about something? Her mind was suddenly blank. "Sure about what?"

He grinned at her dazed tone, "not needing help showering?" And slowly he began to run the loofah up and down her body, lathering her gently, lazily. She didn't say anything, didn't protest, and didn't try to break away. So he continued his actions, enjoying the way her breathing hitched just slightly as he began soaping up her sides, across her breasts, and down her back. "Honestly though, I shouldn't have made you uncomfortable. And I am sorry…really this time."

Her eyes had fallen to his chest during his gentle massage and she raised them to meet his, arching a brow with a tiny frown "You just said you weren't."

He smirked, "only because I like to see you get angry sometimes."

She couldn't help the smile that danced across her lips, at his confession "you really can be such a jerk."

"But you kind of like me."

She laughed; glad that her face and body were already pink from the hot water, because she was quite certain she was blushing..._again_. "Only for your body." she said, trying to act cool and casual, knowing she was probably failing miserably.

He grinned and faked an exaggerated sigh, "I guess I can live with that for now."

She pressed her body closer to his and smiled back, "good because I'm done fake fighting with you."

He nodded lowering his head towards hers, stopped a breath away from her lips, "good because I'm done fake apologizing."

She opened her mouth to respond to that, but he cut her off with a kiss and her words died down in her throat. Deciding that she could not care less if he was really sorry for embarrassing her or not, she ran her hands up his chest, enjoying the feel of the hot shower at her back and his body pressed up against her front. Wrapping her arms around his neck she returned his kiss enthusiastically, smiling when he groaned as she nipped at his lips and rocked her hips against him.

"Switch positions with me and turn around," he whispered lifting his head from hers.

She could feel her body tingle at his words, but she paused and tilting her head, she looked up at him, "wait, what about Schmidt and Winston…what if they, hear us?"

He ignored her question for the moment and placing his hands on either side of her waist, guided her body to where he had been standing, turning her around so that her back was to him and the spray of the shower.

As Jess faced the wall, she tried to calm her breathing, her pounding heart...

She failed.

"You're just worrying about that now? Schmidt's at work and Winston is at the gym…put your hands on the wall."

"Winston could be home any minute…and quit being so demanding."

Nick smirked. "_Please_ put your hands on the wall. And I guess we should make sure we're quick…and quiet."

"Maybe I don't want to…ohhhh…" her sentence broke off as he lifted her wet hair and placing it over one shoulder, kissed her neck and bit it softly before tracing small circles with his tongue. Snaking a hand around her waist, he pulled her against his body and she shuddered feeling his already hard length pressed against her. "You know what nevermind, just keep doing that."

Even though his pulse was racing and he was almost desperate to feel her wrapped around him, he chuckled and let his fingers dip over her flat stomach, noticing when her body began to tremble ever so slightly. "Jess," he whispered, almost groaning when she wiggled a bit against him.

"Hmmm?"

"We really should try to be fast."

Grinning, suddenly feeling confident, she placed her hands on the slippery wall in front of her and shooting a smoldering look over her shoulder, her smile widened when she saw an intense look of concentration cross his features. "Nicholas, I'm done arguing with you."

He groaned at that, and her throaty laugh turned into a moan as he thrust into her fast and hard, without further warning. The hot steam, the spray of the shower, the feel of Nick pumping in and out of her with quick urgent movements…she could barely stand it, and had to bite her lip to keep from screaming. And as he continued to take her hard and fast from behind, it was almost impossible to suppress the soft whimpers that escaped her lips—his hands had moved to her hips and were gripping her tightly, digging into her flesh, most likely bruising her pale skin, as he moved in and out of her, sending pleasure spiking through her.

"Oh God," she moaned, "Oh God, oh God, oh God…Nick."

He continued to drive into her hard, his breathing heavy, his heart pounding, her throaty voice driving him crazy. "You—you… have to be quiet Jess," he whispered, but he could barely get the sentence out without groaning himself.

She shook her head, his words only making her moan louder "Ohhhh...I can't…feels…too oh God...so, so good."

Smirking, slightly amazed that he could reduce her to such jumbled broken sentences, he slipped out of her, noting her cry of protest as he did. Turning her around to face him, he pushed her up against the wall hard. And before she could saying anything else—he was entering her again, resuming the same fast pace from before and catching her cries and moans in his mouth with a hot, nearly desperate, kiss. She hungrily responded to him and tightened her grip around him, digging her nails into his back and drawing a groan from him as he continued to thrust into her tight heat. Hitching her leg over his arm, he placed his free hand next to her head, watching as her eyes widened and she gasped at the shift in position. When he felt her tighten around him, gripping him, pulling him in, he broke their kiss on a muttered curse. And as her inner walls clenched around him, and she threw her head back, nearly banging it against the wall, had he not moved his hand to catch her just in time— he let himself follow her, coming simultaneously with her, and burying his face into her neck, letting her skin muffle the sound of his pleasure.

After a few moments of silence, in which they stood the slick shower, trying to steady their heavy breathing, allowing the hot spray of the water to splash over them, Jess lifted her head to stare up at him. He was already looking down at her with his deep chocolate eyes and her pounding heart skipped a beat. Coming down from her high, she felt a bit dizzy, and couldn't help but feel relieved that he was still holding onto her, as she would have surely melted to the floor by now.

"Okay, well. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get used to that," she said her voice coming out slightly huskier than normal.

"Amazing sex with me?" he asked, giving her a small half smile.

She laughed, and raised a brow, refusing to answer him—even though yes amazing sex with Nick Miller was _exactly_ what she was talking about and was most definitely something she would never get used to...not that she was complaining. "Shut up. We have to get out of here before Winston gets home."

Nodding he leaned down and gave her one last lazy kiss, before grabbing her dropped loofah and handing it to her. "We should clean up fast then...stay as far away from me as possible." he warned with a playful gleam in his eyes.

* * *

Later, as they sat on the couch, with an appropriate amount of space between them, she reading a book, and he watching highlights on ESPN, both could barely contain their wide grins as Winston marched past them in his work attire, muttering about how he was late and how his _inconsiderate_ roommates had used all of the hot water.

And when he slammed the door shut behind him, Jess felt her smile widen even further as Nick pulled her to him and tucked her firmly next to him. And she let him, leaning her head against his shoulder, she snuggled into him, feeling her heart melt just a tiny bit as he absently placed a soft kiss in her hair.


	9. Author's Note

Dear Readers-

First off, I want to apologize for the lack of updates and then an Author's Note instead of an actual chapter to boot. I just felt that I owed an explanation for my absence. So here goes…

I was locked out of my fan fiction account for unknown reasons…I was afraid all those 'M' stories were catching up to me. LOL. But that has been taken care of and obviously I am now able to log in just fine.

Then unfortunately, on top of a recent change in my life style, I have had a couple of family members get sick. So just when I was trying to settle into a new flow of things I got called home to be with family. In the past few weeks I have quit my job, attended one wedding, numerous bridal and baby showers, gone on a mini vacation, taken care of a sick relative and unfortunately attended one funeral. And my hectic summer has not even begun to come to a close.

I haven't slept in my own bed in weeks!

That being said, I will be going home soon, and hopefully will be able to settle down for a bit. I would like to get a few more updates out starting next week. While busy and on an emotional roller coaster I haven't forgotten about my stories, and my fan fiction escape. I have continued to read some of the awesome new fictions for this fandom and they have definitely gotten me excited to continue Slow Burn as well as knock out a few new ones.

I want to thank you all for continuing to read, review, favorite, alert, and PM me. It means a lot. And while I haven't been my usual responsive self I want you to know that it doesn't go unnoticed.

Thanks again! And I hope to "see" you next week! :)

-AML


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl. Just borrowing the characters.**

* * *

"I'm heading out to pick up Cece and her mom. If you guys aren't at the restaurant in forty-five minutes you all owe me your first born!"

Nick rolled his eyes at Schmidt's parting words and glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror—his dark suit pants, crisp white shirt, and borrowed tie looked extremely out of place on his body. Hell, he hated dressing up...weddings and funerals were about his only exception. And really, who gets this dressed up for a damned dinner out? Straightening the tie that Schmidt had insisted he wear, he shrugged. It wasn't really much of a surprise—Cece was pretty high maintenance...he really hadn't expected any less from her mother. And how could he? The woman was insisting on meeting all of them in an extremely formal setting because her daughter's closest friend happened to live with them.

Talk about control freak.

As he scowled at his tie and tried to fix it for what seemed like the fifteenth time, he silently cursed the older woman once again.

Fucking ties.

"Hey there partner whatcha doing?"

Glancing up in the mirror, Nick watched as Jess strolled into the bathroom—she was wearing an above the knee navy blue dress splashed with small white polka dots, it fitted her waist snugly and flared out at her hips, making her look small, almost tiny. Her dark hair was loose and wavy and her pale eyes were bright and shining.

She looked beautiful.

Classy, elegant, perfect.

And way too good for him.

Fighting back his signature scowl, he offered her a lame smile through the bathroom mirror, "I'm fighting with my tie." He stated in a falsely calm voice as he contemplated wrapping the thing around his neck and hanging himself with it.

Jess smirked as if reading his mind, and placed her clutch on the bathroom sink before positioning her hands on his shoulders and turning him around so that he was facing her—her slight touch causing his pulse to pick up and his throat to tighten just a bit.

"My dad was always horrible with his ties too. Mom always helped him with them," she explained as she took his tie into her delicate hands and began fixing it for him. "When they split up, my dad would always struggle with them, and I felt so bad for my Pops that I taught myself how to tie the perfect tie. When I moved away I bought him a bunch of clip-ons...he was a hopeless cause and never caught on." She stepped back, examining her work with a crooked smile dancing on her lips. It amazed her how his closeness affected her—she couldn't help but think of him differently, couldn't stop picturing being with him intimately and a telltale blush crept its way up her neck as she raised her eyes to meet his. "There…don't you clean up nicely Mr. Miller."

He grinned and lifted a lock of her hair, twirling it around his finger absently, "you don't look too bad yourself Miss Day."

She smiled back, and bit her lip as an all too familiar tug started to pull at her, causing certain feelings to stir deep inside of her. Clearing her throat, she reached over and picked up her clutch opening it, she dug out a small silver necklace. "Why don't you help me with this?" she said softly, handing the necklace over to Nick, before turning her back to him and scooping her hair up over her shoulder.

Nick stared briefly at her exposed neck and upper back before glancing down at the delicate necklace she had placed in his hand. Gently placing the necklace around her neck, fighting not to give into the urge to kiss her bared skin, he glanced up for a moment and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed as her eyes, darker than before, met his.

They stared at each other. Their eyes searching, their bodies tingling. The air was thick and charged —both could sense what the other wanted...craved.

Taking a deep breath Nick looked back down at her neck, "this is pretty." He said casually before bringing his attention to the necklace's clasp, his fingers fumbled clumsily with it and he had to bite back a curse.

"My grandma got it for me on my 21st birthday...it's a Celtic knot." She said softly, fingering the necklace gently.

"Irish?" Nick asked, finally getting the clasp and looking up as she nodded.

Jess grinned fondly at the memory of her eccentric Irish grandma, "my mom's mom was Irish...born in Ireland, she came over here with her brother when she was twelve. She was very proud of her heritage—the funniest, craziest,_ best l_ady I've ever known." She glanced down at the intricate knot that sat snugly on her chest, "I miss her." The words were soft, sad, almost private, like she hadn't meant to speak them out loud.

Nick hated the sudden melancholy look that had crossed her face—it was so out of place on her usually bright features. And as her sad beauty tugged at his heart making it ache slightly, mentally he shook himself at the realization—she was working her way into his heart faster than he'd care to admit. And that was dangerous...for the both of them. Still standing behind her, he placed a gentle hand on her back, watching as her eyes closed slightly and she leaned into his light touch.

"How long ago did she pass away?"

"Three years," the words were whispered, softly, just barely audible.

"I'm sorry."

She smiled at his reflection, "It was awhile ago…there are just times that I wish she was here. That I wish I could talk to her…she used to give the _best_ advice. She was my biggest champion growing up. She was president of the Weirdo Club, I was Vice President, and her dog Pippa was Secretary. She helped me get through middle school and high school, and in college she was always just there for me—she got me, she understood me. She was never ashamed or embarrassed by me."

Nick narrowed his eyes, "why would anyone ever be ashamed or embarrassed of you?"

Jess grinned, "Because I'm a weirdo silly."

He chuckled at that, happy to see her smile genuinely again. "I like you as a weirdo."

Jess quirked an eyebrow, "Oh yeah? Since when?"

"Since always Jess."

The words, simply said, were out of his mouth before he had the chance to stop them. And he watched as her eyes widened fractionally and her mouth formed a slight O of surprise—her blush deepened and her eyes glittered. He could feel his own blush creep its way across his skin and backed away from her hastily, wondering just what the hell was going on in that over-active mind of hers. But she merely eyed him in the mirror, her mouth now turned up into a knowing smile. And when she grabbed her clutch and walked past him, he felt both relief and gratitude that she wasn't going to press him further.

"Come on Nicholas. You look good enough to eat in those clothes and we're supposed to pretend that, like always, we want nothing to do with each other. Five more minutes in this bathroom and you sir are going to have a lot of explaining to do when Winston finds us in a very compromising position."

And as he watched her walk away, he had to fight not to grab her and pull her back as she shot a smoldering look over her shoulder and smiled suggestively...

It took him a few good seconds to find his legs and walk out of the bathroom after her.

* * *

Jess glanced around the table—dinner was going great, conversation was flowing freely, the food was amazing, and she was happy...really and truly happy. And apparently she was being quite obvious with her new-found happiness as Cece was shooting her knowing looks, and her mother was casting curious glances. Looking down at her plate of food she tried her best to contain the happy smile that refused to leave her lips and shoveled a forkful of food into her mouth, attempting not to let her gaze wander over to Nick who sat across from her at the round table.

"I must say Jessica…I feel quite a bit better now that I've met your roommates. They are all such nice young men."

Jess looked up at Cece's mom and grinned, "see I told you Mrs. Meyers….nothing to be worried about."

Cece's mom cast her dark eyes around the table at her words—she was an attractive woman. It wasn't hard to see where Cece got her looks—her hair was black, sleek and straight with not a streak of grey. It was cut shorter than Cece's and complimented her slightly rounder face. Her figure was slim and toned and smartly dressed...age barely affected the woman; she was almost as beautiful as her daughter.

"I trust you boys take care of Jessica?"

Schmidt nodded enthusiastically, obviously trying his hardest to please, "of course we do...we've got Jess' back." He grinned and Jess smiled back—even though he was trying hard to impress Cece's mom, she couldn't deny the truth in his words.

"The guys are great Mrs. Meyers…they look out for me." She glanced around the table, purposely avoiding Nick's eyes. "And I like to think I look after them too."

Winston patted his belly, "I definitely don't go hungry thanks to Jess." Shooting her a smile he stood, "now if you'll excuse me, I have to make a quick phone call."

As he left the table, Jess smirked at Schmidt's withering glare and somewhat loud sigh—she was pretty sure he didn't appreciate Winston excusing himself from dinner to most likely call Shelby. Glancing across the table she caught Nick's amused expression, he was clearly thinking the same thing, and they shared a quick smile before she returned her attention to her food.

"My dear, the waiter seems to be otherwise occupied, would you mind running up to the bar and fetching me a glass of Chardonnay?"

Jess glanced up to see Cece's mom looking at Schmidt and smiling sweetly...the poor man could barely get out of his chair fast enough, eager to do the older woman's bidding.

"Of course Elyse," Schmidt said smoothly with a fast grin.

Jess lifted a brow at his use of Cece's mom's first name, but kept her mouth firmly shut—although she couldn't help but wonder what the woman was up to sending Schmidt on the small errand. Curious, she absently glanced around the table and meeting Nick's gaze again, flushed as she saw he was watching her. And as their eyes met, he raised an eyebrow and held her stare for a moment, his lips twitched upwards a bit before he took a sip from his bottle of beer and looked back over at Cece's mom who was smiling up at Schmidt as he stood—Jess followed his eyes, watching as Schmidt turned to leave.

"Cecelia darling, why don't you accompany him?"

Schmidt beamed, and Cece looked at her mother curiously—but she merely nodded, clearly not one to question her mother's requests and standing, she shot Jess a quick pointed look that clearly stated she wanted to get Jess alone to talk sooner rather than later. And her eyes wandered over to Nick briefly yet knowingly, causing Jess' face to heat uncomfortably before the model walked away, following Schmidt to the bar.

The woman was up to something.

Nick studied his beer bottle as a slightly awkward silence fell over the table. Cece's mother had been shooting penetrating looks at him all night—seemingly sizing him up. And he couldn't help but wonder if she knew_ something—_if somehow she had some sixth sense and was aware of the fact that there was something going on between him and Jess. But that would be impossible...they had been discreet, there was no way she could know.

"How long have you two been seeing each other?"

And there it was.

Jess gasped and Nick looked up quickly to meet the older woman's cool stare. Jess was sputtering for words, her voice slightly squeaky as she mumbled out a jumbled sentence that barely made sense. He caught the jest of it, she was trying her hardest to deny the fact that there was anything going on between them, but her red face and broken words were stating very clearly the opposite. Not paying much attention to what Jess was saying Nick met Mrs. Meyer's gaze evenly.

"We're still figuring it out," his words were calmly said and did little to betray his inner panic—but his palms were slightly damp, and suddenly his damned tie felt way to fuckin' tight.

Cece's mom nodded, her mouth lifting into a slight appreciative smirk, "Jess is like a daughter to me Nicholas. She's very special." Her tone was even, although the slight warning couldn't be missed.

"I'm aware of how special she is Mrs. Meyers." And Nick was grateful that his tone sounded just as even, equally as serious.

"She deserves the best."

He felt his chest constrict painfully as a voice inside his head suddenly roared to life, screaming that of course Jess deserved the best and that he sure as hell was not_ the best_ for her...she could do better. "I know."

The woman nodded and her eyes softened somewhat as she directed her attention over to Jess who was watching the two with her mouth dropped open and eyes that had gone wide and shimmered with a slightly dazed look. "Jessica dear shut your mouth and sit up straight. That's not a very lady-like look." Cece's mom scolded gently.

Snapping out of her slight daze, Jess did as she was told; still reeling from the fact that Nick had just basically admitted to Cece's mother that something was going on between them. Shooting him a curious look, she almost scowled at the slightly amused and knowing smirk he wore on his face—how could he be so calm? They were trying to hide their new relationship...whatever it was... weren't they? Isn't that what he wanted? Were they telling people? Or was it just because Cece's mom had called them out on it? And really what was their relationship…was it just sex or more? Did he want more? She held his dark eyes stubbornly, angry at him for unknown reasons, and watched as his smirk turned into a soft smile.

God help her she wanted more.

_We're still figuring it out._

_I'm aware of how special she is Mrs. Meyers._

As his words rang in her ears, she worried her lower lip while letting her gaze drift back to her food. The feel of his eyes still burning into her, sending tiny shivers down her spine. And although she tried to push her racing thoughts away...it was nearly impossible. And frowning down at the white linen napkin that sat in her lap, she couldn't help but wonder...did he want more too?


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: New Girl is not mine...obviously I would have ruined the show by now and these two crazy kids would be together and making babies.**

* * *

Jess lay in bed and listened to the soft pitter-pattering of rain outside of her window—the heat was finally breaking. _Thank God_. Air conditioning or no air conditioning, the excessive hot weather had been a bit too much. She looked forward to California's usually mild summers returning to them—although she had to admit the current heat wave had had its _benefits_. And her mind drifted to Nick—the night of the rooftop party, the night after the rooftop party, and then the morning after that. Her face heated as she remembered the times they had been together...his room, the shower, his room_ again_. And her stomach fluttered and her breathing quickened as erotic images flashed in her head—she couldn't help but wonder what he was doing now and glanced at her nightstand clock with a little sigh.

2:38 a.m.

Was he sleeping?

Was he thinking about her?

Flipping over to her side, Jess stared out the window as a rumble of thunder gently shook the apartment walls followed by a quick flash of lightning. She sighed again—her mind was racing, she couldn't turn it off for the life of her. And she willed herself to stop thinking about her roommate, practically begging herself to think about anything...anyone else. But her disloyal mind instead just drifted to the dinner she had shared earlier that night with her friends. After Cece's mother had point blank asked about her relationship with Nick, the evening had been fairly uneventful.

At least until Cece had gotten a hold of her...

"_Jess let's go use the ladies room," Cece suggested with a bright smile pasted on her face._

_With a small frown, Jess looked away from the silent and somewhat intense staring contest she was having with Nick...he was being positively exasperating with his burning looks and maddening smirks. Meeting Cece's eyes she saw a determined look glittering in their dark depths, and knew she was in trouble. Swallowing, she shook her head, the model was obviously trying to get her alone so she would spill the beans about what had happened…heck was still happening... between her and Nick. _

"_Um…you know what I'm good. I don't have to go to the bathroom."_

_Cece's smile widened but it didn't quite reach her eyes—eyes which had narrowed somewhat menacingly as she placed a delicate hand on her slender hip. "Jess…"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Bathroom…NOW."_

_Looking around the table, she saw that Schmidt and Winston had stopped talking and were now looking at them curiously. Mrs. Meyer's eyebrows were slightly raised but other than that her expression remained impassive. And finally her gaze landed on Nick whose mouth was twisted up into that annoying little smirk and eyes were shining with distinct and obvious amusement._

_Infuriating!_

_Biting back a scowl, she muttered her excuses to the table, shot Nick a glare...just because...and flashing Cece a fake smile, nodded her head in the direction of the bathroom. Clearly satisfied, Cece got up and followed her with what Jess was sure was a triumphant smile lighting her face._

_When they reached the bathroom, Jess let out a low whistle—good thing Cece had informed them that formal attire would be required at the restaurant. Even the darn bathroom was fancy. There was a little parlor area with some comfy looking chairs, a couple of ottomans, lighted mirrors, and a variety of different high-end lotions and perfumes. Jess walked over to the granite counter near the perfumes and idly picked one up. Lifting the cap, she inhaled deeply and winced as the strong scent of flowers invaded her nose. It was sweet—sickly so. Capping it, she glanced back over at Cece who was staring at her with arms crossed over her chest and tapping her foot impatiently on the shiny marble floor._

"_Don't you have to go to the bathroom?"_

"_Did you sleep with him?"_

_Jess sighed and smiled apologetically at an older woman with salt and pepper hair, a stern looking expression, and cold gray eyes, as she hurried out of the bathroom shaking her head and muttering something under her breath. Glancing around the bathroom and seeing that they were now alone, Jess dropped down onto one of the plush looking chairs, before looking up at her best friend who was studying her carefully, her expression unreadable._

"_Yes. Yes I did."_

_Cece's expression softened and she walked over to her, "and?"_

_Jess shrugged, a small smile graced her lips, "And it was good...so so good. Like I want that every night for dessert and then some good. Like even though I'm not a smoker I kind of feel like I need a cigarette just thinking about it good. Like who would have ever thought that Nick Miller was capable of the things he's capable of in bed good." She smirked to herself as those last words left her mouth, and then went hot thinking about them.  
_

_Chuckling at her, Cece sat down on a small ottoman that was directly in front of the chair Jess was sitting in and looked her in the eye. "Annnnd?"_

_Jess sighed unsure of Cece's mood and broke eye contact. Looking down at her hands she began playing with her fingers, "and I don't know…we aren't really discussing it right now. In fact I really wasn't supposed to tell you."_

_Her beautiful friend narrowed her dark eyes, "was that his idea…to keep it from people?" there was a slight edge in her tone—she didn't sound happy._

"_No…yes…I mean I don't know. I really don't remember. We kinda just glossed over that—I mean I don't think either of us really wanted to talk about it." She huffed out a breath frustrated, "and I don't even know what IT is...I don't know what we are doing." She looked up at her friend, whose dark eyes were still on her, practically burning holes into her. "But for now I'm just going to go with it, live in the moment, and I guess whatever happens…happens," she said her last words slowly, deliberately—and smiled softly when her friend sighed and rolled her eyes, obviously exasperated.  
_

"_Jess!"_

"_Cece."_

"_Jess! I don't want him to hurt you."_

_She laughed, a bit surprised at that, "Cece…wasn't it your idea that I sleep with him in the first place?"_

_Cece nodded and threw her hand up, waving Jess' comment away, "yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it was..but since when have you ever listened to me?"_

_Jess furrowed her brow somewhat amused, by her friend's words, "I always listen to you dummy."_

_Cece scowled, and crossed her arms over her chest, "no you don't."_

_Jess gave her a pointed look, "YES I do...you're my best friend. Of course I listen to you. I may not always DO what you say but I always listen."_

_Cece looked down at Jess' hands and grabbed them suddenly, almost as if on impulse, holding them in her own. "But why did you have to listen to me this time?"_

_Jess laughed, confused by her friend, "hey Cece…what's wrong?"_

"_I don't want him to hurt you babe."_

_She frowned—this was such unusual behavior for her usually carefree and confident friend. Sex wasn't something she usually made a big deal about. In fact she was the one that was almost always encouraging Jess to become more adventurous—provocative even. "You've said that a few times now Cece…why do you think that he's going to hurt me?"_

_Cece smiled somewhat sadly, "because I see the way you look at him."_

_Jess flushed, shocked by her friend's words, but didn't say anything, only shook her head, waiting for her to continue._

"_Before it was all heat and passion and I was just thinking to myself…come on get it over with already—and yeah a little part of me thought that maybe Nick would be good for you…with time maybe you guys would be good for each other."_

"_And now?" Jess encouraged her._

"_And now I see the way you look at him and I worry...because I know."_

_Jess raised a brow. "Know what?"_

"_That you're in love with him."_

Turning over onto her back Jess stared up at the ceiling, her conversation with Cece resonating in her brain. In love with Nick?—how ridiculous...how absurd.

Care for him…of course.

Desire him…without a doubt.

Love him?

She turned her conversation with Cece over in her mind, replaying it again and again. She had denied being in love with Nick, to her friend—she had even tried to laugh it off but Cece's concerned eyes and sad smile had given her reason to pause. Did she love him? She thought about her previous boyfriends, her previous lovers—the only person she had ever really thought she had been in love with had been Spencer…and now she wasn't so sure if she had ever really loved him at all. She had gotten comfortable with him, with their life together. Maybe at one time she had loved him, or had thought she had loved him, but really during the last year or so of their relationship. they had just been good friends who had happened to live together and share a bed together…occasionally sleeping together. Whatever love had been there at the beginning had faded away. And honestly, she wasn't sure how real her love with Spencer had been. She had never gotten a chance to be herself…truly be herself around him.

Sitting up in her bed she brought her knees to her chest and hugged them to her, flinching slightly as a loud clap of thunder startled her. As lightning flashed again, she pondered her last thought. She had never really tried to be herself, truly be herself around any of her previous boyfriends. With Spencer she had tried her hardest to be his pop culture hating, tofu eating, processed food-despising, zen-like girlfriend. But at the end of the day she had just wanted to sit down and eat a Snickers while reading a darn People magazine and zoning out to the mindless drone of _Keeping Up With the Kardashians_. And with Paul, dear sweet gentle Paul, even with him she had felt the need to try to be something she wasn't. And she cringed as the memory of her starfish lingerie and her choking incident drifted to the front of her mind. Even after that particular episode, she had struggled to be herself—struggled to find balance. And then with Russell good old reliable Russell, their differences were so vast that she couldn't even begin to rattle them all off. They were in two different places right now and no matter how good, how kind, he had tried to be, she had always felt like she wasn't suited for his lifestyle. She had always felt like she had to act more mature, more worldly, and more sophisticated than she really was.

And then there was Nick.

Nick.

She had been herself around him since day one—because he had been her roommate and friend first, lingering thoughts about desire and lust hadn't come into play until later. And she had come into his life dancing and singing, not really caring what he had thought of her, staying true to herself while also growing up in the process. He challenged her of course, infuriated her often, but most importantly he let her be herself. Only throwing a mildly amused glimpse or a grumpy comment her way when she became a bit _much_ for him. Sure sometimes those comments stung and she shouted back at him and he at her until they were shouting and screaming at each other. And maybe occasionally those amused glimpses became an eye roll or a turtle face and she cringed and pouted, disliking when he was overly grumpy. But she knew deep down that he accepted her…liked her even, and so she continued to be herself around him, dancing and singing, baking, and knitting to her hearts desire.

But now? Now things had changed—now they had crossed that line. And now she wanted something more from him. Now Cece had rudely brought it to her attention that she may very well be in love with him. Huffing as the thought worked its way around her brain, she frowned. Like all the others before him, would she try to change herself for him? Would he want her to?

Did he even want anything more than sex from her?

And more importantly…did she really love him?

Groaning she slumped down in bed, annoyed that her body refused to believe that _yes_ it was creeping up on three in the morning and she should really be sound asleep by now. Laying back down, she watched as rain pelted against her window and lightning flashed before her eyes and closing them with a wince, she fought her hardest not to think about her scruffy faced, dark eyed roommate—_who was just across the damn hall._ But as her brain taunted her with images of him hovering over her, smirking at her, touching her—she sighed feeling more than a little resigned and figuring _what the hell..._

She decided to indulge.

* * *

Why hadn't she come to him?

Nick stared at his bedroom door willing it to open, and frowned as it remained firmly and stubbornly shut. Glancing briefly out his bedroom window as thunder rolled and lightning flashed, he looked back over at his stupid door. Should he go to her? Did she want him to? He thought about her playful smiles earlier in the day, her narrowed eyes at dinner, and her flushed cheeks, when she had caught him staring. He couldn't stop thinking about her—she had invaded his brain, set up camp and was refusing to leave. And she was driving him nuts. Everything she did suddenly seemed so sexy—hell, she had even made polka dots look sexy. And he smirked thinking about the pretty blue dress with white polka dots scattered across it that she had worn earlier that night—she had looked so elegant and beautiful. And throughout the entire damned dinner he had thought about all the different ways he could get her out of that polka dotted dress and fuck her until she forgot her own damned name.

_Fucking polka dots. _

Rubbing a hand down his face and back up again he let out a deep breath._  
_

What were they doing?

What did she want from him? What did he want from her?

_Everything._

He sighed at the thought—how tempting. Of course he wanted more from Jess...what man wouldn't? She was everything he had ever wanted in a woman. He knew her strengths, he knew her weaknesses, and he appreciated them all...how could he not? She was kind, beautiful, intelligent, independent, and funny. But she was also stubborn, infuriating, slightly childish, and impulsive—in short she was _amazing_. And therein lay the problem...she deserved better than what he had to offer…which in short was nothing.

_She deserves the best._

Cece's mom's words echoed in his ears—the woman was right. Jess deserved the best. She deserved a man who had a solid career, who was able to indulge her, who could appreciate her wacky behavior, who didn't want to strangle her every time she belted out a show tune, who shared her optimistic views on life—who all in all wasn't a_ miserable son of a bitch._ What she had seen in him in the first place to even allow him to put his hands on her was still beyond him. Not that he was complaining. He definitely didn't regret the few times they had been together...but he knew she was too good, too pure for him. However his mind apparently hadn't received the memo and drifted to her, all pale smooth skin, long dark hair, big blue eyes and flushed cheeks—and he felt his body respond immediately, completely disregarding his practical side that was muttering for him to not even bother. And swinging his legs over the side of his bed, he sat for a moment and placed his elbows on his knees while holding his head in his hands. As he listened to the soothing sound of the storm raging outside, he tried, really fucking tried, to ignore his thudding heart and the twitch in his pants at the thought of her slim and soft body.

What were they doing?

Looking back up at the door he scowled and squeezed his eyes shut, trying his hardest not to think about her —but that was no good. Her smirking lips, and blue eyes only came to mind. Her innocent and vulnerable face as she had untied her sorry excuse for a robe the night before and had asked him to sleep with her, taunted his brain. And sighing he quickly stood and strode towards the door, knowing he had to go to her, that staying away would be pure torture—that he wasn't good enough to leave her alone.

After all…he was a miserable son of a bitch.

* * *

Jess bit her lip as she continued to let images of Nick assault her brain. She was twirly—annoyingly so. Glancing around her dark room her eyes landed on the clock. It was after three in the morning, everyone was asleep, maybe it would do her some good to indulge in some self-completing. After all, a girl has needs too and Nick had awoken a hunger, a fire inside of her that wasn't going to be extinguished any time soon. But for now she could perhaps fan it...temporarily sate it until she could figure out what to do about it. Licking her lips and feeling somewhat ridiculous for feeling nervous about self-completing in her own damn room, she closed her eyes and ran a light hand down her navel to the waistband of her pajama pants. One quick fantasy, one quick orgasm, and maybe she could catch a few hours of sleep. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her hips off of her bed and shimmied out of her pants, leaving her fun pink polka dotted underwear on in the process. Settling back onto her bed, she let her hand wander down to her underwear, sighing softly as she thought of Nick while dipping her hand underneath the light cotton fabric. As she explored herself, she bit her lip, and ran a finger over her most sensitive bundle of nerves—she was already so turned on, so wet. And she thought about Nick, how he liked to take control in bed, how he seemed to enjoy watching her eyes glaze over when he thrust into her, and how whenever she moaned, pleaded, or screamed his name, it seemed to just push him that much closer to the edge. On a slight whimper, she tested herself with one finger only, moaning and wishing that something very different was currently going in and out of her body, as she did.

When a soft knock sounded at her door she paused, embarrassment and shock registering itself quickly in her brain. When it sounded again, she scrambled up in her bed, frantically looking around for her pajama pants, and spotting them on the floor, she jumped out of bed and reached down to pick them up. But when her door started to open, she paused in her actions and dropped her pajamas before whipping her attention to the doorway and watching as Nick's figure slowly appeared. They stared at each other for a moment—she saw him take in a deep shuddering breath as he took in the sight of her in her polka dotted underwear and blue tank top. The air crackled and sizzled with chemistry and she barely noticed as a clap of thunder rang throughout the silent loft. It wasn't until another flash of lightening flashed and illuminated the room that Nick seemingly shook himself out of his momentary daze and narrowed his eyes at her.

"Fucking polka dots," he practically growled, sending a bolt of lust straight to her gut.

And before she had the chance to respond, to question his odd words, he was closing her door and walking towards her fast. Stopping in front of her, he grabbed her by the waist and she couldn't think, couldn't breathe, as he slammed her body against his and brought his lips down to hers in a passionate almost punishing kiss.

He was lost.

He had no control, no will power.

Seeing her there, with her wide eyes and her mussed up hair, he had felt all of his self-control fly out the window. It didn't help that she had looked at him with an expression that could only be described as _hungry_. It didn't help that she was barely wearing any clothing at all. It didn't fucking help that he was completely and totally crazy for her. The slight whimper that escaped her lips and whispered again his mouth, only fueled his desire, and before he had the chance to let his practical side butt in, before it could lecture him about why he should just leave her the hell alone—he lifted her up and practically threw her on the bed.

As she landed with a slightly unladylike _ooof,_ Jess looked up at him, her expression a mixture of lust and amusement. "Anxious Miller?" her voice was raspy and wavered slightly with her own desire.

"You have no idea." he stated simply in a voice that sounded much calmer than he felt—he was hard as a rock, his heart was racing, and all he could focus on was burying himself inside of her. Grabbing his shirt and throwing it off, he made quick work of his sleep pants before placing a knee on her bed and crawling over to her.

"Do you always sleep in your underwear?" he asked straddling her body and letting his eyes roam over her. In the dim light he could see her eyes lower slightly and a dark blush creep its way up her neck to settle on her cheeks. He smirked down at her, " hey I think its hot."

She laughed, unsure if she should tell him what she had really been doing, uncertain if she was confident enough. But seeing the desire in his eyes as he continued to stare down on her, she felt emboldened...powerful. He wanted her, that much was obvious—but the look in his eyes told her even more...he wanted her badly...very badly. "I wasn't really sleeping..." She murmured looking him boldly in the eye.

He cocked an eyebrow, "oh really? Then what were you doing up so late at night?"

"Self-completing."

Her words were soft, whispered rather than spoken—as they left her mouth, he felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. His breathing suddenly became slightly labored, and his head buzzed—the thought of her laying just across the hall and touching herself...self-completing...it was too much.

"What were you thinking about?" The words were ground out through clenched teeth. He wasn't sure how he had the strength to speak as images of Jess, her dark hair fanned out around her, her lips parted in ecstasy and her hand slipped under those damn polka dotted panties...working herself...pleasuring herself, flashed in his brain.

Her eyes, smoky with lust and need, burned into his for a moment before her lips quirked into a shy smile, "_you._"

"Oh Christ." And feeling what little self-control he had regained since throwing her down on the bed quickly flee, he captured her lips in a searing kiss, leaning into her warm embrace and allowing her to surround him—to pull him under with her.

And he followed her without hesitation...without protest.

And quickly he was lost again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.**

* * *

Jess lay under the weight of Nick's body, trying to calm her heavy breathing. She still felt as if she were slightly out of her own body and had yet to work her way down from the incredible high she had just experienced.

And what had just happened, what they had just done...had been intense.

It hadn't been sweet and slow, or playful and lazy, not even flirty and hot.

It had been raw, honest…

Intense.

After she had whispered to him that she had been thinking of him while self-completing, after he had muttered an oath at that and had caught her lips in another fervent kiss, she had completely lost herself. And when she had looked into his dark and stormy eyes, she had known that in that moment...he was as far gone as she. And then something in them had changed, and they had come together in a desperate and wild passion. He hadn't been gentle and she hadn't wanted him to be. She was sure her pale skin would have bruises from where his fingers had gripped her tightly. She knew she would be sore the next morning as he hadn't held back when he had thrust himself into her. But she couldn't help the small smirk that crossed her lips; she had most definitely left her mark on him. A tiny shudder rippled through her as she thought about how her nails had clawed their way down his back, leaving angry red lines in their wake. Had she not trusted him so completely, had she not cared for him so deeply, she would have been scared by the hunger, desire, and need she had seen in his eyes and had felt in his touch. She would have been terrified by the emotions that had bubbled up inside of her as he had whispered hot words into her ear, which even now made her blush when thinking about them.

All of it, the rough hands, hotly said words, and feeling of complete surrender—had only served to feed her own passion; fueling her desire and need for the man who now laid breathing heavily above her.

After a moment or two Nick rolled off of her and onto his back with a small grunt. Turning onto her side, she watched him as he stared up at the ceiling; his expression serious and grave. Jess narrowed her eyes seeing it, wondering what he was thinking to make him seem so solemn after the passion they had just shared.

"What are you thinking about?"

Nick didn't answer her right away; he barely spared her a glance. Instead he continued to stare up at the ceiling trying to will away the feeling of self-loathing that was quickly consuming him. What the hell had come over him? He had taken her rough and hard; paying no mind to the fact that she was gentle and delicate and… _Jess._ Their earlier hot and fast sex in the shower was laughable compared to the way he had just treated her.

Something had come over him and his need to be with her, to feel her, to be buried inside of her, had outweighed everything else and he had pounded into her mercilessly—_roughly,_ paying her no mind. Instead he had only sought his own selfish pleasure, and that, how he had treated her, how he had just acted, was exactly why he wasn't good enough for her. She deserved gentleness and romance not some jackass like himself that had no control over his damn desire for her. _Christ,_ he had barely spared her two words before ripping her clothes off and driving himself into her.

"Nick," she shifted next to him, propping herself up on her elbow and resting her head in her hand, she leveled him with her cool blue gaze. "What are you thinking about?" she repeated, her voice hitching a little with the question.

Nick glanced over at her feeling his breath catch at the sight of her—her body looked slim and soft in the dim light provided only by the streetlamps outside and the steady flashes of lightning that filtered through the windows. Her dark hair was disheveled giving her the appearance of having just been completely and thoroughly fucked, and her eyes were glittering with determination and just the slightest bit of apprehension.

"I'm sorry." his voice sounded gravelly.

Jess blinked once and then twice, unsure if she had heard him correctly, "sorry?"

Nick sat up quickly, glancing around briefly for his clothes. "Yes. Sorry."

She couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in her throat and escaped her lips. "Why?"

He turned his attention to her, surprised by her amused expression and the husky laugh that had tumbled from his lips, annoyed by the reaction it had on him physically...how the sound seemed to wrap itself around him and settle inside him. With a tiny roll of his eyes, he leveled her with a glare and scowled.

She grinned at him, the apprehension fled from her eyes and was quickly replaced with genuine amusement. "Turtle face." She snickered.

He sighed at that and shaking his head slightly, he felt his features soften into a less harsh expression. How did she do that to him? "Jess," his voice was soft, his tone still apologetic, "I'm serious."

Her grin turned into a small smile and then after a moment dipped into a slight frown as she studied his sorrowful dark eyes carefully. "I don't understand. Are you sorry about—about what we've been doing…what we just did?" suddenly feeling self conscious, she worried her bottom lip while pondering her question, afraid of his answer. Everything she had felt when they had come together couldn't all be one sided. It hadn't felt one-sided.

Nick shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, not really wanting to say it out loud, but knowing she deserved an explanation, he sighed. "I was a jackass. I was…_rough_. Hell Jess I could have hurt you…" he paused abruptly, looking at the wall over her shoulder not able to face those damn blue eyes, "did I hurt you?"

She stared at him a moment surprised, unsure if she had heard him correctly. Had he hurt her? God no. Had he made her body feel like liquid gold after giving her an extremely amazing and satisfying orgasm? Yes. Sure he had been less gentle than before, sure he had been rough and dominating and—and it had been all around exhilarating. Wonderful. Mind-blowing. She had never had sex like that before. No one had ever looked at her like that before. He had looked at her, treated her, as if he had wanted to devour her whole, like he couldn't get enough of her. And she had been only too happy to indulge him.

But how did she tell him all of that? Good God, her face was hot just thinking about it.

"Nick. You didn't hurt me," she didn't know what else to say. Talking to him and going with the passion when they were in the moment was one thing, but now her awkwardness was settling in. She was becoming increasingly aware that they were both still naked, that she was blushing, and that he wouldn't look her in the damn eyes. Slowly but surely she was drifting out of her comfort zone.

Nick dragged his eyes back to hers at her softly spoken words, "I was rough." He said it again, grounding it out and fisting his hands in her bed spread.

Jess blushed at his words; her heart raced a bit as she thought about what he was saying and as images of the way he had taken her—all passion crazed and dominant, flashed before her eyes, she lifted a shoulder in what she hoped was a nonchalant shrug. "I liked it." Seeing he didn't look convinced, she took in a deep breath willing herself not to be embarrassed. She was a grown woman after all. "I mean couldn't you tell? I…well…you know.." she absolutely hated herself at that moment. Why couldn't she talk about these things like a normal adult?

He shook his head and narrowed his eyes, not catching on. "What?"

She sighed—was she going to have to spell it out for him? At his continued blank stare she winced with a slight wrinkle of her nose. Oh God, she was. "I…enjoyed it. I mean really,_ REALLY_ enjoyed it. I mean I…I thought that much was you know…_obvious_."

At her broken and mumbled statement, he closed his eyes for a moment, wrapping his head around what she was trying but failing to say. But that was probably a bad idea because all he could see was her reaching for him, with her head thrown back in ecstasy, her nails digging into his back. He wasn't stupid—he knew that she had come while he had been inside her. He had heard her muffled cry as she had practically sobbed into his shoulder, he had felt her clench tightly around him. But still…she was _Jess_ and she deserved more gentleness, more finesse. A hell of a lot more than what he had just given her.

"It doesn't matter Jess…it doesn't matter…I should have…"

"Should have what!" She sat up suddenly, slightly surprised by her impulsive outburst but dammit she felt so angry that they were sitting here discussing something so absurd instead of laying together and holding each other and just basking in the glow of their exhilarating lovemaking. "Should have what?" She asked again, her voice lowered a bit as she tried to reign in her temper, the last thing she needed was to wake Winston or Schmidt. But really, he was driving her crazy. Was he really going to act like what they had just experienced hadn't been mind blowing and amazing? "I'm not fragile Nick. You don't need to deal with me delicately okay? I liked what just happened. What's been happening...I like it okay. I'd like for it to happen again. Don't you?"

Nick's eyes widened and he stared at her, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of her question. Did he like being with her? Did she really have to ask? He couldn't get enough of her…he would _never_ be able to get enough of her. "Of course I do Jess but…"

"Well then knock it off Nicholas. Just knock it off. Okay? You didn't hurt me. I'm not made of glass; I'm not going to break because things got a little heated and intense in the bedroom. I'm not that innocent; we both remember the time that I tried to choke…errr _lightly_ choke my ex-boyfriend right?" At his narrowed gaze and swift intake of breath, she grinned sweetly and continued. "I like sex. I like sex a lot. And I_ really_ like sex with you. So yeah, you don't get to burst in here like you can't wait to get your hands on me. You don't get to get a girl all riled up and twirly like. You don't get to give me incredible, amazing, mind-altering, I just might be singing for days orgasms. You don't get to do all that and then apologize after. I mean really Nick… it kinda does a number on a girl's ego. Kinda might make a girl think you regret it." Her tone was light and her mouth was lifted into a slight smirk but he could see what she was really saying...what she was asking, reflected in her pale eyes.

Behind the light humor there was just the slightest trace of vulnerability.

She was asking him not to hurt her…and not in the way that he had just feared he had hurt her. No, while her lips were curved into a small little grin, her guileless blue eyes were asking him not to play with her, to be careful with her _emotionally._

_Oh Christ_ they were in deep.

Reaching over he tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger for a moment on her cheek. "Incredible orgasms huh?"

She chuckled turning her face into his touch, "you forgot amazing, mind-altering and singing for days." She arched a brow, her mouth curving into a small smile. "You would focus on that by the way."

He grinned down at her, "I really didn't hurt you?

"If you ask me again I'm going to smack you."

"Kinky."

She laughed at that and because the husky sound was so infectious, he laughed with her—a deep belly laugh that threatened to hurt his sides if he continued with it, but Jess' laugh had always been his downfall and he couldn't resist indulging with her.

After awhile Jess couldn't remember exactly why they were laughing, only that the harder he laughed, the harder she did. And then, when she realized they were both still sitting on her bed completely naked and indulging in a good laugh, she only laughed harder and as she wrapped an arm around her middle clenching her sides, he laughed with her still, until their chuckles died down and they sat there for a while just grinning goofily at each other.

Slowly his overreaction and his feelings of regret faded and they sat in a quiet and contented silence. Lightning flashed, illuminating the room every so often and she flinched when another loud clap of thunder sounded unexpectedly. As Nick stared at her, he felt his smile slowly fade from his face, watching as she cocked her head to the side as she studied him thoughtfully.

"Jess." His voice was soft as he held her blue gaze. "What are we doing?"

His questioned startled her—she didn't know how to answer. She wasn't sure what he wanted to hear, what she wanted to say._ What were they doing?_ The million-dollar question. Sighing she scooted closer to him and then reaching over ran a light hand down his face memorizing it with her touch.

"I don't know."

He turned his face towards her hand and kissed her palm—not sure what had made him ask the question, not sure if he really wanted to tread into this territory just yet. Glancing over at her bedside clock and seeing the late hour, he sighed. "We should get some sleep. It's after four." And pausing, he contemplated his next actions. "I should go. The shit will hit the fan if Winston or Schmidt catch me coming out of your room in the morning."

Jess scrunched up her nose and glanced at the clock and then back at him. He was already standing and pulling his pants on. And as he searched for his shirt she bit her lip, willing herself not to feel upset that he was planning on going back to his room.

"Do you think they heard us?" She asked lightly watching as he picked up his shirt.

Nick glanced down at her and grinned, "nahhhh, they would have pounded the door down by now if they had."

She nodded smiling and looking around, her eyes landed on her underwear and tank top thrown halfway across the room. As Nick shrugged into his shirt, she scooted out of her bed, picked up her clothes, and slipped them back on hurriedly, scolding herself for feeling embarrassed by the actions. When Nick looked at her again, his eyes roamed over her blue tank top and pink polka dotted underwear before narrowing.

"Jess put some pants on."

She raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because I'm about to throw you on that bed again if you don't."

Her mouth dropped open slightly and she watched him a moment debating on whether or not he was actually serious. Although his mouth had quirked into a crooked smile, she saw his hands were clenched tightly into fists at his sides. Glancing up at his face again and seeing the dark look in his eyes, she decided that indeed he was serious, and a quick thrill ran through her body. She paused for a second, knowing that she could definitely go another round with him, but feeling a tiny ache begin to settle between her thighs, decided it was better if maybe they both got some sleep…even if it was in separate beds. Nodding in silent agreement at her decision, her eyes searched around the room, before landing on her pajama pants that were lying at the end of her bed. Taking the few steps over to them, she reached down and hurriedly put them on. When she straightened she found him staring at her, the crooked smile gone, his eyes still narrowed.

"Shall I show you out good sir?" She asked in a light joking voice—he was unnerving her a bit.

Nick smirked at her words and shaking his head he walked towards the door aware that she was following closely behind him. He was debating on what to say to her…what to do. He didn't want her to think that this was just sex, but did he really deserve to ask her for more? His life was so far down the drain...was it really fair of him to want more from her? He would just end up hurting her, dragging her down with him. Letting out a little sigh at the confusing and frustrating thoughts he ran a hand down his face. They needed to talk, in the light of day, in proper clothing, they needed to lay it all out there. Stopping in front of the door, he turned and looked at her, she was shuffling on her feet and looked somewhat uncomfortable. Reaching down he grabbed a lock of her hair, twirling it between his fingers, he tugged on it and waited for her to look up.

"We'll talk tomorrow?" he asked, keeping his voice light and cool.

Jess smiled at him, not sure why she suddenly felt like crying—he was just going across the darn hall. She needed to pull it together. "Yeah. Yeah I'm down with that. Cool. Cooool-io. The coolest."

Nick felt the corners of his mouth twitch up at her awkwardness. "You are so weird sometimes."

She smiled back, unable to help herself when his fingers were still tugging on her hair and his eyes were staring down at her in light amusement. "Vice President of the Weirdo Club here." She said softly.

He laughed, "yeah well…" his voice trailed off, he didn't know what to say to her—would a simple goodnight suffice?

"I wish you didn't have to leave." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and she closed her eyes as a hot blush swept across her cheeks. "I mean…it's just I wish that…" She didn't know what to say or how to finish the thought and really could the floor just open up and swallow her whole already?

"Me too."

His words surprised her more than her own had, and she flashed her eyes up to his. They were dark and stormy again. What the hell was he thinking? Why did he look so sad, so depressed? And if he wanted to stay, then why was he insisting on leaving? Was it really because of Winston and Schmidt or was it something more? She sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"Jess," Nick started, saying her name softly, "we'll talk tomorrow." And stepping up to her, he placed a soft chaste kiss in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla that lingered there. "Goodnight." He gave her hair one last tug and turning, walked out of her room.

As the door closed behind him, with a soft gentle thud, Jess smiled helplessly, sadly, "goodnight." She whispered quietly, feeling silly when a single tear trailed its way down her cheek.

* * *

"And then he left?"

Jess shifted on her bed uncomfortably and nodded, noting the slightly angry tone of Cece's voice. "I mean, I didn't ask him to stay." She peeked up at her friend who merely raised a sharp eyebrow at her.

"And you haven't talked to him since?"

Jess shrugged. "I woke up late this morning…I guess he was at the gym with Winston and when Winston came home he said Nick had gone his separate ways to run some errands or something, by the time I left to have lunch with you and your mom, he still wasn't home and when I got back…he had left for his shift at the bar." She kept her voice low aware her other roommates were in the apartment.

Cece breathed in a deep breath and remained quiet for a moment. Jess looked down at her hands, studying her bright pink nail polish. She felt slightly guilty for telling Cece about what was going on with her and Nick. She knew Nick hadn't told anyone—they had both agreed after their first night together _not_ to tell anyone, to take things one step at a time. But she was so confused and out of her element and dammit she needed someone to confide in. Noticing that Cece had been silent for a while, she peeked up at her from under her bangs —her friend appeared to be deep in thought.

"Cece?"

"Hmmm what?"

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer.

Cece smiled at her innocently, appearing a bit distracted. "Umm nothing…just thinking."

"Well don't think too hard. I get nervous when you do."

The model spared her an eye roll before glancing at Jess half open bedroom door—her dark eyes lit up and Jess' heart sank. "Don't hate me okay?"

"Cece…"

"Hey Schmidt!" She called her voice high and falsely sweet.

"Cece..." Jess warned, feeling a bit panicky.

Ignoring her, Cece raised her voice. "Schmidt, I don't feel like doing a movie night tonight. I want to drink instead!"

After a few seconds Jess winced when she heard Schmidt call from the kitchen where he was preparing dinner. "Holla! A drunk Cecelia is my favorite kind of Cecelia! Are we talking bar scene, club scene, or staying in?"

"Cece!" Jess hissed knowing where she was going with this. "No. No. Stop! You are _not_ getting involved. NO! Whatever you are thinking just get it out of your head. I know you think you are helping but you are not. So just stop…you stop it right now."

"Bar!" Cece yelled, her eyes on Jess she shrugged apologetically. "Jess wants to come too!" She lowered her voice to a harsh whisper and held up her hand as Jess went to protest. "You come with us Jess or I swear to God I will tell everyone that you and Nick are sleeping together." Her expression softened at Jess' gasp. "Babe…I'm going to help you. I promise."

"I don't need your help." Jess grumbled, placing her head in her hands she shook her head, a meddling Cece was a very dangerous Cece.

"I'll text Nick!" Schmidt yelled after a moment. "I'll let him know we're stopping by. Hey Winston it's a bar night...you in?

Cece smiled and Jess huffed out a sigh hearing Winston's muffled yes.

"Cece what are you doing?" Jess asked lying down on her bed she stared up at the ceiling. She wanted to be angry with her friend but instead she unfortunately found herself more intrigued.

"I'm just going to give Nick a little push in the right direction."

Groaning, Jess ignored Cece's sympathetic laugh and wished for the second time in twenty-four hours that the floor would just open up and swallow her already.


	13. Chapter 13

**Doozy alert! This chapter is a loooong one! **

**I promise I have a vision. I know where I'm going with this, everything is laid out and there will eventually be a conclusion to this story (hopefully before the new season starts). Just bear with me and I'll get these two crazy lovebirds sorted out! :)  
**

**Please read and REVIEW!  
**

**Disclaimer: Will Jess and Nick be married by the end of season 2? No? Hmmm then I most certainly do NOT own New Girl...and that's most definitely a good thing. Because really who wants a wedding in season 2?  
**

* * *

Jess stared at the bar's entrance, giving the doorway an unnecessarily harsh glare. Upon arriving, she had feigned a phone call and had waved her friends in without her so she could take her fake call outside in private. Thankfully Cece had merely raised her brows slightly and had given her a knowing look before disappearing inside with Winston and Schmidt. And so here she stood. With her heart pounding and her palms clammy. She felt ridiculous. This was just the bar. Clyde's Bar…or rather _Nick's_ bar, as they all referred to it most of the time. And his bar or not, it was their favorite hangout; a place that she went to all the time. So really it was no big deal that they had come here tonight. No big deal at all. It didn't matter that Nick was inside working. It didn't matter that neither of them had spoken to each other all day. It didn't matter that she had come to realize that he had _purposely_ avoided her. It didn't matter that this realization made her equal parts sad and angry.

Nope it didn't matter one stinking bit.

Sighing she shook her head, feeling the threat of tears burning her eyes. Why was she here? Why had she allowed Cece to drag her to this stupid place? Although bossy, bitchy, and somewhat selfish, Cece would have never given up her secret to Winston and Schmidt. She never would have revealed that she was sleeping with Nick. But even knowing this deep down inside, Jess had allowed Cece to bully her and now here she stood outside of the bar with tears pricking her eyes and worrying gnawing at her gut.

Maybe she was glutton for punishment…there was no other excuse.

Wringing her hands she caught sight of herself in a nearby window and took a moment to note her appearance. She was wearing one of her favorite summer dresses. It was a bright green and white vertical striped sleeveless dress, with a collared neck and pearl buttons down the front. Placing her hands in the front pockets of the dress she managed a small smirk, because come on, who didn't love pockets on a dress? The matching green and white belt across her middle made her waist look tiny, and she had pulled back her dark hair that was waving lightly from the summer warmth, into a neat and bouncy ponytail. She looked summery and fresh and...and as she caught sight of her eyes she grimaced…terrified.

How embarrassing.

Since when did Nick Miller get to break through her normally confident and carefree persona and cut her to a bundle of nerves standing outside of her favorite hangout? She frowned, forcing back the tears that were only seconds from spilling over and willed herself to push her sadness aside. She wasn't going to let him get to her. Hot, passionate, crazy, intense, _the hills are freaking alive with the sound of music_ sex or not, she wasn't going to let him have the upper hand on her. She wasn't going to let him _win._ Jess paused at that last thought…when had this become a competition? Shaking her head and not caring what the answer to that question was, she squared her shoulders, took in a deep breath and giving her reflection a little nod of determination, walked into the bar.

* * *

Nick glanced at the booth that his friends were sitting at, letting his eyes linger on the empty seat next to Winston. Where was Jess? Had she decided not to come? Was it because of him that she wasn't out having a good time with the rest of them? He frowned; of course it was because of him. He had avoided her all day. What did he expect? Had he really thought that she would come strolling into the place he worked, with a bright smile on her face and forgiveness in her eyes? Fixing his roommates and Cece the drinks they had ordered, he barely noticed the odd looks he was getting as he used a bit more force than necessary to mix Cece's martini together.

He should have talked to her. He should have just laid it out there for her. But really, how did one tell their roommate and close friend that hey this wasn't just about hot sex. This was about emotions; strong emotions. This was about feeling things he'd never felt before. This was about realizing what he had felt for Caroline, while strong was always tainted, never real. This was about realizing how far gone he already was. This was about realizing that she's so much better than him.

This was about waiting for her to open her eyes and realize the same thing.

One of them was going to get hurt if they continued to let themselves go further down the path they had hastily decided to take. Did it make him an ass for not wanting to wait around for the day she realized it was time to dig her nails into his heart (that really she had held in the palm of her hand ever since she had come dancing into his life) and squeeze what was left of it until it shattered beyond repair?

He rolled his eyes both amused and frustrated by his dramatic line of thinking. But in all seriousness, he didn't think it made him the bad guy for wanting to end things before they got too serious. He was looking out for the both of them. Because at the end of the day while he didn't want to get hurt, didn't want to put himself out there, didn't want to fall harder for a girl who deserved so much better than him….

He also didn't want to end up being her Caroline.

He didn't want her to lose sight of herself because _he was all kinds of crazy wrong for her._

Scowling at the thought as it echoed in his brain, as it made his heart clench painfully in his chest, he placed his friends' drinks on a tray. Lifting it, he began to walk towards the booth still deep in thought. After work he would go home and explain to her that they had jumped the gun on taking their relationship past friendship and hope, pray, and beg that she would understand.

"So she doesn't know that you want to set her up tonight."

Schmidt's voice tore him from his thoughts as he approached their table. His eyes fell on Cece who shrugged in an unconcerned sort of way.

"Not really. No."

"And you think it's a good idea not to let her know?" Winston interjected, his brows raised slightly but he never looked up from his task of texting.

"Not let who know what?" Nick asked, handing out the drinks and tucking the tray under his arm.

"Cece here, thinks it's time to throw Jess back into the dating pool and has decided to set her up tonight, only Jess has no clue." Schmidt stated, his expression mildly amused as he glanced over at the object of his affections.

Nick's eyes flashed to Cece who was watching him coolly. "Jess is here?"

"Outside on the phone." Cece answered, her dark eyes appearing slightly amused as if she was in on some joke he was unaware of.

"And you want to set her up?"

Cece nodded. "I have a friend, well an acquaintance really, who met her a few weeks ago at a party. Anyway, he has asked me for her number a couple of times since then. And while Jess has insisted she's not interested in dating anyone…I just think sometimes people need a little push in the right direction, a gentle nudge…you know?"

No he did _not_ know, but he mumbled a response that sounded something like a half-hearted _yeah_, because forming coherent words suddenly seemed next to impossible. How could he speak without giving himself away? He couldn't, not now, not knowing Jess was right outside and that Cece was planning on hooking her up with some faceless and nameless guy who he already hated.

"You know she really hasn't seen anyone since Russell and she _has_ been kind of tense lately. Maybe Jess needs some action between the sheets; you know to relieve some tension. I know when I'm feeling stressed a little sexual activity really helps to bring me out of my funk…I mean am I right or am I right Cece?" Schmidt said, sounding a bit smug as his eyes crinkled with the effort of the wide grin that had spread across his face.

"Don't talk." Cece deadpanned, turning her attention away from Schmidt, she took a sip of her drink before continuing. "Listen I just invited the guy out for drinks, if she ends up sleeping with him…well then good for her." She paused seemingly considering something. "Maybe you should sleep at my place tonight Schmidt and Winston you at Shelby's. Nick, maybe you could find someone to go home with, or call Caroline, or _something_, just in case Jess hits it off with Eric and wants to entertain him later."

_Eric?_

Nick's fingers flexed as her words sunk in and he debated wrapping his hands around the pretty model's neck if she kept talking.

"Code for if Jess wants to get it on bro." Schmidt supplied helpfully.

He would probably take Schmidt down with Cece. Why didn't the idiot see anything wrong with Cece's pitiful attempt in hooking Jess up with some strange guy?

"I was already planning on sleeping at Shelby's anyway so it doesn't matter to me." Winston said still not looking up from his phone.

Okay so Winston had to go too. What was wrong with these people? A thin line of sweat formed on his brow, suddenly he felt very close to panicking.

"Great, I really think you guys will like Eric and hopefully Jess will too." The smile that followed Cece's words was sweet and innocent, and in Nick's opinion the smile of pure evil incarnate. "

"Who's Eric?"

At the sound of her voice Nick turned his head and watched as Jess approached the table. She looked like a mint green candy cane in her pretty striped dress and he tried to squash any subsequent thoughts about wanting to eat her up that popped into his brain. Seeing her, he suddenly felt angry, and while he knew his anger was entirely misplaced, he couldn't help it.

"Your damn date." He ground out, watching with some perverse satisfaction as her eyes widened in surprise. And with her expression stamped in his brain, he pushed past her and walked away.

Jess watched as Nick brushed by her and made his way over to the bar. Was he giving her the flipping cold shoulder? What in the world? Where did he get off...wait what…_date_?

She snapped her attention to Cece. "WHAT?"

Cece smiled at her, a big and wide grin that didn't reach her eyes. Eyes that practically begged Jess not to question her.

"Listen Jess don't take it out on her. The roommates and I have all decided this might be good for you." Schmidt said, smiling at her somewhat sympathetically.

"Good for me? Good for me how?"

There was a brief silence at the table before Schmidt sighed.

"Everyone thinks you need to get laid Jess." He said it in a matter of fact tone, his smile was gone; replaced with a look of complete seriousness. Sex was something Schmidt took very seriously.

Jess felt her mouth drop open in shock and her cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. "The roommates decided?…um okay. Awesome! I'm soooo glad you guys decided to discuss my sex life without me. That's really_ really_ great guys. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm just tickled pink! But let me just get this straight. The three of you with Cece's urging have decided that I need to sleep with some random guy I've never met?" She knew her voice was dripping with sarcasm, but really…_what the hell?_

Winston looked up from his phone. His eyes met hers briefly before looking over at Nick who was serving a group of young twenty something's and then back at her. Tilting his head to the side he shrugged. "It might be good for you Jess. Russell happened months ago and well...you've been in a slump. And to be fair Nick really didn't have much of an opinion about it. He didn't seem too concerned." He shrugged again. "But that's just Nick, he doesn't like to be bothered with this kind of stuff."

That stung. She didn't know what she was expecting. She knew that they were flying under the radar with whatever it was they were doing, but it still hurt nonetheless that he didn't care whether or not she went from sleeping with him, to jumping in the sack with some other guy.

Had she really imagined all the tenderness and affection he had shown her? Jess shook her head slightly, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing _something_. After the first night they had slept together he had been playful and affectionate. She felt her cheeks flush thinking about what they had done in the shower and how they had lounged around on the couch later that day cuddling and just being together. It had been nice...comfortable. It had felt _right._ Sure last night had gotten pretty intense but that didn't explain his behavior...something was still off.

"Eric…he'll be here in a few minutes." Cece said softly, interrupting her thoughts.

Jess looked up and saw her friend's brow was slightly lined with worry. _Good._ She thought angrily. Served her right for meddling. She frowned and worried her bottom lip. Cece had done the exact opposite of what she had promised she would do. She wasn't helping at all. If anything her friend was only making things worse; effectively driving a wedge between she and Nick and pushing them further apart.

She groaned inwardly. It was time for a drink.

"I need some pink wine." She muttered and turning from the table she ignored Schmidt's comment about how some alcohol would do her good.

As Jess walked to the bar her eyes narrowed dangerously as she watched a group of girls flirt with Nick as he poured them shots at the bar. She felt possessive watching him interact with the girls and the feeling was so strong, it scared her a bit. Trying to shake the feeling away, she stepped up to the counter, leaving a couple of stools between herself and the younger girls, and leveled Nick with what she hoped was an icy glare. He glanced up at her immediately, his hand faltered in the process of pouring the alcohol, and his dark eyes met hers. They were that stormy black that made her knees weak and her heart pound and her entire body screamed for her to look away, knowing what those dark eyes could do to her, but she refused to back down. She had her pride to consider.

"I want wine." She said, her tone soft and slightly husky.

At the sound of her voice, angry and sultry, Nick had to resist the urge to reach over the bar and drag her to him. His fingers tightened around the bottle of tequila he held and he offered her a slight nod. "Give me a minute."

She shrugged and sat down on a stool, while continuing to watch him with her cool blue eyes.

It was unnerving.

Pouring the rest of the shots, he looked back at the giggly group of girls in front of him and gave them a lopsided grin. "Happy Birthday." He said trying to sound upbeat.

The girls grabbed the shots, said a bunch of things that Nick couldn't understand with all the squealing and giggling, and overall nonsense, and threw back their shots. After they had finished gushing about the awful taste or the buzzes they were all feeling, Nick noticed a blonde that was trying to catch his eye. When she did, she smiled seductively, her eyes holding promises that maybe even a few weeks ago he wouldn't have been able to resist. Now he just wanted her and her friends to get lost. Breaking eye contact with her he moved down the bar towards Jess, who was looking down at her hands and fiddling with her nails.

"Pink wine?" He asked not able to keep a hint of tenderness out of his voice as he waited for her to look up at him.

Jess raised her head and nodded, blinking slowly. This was a terrible idea. Coming here, being near him, _definitely not a good idea_. As a glass of wine appeared in front of her she idly ran her fingertips around the rim before looking up at him. He was still watching her with dark and intense eyes.

"So you're being set up on a date tonight?"

At the sound of his words, casually said, Jess resisted the urge to wince, and instead shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess…apparently our friends have no faith that I can reign in a guy on my own." She laughed bitterly at that and looked down at her drink feeling awkward.

An uncomfortably tense silence followed her words and she was aware that his eyes were on her; she could feel the heat of his gaze on her skin. Biting her lip she picked up her glass and took a sip, unable to meet his stare. When a customer stepped up to the bar she breathed out a sigh of relief as he became momentarily distracted in getting a couple of beers.

"Jess right?"

Jess turned at the sound of her name and came face to face with a tall and lanky vaguely familiar guy. She gave him a small smile, knowing that she recognized him from somewhere but unable to place it.

"Ummm yes. I'm sorry…"

"Eric...we met a few weeks ago."

Her heart sank. He was her date. Cece had really followed through. She was really trying to set her up. Could someone just kill her now?

"Eric. Yes…I…it's nice to meet you errr see you again." Her face felt hot as she noticed that Nick had finished serving his customers and was now leaning back against the counter, drying glasses and watching them.

Eric smiled lazily. He actually wasn't bad-looking if you were into the groomed and manicured type. His jeans were tight, as was his shirt, his shoes looked incredibly expensive and he was wearing more gel in his light blonde hair than Schmidt. "Nice seeing you again too. You look really nice tonight Jess." His voice was low; smooth as silk, and if she were being completely honest, kinda gave her the creeps.

But unable to be anything other than polite to a sort of stranger, she looked down at her dress and smiled. "Oh well…thanks. You don't look too shabby yourself there...partner."

His forced yet courteous laugh that followed, caused her to smirk slightly and she took another sip of wine desperately wishing she were at home in her pajamas watching Dirty Dancing and stuffing her face with ice cream. Glancing back up she noted with some interest the slightly condemning look Nick gave Eric when he ordered a martini with extra olives from him.

As Nick turned to fill the order his eyes met hers briefly and she felt herself flush all the way down to her toes when he tilted his head to the side and considered her for moment before turning to the liquor bottles that lined the back wall.

* * *

_This was uncomfortable._

Glancing down at her watch, Jess barely suppressed a yawn as she feigned interest in whatever it was Eric was talking about. They had covered a variety of topics that night, most had been about him, so he had done most of the talking, which was fine with her as she wasn't really in a chatty mood. And really, was she the only one that thought this whole set up was extremely awkward?

She hated being set up. Blind dates had never worked out for her in the past and she winced slightly thinking about the time her Aunt Nancy had unknowingly hooked her up with her 8th grade history teacher. Added to her complete cluelessness of this particular date, it didn't help that Eric's eyes continued to roam over her, making her feel like a cheap piece of meat. How much longer would she have to endure this nonsense? Shifting on her stool, trying to hide as much of her body as she could under the bar counter, she played with the stem of her glass, briefly wondering how many glasses of wine she had drunk while trying her hardest to avoid Eric's hungry gaze. Only adding to her discomfort was Nick. He had stayed behind the bar all night, staring at her all dark and masculine…and really since when did a plain black t-shirt look that good on _anyone?_

As Nick set another drink on the counter for Eric, he smiled his thanks before bringing his attention back to her. "I've gotta make a quick call…you'll still be here when I get back?"

Jess bit back a smile, briefly wondering who the heck anyone would be calling at almost two o'clock in the morning. "Yeah sure I'll be here."

Eric's mouth turned up into an appreciative grin and he grabbed her hand and placed a soft lingering kiss on it, causing her to jerk it back quickly. He seemed unruffled though and gave her another deliberate smile. "Good that's real good, because I'm really enjoying getting to know you better …in fact I'd like to photograph you sometime."

"And there we go." Nick muttered slamming a new glass of wine down on the bar for Jess, causing her to jump, while she registered Eric's creepy suggestion in her mind.

"I ummm…"

"Photography is a hobby of mine." Eric stated looking somewhat perturbed.

Jess sipped her wine not meeting his eyes, she supposed that he had probably mentioned that sometime throughout the two hours or so they had chatted.

"Yeah well…"

"You have beautiful skin, it's flawless. I specialize in nude photography." He must have noticed the way her eyes shot to his, because he grinned. "It's not as weird as you think…it's an art. And you would photograph so nicely. They would be tasteful pictures of course…"

She let out a tiny squeak as Nick slammed a few glasses down on the counter and hastily poured some shots for a group of men who looked like they had just come from a sporting event. As the guys tried to get Nick to do a shot with them, obviously ecstatic about their team's victory, Jess turned her attention back to Eric.

"You know with social media and all that other crazy stuff out there you never know where your picture might end up." Her tone was light and she found herself torn between wanting to laugh and scream. Could this guy get any _creepier_?

Eric smiled his signature slow smile, that Jess assumed someone must have told him was sexy once because he used it _all the darn time_. "They would be tasteful Jessica…think about it. I'll be right back…don't go anywhere."

She narrowed her eyes. _Jessica? _If she hadn't been so annoyed she would have laughed at how ridiculously hard he was trying, with his lingering words and slow smiles. Nodding she gave him a tiny smirk, while her brain frantically tried to figure out how to politely get herself out of the situation. Damn Cece and her interfering ways.

"Ummm it's Jess and…"

Eric's smile widened. "Right, right…I'll see you in a few _Jess."_ Winking at her he walked away towards the back of the bar.

Nick watched as the guy strolled away from her, smiling at everyone he passed like they actually gave a shit about him. It had been pure torture for him to stand behind the bar and listen while he had attempted in every way shape and form to impress Jess. It was obvious what he wanted; one would be a complete idiot not to see the blatantly hungry way he was looking at Jess. Turning his attention back to her, he watched as she quietly drank her wine and stared at the scratched surface of the bar. His heart jumped in his chest as he allowed himself a moment to study her, and really who had he been kidding? Did he think he'd really be able to stay away from her? To deny himself her? He watched as she sighed softly into her drink and he knew at that moment there was no way in hell he was going to let her leave with Eric. The poor guy really never had a chance.

"He seems like a tool." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but he really didn't care too much as his assessment of the guy, in his opinion, was spot on.

Jess lifted her eyes to him and she looked momentarily surprised that he had spoken to her, before she scowled. "You don't know him Nick."

"And you do?" He shot back.

She shrugged and sipped her drink...she needed something stronger.

The way she seemed so unconcerned was infuriating. "He just wants to get you naked and in bed." He realized he sounded like an ass, but he couldn't stomp out the flames of jealousy that were slowly growing inside of him, the heat almost unbearable.

She raised an eyebrow, trying not to let her eyes linger on the vein in his neck, his clenched hands, and his overall commanding presence. "You would know a little something about that wouldn't you?" She muttered into her wine glass and frowned seeing it was empty.

Her words struck him and Nick narrowed his eyes at her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Jess sighed, she was so tired, she was feeling overly emotional, and every time she looked at Nick she kept remembering the few times they had been together. It made her hot and her thighs clenched together instinctively as her body reacted to the mental images assaulting her brain.

"I'm just saying if he wants to get me in bed, who are you to judge…I mean been there done that…right Miller?" She realized she sounded bitter, but the longer she was in his presence the more hurt she felt. What they had done together, especially the night before, it had meant something to her…it had meant a lot to her. Damn him for completely ignoring her afterwards. Damn him for making her fall for him

_Damn him._

Nick watched as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, before raising her eyes to his. And the breath was nearly knocked out of him, her blue gaze was glimmering with uncertainty, hurt and anger. She was killing him. Slowly killing him. "Jess…I…"

She didn't want to hear his excuses, she couldn't bear it. "No it's fine, whatever, I'm just saying who are you to judge? If anything you could give him tips. How to get Jess Day in bed, _rule one_…"

"That's enough." His words were quiet and laced with anger. He had been a fool. A damn fool. He didn't need it thrown in his face. "That's enough Jess. Listen…" He glanced over as a customer cleared his throat impatiently from the other end of the bar. "Listen we have to talk. Just…just don't go anywhere." He looked her in the eye feeling slightly better when he saw most of the hurt in there was now masked with stubbornness and anger. He could deal with an angry Jess. It was a hurt Jess that would bring him to his knees. Without thinking he grabbed her hand, registering how small and delicate it felt in his and glad when she didn't pull it away. "We need to talk."

"You said that yesterday." She stated, her tone flat and wavering slightly. His grip on her hand felt warm, strong and safe. She hated him for that.

"I know…I….GIMME A MINUTE!" He yelled down the bar as the customer cleared his throat again. Looking back at her he gave her a searching look realizing he probably seemed near desperate. "Just damnit…Jess don't go home with_ him_."

Jess smirked sadly, embarrassed that he thought there was even a chance she would leave with Eric. Had it really been just sex for him? Did he really think she was walking around all twirly-like and ready to jump on whoever was willing? That hurt. Damn him, he was hurting her a lot these days.

"Wow Nicholas…you must think very little of me." She gave him a tight smile, and arched a brow in question.

She sounded so sad, and lost, and good God could her eyes get any bigger? "You have no idea how much I think about you." Nick said softly, surprising the both of them. And before she pressed him further, he squeezed her hand and walked away to go fill the disgruntled bar patron's order

Well fudgiscles…if those softly spoken words weren't enough to send her reeling.

What did he mean by that? She had _no idea_ _how much he thought about her?_ Where did he get off saying that? Didn't he know what words like that could do to a girl? She sighed, she was doing a lot of that lately…sighing. Her grandma was a sigh-er. When she was little she would ask her sighing grandma… _hey what's wrong Gram?_ And her grandma would smile with her twinkling blue eyes and lean towards her as if she had a secret to share…"_Life's a bitch Jessie girl…and it's a bitch to get old."_ And then her mother would frown unappreciative of the language her grandma had used in front of her while Jess had been secretly thrilled that her grandma had thought she was grown-up enough to swear in front of. And really, all of that aside, her grandma had been on to something…_life is a bitch, and it's a bitch to get old. _Not that she thought that thirty was old or anything, but life certainly didn't get any easier as she aged.

She had thought Spencer had been hard, that her break-up with him had been unbearable, but she had a feeling that her break up with him was nothing compared to how badly she could be hurt by _someone else_. Glancing down the bar as Nick gave the formerly disgruntled customer his change with a cool smile and a quick joke, she frowned as their eyes met. When her brain registered the apology, need, and affection all swimming in the dark depths of his gaze, it screamed for her to get up and run, to not look back. But selfishly she denied her inner voice and waited as he slowly walked over to her. And when he stopped in front of her and tucked a strand of hair, that had come loose from her pony-tail, behind her ear, she closed her eyes and felt her body begin to tremble. Her anger all but vanished and in its place were emotions she didn't want to say out loud for fear that he would hear them and turn and leave her. And when his hand moved from her hair to her jaw cupping it firmly, she tried, really tried not to lean into his touch, but as blue eyes met black she knew she was a goner. And thinking about how hard life was, she shuddered as he ran his thumb over her lips whispering her name softly.

And her name on his lips, whispered so reverently...it was all the apology she needed.

Closing her eyes again she reveled in his touch and the bar disappeared, their friends who were most likely observing their odd little display of affection disappeared, and poor poor Eric who really never stood a chance disappeared. And instead it was just them…Jess and Nick. No one else existed, no one else mattered. No one else had ever _really_ mattered. In fact she was quite certain that while Spencer had jarred her and his unfaithfulness had completely turned her world upside-down and the handful of dates and boyfriends she had in between had all flopped and fizzled…none of them had really mattered as much as she had _wanted_ them to. Because in the end, none of them had truly made her feel alive, none of them had truly known her. None of them had really loved her.

None of them had been Nick.

So it was with reservations that she tilted her head up towards his as he bent down to place a soft kiss on her lips, because she knew that in the end it was Nick Miller who had the power to completely undo her and break her heart.

* * *

**UGH WHY AM I WRITING THESE TWO SO SAPPY AND ANGSTY. Sorry that this was a lot of writing with not much resolved. I promise more Jess and Nick interaction will be in the next chapter (read into that any way you want *wink wink*) but for now I have to end on this slightly (errr very) angsty note.**

**PLEASE review. Thank you! :)  
**

**Also I wanted to let you know that I love this story and really want to keep my focus here but *sigh* there's this pesky little idea in my brain that WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm trying to ignore it for the time being, but if it keeps interfering with this story (as in it won't let me continue it) I may have to give in and write it before I can finish this one. So I'm hoping that my next update will be the next chapter for this story...but ummm don't be surprised if it's not.  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Another really long chapter. My travel plans got delayed until Wednesday so I was able to work on this story a bit more :)**

**I just wanted to also take the time to say thank you so much for your reviews. I appreciate every single one and you guys have been awesome in motivating me to write more and stick with this story. Not that it's really ever been much of an issue, as I obviously love writing for Nick and Jess but your reviews help keep me on track! I know that some of you were disappointed that I had started writing another story...but rest assured I'll still keep updates for Slow Burn consistent! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl...not even a little tiny bit.**

**Please review! :)**

* * *

"What the hell is this? Are you guys serious?"

Nick pulled back from Jess, taking a moment to appreciate the slightly dazed expression in her pale eyes, before directing his attention to a shocked Schmidt. Their roommate was standing behind Jess, gaping at the two of them. His features had twisted into an expression that appeared to be a mixture of shock and horror. Hearing a small gasp come from the woman in front of him, Nick glanced back over at Jess who was looking from him to Schmidt and then back at him again. Her mouth had dropped open and her cheeks were flushing a light pink. Clearly she had been as caught up in the moment as he and had briefly forgotten about their friends...or just hadn't cared altogether.

He wondered for a moment what she was thinking.

"Look at me!" Schmidt demanded Jess, breaking Nick away from his thoughts. Taking the few steps towards her to close the distance between them; Schmidt bent down and put his face in her face, he briefly gazed into her eyes before stepping back with horror playing across his features. "She's well satisfied! Those are the eyes of a well satisfied woman! Damnit Nick! How didn't I see this before? Cece has that same look. I should know…Cece's a well-satisfied woman…but Damnit. I'm furious, I'm shocked, I feel betrayed…well I'm also kind of proud of you my friend because as I just pointed out Jess is clearly…"

"Please don't say well-satisfied." Nick interjected calmly, surveying the bar and wondering who else had observed their little public display of affection. Winston was no where in sight, but Cece was towards the back of the bar with Eric and both were looking over at him, the model's face was smug, while Eric appeared mildly amused. Narrowing his eyes he briefly wondered about the pair and what they were up to.

"Well satisfied." Schmidt finished lamely while smirking slightly. He glanced back over at Jess and placing his hands on his hips, looked pointedly at her. "He's got that same look. Clearly you two have been satisfying each other."

"Oh my God." Jess moaned placing her face in her hands, she shook her head, obviously mortified by her roommate's outburst.

Schmidt spared her a brief frown before turning his attention back to Nick. "Oh my God is right. You guys are sleeping together!" He accused.

Nick sighed. So this was happening. Their secret was out...and of all people to figure it out...it was Schmidt. Surprisingly he wasn't feeling as anxious as he thought he would, in fact he was kind of relieved. "Are you mad that we are sleeping together Schmidt or are you mad that we didn't tell you right away?"

Schmidt nodded slowly, appreciating the question. "That's a good question. I don't know. I mean this could really screw up the Roommate Dynamic…although I can't say I'm completely surprised because…well it's _you guys_. But what's going on? I need to know so I can prepare for damage control. Is it a one-time thing? Casual sex partners? Something more?"

"Something more." Nick said quickly, once again surprising himself.

Jess glanced up at that. Her blue eyes were wide and the shock reflected in them was as clear as day.

"I mean we are still figuring it out." Nick amended fast, watching Jess for a reaction. Suddenly he was afraid that he had spoken too soon, that he had said too much.

Jess could feel her heart hammering against her chest at Nick's words. _Something more._ Did he mean that? Or was he just trying to save her the embarrassment of being a casual hook up in front of Schmidt? Tilting her head to the side she considered the man who stood on the other side of the bar. His dark eyes held hers as she looked at him and quickly she felt herself getting swept away by his fiercely intense gaze.

"Ugh! Are you telling me that even though you guys are doing the nasty, you're still going to do that creepy eye-sex thing? Unbelievable!"

Feeling the corners of her mouth quirk up, Jess raised a brow and broke away from Nick's penetrating stare. Glancing over at Schmidt, she sighed. "Creepy eye-sex thing?"

Schmidt groaned, clearly frustrated. "Yes. Please don't act naïve Jess. I know you are aware of what eye-sex is..." When she didn't answer him, he rolled his eyes. "_You know..._where you basically undress each other with your eyes and do a bunch of filthy and disgusting things to each other in your mind's eye. I mean I always kinda thought that it would be good for you guys just to get it over with and hump already...that way the rest of us could live in peace. Living with you two...the tension is UNBEARABLE! But now that you are actually doing it, please save the eye-sex for the bedroom. AND I just want to take a moment to bring your attention once again to the Roommate Dynamic. It's ruined...BIG TIME! You guys need to figure your stuff out, because if things go south...I don't think I can handle Dirty Dancing on repeat and a borderline alcoholic at the same time! I've got other things to worry about...a beautiful model to convince I'm worth keeping around, a job that needs to realize that I'm a force to be reckoned with, and let's face it I've got a body that just didn't magically get this way over night. I have a life to lead and goals to accomplish...you aren't allowed to ruin it, if you guys are a thing then fine. But so help me God, if it ends badly you each have to put one hundred dollars in the jar...thinking about it I think Nick should automatically put money in the jar, if I had to for trying to kiss Jess on my birthday, well then he should have to for well...you know...that's it I'm talking to Winston about it when he gets back from Shelby's tomorrow." Ending on a huff and obviously satisfied with his rant, Schmidt gave them both a good long glare before stalking away towards a grinning Cece.

Nick watched as he walked away. His eyes once again fell on Jess' beautiful and irksome friend and he had the oddest feeling that he had been duped, but as he looked back over at Jess as she nervously fidgeted in her seat and played with her wine glass, he decided he couldn't care less. In fact he welcomed the thought that Eric had never been interested in her in the first place and was instead some pawn in a game that Cece was clearly playing. Watching as Jess worried her bottom lip between her teeth, Nick leaned over on the bar and grabbed her glass, smirking when she jumped a bit.

"Jumpy?"

She raised a brow. Her heart was still pounding fast and at the moment she wasn't sure if she could speak. They had been discovered...and he seemed okay with that. She _hoped_ he was okay with that. Shrugging her shoulders she gave him a small smile.

Nick took a moment to observe the late night crowd, before looking back at her. "I'm going to take care of a few customers...want another glass of wine?"

Jess considered his offer for a moment. Her head was buzzing slightly in reaction to what Schmidt had just witnessed and how Nick had so casually responded to him. Another glass of wine probably wouldn't improve her hazy brain...but at the same time she was anxious and she felt like a bundle of nerves...maybe a drink would help to calm her down. Nodding, she watched as he gave her one of his infuriating smirks, clearly amused by her lack of speech, before turning from her to finish up his night's work. As he began to fill his customer's orders she leaned back in the bar stool and let out a long shaky breath.

The night had been a roller coaster of ups and downs for her. And she felt, with some hope, that they were about to end on a high note. It seemed as if they were getting closer to both admitting to being on the same page. He had kissed her in front of everyone hadn't he? He had admitted to Schmidt that _something_ was going on between them, and then shockingly, had stated that it was more than sex...he didn't have to do that. If he didn't feel something for her and it had just been about sex...she didn't expect him to cover for her. It would have hurt, but she would have wanted him to be honest. And thinking back to the way he had responded so easily to Schmidt, she had to hope that maybe he did feel something for her. Perhaps her feelings for him were stronger than what he felt for her, but she could live with that, as long as Nick was willing to try. She just didn't want him to push her away, not when the connection between them was so strong. She believed what they shared, the chemistry, the obvious pull, was worth exploring.

"Another pink wine for the lady...rumor has it they make you slutty."

She glanced up as Nick slid another glass in front of her with a wink and a smile. Feeling her stomach do little somersaults she smirked a bit before taking a sip.

"Cat got your tongue Miss Day?" Nick asked leaning against the bar counter, he was curious about her unusually quiet behavior, and momentarily wondered again if he had spoken too soon. Had he said too much in implying there was something more between them?

An awkward silence stretched on before she broke it.

"Did you mean it?" She blurted out, looking down into her wine glass, she pushed at her bangs and licked her lips nervously as the words hung between them.

He noted her uneasy behavior and grabbing a towel, began cleaning the bar area in front of them. "Mean what?"

She sighed, of course he would be difficult. "That there's something more between us...that it's not just, you know...s-s-sex." Jess took a large gulp of wine, savoring the taste of the alcohol as it flowed down her throat and warmed her insides. As the liquid settled in her stomach she continued to avoid his eyes and stared down at the bar as he wiped it clean.

Nick paused in his actions and studied her for a moment, unsure how she wanted him to answer. Deciding to go with the truth, he nodded slowly. "I did mean it. I mean for me anyway...it's more than just sex."

Her eyes shot up to his. "Me too. I figured you already knew that though."

Her vivid blue eyes were glimmering, the apprehension in them was obvious but there was also a challenge lingering in them, daring him to make the wrong move, he smirked as she continued to stare him down. "I wasn't sure how you felt...not entirely." He shrugged as he spoke, noticing that her mouth remained turned down into a half frown.

"Why did you avoid me?"

Sighing at the question, Nick abandoned his bar towel and ran a hand through his hair and down his neck, rubbing it a little he shook his head, deciding once again to go with the truth. "I'm not good for you Jess."

She narrowed her eyes both surprised and confused by what he had said. "WHAT?"

Nick chuckled at the incredulous tone in her voice and watched as her eyes searched his, looking for answers. She was clearly baffled by his words, which in his mind just proved them even further. "I'm not good for you...good enough for you...you deserve bet-"

Jess raised a hand waving his words away in a swift and frustrated movement. "Stop it." She cut him off, her eyes were flashing angrily, that pale smokey blue that never failed to bewitch him. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

He shrugged, trying to seem unconcerned by her anger. She deserved for him to be honest with her, even if it was humbling...even if it upset her. "I'm a miserable son of a bitch." At her protest he cut her off. "It's true Jess, I'm a miserable son of a bit-"

"Miserable son of a bitch...got it. And you're right...you are sometimes. You are a miserable son of a bitch. But you are also a good person. A really good person. You're a great friend. You're honest and loyal..."

"I kind of sound like a dog..."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously into two blue slits, but she waved him off and continued speaking. "And kind, and caring, and smart and funny and yes a miserable son of bitch...but...damnit Nick you are a good person. You keep me grounded, you challenge me, you look out for me, and...and don't you dare sell yourself short." She couldn't believe he was going that route. The whole 'I don't deserve you' thing. How dare he.

He smiled softly at her, flattered by her words, but also saddened by them. The more angry she got, the more she spoke...the more she proved his point. "Jess you always see the good in people. You're an optimist and I'm a-"

"Pessimist."

"Stop finishing my sentences."

"Stop being so predictable."

Frustrated, he glared at her, but he was barely able to contain his smile as she glared right back. God she infuriated him, and it was one of the things he liked most about her...her flashing temper and inability to back down to him. "You know I'm right."

"About what? Because it seems to me that you're taking the easy way out Nicholas. You're really going to play that card? Hey if you just wanted casual sex at least own up to it. No problemo! But don't you dare try to get out of it by playing the oldest trick in the book. _Oh I'm not good enough for you and blah blah blah_...give me a break. Don't you think I'm smarter than that?"

Her words took him back a bit, he wasn't expecting that. He didn't know what he was expecting. Maybe he thought she would get a bit riled up but ultimately figured she would listen to him; realize that he made a good point and then shrug in casual agreement, acknowledging that they were better off as friends...all the while crushing his heart. He really wasn't expecting her accusations of being used for sex by him. She had to know that she meant more to him than a few hook-ups. She had to know that he really believed in what he was saying, that she deserved better than a grumpy bartender who had no life plan laid out in front of him. She couldn't really believe that he was playing games, she was pressing his buttons, she had to be.

"That's not what I'm doing...I'm not playing games. I meant what I said about you being too good for me."

His voice had taken on an edge, and Jess could barely contain her shudder as he leaned towards her, practically glowering at her with his dark and angry eyes.

"I think playing games is exactly what you are doing." She challenged, refusing to back down to him. She wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily.

"Damnit Jess I don't deserve you."

"You really are a moron."

He sighed at that, feeling the fight slowly drain out of him. He never really stood a chance against her. "What do you want from me?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know! I want you to quit being a coward! I want you to quit running away from me. If what's going on between us means something, anything to you... then I want you to...I don't know...give it a shot. I'm scared Nick. I'm scared as all holy heck, but I'm willing to try...I'm willing to figure it out. If you are." She gazed up at him as he stared down at her. Resisting the urge to break eye contact, she raised a brow when he didn't say anything right away. Her heart was pounding against her chest, there was slight ringing in her ears. This was it. Either he would agree that there was something between them, something he thought was worth figuring out, or he would turn her down...and break her heart in the process.

As they held each others stares and refused to back down to the other, both barely noticed as Schmidt walked past shaking his head and muttering about the _Roommate Dynamic_. Cece followed close behind and said something about going home, but they paid her no attention, instead they waged a silent war with each other. He demanding she back down and just accept that he wasn't what she needed, and she silently telling him to man-up and imploring with her wide blue eyes that he give it a shot.

She won.

Closing his eyes Nick let out a shaky breath, ignoring as a customer stepped up to the counter, asking to get another beer before the bar closed. He was beginning to believe when it came to Jess, he would always be at a severe disadvantage.

"Okay." He whispered softly, opening his eyes he found himself looking down into her guileless blue ones.

Her breathing stopped momentarily. Her heart skipped a beat. "Okay?" She cringed when her voice came out as an unsure squeak.

He smirked at her. "Okay. Let's...let's figure it out."

She smiled back at him. "Okay."

Looking over at the customer he noted the time before looking back at her. "We close in a few minutes."

Jess nodded feeling as if she were riding a weird high. They were taking a step forward. This was a good thing. A very good thing. "I'll wait for you."

It was almost embarrassing how that simple statement made his pulse pick up while his stomach did a weird little dance. What was she doing to him? "I won't be long."

Jess stood up. "Take your time, I'm going to stretch my legs." She paused and gave him a hesitant smile before looking around her for her purse. "I...I'm glad that we are...you know."

Nick watched as she gathered her purse and took another sip of wine. When she looked back at him he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his lips as he took in the sight of her messy dark hair, her pretty striped dress and her hypnotizing blue eyes framed by sooty lashes. This woman, this infuriating, unpredictable woman...was he really surprised that she had worked her way into his heart, that she had rendered him incapable of refusing her? As she tilted her head to the side and smirked up at him, he chuckled to himself... no he wasn't surprised at all. "Me too Jess."

She flashed him a smile and then turning walked away from him. And as she got further away from the bar, she laughed quietly to herself when the reality of what had just occurred between she and Nick settled in. As a woman raised a brow as she walked past her, Jess chuckled again, realizing she probably looked like a crazed lunatic to the lingering bar patrons, but as the events of the last few days replayed in her mind, she shrugged and figured she could indulge in some slightly crazy behavior.

* * *

The air was humid and damp, the dark night sky appeared gray, and low puffy clouds blocked the moon's light. Lightning flashed periodically in the sky and in the distance a rumble of thunder could be heard ominously threatening of the storm to come. Jess sighed as she raised her head to the sky, frowning a bit when she saw another flash of lightning.

"You need a lift somewhere?"

Groaning inwardly, she looked over at the sound of the slurred voice and bit the inside of her lip when she saw it belonged to a guy who looked quite a bit younger than her, most likely in his early twenties. He had the young look of a person who hadn't experienced the bar scene for very long and he was stumbling towards her, his light blue polo shirt had a spilled drink splashed across it and a wolfish smile was plastered on his face. Observing her surroundings she saw that he had a buddy with him, but his friend was on the phone most likely engrossed in a completely inappropriate 3 a.m. conversation. Suppressing a sigh, she flashed a brilliant smile and shook her head. "No...I'm fine, thanks."

"You waiting for someone?" The guy stopped in front of her, swaying unsteadily and reeking of alcohol and cigarettes.

She made a face as the offensive smell wrapped itself around her. "Yes."

"Too bad."

She gave him a tight smile and looked towards the sky as lightning flashed again and the gray storm clouds continued to move in. Just her luck. A few minutes ago, when the bar was emptying out, coming outside had seemed like a good idea. Her intentions had been completely innocent, she had needed some fresh air and had decided that as Nick closed up shop, she would step out for a bit to clear her head. She hadn't expected the bar and the surrounding businesses to clear out so quickly. There was barely a straggler on the empty street, her only company was blocking the entrance to the bar and an uneasy feeling quickly settled deep in her gut.

"I don't think your ride is coming...I'm Steve by the way."

Shaking herself from her thoughts Jess glanced back at the drunkard in front of her. His glazed gray eyes were looking her up and down in a slow and predatory kind of way. She scowled at him and wrapped her arms around her body, suddenly feeling cold and exposed. "Yes he is...he's just inside."

Steve looked skeptic. "Riiiight. Listen if you need a ride home my buddy Matt and I can give you one. Or even better you can come back to our place and we can party a little more."

Sighing Jess made a move to walk past him, narrowing her eyes when he moved with her and grinned down at her. He raised his eye brows and crossed his arms over his chest, and Jess realized that he probably thought he was being charming and assumed that she would be amused by his attempts to keep her in place.

"Listen buddy, I really am waiting for someone." She faked a yawn. "And man I am TIRED, so yeah I'm just going to go back inside and get my friend."

"Bar's closed..." The guy looked over at his friend, his actions were slow and groggy and betrayed the amount of alcohol he had consumed that night.. "Hey Matt can we give this chick a ride home!"

His friend Matt glanced up and seeing Jess smiled and waved, giving Steve a nod, he went back to his phone conversation.

Jess placed her hands on her hips, her body felt prickly, her palms were clammy and her heart was racing. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to calm down. She was fine. Nick was right inside. Everything was just fine. "I'm really trying to be polite but you're not listening...I'm not going anywhere with you. My friend is inside, he's walking me home."

"It's going to s-s-storm. You can't walk home." Steve slurred glancing up at the sky as another flash of lightning illuminated the darkness.

"I can and while I appreciate your concern about the weather I really don't want my friend to worry about me...so why don't you just get out of my way and let me go back inside. It's probably time for you guys to head home anyway." As Steve continued to eye her up and down, she wasn't sure if she felt more annoyed or scared, but fear soon won out as her eyes darted to Steve's friend Matt who had gotten off his phone and was now walking towards them. Her anxiety spiked and glancing at the front entrance of the bar, she briefly wondered if Nick would come out that way or if would expect to find her out back. She could hear little alarm bells of panic go off in her head, as she wondered where he was. Was he already out there waiting for her? Had he called her phone? She debated digging in her purse for it, but sizing up the men in front of her, she figured it was best not to take her eyes off her current company. He would know to look for her out front, wouldn't he? As Matt stopped in front of her she took a step back and her eyes darted between the two inebriated men.

"Listen guys, I'm not interested. I just want to go home."

Steve grinned sloppily. "Hey lighten up...we can have some fun." When he stepped forward and placed his hand on her arm, grabbing her, Jess yanked it back and glared at him.

"Hey that's not okay...I said I'm not interested."

Matt looked over at his friend and shook his head. "Let's just go man...she doesn't seem like much of a good time anyway."

Jess narrowed her eyes at that, not appreciating the comment, but remained silent hoping Steve would listen to his friend.

Her heart sank when she saw Steve's smile widen.

"Nahhhh she just needs s-s-some convincing that we're a good time." He said it in a jovial way, but his intentions were dripping from his words and Jess felt her heart plummet as fear coursed through her body. When he stepped towards her again, she stepped back and debated screaming.

"Hey guys I don't think she's interested."

At the sound of his voice, Jess breathed out a sigh of relief, and turning had to fight not to throw herself into Nick's arms. She had never viewed herself as a damsel in distress, but she had clearly gotten herself into a sticky situation, and was beyond relieved that he had come looking for her. As she caught sight of him walking towards them, her pulse picked up in pace and her eyes widened...he was _furious_. His entire body was tense, his eyes were narrowed into black slits and he was radiating anger. He looked dangerous, and masculine and her heart started thudding against her chest no longer from fear but for an entirely different reason. When he grabbed her hand as he stopped next to her, her brows shot up, but she didn't say anything, grateful to have her hand tucked securely in his strong hold.

"I don't think she's interested." He said again, his dark eyes never leaving the men in front of them.

"Hey you're the bartender!" Steve accused Nick, his eyes drunk in the sight of them holding hands and he glanced back over at Jess, confusion was clear on his lazy features. "You're going home with the bartender?"

Jess nodded, not sure she could find her voice with her hand being held so firmly by Nick, with his masculine presence next to her, with the knowledge that he would without question protect her from whatever the two men in front of her had planned for her. The gravity of the situation, what could have happened to her, hit her hard, and it was a little too much...speaking just didn't seem like an option.

"Well what the hell." Steve shook his head. Still obviously baffled by the fact that Jess would choose to go home with Nick and not him.

Matt looked at Nick and then back at Steve, shrugging his shoulders, he mumbled something unintelligible, and seeming somewhat bored by the situation, turned to leave. "Come on man. Let's just get out of here. It's gonna rain."

Glancing over at his friend, Steve frowned as Matt began walking away. Bringing his attention back to Jess, he pointed at her and narrowed his eyes angrily. "You're a fucking tease."

Her eyes widened. "What? I didn't-"

Nick interrupted her before she had a chance to defend herself. "Hey pal that's enough...just leave. Just go home and sleep it off." His words were calmly said, but his voice was low and there was a warning clearly laced in them; he wasn't up for playing games with drunk little boys.

"She should watch the way she leads men on." Steve spat, barely paying any attention to the man that stood at Jess' side, his eyes were staring daggers into her, his speech was short and choppy. "Fucking tease."

Nick released her hand and stepped towards the younger man. His patience had been worn thin and now he was fuming. The glare he was shooting the drunk man would have had Jess slinking away in fear had it been directed towards her, and noting his threatening and slightly powerful stance, she glanced over at Steve and to her dismay, saw that he wasn't too concerned by Nick's obvious anger and instead stepped up to him with a unattractive sneer on his drunken features.

"Get the hell out of here." Nick said quietly.

Steve considered Nick for a moment, apparently sizing him up before glancing back at Matt's retreating figure, then over at Jess again. As he stared at the couple in front of him, his drunk mind didn't seem capable of comprehending the fact that Jess would not be going home with him. After a moment's hesitation he waved them away and gave them a frown full of contempt. "What the fuck ever. Have fun with your bartender...stupid crazy eyed bitch..."

Jess didn't see him move. It happened so fast, but in the blink of an eye Nick was standing over Steve as he lay on the ground holding his nose and howling in pain. She watched in slow motion as Matt turned and seeing his friend sprawled out on the sidewalk, ran back towards the trio. Her whole body tensed as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. Steve got to his feet, his nose was pouring blood and he was spewing a number of colorful obscenities at Nick. Matt was holding him back, struggling to drag him away as he tried to get in Nick's face...and Nick stood watching the two with cool interest, seemingly unconcerned that if the pair decided to retaliate he would be outnumbered. As Steve broke away and made a move towards Nick, she barely noticed the car that pulled up next to them, until Schmidt jumped out shaking his head.

"See it's happening already. You two are nothing but trouble."

Steve stopped mid stride and Nick glanced over at Schmidt his expression mildly amused. "What are you doing here?"

"It's going to rain, and Cecelia remembered that you guys were walking home so we turned around to come get you. And now I clearly have to clean up the mess you made. Damnit Nick, I have a manicure scheduled for tomorrow." At Nick's scowl he threw his hands up. "What? It's a thing that successful guys do. Don't give me that look." He glanced at the younger men in front of him. "It's a thing successful men do." He assured his potential opponents.

Jess looked over at the car as Cece got out and observed the situation in front of them, her dark eyes locked with Jess' and she quirked an eyebrow, her expression conveyed mild interest and was surprisingly somewhat amused.

Shaking his head, Schmidt walked over to Nick and stood next to him, throwing a disgusted look at the drunk duo in front of them before glancing back at Nick, he clapped his hands together and nodded with a fierce determination that had Jess biting back a smile. Reaching down in a quick movement he slapped the concrete and jumped back up striking a martial arts pose.

"Okay let's do this! Jess please step back the men have got this. Come on!"

Jess did as she was told and took a few steps back towards the curb not really sure why she was listening to Schmidt and debating with herself whether or not she should attempt to put a stop to the fight that was about to take place. But Schmidt tore her from her thoughts as he began running in place and cracked his neck while muttering about _sex crazed roommates_ and _coming to the rescue_. When Matt and Steve stood still with shock registering across their features, Schmidt sighed.

"Are we going to do this or what? I took a kickboxing class at my gym AND I'm fairly well-trained in the art of Jujutsu."

Matt looked at Steve who was still holding his bloodied nose and then back at Schmidt and Nick, his face had gone pale and his expression was tight and pinched. "No man, no we're cool...my friend and I were just leaving." He glanced at Jess and frowned before looking back at his injured friend. "Sorry...he didn't mean...whatever he said I'm sure he deserved it...just...sorry."

Steve scowled at his friend's words, still holding his gushing nose, he pinned Jess with a glare but didn't protest as Matt turned him and practically dragged him down the street and out of sight.

Letting out a shaky breath Jess watched as Schmidt threw his hands up and walked back to the car. "Alright let's just go home. I've seriously got a spa appointment in the morning and the last thing I need are circles under my eyes."

Looking up at the sky Cece shook her head and stepped back in the car. As the engine revved to life, Jess looked over at Nick who was looking down at his fist and flexing it. She felt a bit dazed by the night's events, so much had happened in such a short period of time. Shaking her head, she walked over to Nick, as she approached he looked up and his eyes immediately went from dark and intimidating to concerned and affectionate.

"Hey." He said softly as she stopped in front of him. His mouth tilted up into a slight smile.

"Hey." She said back, glancing down at his hand she winced seeing that the knuckles looked raw and red. "Does it hurt?"

He shrugged, not taking his eyes off her he flexed his fingers again. "Not really."

"You should ice it."

Smirking at her suggestion, he nodded. "I will."

As silence hung over them, she bit their lip, feeling slightly awkward. "Thank you...for that...you know...just thanks."

"I shouldn't have hit the guy."

She smiled at that and lifted a shoulder casually. "You know they say violence is never the answer..."

Nick looked away from her eyes, over her head, and in the direction that the two idiots had disappeared. He had been beyond irate when he had seen the punks cornering Jess. He had almost lost it when she had turned to him with fear in her eyes, and then realizing it was him, had looked at him with an expression of absolute relief and gratitude. His heart had jumped to his throat and anger had almost blinded his vision. God knows what would have happened had he come even a few minutes later, but as his stomach clenched at the thought he figured it was best not to dwell on the possibilities.

"But you know...he kind of deserved a bloodied nose." Jess said lightly, watching as a dark look came over his eyes.

Nick looked down at her and his expression immediately softened. He reached over and brushed some hair out of her eyes, frowning slightly as he studied her features. "You okay?"

She nodded, closing her eyes at his touch. "I'm fine."

He shook his head. "You looked terrifi-"

She didn't give him a chance to finish, because suddenly he found himself with an armful of Jess. She had flung herself at him, and was clinging to him with her arms wrapped tightly around his frame and looking down at her, he immediately got lost in the large pools of clear blue that were gazing up at him. As she looked at him with emotions swimming in her eyes, for the second time that night he disregarded the fact that his friends were so close by, he pushed away the nagging voice in his head that was calmly telling him to take it slow, that they were still figuring their relationship out, and he bent his head and kissed her.

This kiss lacked the gentleness and tentativeness of the one back at the bar. This kiss was all out passion. It was her fear and his anger all wrapped up in lips, tongue, and teeth. As he wrapped his arms around her small waist, her hold on him tightened and she all but melted in to him. She ran her hands through his hair pulling his head even closer and he ran his hands down her body appreciating every inch of her, needing to feel every inch of her. Tilting her head she opened her mouth greedily, kissing him hungrily and without hesitation he deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue into her mouth. When it started to rain lightly both of them barely noticed, they were so caught up in the other. It wasn't until Cece beeped the horn and Schmidt rolled down his window that they realized they were standing in the rain, slowly getting drenched.

"Look at the two of you! UNBELIEVABLE! I'm setting ground rules when we get back to the loft. Are you guys coming or what?

Nick glanced over at Schmidt and then back at Jess, both were breathing heavily, and not sure if he could find his voice, he merely nodded at his friend. Gathering his wits, he placed his hand on the small of Jess' back and guided her towards the car. With his head starting to clear a bit and his pulse slowly returning to a normal pace, he suddenly felt embarrassed by the events that had just taken place. He tried not to think about it, but he couldn't block it out of his mind...he had wanted to tear that guy to pieces and although he didn't do exactly that, he had still laid him out in front of her, unconcerned by what she would think when he began pummeling his fists into the idiot's face. He had seen red, and had Schmidt not come, had the idiot's friend not had the good sense to come back to try to calm his friend down, he would have gladly continued to beat the guy senseless. Sighing he opened the door for Jess, ignoring when she gave him a curious frown and stared at him hard, most likely trying to figure out what he was thinking. And he was grateful she couldn't read his thoughts, because at that moment, he couldn't stop thinking about how he could have killed the guy, he was almost certain of it.

As she settled into the back seat of the car, Jess cleared her throat and gave him one last pointed look effectively tearing him from his dark thoughts. He gave her a soft smile and closed the door, briefly hesitating outside, he allowed the rain to soak into his skin. He knew he wasn't good enough for her, it was something he had dwelt on for what seemed like decades, but as he made his way around the car, opened the door and she gave him a soft tentative smile, he closed his eyes, because while his brain sang that same old tune about how she deserved so much better..he also knew that there was no way he could let her go.

* * *

**I hope this isn't moving too slowly for you. I'm trying not to rush it, since I feel as if I may have rushed the beginning a bit. **

** After all it is called Slow Burn, and Nick's thoughts aren't just going to go away...**

**I realize I could have broken this sucker up into two chapters but...ahhh well.  
**

**Anyway I know I had promised some "interaction" but we'll be getting back to the loft soon, and I already have the next love scene written...I promise it will be worth the wait! Sometimes stories just take a slight detour, and I added in a few scenes that I hadn't expected to originally be in this chapter.**

**Please review! Thanks so much for reading! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**First, I just want to take the time to thank all of my reviewers, alerters, favorites, etc...you guys are awesome. I know I've been kinda bad about getting back to you and thanking you all, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate you guys...I do! SO SO MUCH! :) Also, I'm so sorry this took so long to post. This chapter has been "almost done" for a little over a week now. It's just every time I read back over it, I'd find something I didn't like or would feel compelled to make a change here and there. **

**Anyway hope you enjoy the chapter! As promised there is some "action" in this one...so consider yourself warned. :)**

**Please review! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**

* * *

Sitting at the kitchen table in the dark and silent loft, Jess warmed her hands on the mug of tea she held, shuddering a bit as a chill ran through her body. Since Remy had sent over a repairman to fix their air conditioning, Schmidt had insisted on keeping the thermostat set at a cool seventy. Glancing towards the door she considered setting it a few degrees higher, after all Cece and Schmidt had left shortly after dropping them off...but then again even if she turned it back to the original setting the next morning, Schmidt had a sixth sense about these things and would probably lecture her about the benefits of living and sleeping in a cool environment. And that was just something she didn't want to hear about…again. Sipping her tea she shrugged to herself, there were other ways to keep warm. And she almost choked a little as that thought resonated around in her brain, conjuring up ways to ward off the ever-present chill in the apartment... ways that had nothing to do with warm tea and fluffy blankets but bodies joining together and arms wrapped around each other.

Feeling a hot blush make its way across her cheeks, she sighed and shook her head slightly. She really needed to get her head out of the gutter. But really, who was she kidding? What had happened earlier that night between Nick and those drunken idiots had turned her on in ways she hadn't thought possible. It had terrified her and thrilled her all at once. Seeing Nick stand up to, as cliché as it sounded, defend her honor, had been exhilarating. In fact, she was quite certain her pulse had yet to return back to normal. Anytime she thought back to that scene, with Nick standing by her side, fists clenched and eyes flashing, her heart raced and desire settled low in her belly.

And while sure, she didn't condone violence, she couldn't lie to herself either…

And the whole thing had been…_hot_.

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she considered Nick's behavior shortly after the incident. He had seemed distant, lost deep in thought on the car ride back. His eyes had been far away, and his body had been tense. They hadn't talked much during the ride home; they hadn't really needed to, as Schmidt had taken care of filling any uncomfortable gaps of silence with his non-stop complaining about her and Nick's change in relationship. And while he had mostly done nothing but voice his concern about the atmosphere in the loft and his fear that they had completely ruined the _Roommate Dynamic_, Jess couldn't help but wonder if he was giving them more grief than he really thought necessary.

After they had arrived back at the loft, Nick had rushed away from the group muttering something about grabbing a shower, and had left them all standing in the kitchen watching as his retreating figure hurriedly made its way down the hall. Once Nick had disappeared into the bathroom, Cece had patted Jess' hand and had informed her that they were headed to her place for the night. As she had turned to leave, Schmidt had stepped up to Jess and had pulled her into a surprising embrace

"You know you're good for him…so don't let him beat himself up over stupid crap, and don't let him…don't let him push you away…or something douchey like that." He had said; his usually lighthearted voice serious and laced with just the slightest hint of worry.

"I won't." Was all she had managed before Schmidt had pulled back and had walked away from her without a backwards glance. Cece had merely raised an eyebrow at the exchange and then giving her a tight smile, had followed Schmidt out the door. Playing Schmidt's words over and over in her mind, she had to believe that he wasn't completely against whatever was going on between her and Nick; maybe he just felt it necessary to give them a hard time. She wasn't really sure and didn't really want to try to dissect Schmidt's thought process...that thought alone was scary enough. Regardless, she had felt better after the couple had left and had changed into her pajamas and fixed herself tea while humming some upbeat little tune.

"I'm starting to think you should just buy that stuff in bulk."

Gasping at his voice, Jess spun around in her chair to face Nick, nearly spilling her tea in the process. Calming her fast beating heart, she watched as he walked into the kitchen; a ghost of a smile playing across his lips as he watched her fumble with her mug. Steadying herself, she allowed a brief moment to let her eyes wander over him; quickly taking in his appearance. His dark hair, still slightly damp from the shower, looked almost black, his blue sweatpants hung rather loose on the lower half of his body and his white t-shirt complemented his bronzed summer skin. It took almost everything in her not to lick her lips at the sight of him, after all, adrenaline was still coursing its way through her body and she was, in spite of everything, feeling rather twirly.

"Do you want some?" She asked gesturing to her tea, knowing perfectly well he'd decline, but she offered anyway, needing a moment to collect her thoughts.

Nick made a slight face at the beverage; watching as a smirk crossed her delicate features. "Nah I'm good."

She nodded at his answer and turned her attention back to the mug she held in her hands. "Long shower." She said, before taking a sip of tea. It was a casual statement but the note of inquiry buried in it couldn't be missed.

Shrugging, he sat down at the kitchen table next to her. He had needed to clear his head, had needed to give himself some time away from her to process the night's events. He was still certain that he didn't want to deny himself of her any longer...he had just needed some time to adjust to this new-found acceptance of their ever-evolving relationship. He had also needed some time to calm himself down after what had happened outside of the bar. He still couldn't get the image of her huge terrified blue eyes out of his mind, and it killed him to know some low-life creep had put that look of fear in them...had made her feel so scared and helpless. And of course every time he thought about it, anger would bubble up inside of him and work its way through his body, causing his muscles to tense and his heart to pound. Absently he ran his fingers over his raw knuckles, thinking about the intense feeling of satisfaction he had felt when his fist had made contact with the bastard's face.

"Does it still hurt?"

Pulling himself out of his thoughts he looked over at her, she sat perched on the edge of her chair, leaning towards him, she stared at his hand. He followed her gaze, wincing a bit when he took the time to look at the red and broken skin. He had actually hit the guy a lot harder than he had realized at the time and his hand was burning with a radiating pain.

He shrugged, trying to keep his face neutral. "Stings a little."

Jess' eyes met his, and held them for a moment. She wasn't convinced. Standing, she looked back down at his hand and tilting her head, she considered it before she met his eyes again. "Let me get something for that…ice or…I don't know _something_." She muttered seemingly more to herself than to him.

He shook his head, watching as her eyes flitted back down to his hand. "Jess don't bother. I'm fine you really—"

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and pinned him with her pale blue stare. "Nick let me."

The quiet plea in her voice, the intensity of her gaze, took him back a bit and all he could do was nod as he watched her walk away from him and into the kitchen.

Opening the freezer, Jess took a moment to let out a slow and steady breath as her eyes searched for something to ice his battered hand with. The red knuckles had looked raw and angry and seeing his hand again, a lump had formed in her throat and suddenly she had felt very close to tears. Rolling her eyes she silently lectured herself to _pull it together_. She couldn't lose control of her emotions, nothing had happened, she had never been in any real danger...everything was just _fine_. Feeling stronger, she searched the freezer again and frowned as her eyes landed on the empty icebox. Letting out a defeated little sigh, she considered a bag of frozen peas, shrugged, and figuring it was better than nothing, grabbed them. Swiping a hand towel on the way back to him, she gave Nick a small apologetic smile, when he looked up at her expectantly.

"This is all that I've got." She said, holding up the towel and frozen vegetables with a little wiggle.

Nick stood up as she walked towards him and raised an eyebrow at her offering. "Jess honestly, I don't need to ice my hand, it's fine." Shaking his head, fully believing that she was overreacting to his injury, he made a move to walk towards the living room.

She watched him briefly as he walked away from her with a slight shake of his head, and then feeling angry at him for not allowing her to...not _wanting_ her to take care of him, she moved quickly, stopping in front of him as he rounded the couch. Planting her feet, she squared her shoulders and narrowed her eyes. He smirked down at her, and opened his mouth to say something but she waved a hand in front of him, effectively silencing him; placing the peas and towel on the coffee table, she gestured for him to sit down on the couch.

"Sit down and let me see it." She said extending her hand, easily slipping into her authoritative teacher tone.

Amused, Nick hesitated, but only for a moment, before reluctantly following her orders. Sitting down, he looked up at her expectantly and took a moment to appreciate the view. She was dressed in lightweight pink pajama pants with little white hearts splashed across them, her light pink short sleeved shirt was small and he couldn't help but notice the way it stretched over the gentle swell of her breasts. With her dark hair piled high on top of her head in that messy yet extremely sexy way that only she could pull off, he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. With her less than revealing attire and her delicate features, she should have appeared innocent and harmless. But as she waited for him to acknowledge her request to see his hand, one hand placed firmly on her hip, and one hand extended towards him, he knew that unless he wanted to go another round, her request wasn't to be denied. And while he wouldn't necessarily mind getting physical with her, he'd rather it not be on the heels of an unnecessary fight.

Sighing, he offered her his hand, watching as she perched herself on the edge of the coffee table and took it gently into her smaller and softer hands. She bit her lip and her eyes widened fractionally as she studied it, examining it carefully, she ran her fingers over his throbbing knuckles tenderly. Her teeth worked her lip, and her breathing had accelerated slightly, but other than that she didn't say a thing, didn't make a sound. A pin dropping would have sounded like a bomb going off, that's how deafening the silence was. He shrugged his shoulders and cleared his throat; suddenly he felt uncomfortable.

"Jess it's really not a big deal. _You're _making it a big deal." She shot her gaze to his, and the watery blue took him back a bit. "Jess—" He started gentling his voice.

She didn't let him finish. "I'm sorry this happened. _Everything_, Cece's stupid blind date, and those stupid drunk guys, and that stupid, _stupid_ fight…although I guess it really wasn't much of a fight…but that's besides the point...I'm so sorry it happened." Her voice was wavering, and she felt close to tears again. Maybe she was crashing from her adrenaline high, maybe just now she was realizing how close she had been to getting herself into a _very_ bad and messed up situation, or maybe she was just flat-out turning into an emotional wreck. Regardless her lips trembled, and glancing over at Nick, she tried to hide it with a tremulous smile, watching as his mouth formed into a tight line. "I'm so so sorry." She whispered, feeling silly when it came out choked and jumbled.

For some reason her apology made him angry, made him want to lash out at her. "Damnit! Why the hell are you apologizing to me? I don't care about Cece setting you up." He paused for a moment, considered the statement, and realizing it didn't sound right, it didn't sit well, immediately amended it. "Well I did at the time…care…obviously I did…but I don't care now, because I'm pretty sure Eric was just some pawn in a scheme of Cece's." He took a breath, needing to calm himself before he spoke to her about the rest of the night. "And it wasn't your fault that those assholes cornered you, that they didn't want to keep _it_ in their pants." He had to practically ground out the last part of that statement, but believing she needed to hear it, that he needed to say it, he continued. "And honestly Jess my hand barely hurts, I kinda wish that I had done more. If I had it my way, that jackass wouldn't have been able to walk home tonight. Seeing you, seeing them…damnit Jess I was scared as hell…but that's not something you should apologize for…._you _did nothing wrong, so knock it off...you—"

"I know but your hand-" She started as she ran a gentle thumb over the torn skin.

"I don't give a flying fuck about it." He said in a low voice that he was fighting to keep steady. When she tensed, he took his free hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. She was infuriating, absolutely infuriating.

Jess narrowed her eyes at him, still holding his hand, she tugged on it a bit, drawing his attention to her. "Well I do Nicholas...I give a flying...a flying eff." She faltered awkwardly.

He barely allowed himself a moment to be amused by her inability to use the word_ fuck_. "What do you want me to say Jess? It's a bruised hand, I made the decision to punch the guy in the face, not you...so what do you want me to do?"

She sighed. "I don't know, accept my apology for getting you into that situation in the first place."

"Really?" He asked, and when she merely lifted a shoulder in a delicate yet stubborn shrug, he scowled at her. "Really, so you want me to accept your apology for stepping outside and getting some fresh air?" The sarcasm was dripping from his voice as he looked her in the eye, and held her annoyed glare.

"Yes!" She shouted, aware that it sounded absurd.

"That's ridiculous Jess!" Nick shouted back.

She rolled her eyes at him, realizing that he was right, but not wanting to admit it, she huffed out a sigh. "Forget it. Just forget it." She muttered, unsure what else to say.

An uncomfortable silence followed her clipped statement, and they both looked away from each other, refusing to make eye contact.

He stared down at their still joined hands. It killed him to know that she somehow thought her actions warranted an apology. Especially when said actions, were merely stepping outside to wait for _him_ while enjoying the cool night air. He knew that Jess was a smart woman and was probably just still reeling from the earlier scary situation she had been in, he knew deep down inside she had to realize that nothing she had done was her fault and he hoped that she was aware that if necessary, he would have gladly punched the guy over and over again until his hand was a mangled and broken mess. Turning his attention to her face, he watched as she stared past him and focused on a spot over his shoulder.

He really didn't feel like fighting with her...not tonight.

Sighing he squeezed her hand gently, drawing her attention back to him. "Jess, I don't want to fight with you about this, but you need to stop apologizing okay? You didn't do anything wrong..._you know that_. I willingly hit the guy and not just because he couldn't take no for an answer...but because I hated hearing him talk about you that way. I don't know something just _snapped_, and...okay I realize now that maybe I should have taken a step back, maybe I should have tried to calm down a bit...but regardless it was my doing, my actions...not yours." He paused, watching her as she tilted her head, seemingly considering his words. "It's just when I saw you there...you looked so damn scared...and I just got so angry and-"

She cut him off then, breathing his name, immediately silencing him. When she lifted her eyes to his, he was caught off-guard by the emotions swirling in the pale blue depths, but before he had the chance to really consider them, she leaned over and placing her hands on of his shoulders, caught his lips in a gentle kiss.

He reacted immediately, placing his hands on her back and pulling her towards him so that she was forced to lean into him and half straddle him, half sit on him. She tasted of tea and honey and _Jess..._it was intoxicating. Stretching his neck up, he drank in the sigh that escaped her as her tongue traced his lower lip before it hungrily sought entrance to his mouth, allowing him even greater access to the sweet taste of her. And just like that the kiss want from gentle to desperate. She was like a live-wire in his hands, vibrating against him. Her mouth was suddenly hot on his and her hands were everywhere at once.

"Nick." She whispered in a voice that was low and husky. Rocking her body towards his, she leaned against him. The strong feeling of desire that had rushed through her as he had once again explained to her why he didn't want her to apologize, had hit her strong and swift, and now all she wanted to do was touch him, to feel his skin against hers. Bringing her head down to his, not giving herself a chance to feel self-conscious by the intense feelings coursing inside of her, she closed her eyes. "I want you…right now. God I want you_."_

Nick felt his heart race and his body twitch in reaction and anticipation but before he could respond to her hotly whispered words she was kissing him again and running her hands up and down his chest, fisting them in his shirt. She nipped at his lips and on his groan, swept her tongue back into his mouth kissing him thoroughly once more as she rocked herself against his ever-growing erection. Shifting slightly in his arms, she broke the kiss and leaned back a bit.

"Now...could you...just...take this off...hurry!" She said it almost desperately, lifting his shirt over his head and groaning in frustration when she couldn't get it all the way off.

He smirked at her fumbling hands and then quickly helped her with the task. She smiled her thanks before throwing it on the floor and bringing her attention back to him, she ran her fingers over his bare chest, seemingly memorizing the feel of his skin beneath her touch. She licked her lips as she drank in the sight of him, and then, just when he was starting to feel self-conscious, dipped her head and traced the path her fingers had taken with her tongue. He jumped, surprised by the caress, and it took everything in him, not to pick her up and throw her on the couch and just drive himself into her. He had never seen this desperately passionate side of her before. Sure the few times they had been together she had reacted with passion and vigor but this desperation, this hunger, that she was attacking him with...was surprising to say the least. "Jess..." He started, watching as she lifted her head from him. "Don't you want to go to one of our rooms—"

"No, just kick your pants off." She was breathless, and panting. She knew she should feel embarrassed by the way she was practically throwing herself at him but all she could feel was intense desire, overwhelming lust, and the need to feel him inside of her. Whipping her own shirt off of her body, she let her bra follow just as quickly and standing, she dropped her pants in a swift and hurried movement. Taking the time to notice the glint of appreciation that flashed in his dark eyes, she allowed herself a moment of pure giddiness, before she stepped back up to him. Her cheeks were hot and flushed and her body was damp with desire...she was so far gone but watching as his eyes widened at the sight of her and his breathing quickened, she knew that he was just as far gone as she was.

Straddling him, she grabbed the couch behind his head and closed her eyes briefly as his hands came up to rest on her hips. After hesitating for only a moment, she opened them again and blue eyes locked with brown, before she breathed in a shuddering breath and reaching down between them, took him into her hands. As her fingers wrapped around him, she barely heard the groan that fell from his lips; the roaring in her ears was so loud.

"Nick." She said his name once, and then she was lifting herself up ever so slightly and guiding him inside of her; the only sound that could be heard was that of their mutual pleasure fusing together as she lowered herself fully onto him. Stilling herself she gave her body a moment to adjust, allowed herself some time to try to calm the rapid beating of her heart.

"Oh God Jess." His voice sounded raspy and hoarse.

Gripping her hips more firmly, he rocked against her and watched as she closed her eyes tight, an expression of pure rapture crossing her face. She stayed like that for a moment, before she lifted herself off him completely and ignoring his protest, shot him a smile that looked completely wicked and out-of-place on her angelic features. Then, in one swift movement, she was lowering herself back onto him again and the next words that escaped him was an oath followed by something else he was sure was entirely unintelligible.

Bracing her hands on the back of the couch Jess rode him fast, enjoying the sounds she was pulling from him, the soft grunts and groans, the harsh oaths, and her name, always whispered with the perfect combination of desire and awe. She savored the feeling of being in control while also on the brink of losing it completely. She reveled in the simple fact that she felt completely and totally safe in his arms. And with this thought circling her brain, she rode him harder until her thighs were quivering with enervation, her breathing was labored, and her mind was too jumbled with trying to process what they were doing for her to think rationally.

Breathless, she rested her forehead against his, changing her frenzied pace to slow, so_ so_ achingly slow. And as his dark eyes looked up at her and he tightened his hold on her hips, she was immediately swept away by the intensity of his gaze and feeling that all too familiar lump form in her throat as emotions bombarded her, she closed her eyes.

She trusted him so much it scared her, needed him so much it hurt, desired him so much it worried her and as he shifted on the couch and lifted his hips towards her, drawing out a long and low moan from her, she pushed away the stronger more intense emotion she felt towards him. Afraid to admit it to herself, afraid that if she did, it would make it real and that was something that terrified her more than anything. So she pushed away that dangerous four letter word that was circling her heart and trying to convince herself that she was feeling emotional because she was in the thralls of passion, concentrated on the feeling of him inside of her. Lifting her head she looked down at him and met his eyes as he moved quickly, pumping himself upwards.

"Nick." As he continued to move she could barely grasp a coherent thought, let alone speak; she was so close and he was stroking her in just the right place.

"Come on Jess, that's it...let go." The words were spoken through clenched teeth as he continued to drive himself up into her; unable to take his eyes off her as his movements caused her to bounce and sway. Their bodies were slick with sweat, and his hands kept slipping from her hips, but still, he kept pushing his hips upwards enjoying the way her mouth opened ever so slightly and her eyes lifted towards the ceiling.

"Oh God." She sobbed out, bracing her hands on his shoulders, she dug her nails into his skin.

The sting of pain only pushed him further towards wanting to see her come undone. Taking one hand from her hip, he reached between them and pressed a thumb against her as he thrust himself up again, once, twice, and then she gasped out a word he couldn't quite make out and shuddered, coming apart above him.

As she rode out the waves of pleasure, feeling her body shake with the intensity of her orgasm, she felt him thrust up into her once more and then dimly heard him mutter her name, before his fingers dug into the soft and sensitive skin of her hips and he let out a strangled moan. His body shook beneath hers as a powerful orgasm swept over him and she rocked against him, smirking as he grumbled a curse at her actions. Selfishly she wanted to draw out the feeling of her own orgasm, so disregarding his muttered oaths, she continued to move, gasping out his name as she did. He groaned at her movements, but instead of stopping her, his hand began to work her again causing her pleasure to spike and grow. It wasn't long before she was shuddering again, sighing, and clenching around him once more.

When finally, finally they were both spent, she collapsed onto his chest and tried to slow her rapid breathing. Feeling sleepy, she closed her eyes and listened to the fast beating of his heart, letting the dull drumming sound lull her into a satisfied trance. After a moment or two she felt him shift under her, but clenching her thighs together, she caged him in and moaned her protest at his slight movement.

He chuckled at her, amused by her lazy behavior and running a hand down the smooth skin of her back, he felt his chest clench painfully as she murmured her appreciation of the action and snuggled deeper into him. He felt so content at that moment. If it were up to him, they would stay like this forever...and that thought alone was enough to terrify him. She was making him feel crazy emotions he had long since thought himself incapable of feeling anymore...he had long been denying himself. And while a large part of his brain was screaming for him to take a step back and move a bit more slowly, another calmer and more peaceful part was gently telling him to just go with it.

And deciding to do just that, he ran his hand up her back once again, and was rewarded with another sigh of contentment from her. "Jess?" He asked, his voice slightly muffled by the top of her head.

"Hmmm?"

"What are you doing this Friday night?"

"Hmmm...umm nothing I don't know...why?" She sounded sleepy and slightly confused.

For some reason his heart had started to thud hard against his chest, and he briefly wondered if she could feel it against her bare skin. He felt ridiculous for suddenly feeling so nervous, he was a thirty year old man that had just thoroughly satisfied the woman sprawled across him for Chrissakes, not some inexperienced teenager asking out the prom queen.

Annoyed with himself, he rolled his eyes, glad she couldn't see his face. "Because I'd like to take you to dinner."

There was a long pause, where his heart continued to pound and his hands grew clammy, he almost took back the words, almost told her to just forget it, when he felt the quick curve of her smile against his chest and a feeling of relief swept over him fast.

"Like a date?" She questioned against him, her words felt hot against his skin.

"Yeah like a date."

Raising her head she looked at him and the smile that lit her face was breathtakingly brilliant. "I'd love to Nicholas."

He couldn't help but smile back at her, and before she had the chance to say anything else he leaned forward and caught her lips in another kiss, drinking in the surprised little squeal that escaped her as he shifted and rolled her; pinning her beneath him onto the soft couch cushions. His breath caught slightly in his throat as she looked up at him with shining blue eyes, cheeks flushed from the aftermath of their lovemaking, and her hair tousled messily on top of her head with loose strands curling around her face. He was struck speechless for a moment and briefly wondered how in the hell, he, Nick Miller, law-school drop out, bartender extraordinaire, and an overall royal fuck-up, had been able to land someone like _her._ But as she reached up and wound her arms around his neck, he shook the thought from his brain forcing himself not to think about it. It didn't matter anyway, she knew all of his faults and she accepted him as is...exactly the way he was. And as her lips met his, he chased away the lingering thought that questioned just how long that acceptance would last.

* * *

**I hope with my other story completed I'll be able to focus more on this one. My goal had been to get this story done by the time the series premiered at the end of September...I still HOPE to meet that goal. **

**Thanks for taking the time to read!**

**Please review! :)  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Quick heads up! I received some PMs that some readers never received a notification about Chapter 15 from FF and rather stumbled across the update by accident. I updated with Chapter 15 a couple of weeks ago, the chapter takes place immediately after the bar scene where Nick pummels the creepy would be rapist in the face! I like 15, it's kinda a healing chapter with some cute and sexy moments wrapped up in it, so make sure you read it if you weren't notified of its posting, and haven't already.  
**

**That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it gave me so much difficulty! I had it in the finishing stages FOREVER and probably re-wrote it two or three times. On top of that I was sick last week, and I maybe, sorta, kinda, cheated on the New Girl fandom with a Big Bang Theory one-shot. **

***Hides***

** So sorry for the delay though. I ended up jumping ahead a few weeks in this chapter. Hope you don't mind, but I wanted to get this sucker moving along as I hope to wrap it up in a few chapters.  
**

**Please take a minute to review! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.**

* * *

Jerking awake, Nick opened his eyes, and took a moment to let his vision adjust to the dimly lit room. Squinting he glanced around him, nearly jumping out of his skin as a body shifted next to him in his bed. Drawing his attention down, he couldn't help but feel momentarily confused by the simple fact that he wasn't sleeping alone. Sighing slightly, he tried to clear his hazy brain, while not moving too much; careful not to disturb the sleeping figure that lay next to him.

Caroline had always said he was the most restless and annoying person she had ever had the displeasure of sleeping next to. He had taken the complaints in stride though, figuring she was probably telling him the truth for once. Besides, he fully admitted it…he was an awful sleeper. Being a bartender, his body wasn't on any kind of normal sleep schedule and on the evenings he didn't work, he often found himself lying awake in the middle of the night, willing sleep to come. Running a hand down his face, he allowed the last remnants of confusion to slowly fade, as he quickly became more aware of his surroundings.

It was late, the loft was quiet, he was in bed…and he wasn't alone.

Turning over onto his side, Nick propped his head in his hand, briefly noting that the clock on his nightstand claimed it was well past midnight, before taking in the sight of the woman who lay sleeping contentedly next to him. Watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, his mouth turned upwards into an affectionate smile as her eyes fluttered slightly and she sighed dreamily; murmuring something he couldn't quite make out.

As his gaze roamed over her resting figure, idly devouring the sight of her, he studied the length of her body and memorized every detail of her delicate face.

Full lips tinged a deep pink, pert nose, classically arched eyebrows, and long dark lashes.

Continuing to study her, he observed with some amusement that his fingers itched to touch her, to trace the gentle curve of her hips, to brush back her thick hair while noting with appreciation how striking the contrast of dark waves against pale skin was. She was beautiful, there was no denying it, any idiot could see that. Regardless of the goofy voices she often spoke in, despite the sometimes far-out outfits she wore, and crazy obsession with movies from the 1980s aside…Jess was absolutely gorgeous.

And she was with him…kind of.

Watching her as she continued to sleep soundly, he let his thoughts wander and considered the abrupt turn of events the summer had taken.

They had been sleeping together for a little over a month now. Shortly after Schmidt had called them out at the bar, they had broken the news to Winston who hadn't seemed too concerned or surprised by the change in their relationship. Since then, they had been spending more time together, getting to know each other on a more intimate and personal level. He now knew that Jess liked two squirts of honey in her tea not three like he had originally thought. She sometimes talks in her sleep, especially if they watch a movie before bed. Her body temperature runs cold, which is why she's always bundled up in those ridiculous pajama outfits. When she was little, she had used song and dance as an outlet during her parents messy divorce and it had just stuck with her, becoming her _thing_. She loves puppies but secretly hates cats...they terrify her. And while she enjoys baking, she loathes watching the Food Network channel, because she feels as if all the chefs and cooks on the network are secretly judging her for her mediocre talent in the kitchen.

Oh, and he had also found out rather quickly that she likes to be dominated in the bedroom..._a lot_.

Essentially, the past few weeks had been fun, relaxing, and _very_ enlightening.

And he was happy…which, of course, ultimately terrified him.

But out of control emotions aside, he felt as if things were looking up for him, and not just in the relationship department, but in life in general.

He had put a huge dent into his zombie novel and was fairly certain by the end of the month he would be done with it. What he would do with it after it was complete, he hadn't a clue, but it felt good to be on the verge of finally finishing it. On top of that, he was making decent money. Helping his buddy out with his landscaping business while continuing to work at the bar was bringing in some much appreciated extra income and while he wasn't making loads of cash by any stretch of the imagination, bills were easier to pay and taking Jess out for a movie and a quick bite to eat wasn't necessarily breaking the bank for him.

Although more often than not she insisted on paying or splitting the bill whenever they went out, which is exactly what had led to one of their first screaming matches as…whatever it is that they are.

But really, he had to admit, fighting with her wasn't so bad; that first argument had ultimately ended in his room, up against the wall with her legs wrapped around his waist and Jess screaming his name for a much different more mutually satisfying reason. And for as much as he used to secretly enjoy arguing with her, he couldn't deny that he found himself enjoying it much more now that they were…whatever it is that they are.

Shifting slightly, careful not to wake Jess up, he felt a grin stretch across his lips as he thought about that particular night, when Jess, still fairly upset with him for not allowing her to pay for her dinner, hadn't been able to separate her lust and passion from her anger and annoyance and had pleaded for Nick to do terrible and awful things to her up against that wall. He had only been too happy to oblige and neither of them had paid their roommates any mind, as they had quickly gotten caught up in the intense moment of taking each other on the heels of a heated argument.

Schmidt had complained for a whole day and then some about how vocal she had been that night and had made each of them put five dollars in the jar, threatening to up it another five if they ever disrupted his REM cycle again.

Despite his warnings they had both found themselves emptying their pockets and depositing more money into the jar not even two days later.

With the rate they were going, he was going to be broke again soon.

But as his eyes wandered the length of her body, he smirked; he could think of worse ways to lose his money.

"Are you just going to keep staring at me like a weirdo?"

Nick's grin widened as Jess opened an eye and peeked up at him; her mouth curved into a smile of her own as his eyes met hers and she held his stare; a slightly impish expression crossing her fairy-like features as she raised an eyebrow.

She had been awake for the past five minutes or so, aware of his eyes on her but too content and lazy to say or do anything about it. The feel of his gaze wandering down her body had sent a prickling of awareness skittering across her skin, leaving a trail of heat in its path and as he had continued to stare, she had felt the flames of desire begin to kindle deep within her belly, and had fought every urge to roll over and jump him while vaguely noting that she was becoming something of a sex addict.

She had nearly convinced herself to start counting sheep when she had sneaked a peek at him, and when she had seen the gentle look of affection and lust he wore, she had nearly sighed and melted into a big puddle of goo. It was a rare occurrence to see Nick Miller's eyes go soft and his features so relaxed. After observing him for a bit under barely opened eyes, still feigning sleep, it hadn't taken long for her to nix the whole counting sheep bit.

After all, they were both awake in the middle of the night, it was only logical that they make better use of their time.

"I didn't know you were awake." He said, bringing her focus back to him.

Jess's smile widened sleepily and she leisurely stretched, sighing as her muscles protested slightly. "Doesn't make it any less creepy."

"Oh I'm sorry…I was just enjoying the sight of a beautiful woman laying in _my_ bed, I wasn't aware that made me a creep _Jessica._"

She blushed at his words, he had been saying things like that a lot more often; complimenting her in an offhanded kind of way, like it was no big deal, like he wasn't complimenting her at all but merely stating a fact.

She was beautiful.

That was that, end of story, no big deal, moving on...

"I didn't know stripes did it for you Nicholas." She said placing an arm behind her head with a smirk while gesturing to her long-sleeved pajamas with her free hand.

Nick frowned slightly at the overly large sleep outfit she was bundled up in. "Remind me to mention something to Schmidt about how cool he keeps the loft, it's summer for crying out loud, it's supposed to be warm."

Nodding in agreement, Jess sat up a bit. "I am a freeze baby." She offered, throwing in a fake shiver for good measure.

Nick raised an eyebrow at that and leaned towards her, his dark eyes playful and his mouth still quirked up into a smile. "I can warm you up."

Laughing, she pushed at him, tilting her head to the side, she raised her eyebrows and pinned him with pale blue eyes that glittered with amusement. "That was so lame Nick…even for you."

Shrugging at that, unable to disagree, Nick closed the small distance between them and covered her laughing mouth with his own. As he drank in her halfhearted protests, he noted with some vague sense of amusement, and maybe a tiny bit of manly pride, how those objections quickly turned into sighs and those sighs eventually turned into soft words and those soft words swiftly turned into moans of encouragement.

And as his fingers worked the buttons of her pajamas, dancing across her body and uncovering every inch of creamy white skin, he dimly thought of the jar and Schmidt's rule about interrupting his sleep. He was very much aware that it was late and that his roommate was most likely well into his REM cycle but looking down at at Jess who was staring back up at him with heavy-lidded eyes and a seductive smile playing across her mouth, he shrugged, and lowered his head to her again.

Suddenly he really couldn't bring himself to care about Schmidt's sleeping habits.

And claiming her lips once more he figured his wallet could definitely afford to lose a few more dollars.

* * *

"So I think I'm in love with him."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Jess gasped audibly, as if she was surprised by her own admission. To her credit Cece didn't react much; calmly, she looked up at her friend from over her magazine; sharp brown eyes found Jess' wide blue and staring at her quietly for a moment, the model nodded once and dog-earing the page she had been looking at, placed the magazine in her lap. Raising a brow, Cece gestured for her to continue.

Jess bit her lip and chewed on it a moment, considering her next words. "He makes me laugh, he is constantly challenging me, he gets my crazy…deals with it even-"

Cece put a hand up, stopping her. "Your crazy? Nick Miller has his own brand of crazy going for him, let's just get that straight."

Jess smirked, and shifted on the bed so that she was more comfortably resting against the headboard. "So we are both slightly certifiable….even better."

Cece chuckled at that and nodded for her to keep going.

"He…he wouldn't hesitate in protecting me. He makes me feel, I don't know…alive. That sounds stupid doesn't it? But I just feel like I can be myself around him and he'll take me as is. He won't try to change me, even when he complains about it, I know deep down inside that he likes me the way I am. It's like I don't even have to try with him. Oh God...I feel like one of my students…seriously it's like I'm in middle school again, he's...he's just about taken up a permanent residence in my brain. I can't stop thinking about him. I think about him all the time. It's kind of sad really, how he's just constantly floating around up there." She raised a fist to her head and lightly rapped her knuckles against the side of it, rolling her eyes and drawing a laugh from Cece. "I can honestly say I've never felt this way before. It's just so different from anyone else I've ever been with…it's just simple. Sure we fight and yell and—and sometimes maybe I want to punch him in the face…but, but I'm still really happy…and at the end of the day I…I love him."

She blew out a shaky breath, tilting her head and considering her confession.

She loved him.

Her heart beat faster at the thought; her palms suddenly felt a bit damp, and sure maybe she felt like she had a massive lump in her throat, and there was a very real possibility that she might get sick…but other than that…she was fine. Totally and completely fine. One hundred percent okay. She was just in love with Nick Miller.

No big deal.

Everything was just fine.

Except it wasn't.

"Oh crap." She whispered softly to herself, eyes widening as she glanced up at Cece.

Her friend gave her a tight sympathetic smile. "Just breathe."

"I'm in love with him."

Cece nodded, biting her lip, she peered closer at her friend, concern etched across her face, and slight amusement glittered in her eyes. "So you said."

"I can't be in love with him."

Confusion flitted across Cece's face as she continued to stare at her friend. "Why not?"

"Because…because…he's my roommate and friend and…"

"And all of that kinda flew out the window the minute you guys started sleeping together babe."

Jess nodded at that, somewhat numbly. "I know, but what if I mess it up. What if he realizes that I'm…"

"Absolutely perfect in every way." Cece deadpanned, her expression completely serious and her tone firm.

Jess smiled at her friend affectionately. "I was going to go with absolutely nuts, but I like what you said better."

The model returned her smile with a soft one of her own. "Jess he's crazy about you."

"What if I mess it up?"

"You're not going to mess it up."

"Yeah but what if I do, what if we get in a fight and end whatever it is we are doing and it's messy and uncomfortable because we live in the same apartment. And...and we end up not speaking to each other, so I move out because Winston and Schmidt can't stand the tension, and then I never talk to any of them again...only later on in life, some unforeseen tragedy occurs bringing us back together and it's then we realize our true feelings for each other, only it's too late because-"

"Jess that's not going to happen." Cece interrupted her, exasperation clear in her voice.

"Yeah but it could."

"Jess."

"Cece."

"Jess."

"Cece."

"Jess knock it off! Pull it together!"

Jess swallowed over the lump in her throat, trying to snap herself out of it, she nodded and clasped her shaky hands together. Glancing down at them, she focused on clearing her suddenly hazy brain, and took in a deep breath before raising her eyes back up to her friend. "Cece I love him." She whispered it softly, almost sorrowfully.

Cece scooted closer to her, and threw an arm around Jess' shoulders, smirking a bit as her slightly shell-shocked friend laid her head on her shoulder. "I know you do babe…I know."

"What should I do, should I talk to him about it, see where he stands in this relationship or whatever_ it_ is that we've got going on?" Jess asked, wincing at the sound of her small and wavering voice.

Cece shrugged and began to stroke Jess' long dark hair. "I honestly don't know I—"

"You see me here right? Like you both realize I'm sitting right here."

They both glanced up at Schmidt, who was looking back and forth between the two of them, an incredulous expression plastered on his sharp features.

Jess scowled at him and lifted her head from Cece's shoulder. "She's my best friend."

"And my girlfriend."

"Yeah well I call dibs on her right now."

"Jess you can't call dibs on Cece."

"I just did."

"Damnit Jess you can't…Cece she can't call dibs on you."

Rolling her eyes, Cece merely shrugged and gestured to her clearly distraught friend sitting next to her. "Schmidt." She pleaded, her dark eyes holding his.

"Damnit Jess I need sex and you are preventing that from happening with your talk of feelings and emotions and all that other stuff that quite frankly makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach.

"I'm sorry Schmidt okay? I'm just confused and—" Suddenly nervous Jess sat up, dread balled deep in her gut as she realized what exactly she had spoken out loud in front of Nick's close friend. "Schmidt, you know the girlfriend code right? None of this, what has been said here, can ever leave this room...EVER!"

Schmidt threw his hands up clearly frustrated, and sprung up from the foot of Cece's bed, quickly he began pacing the room. "Yeah well maybe you should have thought about that before you opened that trap of yours and spilled the beans about your amorous and slightly sickening feelings for my best friend."

"Schmidt!"

"Jess, all I'm saying is you can't run your mouth and then expect me to keep mine shut!" Schmidt stated in a matter of fact tone, his hands on his hips and his eyes wide with surprise, obviously he was quite uncomfortable with the position she had put him in.

Leaning up, Cece pinned him with a withering glare. "No sex Schmidt…ever again…if you so much as breathe a word of this…got it?

He whipped his gaze to the model, who was sitting up in the bed coolly accessing her boyfriend. "What? Are you serious? Cecelia... that's cold…you devious devious chocolate minx you!" As he glared at her, she merely raised a brow in challenge.

Swinging her legs to the side of the bed, Jess stood, feeling slightly sick. She couldn't believe she had run her big fat mouth in front of him, she was sure she had said too much and didn't even want to think about what would happen were Schmidt to go to Nick with her confession. Needing reassurance that he wouldn't give her away, that her secret was safe, she walked over to him and stopping in front him, stared up at him with big eyes, desperately imploring that he keep any information he had learned about her feelings for Nick to himself.

"Schmidt, please…just don't say anything. I wasn't thinking when I said all of that in front of you. I'm confused, kind of scared…I don't know what to do…and I just needed to talk to my best friend. I shouldn't have put you in this position, I realize that, but I'm begging you…_please_…don't say anything to him. Please."

Schmidt scowled as he met her gaze, and after a moment's hesitation, in which Jess' heart pounded painfully against her chest and her body felt tingly with nerves, he sighed softly and nodded before placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. Offering a her a small grin, he shrugged.

"I won't say a word…but try to keep your girl talk to a minimum around me. It gives me the creeps." He said somewhat flatly and shuddered in an exaggerated fashion, emphasizing his claim.

Jess smiled at him as relief swam through her and grateful that her secret was safe for a little while longer, she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight. "Thank you Schmidt. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

He patted her back, and nodded at her somewhat absently. "Yeah yeah yeah, you're welcome…I'm not a complete jerk you know. For as much as I complain about it, and while it still kind of weirds me out, I don't want to ruin whatever it is that you and Nick have going."

Brow furrowed, Jess pulled back from the hug and shot Schmidt a curious look. "Ruin it? What do you mean?"

He shrugged seemingly unconcerned and barely spared Cece a glance as she sighed in obvious frustration from her place on the bed. "Well you know, I wouldn't want him to catch wind of your crazy feelings for him...right? Wouldn't want to scare him away."

Jess bit her lip at that, a sinking feeling settled low in her stomach as his implications washed over her. "Scare him away?"

Schmidt gave her a pointed look. "Guys get freaked out by words like _love_ and talks of commitment Jess." He said it slowly in a gentle tone, as if he were talking to a toddler, and shaking his head he looked at her tenderly, obviously slightly amused by her how utterly clueless he thought she was.

At his words, Cece barely suppressed her annoyed chuckle. "Oh really Schmid they do?...Please tell me more." She inquired, her tone sickly sweet and heavy with sarcasm.

Sighing Schmidt threw his hands up in the air and began pacing. "Damnit! See now I'm in trouble. This is why I don't do girl talk. Listen Jess all I'm saying is that Nick's not the kind of guy to rush into things, to accept his feelings as is without questioning them a million times, he's not one to act on impulse he's…he's—"

"The guy on the beach holding all the wallets." Jess interrupted softly, feeling her heart clench a bit as she briefly lowered her gaze to the floor.

"That's not true!" Cece argued shooting her boyfriend a glare so cold, Jess was surprised the temperature didn't lower by a few degrees. "Look at Julia and Caroline, he admitted he had feelings for both of them…"

"Oh yeah and look how well that worked out." Schmidt spat back.

Cece raised an eyebrow, Schmidt's impending punishment for speaking his mind and quite possibly the truth, was written all over her face.

"Schmidt…" She warned standing up, saying his name slowly, drawing it out so that her meaning could not be missed.

She wanted him to shut the hell up.

"What Cecelia, I'm just being a good friend, and girl code aside, that doesn't necessarily entail telling her things she wants to hear." He paused, and meeting her glare with one of his own, his mouth curled up into a slight sneer. "At least I'm telling her the truth!"

"What does that mean?" Cece asked, her voice rising, and her cheeks deepening in color, as anger clearly seeped out of her.

He shrugged. "I'm not going to sugar-coat it like _some_ people."

"Schmidt don't be ridiculous—"

"No Cece, YOU don't be ridiculous, Nick's nuts. I love the guy, he's my bro, but he's nuts. He doesn't handle relationships well."

"Schmidt, we are NOT talking about this right now!"

"Oh sure, sure, let's pretend that there's not a big fat elephant in the room, Nick and Jess both suck at relationships..."

"If you don't shut that mouth of yours, so help me God-"

"Guys, guys, guys!" Jess stepped in between them and placed her hands up, signaling for both of them to stop talking. Shaking her aching head as it swam with the statements Schmidt had so bluntly spoken, she tried to keep her cool. "It's fine...it's no big deal." Turning towards Cece she gave her friend a slightly tremulous smile. "Schmidt's right anyway, I can't go blabbing my feelings to Nick. I mean have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous?" She gave what she hoped was a light an airy laugh, trying to act as if the idea was genuinely absurd and hoping that her chuckle didn't sound as psychotic to her friends as it did to her.

"Babe—"

"No Cece, I mean Nick and I haven't even established what we are, and…and here I am thinking I'm in love with him." She rolled her eyes at herself. "Seriously? I'm just...I'm just in that honeymoon phase of…whatever it is we are."

"Girlfriend. You are his girlfriend." Cece stated firmly.

"Not necessarily, not if they haven't…"

"Shut up Schmidt!"

Closing his mouth, Schmidt shrugged, but the expression on his face obviously said that he was in complete disagreement with what Cece had stated.

Picking up her purse with a soft sigh, Jess dug out her keys and gave them each a tight smile, hoping it appeared genuine and didn't waver around the edges, but as her lips began to tremble, she knew she wasn't fooling anyone. Avoiding Cece's gaze, she headed towards the door; with Schmidt's words ringing in her ears, she wanted nothing more than to just get out of Cece's apartment so she could pour over her relationship with Nick in private, so she could dissect every single bit of it without interruption. Still not meeting their eyes, she gave them each one last forced smile and mumbled something about needing to grab a few things from the store, before making a quick exit.

Vaguely she heard Cece's protest, but it was quickly cut off by something Schmidt said, and as she dashed out into the hallway of her friend's apartment the sounds of Cece and Schmidt doing battle in her room could be heard going on in full force. Closing the door fast, Jess leaned against it and shut her eyes, taking in a deep breath she tried to force thoughts about love and Nick and unidentified relationships from her head, if only for a moment.

But as her phone buzzed and she retrieved it from her purse she could barely suppress a groan as she read the text from _him._

_Bar is pretty dead right now, you should stop by if you're not doin anything, if not, see you tonight.  
_

Groaning Jess pushed herself from the door and tried to talk herself out of stopping by the bar on her way home, listing off all the reasons why she shouldn't visit him; reminding herself of the laundry that needed to be done, the closet she wanted to re-organize and she couldn't forget about that cute pair of shoes she wanted...no needed, to pick up at the store.

But as she walked to her car and opened the door, throwing her bag in the passenger seat, she took a moment to collect herself and then throwing her car in reverse debated which way was the quickest route to the bar…

She really was a hopeless cause.

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! Please review :)**

**So I know I said I only have a few chapters left, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are going to be angst free...I mean it is Nick after all. Doesn't angst just kinda follow the guy around? He is quite self-deprecating isn't he?  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay so I'm a jerk. I know it's been ages. So sorry! I could give you excuses and reasons but in the end...who cares right?  
**

**Really quick because I had more than a few people bring this up, I wanted to address some concerns/comments some readers had about the angst in the story. First, thanks so much for taking the time to PM me and/or review. I know this fic is kinda angsty for a story based off a TV comedy…and so I appreciate your comments and take them all to heart. The truth is, I just like adding a HEALTHY dose of angst to my writing. Selfishly, it makes it more enjoyable for me! So in my mind, the funny stuff we see on TV is just a small fraction of the "real" New Girl world. Or at least that's how I explain it to myself. Lol. But I'll try to continue to add a bit of comedy to each chapter…**

***TRY* ;)**

**Also, thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed or added the story to his or her favorites or alerts. I know I've sucked at getting back to everyone but I really, really do appreciate it…and EVERY SINGLE review makes me smile…A LOT!**

**Okay on with the show.**

**Please review!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own New Girl…none of it.**

* * *

"Do you know how gross these things are?"

Looking up from his chore of drying beer mugs, Nick shot his gaze to Jess, who was sitting at the bar examining a small bowl of peanuts; her usually soft features were drawn into a tight and serious expression as she critically inspected the bowl in front of her.

"I thought you liked peanuts." He said, smirking as she picked up another nut, turning it over in her fingers with a hint of a frown playing across her lips.

"I love em' but this bowl of them is probably so infested with germs and bacteria and just…yack!" She gave a little shudder and her frown deepened as she seemingly thought of all the disgusting things that lingered on the bar snack.

Nick made a slight face while glancing over at the tiny object of her scrutiny. "Okay first, don't yack at the peanuts...if you really think that they are so gross then why are you touching them? And secondly…they're fine."

Jess quickly dropped the nut with a small gasp, and raising wide blue eyes to meet his dark brown, she curled her lip slightly, and tilted her head to the side, wiping her hands on her pale blue summer dress as she did. "Fine? Ugh Nicholas please! I read an article...or maybe I saw it on an episode of Doctor Oz…or it might have been something I saw on someone's facebook status…or maybe..."

"Jess…" Nick sighed pinching the bridge of his nose as she trailed off in her ramblings.

And while sure, he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy their back and forth banter...she didn't need to know that. So when he leveled her with a mild glare, he told himself it was all part of the game that they had going between them, and didn't bother with considering her feelings.

"Turtle face." She pointed out with a somewhat smug tone and an equally smug grin to match. When he only sighed again, she flashed him a bigger, brighter smile, before bringing her attention back to the bowl. "Anyway, I heard somewhere that a bowl of these suckers was taken from a bar and tested in some lab…all kinds of gross stuff was found on them."

He held her gaze for a moment, enjoying the way she was looking at him in earnest, practically begging him with those huge eyes of hers for a dramatic reaction. She was too damn cute for her own good, all wild dark hair, pale blue eyes and full pouty lips...

"Yeah yeah yeah." He simply nodded before going back to his task, knowing his lack of response would only further rile her up.

"Nick!" She sighed, leaning over the bar towards him, her tone held an almost frantic note of exasperation. "Urine! Traces of urine were found on some of them."

He made what he was sure would qualify as another turtle face in her book, and rolled his eyes with a quick shake of his head. Although, as he looked over at the bowl, he had to admit he was pretty sure he'd think twice about dipping his hand into it the next time he was feeling hungry while working a late night shift.

"That's disgusting."

"Tell me about it."

He chuckled at her still serious tone, and glancing over towards the other end of the bar, acknowledged a customer that was waiting to close out his tab. "I'll be right back." He paused for a moment, considering her earlier words. "And do me a favor...just leave the nuts alone, don't touch them, I'm just gonna take care of that guy." He said, eying the bowl warily before motioning towards the man across the room.

She followed his gaze and nodded, watching as he placed the dried beer mugs on the counter behind him. "Take your time, I've got the song in my head to keep me company."

"You're so weird Jess."

She smiled sweetly at him as he walked away watching with some interest as a group of cougars eyed him admiringly, hungrily, and then spoke in hushed tones as he passed by. Glancing down at the dark wood surface of the bar in front of her, she smirked in a somewhat greedy way.

_In your dreams ladies._

It was slightly cocky to be thinking such callous thoughts…she knew that. But really, Nick didn't even pay attention, didn't even bat an eye, at the women who hit on him night after night, slipping their phone numbers to him, and whispering promises of a good time.

It was flattering.

"Hey, I gotta take care of a few more customers…my shift's almost over but you don't have wait around. Why don't you head out while I close up. Crowd's light…I shouldn't be too late."

Surprised by his quick return, Jess glanced up from where she had been tracing small circles on the scratched surface of the bar, feeling a blush sweep over her cheeks as her thoughts scattered. Lifting her wine glass she took a quick sip, noting how his eyes lingered on her lips as she did so. "Yeah good call, I'll finish my drink and then hit the road…if that's alright with you bro-ski."

With a sigh and a slight shake of his head, Nick turned and began walking away from her again, a small smirk threatening the corners of his lips. "Just no…don't call me that…_ever again."_

Jess nodded, agreeing with him. "You know I was going to call you bro but bro-ski came out instead and I just went with it." She informed him, raising her voice a bit so that he could hear her.

"I'm not your bro Jess." He called over his shoulder to her. "That's not a thing between us."

She nodded again at his statement and gave his back the thumbs-up, pursing her lips as she considered his words. Had it been any other guy that she just so happened to be sleeping with and may or may not have developed intense feelings for, she would have flushed about ten shades of red out of sheer embarrassment from her totally lame comment. Fortunately for her, Nick was used to her odd statements and awkward behavior; she didn't have to worry (_too much_) about what he thought.

She already knew…mostly.

Sure she was still annoyingly in the dark about what exactly their relationship was but that would all come out in due time…she hoped. Taking one last sip of wine, Jess stood and stretched a bit, chewing on her bottom lip lightly, she glanced over at Nick as he joked with a customer and refilled his beer. It didn't matter that they hadn't _really_ discussed their relationship in the past month or so. It didn't matter that she wanted _so badly_ for them to define what they were.

Heck, it didn't even matter that she was completely and totally butt-crazy in love with him.

_She was happy_ (mostly) and she liked to think he was too. He seemed more laid-back and less uptight. He smiled easier at friends and strangers alike and her eccentric behavior seemed to grate his nerves less and less each day. All in all things were good, it would be silly to mess it all up by bringing up a ridiculous topic like their relationship status.

Absolutely absurd.

Seemingly sensing her attentions, Nick glanced over at her and flashed her a lopsided grin, causing her heart to melt just a bit at the relaxed affection he showed her. Rapping the bar in front of him with his knuckles, he said a few last words to the customer he had been serving, and made his way over to her.

"You good to drive?" He asked, peering down at her closely, his dark gaze skittered across her face before landing on her eyes and holding them in a curious stare.

"Nick I'm fine."

He raised a brow, still studying her. "You had two glasses of wine." He stated bluntly, as if he informing her, just now, was making her aware of how much she had actually consumed that night.

She grinned and leaned over the bar towards him, noting with some giddiness when he took in a slightly sharp breath at the action and his eyes dipped down her body before wandering back up. "Actually _pal_, I had a glass and a half. I spilled most of my first one when you weren't looking and managed to clean it up before you noticed." She said this with a little wink, her voice taking on a faux sultry tone that didn't match her words and instead belonged in a cheesy, low budget, 1940s film.

He rolled his eyes at her, but his expression was amused and his chocolate eyes were soft. "You're the worst Jess."

She let out a breathy laugh at that, trying to ignore the dancing fairies in her stomach that never failed in flapping around in a crazy little dance whenever he looked at her with that odd combination of desire, exasperation, and amusement. Leaning even closer towards him, she resolutely pushed the fairies aside and smirked up at him.

"Yeah but you kinda like me." She joked, narrowing her eyes a bit at the husky tone of her voice that was in no way fake, and in every way infuriating.

His expression gentled at her words and tone; something unreadable flashed in his dark eyes, before he smiled tenderly down at her. Reaching out, he took her by surprise when he cupped her chin in one hand and leaned over. "Maybe just a little bit." He whispered in a gruff voice against her lips, before kissing them softly, sweetly, and soundly.

She was too surprised by the look he had flashed her and the gentleness with which he had kissed her to react, and he chuckled at her lack of response, before straightening up and tugging on her loose hair. "Go home Jess, I'll see you in a bit."

Nodding, she tried to shake herself out of the daze that was all too common for her these days and gave him a faltering smile. "Right…home…going now…I'll see you later Nicholas." Gathering her purse, she flashed him another steadier, more controlled smile and slowly began walking away.

Nick grinned as he watched her go, laughing when she stumbled into a chair and muttered a curse under her breath. When she looked back at the sound of his laugh, she narrowed her brows and gave him a sheepish smile, obviously frustrated by her own clumsiness. Amused, he shook his head and shrugged, giving her a little salute as she waved at him while rolling her eyes at herself, before once again walking towards the bar's exit. Turning from her retreating figure, he began wiping down the bar, aware of the slightly dumb expression that had crossed his features. He could only imagine how completely infatuated he must look to the casual observer, but chuckling to himself, he realized with some vague sense of satisfaction he couldn't seem to bring himself to care; instead he continued his task with a bit more vigor, while whistling a little tune that he was dimly aware he had heard her singing earlier that day.

And as he moved along the bar, nodding as a customer threw down a generous tip in front of him, he tried his hardest to concentrate on the song that played on his lips, doing his best to ignore the lightness in his heart and the ever-present ball of fear and doubt that lurked deep in his gut.

* * *

Letting herself into the apartment, Jess quietly closed the door behind her, and stepped out of her flats, kicking them towards the wall as she did so. Schmidt would complain tomorrow that she hadn't put them on the shoe rack, but she was feeling lazy and the simple task of picking up her shoes seemed like way too much work at the moment. Heading towards her room, Jess smiled a bit as she thought about the relaxed evening she had spent at Nick's bar. She enjoyed hanging out with him…now more than ever. He made her laugh, he made her think, their back and forth banter was more than entertaining, and just forget about the way he made her feel…emotionally_ and_ physically.

Yep she was still a goner.

Still a hopeless cause.

And while she was almost certain she didn't want to tread into murky waters by bringing up their relationship to him, she couldn't help but hope that the subject would come up sooner rather than later. She was getting antsy, and when she got antsy her awkward behavior tended to manifest.

Trudging to her room, she glanced across the hall at his door, staring at it with slightly sleepy eyes. She hoped he wouldn't be too late...she could definitely go for a round of cuddling later. And wondering about just what time he would be home and whether or not she'd be able to wait up for him, she pushed her door open and shuffled into her room. Making her way over to her dresser, she opened the top drawer with tired and stiff movements, stifling a little yawn as she did. As her hands brushed a short and silky negligee she had purchased on a recent shopping trip with Cece, she paused briefly in her actions. Biting her lip, her eyes flitted down to the light blue nightie and Jess considered it a moment; she had yet to wear it for him and as her fingers stroked the delicate material, she debated on whether or not she should "unveil" it that night. But as another yawn escaped her, she crinkled her nose and reached for her favorite pair of yellow and navy striped pajamas instead, shrugging a bit dejectedly with the action. While she was fairly certain she loved the guy, she just wasn't feeling up to shivering the night away in the sorry excuse for pajamas…not when she wasn't even sure what time he'd be walking through the door.

It was slightly lazy; she knew that. Her annoying inner voice told her as much, scolding her soundly while asking where her spontaneity was; but as the air conditioning in the loft kicked on, Jess frowned and shrugged out of her clothes. Pulling on her pajamas, she sighed contentedly at the warm feeling of soft cotton against her cool skin. And when a wave of drowsiness took over her, mentally she told her inner voice to go jump off a cliff and leave her alone, confident she had made the right decision.

Feeling snug and warm in her pajamas, she glanced around her room, her eyes lingering on her bed for a moment as her gaze swept the small area. She stared at it briefly, before turning her attention towards the door. It had come as no shock to her that she slept better in Nick's bed; there was something so much warmer...more comfortable about it. Glancing over her shoulder at her own bed again, which now just looked flat-out cold and lonely, she shrugged and made her way across the hall.

She was sure Nick wouldn't mind _too much_ if she curled up under his blankets.

* * *

Glancing down at his watch with a slight grimace, Nick opened the door to the loft, leaning against it for a moment as he closed it quietly behind him. Resting his head against the cool smooth wood of the frame, he sighed and rubbed his burning eyes. He was tired…bone tired. He had gotten held up at the bar; a disgruntled and drunk customer had decided to get a little heated and rowdy just as he was closing up, causing him to get home almost an hour later than he had expected to. Taking a deep breath, he shook his head and cracked his neck, letting out a small groan at the slight relief the action brought. He had _just barely_ diffused the potentially messy situation with the customer. And while he had taken care of everything, it had been tough, he had wanted nothing more than to punch the damn jerk in the face so that the bastard would just _shut the hell up._

And it was with this thought that he reluctantly noted that the bar was wearing him down; the routine was getting old and he was finding himself longing for the day when he could just hang up his bar-towel and _quit_.

Pushing away from the door, he made his way towards his room wondering what Jess was doing, if she was still even up. He knew it was wishful thinking, hoping that she was awake. After all, she had drunk two (or in her words one and half) glasses of wine, and had looked somewhat sleepy before she had left the bar. She was probably bundled up in her bed (most likely wearing some ridiculous albeit adorable pajama outfit) sound asleep, dreaming the rest of the night away. Stopping in front of her door he pushed it open gently, trying to be quiet so as not to wake her. When his eyes adjusted to the darkened room, lit only from the light streaming in from the hallway behind him, he focused on her bed, squinting his eyes as he did so.

It was empty.

He frowned a little at the still made bed, wondering where she could be; the loft had been quiet when he had let himself in, the kitchen and living room both empty. He turned slightly, glancing down the hall towards the bathroom, and noted that the door was open and the bathroom was dark. Confused he began to turn back towards the living-room…maybe she had fallen asleep on the couch and he hadn't noticed—

A slight rustling across the hall, grabbed his attention and turning his focus towards his bedroom door, he saw it was slightly ajar. Feeling a smirk perk up the corners of his mouth, he considered the options that lay on the other side. With a lightness in his step, Nick took the few short strides to the other side of the hallway, and quietly pushed the door open, instantly greeted by the sight of Jess in his bed.

However, the smart comment and quick smile he had been about to give her died on his lips when he saw what she was doing.

She was reading.

She sat propped up against the headboard wrapped in his comforter, her glasses had slid down her nose and she was twirling a strand of dark hair around dainty fingers. Absorbed in her reading, she let out a shuddering breath and her teeth worried her bottom lip, as her eyes, wide behind thick black frames, flew across the page of what looked like an all too familiar manuscript.

_His manuscript._

More specifically…his zombie novel.

He eyed the thick stack of papers she held, still completely oblivious to his unannounced presence, and waited for the anger to come. After all, it was his novel, his writing; it was up to him to decide if and when to share it. But the anger didn't come, only an odd feeling of dread, largely mixed with curiosity along with the barest hint of relief coursed through him.

Gripping the doorknob tightly, he leaned his weight onto it and cleared his throat, observing with some dulled sense of amusement as her eyes shot up to his and grew even wider than they had been before. He watched a mixture of emotions flash in their pale blue depths as realization that she had been caught dawned across her features.

Fear, concern, guilt, affection…._admiration?_

"Nicholas…I…um…I was coming in here to sleep…because your bed is comfortable and— and um this was laying on your desk and…God, I'm really sorry it was rude of me but—"

He walked further into his room, closing the door behind him, tuning her out a bit as she spoke. She was babbling...he enjoyed when she babbled. It meant she was nervous which usually meant she would unintentionally end up doing something cute. He smirked at the thought, and watched as she trailed off, fidgeting nervously under the blankets as her words hung in the air. He stopped at the foot of the bed, and felt his smirk widen into an only _slightly _sardonic smile.

"It's fine Jess."

She squinted up at him, seemingly turning his words over in her mind and eying him suspiciously. "It is?" She asked, her voice coming out a husky squeak.

His smile gentled and he shrugged. "I guess being allowed to snoop around in my room is one of the benefits of being my girlfriend huh?"

It was almost comical how wide her eyes got; how her mouth dropped open in what was most likely shock, as she slowly processed his casually said words. The big blue orbs rounded into fat circles, and a tiny gasp escaped her already parted lips. As he acknowledged her surprised reaction, Nick felt his heart begin to drum painfully against his chest; a painful lump formed in his throat and the telltale signs of panic raced through his body.

The word _girlfriend_ had just spilled out of his mouth; he hadn't intended to say it so offhandedly, so nonchalantly. But he had and he couldn't take it back now. And really, who had they been kidding? They had been dating.._.seriously dating,_ as in not seeing other people, not even _thinking_ about seeing other people...for the past few weeks. They had just been dancing around the whole relationship "title" thing. And wasn't that just like them? First they had danced around the attraction, then they had danced around the relationship, he didn't even want to think about what they would dance around next and hurriedly, almost desperately pushed away thoughts about _love_ and_ commitment._

"Did you just call me your girlfriend?"

He snapped his attention back to her; she had placed his novel to the side and was looking up at him curiously, cautiously, obviously over her initial shock at his statement. As he studied her, he dimly noted that her eyes were now glittering with a mixture of emotions. Emotions that usually made him feel uncomfortable…that usually had his brain screaming for him to RUN! when directed towards him by a girl he was in just the beginning stages of dating with. But as she tilted her head to the side and a small smile spread across her pretty pink lips, he couldn't help the rush of warmth and the most likely misplaced sense of pride that he felt when staring down into her bewitching blue eyes...eyes that would most likely end up being his ultimate undoing.

"Yeah I did. I mean we're both adults it's no big deal. And...um you are…aren't you?"

Her grin widened, and the brightness in it almost blinded him it was so light and carefree. "Of course I am Nicholas."

He chuckled at her smile, at her quickly spoken words, and shook his head with a small sigh of relief. "Then quit being a weirdo and stop smiling at me like that."

His words only succeeded in making her laugh and leaning back against the headboard again, she glanced away from him, her eyes falling on his novel as she did. The smile slowly faded from her lips and her eyes shot back up to him, a seriousness and an intense fire he wasn't used to seeing there, burning deep within them.

"You wanna talk about this?" She asked him, her hands reached out and picked up the stack of papers, lifting them towards him with a little wave.

Nick shrugged, walking over to his closet he opened the door and fished around for a pair of what he hoped were clean sweatpants. Turning back to her, he dropped his jeans and waited for her to continue, when she didn't and simply continued to stare at him with an arched eyebrow and a smirk ghosting around the corners of her mouth, he shrugged and slipped on his sweats.

"What's there to talk about?" He asked, hoping his curiosity didn't betray him.

Jess sighed and gave him a _look_. "Nick…this is good. Really, really good. Great even."

The relief, the utter joy, the complete happiness, he felt at her words both shocked and humbled him. He felt the room tilt a little as her words swept over him and he took a moment to collect himself before speaking. Man up! His inner voice mentally yelled, annoyed by how shaken he was by her praise, stunned by just how much her thoughts on his work meant to him. When he was sure he could speak without sounding like a whimpering pansy-ass, he raised a brow in what he hoped seemed like casual acknowledgment at her words.

"Oh really?" He asked, satisfied with the even tone of his voice.

She gave him a knowing look, silently telling him she wasn't fooled by his flippant response, and rolled her eyes. "Yes _really._ Nick…I'm not kidding. It's great. Terrifying, heartbreaking, terrifying, really well-written, terrifying, amazing, and, and—"

"Terrifying?" He interjected, a smile crossing his lips when she nodded, enthusiastically agreeing with him.

Considering him briefly, her eyes roamed over his face flashing with something that very closely resembled pride, before she surprised him by chuckling lightly. "Like let's be honest with each other, I'm kinda nervous that I'm sleeping with someone who could write something so intensely _dark_…" She paused for a moment, a mask of earnestness and sincerity suddenly crossing her delicate features as she carefully measured her words. "But at the same time it's…I don't know the relationships…the message...it's kinda beautiful…_hopeful_."

It was what he had been trying to portray through his writing..._exactly _what he had been trying to portray... and he had to look away from her for a moment as her softly spoken words sunk in, afraid she'd see how completely floored he was that it had _all _come through just as he had wanted it to. No matter how he looked at it, he couldn't seem to get over it, it was too hard to process...she was enjoying _his writing_, really enjoying it...she thought it was _amazing _even_._ It was the opinion he had been hoping for, hell he'd been praying for it, but he had been too much of a chicken-shit to ask her to read the damned thing...so instead he had kept his work to himself. Only, he had to admit, some small, almost subconscious part of him, had urged him to leave it out in the open. Terrified as he had been to know what she thought of his work, a part of him believed that maybe he had intentionally placed it there in the hopes that she might stumble across it and ask him about it, forcing him to man-up.

Apparently it had worked.

And silently, he congratulated himself for his intuitive efforts.

Locking eyes with her, he smiled, hoping that his gratitude at her words, at her unwavering belief in him, came through in it. He was a schmuck when it came to using words to express his emotions. He hoped she realized that. He hoped she didn't think he was unappreciative of what she had said.

"Thanks." His voice sounded raspy and low, and he cleared it uncomfortably, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

She beamed up at him, her eyes soft and glowing. "Your most certainly welcome. I'm not just saying it either…it's—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He waved her impending compliments away with his hand, feeling embarrassment start to seep into his veins as a hot flush rushed up his body.

He didn't do well with praise.

She smirked at him, her eyes shone with understanding, but instead of pressing him, she only nodded, apparently aware it wasn't worth it to push him..._yet._ Holding his gaze for a moment longer, she finally looked down and patting the spot next to her on the bed, her grin widened before she glanced back up at him.

"Come on Nicholas...come to bed."

It was such a simple request.

Such a careless statement.

But it struck a chord with him, and as she pulled the blankets back and continued to look up at him expectantly, he could feel the painful lump in his throat grow larger, and his heart clenched tightly, filling to the brim with an emotion that terrified him much more than any flesh eating zombie could.

Quickly shaking himself out of his hazy terror, he nodded at her with a small smile of his own and crawled into bed, settling down next to her and rolling his eyes as she shifted and scooted, bringing the blanket up around him and effectively tucking him in for the night. When he was situated to both his and her liking, he glanced over at her, narrowing his brows when he saw that she was staring at him with an odd little expression on her face.

"What?" He asked, his tone coming out somewhat defensive.

She arched a dark brow at him and gave him a pointed look. "No funny business tonight, I want to finish reading this."

Turning over onto his side and giving her his back, he could barely help the chuckle that escaped him and tried to quickly cover it with a sigh. "Jess please don't refer to sex as funny business...I _can't_ sleep with a woman who refers to sex as funny business."

Her answering husky laugh, caused him to smile, and he let himself indulge freely in it, knowing that she couldn't see his face. "And it's not finished. I still have a few more chapters to go." He informed her, stifling the yawn that followed.

There was pause, and he waited a heartbeat or two before she distractedly answered him, murmuring something along the lines of _that's fine. _He couldn't help but wonder if she had already started reading again. But his eyes were suddenly heavy, and the warmth of the blanket was coaxing him into the promise of a restful sleep, so instead of turning his head to the side to see if she was once again absorbed in his writing, he stretched a bit and grunted something that was supposed to be a _goodnight _but most likely was just mistaken for a simple grunt. She didn't respond to that, quite possibly already lost in a world of death and destruction, of hope lost and found again…and of love, eventually saving the hero and ultimately conquering all.

And thinking of his story, he tiredly tossed around a couple of possible endings in his head. Ones he had been playing with but never seemed to be able to quite make the cut. He could feel his brain revving up to ponder the different scenarios, when Jess' fingers suddenly found their way into his hair and began gently stroking his head, effectively sending his thoughts and the several conclusions to his story fleeing from his brain.

And as her fingers wove through his hair, tracing little patterns across his scalp, he forced himself to relax, deciding not to try to regain those thoughts, to ponder those conclusions, instead he closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of her hands on him, luring him into a well-deserved deep and contented sleep.

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**So I mentioned Nick's progress with his zombie novel in the last chapter when Nick was pondering his relationship with Jess. When he had mentioned it earlier this season I kinda fell in love with the idea of Nick writing a book, it's perfect!...and I would love for the writers to eventually throw the poor guy a bone. I mean I love slightly (errrr extremely?) crazy Nick...but I mean...come onnnnnnn ;)**

**Please review! I'd REALLY appreciate it!  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Not much dialogue in this chapter, I delve a little into both Jess and Nick's thought process, their fears and concerns with the relationship. Those annoying little voices in their heads. With all the internal angst in the chapter, I had intended on adding a love scene but you'll have to be on the lookout for it in the next chapter, as my silly little muse came and talked me out of it.**

**So blame her…my muse that is.**

**But next time folks. Next time…**

**Please review after you read! :)  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.**

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"What am I looking at here?"

Pulling the somewhat scorched garlic bread from the oven, Nick cursed as the heat from the baking sheet he held shot through the damp towel, which was acting as a very sorry excuse for a potholder, and burned his hand. Dropping the sheet onto the counter and wincing as it clattered nosily, he glanced over at Jess. She had just gotten home from running one of the many errands women seem to incessantly make throughout the day, and was standing on the opposite side of the kitchen jiggling her keys in one hand; her mouth had dropped open slightly and her eyes were slanted downwards, narrowed in confusion.

Ignoring the searing pain in his hand, he gave her a crooked smile, while pushing back the on-coming feelings of annoyance and disappointment that were swiftly threatening to take over as he got caught in the act of doing something special for her, before he was actually ready for her to catch him doing it. He had hoped to at least have the kitchen partially cleaned and the damn food on the table by the time she had gotten back.

Obviously that wasn't happening.

With a slightly resigned chuckle he shook his head as he thought about his high hopes for the evening; it was so typical, why would he expect it to actually go smoothly? After all, he was friggin' Nick Miller and when had anything ever worked out exactly as he had planned? Rubbing his throbbing hand, he grunted at the stinging pain and clenched his jaw as he felt frustration continue to bubble up inside him. But rather than allowing his anger to get the best of him, he instead fought the urge to mutter the string of curses that were swimming around in his head and forced himself to remain calm. Watching Jess as she glanced around at the mess he had made, he gave her a small shrug when she looked over at him and raised a brow, dimly acknowledging that only a few weeks ago he probably would have gone with the angry curse option instead of the controlled and composed one. Considering the thought and turning it over in his mind, Nick leaned back against the counter, and allowed himself a moment to relax, appreciating the view in front of him as he did.

She was in a distractingly short red romper, one which showed off long pale legs; legs that without the barrier of the tights she was so prone to wearing when flouncing around in one of her short little skirts or dresses, appeared smooth and milky white against the shocking bright cherry color of the outfit that loosely hugged her curves. The material just barely cinched at her waist, making her appear ridiculously small while also emphasizing her breasts, leading him to believe that she was wearing either some miracle of God or quite possibly the devil's work. Smirking at his thoughts, mildly amused by them, he let his eyes roam up and down her body, and interestingly enough, found his fingers itching to reach out and pull her to him, so that he could thoroughly touch and explore all the flawless skin that the tiny outfit had left exposed to him. But instead of doing just that, not wanting to appear overeager, he pushed back his teenage impulses and continued his quiet observation.

Her dark hair, a perfect contrast to the vibrant fabric and her luminous skin, was piled high on top of her head; loose tendrils were curling around the base of her neck, temptingly reminding him of how much she liked it when he kissed her there, how easily her eyes, which were currently twinkling with amusement and watching him curiously, could go from clear and playful blue, to dark and stormy with desire.

And just like that, Nick got caught up in the sight of her, and for a moment he wondered if he would ever get tired of it…just looking at her. He often found himself studying her, staring at her in open awe. It was an odd little habit that he had picked up when he had first met her, that even now, after living with her for almost twelve months, he found himself unable to quit. Before this whole crazy affair between them had started, his habit of blatantly watching her had merely been because he had been baffled by her, perplexed by his inability to figure her out. Back then; she had been a complex puzzle he was unable solve, a riddle he couldn't crack, because in his mind she had seemed like nothing more than some one-dimensional storybook character. And it had bothered him, because he was practical, he liked to take a no-nonsense approach to things, and he had known that whether or not she looked the part of some modern-day, wide-eyed princess straight from Grimm's fairytales, that obviously there had to be more to her. There _had_ to be more than singing and dancing, glitter and rainbows, sunshine and daisies. After all, no one could be that good-natured, that inherently happy all the time. And sure enough there were many complex layers that made up the woman that was Jessica Day. Sometimes, he wondered who he should thank that she hadn't been immediately turned off by his ill-tempered persona, his irritable mannerisms. Instead she had stepped up to him, challenging him while also embracing his perpetual crabbiness, his innate pessimism. And in doing so, she hadn't given him the chance to push her away, instead she had forced him to_ care_, she had made him want to get to know the women underneath the fairy princess exterior…

Jess.

And now, hell now he just found himself staring because it was _Jess_, And while there were many things he still found baffling about her, mainly what the hell was she thinking spending all of her free time with a guy like him, having her nearby made him happy. It was as simple as that. Sure, sometimes he did feel slightly depraved by the pleasure he got out of simply watching her...but then again, at the end of the day, how could he not? How could he not enjoy the thrill it gave him, how could he not revel in her goddamned existence?

She was incredible, beautiful, amazing…everything _he wasn't. _

And she was with him. Like _with him_, with him. As cliché as it friggin' sounded…girls like her didn't fall for guys like him. It wasn't natural, wasn't right. He was the friend, or the drunken mistake. Or worse yet, he was the guy they tried to "fix" and halfway through the process threw their hands up in frustration and left him for the safer more stable options of the accountant that lived across the hall, the elementary school teacher their friend hooked them up with, or hell the lawyer that he served drinks to every Thursday night.

They didn't stick around long enough to fall for him…_really_ fall for him.

But Jess had.

God knows why but she had.

And it wasn't arrogance that had him freely admitting that to himself. While some people (Schmidt) may think otherwise, he was no idiot. Hell, he didn't get through four years of college and most of law school on good looks alone. He had brains and he was pretty damned perceptive. And he didn't miss the way her body naturally curved towards his when he got off a late shift and went directly to her bed to sleep. He didn't fail to notice the blatant adoration twinkling in her eyes when he was walking around in one of his "grumpy moods", damning the world to hell and back with a few inventive and mildly offensive curses. How could he not see the way she smiled sweetly at him whenever he slipped and casually called her _baby_ or _sweetheart_?

Somehow, someway, the stars had perfectly aligned for him, and this woman, this complex, perpetually optimistic, zany, gorgeous, fucking fairytale princess, had come into his life and in her own infuriatingly irritating way she'd hooked him. And even more shocking she had decided that for whatever reason he was worth catching, worth keeping around…worth loving. And everyday since that night in early summer, when she had come to him, asking him to sleep with her, to throw caution to the wind, every damned day since then, he found himself in a constant state of disbelief and confusion. Disbelief, for obvious reasons, and confusion because he wasn't sure how to proceed, he was continually at war with himself. A large part of him was begging that he just go with it, to not fuck it up, pointing out that things were still looking up for him, his life seemed to continue to fall into place as he became more comfortable in pursuing his dream.

And it was at least partially true.

Since she had discovered his manuscript a few weeks ago, Jess had fueled him with the inspiration he had needed to finally finish the last chapters of his novel. And just last week, unbeknownst to her, because of her encouragement and unwavering belief in him, he had finally gotten the courage to mail a query letter to a dozen or so literary agencies. He had yet to hear back from any of them, but he had read that it was typical for them to take their sweet time in responding. Besides, that didn't take away from the fact that he had finished his book and had even gone a step further and had sought publication, something that he wouldn't have even dreamed of doing, not only a year ago.

It was because of Jess…he had to believe it was because of her.

Still, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that things were continuing to just get better; he had a fairly solid income, a girlfriend that any chump would want on his arm, and he was seeking a new and exciting career, he couldn't seem to get rid of the smaller, slightly louder part, that was imploring him to just put an end to it already. Pointing out that no matter what childish dreams he may be harboring, he wasn't and never would be what she needed.

And that annoying voice whispered in his head, those haughtily familiar words, words he should be used to by now, but really never ceased in just pissing him off…_he wasn't good enough._

"Nick?"

At the sound of his name spoken with a healthy dose of concern, he pushed aside his dark thoughts, deciding that he would save them for another day and focusing his attention on Jess, flashed her an easy grin, watching as she shifted her footing and quietly cleared her throat while gesturing towards the complete disarray that used to be their kitchen.

Following her motions, Nick cringed a bit at the sight in front of them. "I'm making you dinner." He said it evenly enough but couldn't stop the sudden anxious feeling that washed over him. Wringing the towel in his hands tightly and shrugging his shoulders, he tried to appear relaxed and at ease, but continued to watch her face intently, tensing slightly as he waited for a reaction.

As his words, said with the slightest hint of trepidation, hung in the air, seemingly waiting for her approval, Jess couldn't help the wide smile that quickly flashed across her face.

Nick Miller was making her dinner.

She had to wonder if she had stepped into some kind of alternate universe.

Taking another step into the kitchen she glanced around her, smirking at the sight of water boiling over, blackened bread, and sauce splatters, decorating both the walls and countertops, alike. It was amazing the mess he had been able to make in such a short period of time…amazing, but no less endearing.

_He was making her dinner. _

Her Nick, her grumpy, irritable, flannel loving, public displays of affection hating, Nick, had made her dinner…_just because. _She couldn't help the giddiness that bubbled up inside of her at the thought, and quickly before she ended up doing or saying something that would make her look like a lovesick fool, internally chided herself for the juvenile reaction. Really, it was almost embarrassing the way her mind worked when it came to him. She had fallen hard, in fact, it still, even weeks after admitting to herself that she loved him, surprised her how quickly she had fallen for him.

The jerk had weaseled his way into her heart and she was fairly certain that short of him breaking his way out, he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. And it was with this thought, that she felt her mouth dip down into a slight frown, because no matter how much she tried to avoid it, she always ended up in the same place…

She was in love with him.

And she had yet to tell him, because at the end of the day, she was still unsure of how he felt…how he _really_ felt about her. Heck, if she was being truly honest, she was terrified that eventually whenever this thing they were doing had run its course...he was destined to break her heart.

After all, she knew from experience, that being the one in the relationship that loved more, that gave everything and got so little in return…just really flat-out sucked.

_Big time._

Shaking her head, Jess bit her lip and tried to rid herself of the depressing line of thinking. And as she glanced around the kitchen and took in the sight of the mess around her once again, she slowly began to soften, her mood lifted slightly and her lingering doubts gradually faded away, because obviously Nick cared about her, obviously he wanted to make her happy. It didn't matter if she had fallen harder first; they were in the early stages of their relationship, and these things took time, she couldn't, wouldn't push him.

And as she noticed the bagged Ceasar salad sitting on the countertop, and the bottle of pink wine chilling in an ice bucket next to a bouquet of colorful mixed flowers, she felt herself begin to melt all over again. Her cheeks heated with a blush, and yet another smile threatened to break across her face, even while the more stable, slightly leery part of her fought not to roll her eyes at the completely flighty reaction.

And really, she had to partially agree with the voice in her head that was hissing for her to pull it together. Because honestly, in love with the guy or not, since when had she become such a sap? Since when did she turn into a puddle of goo every time a guy did something nice for her? Since when had she turned into one of _those girls_? Bringing her gaze back to Nick, she felt her stomach flutter and her heart begin to beat a little bit faster as he leaned lazily against the kitchen island, watching her with a serious expression and dark unreadable eyes.

Oh, well, apparently since she had started dating one Nicholas Miller it seems.

"You did this for me?" She asked him, still smiling; completely aware of the tender, slightly dazed quality her voice had taken on.

Nick cleared his throat appearing uncomfortable and shrugged again with a lazy lift of his shoulders. "Yeah well everything is burned."

Jess' grin widened as she walked towards him and she couldn't help but think that he looked absolutely adorable as he rubbed the back of his neck while trying to put down the romantic act. "But you still did something nice for me."

He began scrubbing the countertops, concentrating on the spilled spaghetti sauce and clearly not wanting her to make a big deal about the dinner he had attempted to prepare. "It costs me like twenty bucks, everything either came from a bag or can, so I mean…we've gotta eat right?"

Rounding the kitchen island, Jess raised an eyebrow as she leisurely made her way towards him. He wasn't going to get off so easily, in love with him or not, she couldn't completely give him the upper hand in_ everything_. "Why can't you just man up Miller? You made me dinner. Admit it, you wanted to do something nice for me because you like me, you kinda have a crush on me, like you totally wanna hold my hand all the time and think about me when I'm not around…because I'm your giiiirlfriend and you like meeee." She sang the last words, drawing them out, knowing that it would grate his nerves but doing it just because it was Nick, and what was the fun in having him as boyfriend if she still couldn't annoy the heck out of him? Stopping in front of him, she stepped up to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing his head down to hers with a slight pull. "Or maybe you don't want to hold my hand at all, maybe you just want to kiss me…you know like with tongue and everything."

Nick sighed, his face looked slightly pained and he shook his head in what appeared to be mild disappointment. "Jess, when you say things like that I feel like I'm dating a sixteen year old girl and not a thirty-year old woman and I'm not gonna lie, it kinda makes me feel like a creep."

She chuckled at that, the sound raspy and full of amusement. "Nick?"

He cocked a brow and looked down at her, a smirk ghosting around the corners of his mouth as his hands came up and settled at her waist. "Yeah?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

He laughed at her words, but didn't object, instead lowering his head; he closed the already small gap between them, and caught her lips in a soft kiss. And as he pulled her body flush against his, Jess couldn't help but sigh in appreciation as his tongue gently explored her mouth, sending tiny shivers down her spine as she fully relaxed into his strong embrace. It never ceased to amaze her, that once they had decided to completely commit to the change in their relationship and take that huge step from friends to lovers, how right everything seemed when she was with him. How everything just naturally seemed to click into place. If someone had told her at the beginning of the summer when she was alternating between plotting his death and ways to get into his bed, that by the end of it, she would be standing in their kitchen making out with him while the dinner he had prepared for them burned on the stove, she would have laughed until she was blue in the face, and then once she had caught her breath she would have most likely laughed some more. But now, as his hands gently pushed against the small of her back and she was pressed even closer to him, pulled more intimately against him, she could only smile, and thank God that they had finally both come to their senses.

_To an extent._

Narrowing her eyes at the annoying voice in her head, she pushed the thought away. She was_ fine_ with taking things slow with Nick. She wasn't going to press him if he wasn't comfortable with talking about his feelings. It was not even a month ago, that he had admitted they were in a relationship, that she was his girlfriend; she didn't want to scare him by forcing him to explore how he felt about her. And she certainly wasn't going to let her wandering thoughts ruin a perfectly nice evening. So tightening her hold on his neck, she threw herself into the kiss, smiling when she felt his sharp intake of breath against her lips at the sudden aggressiveness she showed.

"Jess?" His lips left her mouth, causing her to moan in protest at the loss of contact, but as he began trailing soft kisses down the column of her throat, her complaints died a quick death and she leaned further into his whisper soft caresses, shivering a bit as desire began to rapidly course its way through her body.

"Hmmmm?" She could barely think when he was scraping his teeth across her skin. What was he doing trying to talk to her at a time like this anyway?

"I'm not very hungry anymore." He whispered it quietly, his breath, hot against her neck, caused her to shudder again as her hazy mind took a moment to process his words.

"Hmmm? Oh well, you went through all this work and what are we going to do for dinner and ohhhh God that feels good…" She trailed off as his tongue and teeth began working their way across her jaw and his hands ran up her back and began playing with the zipper at the back of her romper.

He reached one hand behind him and turning the knobs of the stove, cut the heat. "I'll order us pizza."

Jess pulled back and gazed up at him with a knowing smirk. "Do I get to keep the flowers?"

He nodded and grabbing her hand began pulling her towards his bedroom. "Sweetheart, I'll even let you have all the chocolate fudge ice-cream I bought…hell I won't even ask for a bite."

As he practically dragged her to his room she smiled at his use of the endearment, rolling her eyes at the back of his head as her heart jumped against her chest. "Sounds like you're a man after my own heart." She muttered softly, and while she had meant for the words to sound sarcastic and light, they came out breathy and forced, sounding slightly wistful and somewhat sad.

And as soon as they left her mouth, she wanted to feel embarrassed by the obvious longing in her tone, but it was then, as the statement hung in the air, that she decided to just damn it all to hell. Damn Baby and Johnny, damn Scarlett and Rhett, damn Tony and Maria, damn her stupid old soul, her silly, _silly _romance-loving heart.

Perhaps she was destined to throw herself into romances that never even had a chance at working out in the first place, both in fiction and in real-life.

Maybe she was doomed to constantly root for the under-dog, falling for him in the process.

But as her words rang out in the otherwise silent loft, Nick paused in his actions, suddenly stopping just short of his bedroom door. He waited a beat or two before turning to her, and looking down at her, he met her gaze with eyes that were no longer playful and lust-filled, but instead thoughtful and intense.

Placing a warm hand on her cheek, he gently ran his thumb across her skin, smirking down at her as an indecipherable expression crossed his features. "Maybe I am Jessica Day."

And before she could question his words, he kissed her again, so tenderly soft that all of her doubts and worries and questions about their unconventional relationship; who was falling harder and faster, would it all work out, where would they inevitably end up, were effectively chased from her head…

For the time being at least.

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**I've got the rest of the story basically outlined, and ohhhh weeeeee the last few chapters are gonna be a doozy. I hope you stick around!**

**Please review! :)**


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N:** Love-scene ahead. You've been warned. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.  
_

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_**Dear Mr. Miller,**_

_**Thank you for considering the Greensmith-Ross Agency with your recent query. We apologize for the informal nature of this letter but we wanted to get back to you as soon as possible. We enjoyed learning about your manuscript, but unfortunately we did not feel it was the right fit for our agency at this time. As you undoubtedly know this is a business based on personal taste and we wish you the best in all of your future publishing endeavors. Thanks again for thinking of the Greensmith-Ross Agency.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Nancy Todsworth**_

Nick stared at the informal rejection letter on his computer screen, refusing to look away until his eyes began to water and his vision blurred in front of him. The letters and emails politely thanking him while simultaneously letting him know his book—_he_ was not what they were looking for, had begun to slowly trickle in a little over a week ago. Each one was harder to read than the next; each one only reiterated what he had secretly known all along.

_He's not good enough._

Fail. Fail. Fail.

With a frustrated sigh, he closed his laptop and turned away from his desk, placing his elbows on his knees, he rested his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut on a wince, ignoring when his phone buzzed next to him. He had really thought things were beginning to look up for him. He had allowed himself to hope maybe his life would start to turn around—maybe he could prove to everybody, himself included, that he wasn't just a deadbeat, law school drop-out, bartender. Really, he'd just been fooling himself all along. He had allowed himself to get caught up in the summer—in Jess, and now what did he have to show for it?

A stupid wasted dream and a girlfriend who deserved better.

August was coming to a close and Jess would be back at work soon; things would gradually change—sooner rather than later she'd realize while she continued to move further with her career, with her life, he was at that same crappy standstill he had been in when she had met him a little over a year ago. He was going nowhere fast, and it wasn't bound to change. Sure he had offered to help his buddy out with the whole landscaping gig through the fall…but what did that give him other than a few more dollars in his pocket and calluses on his hands?

He was still a nobody with no career.

Shaking his head he stood, stretching a little as his mind raced with the unfortunate embarrassing truth. He should just man up and end things with Jess. The longer he waited, the harder it would be…for both of them. And while he knew he should, damnit _deep down inside he knew_—there was a selfish part of him that just wasn't ready, wasn't willing, to give her up yet. As another quiet buzz drew his attention back to his phone, pulling him from his internal debate, he frowned and looked down at it, narrowing his eyes at the unknown number flashing across the screen. Picking it up, he briefly debated answering it but he had a rule about answering calls from unknown numbers...you don't do it. Whether it was a distant relative, a drunken mistake, or a bill collector asking for money, the majority of the time it was a call you didn't want to take.

"Hey there slugger, what's up with the turtle face?"

Distracted, he glanced up and saw Jess standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, eyes searching his face. "Hey…nothing, just thinking about some stuff…and don't call me slugger, it's weird." He told her pointedly with a narrowed look, while placing the phone back on his desk.

She smirked, playfully holding his stare, continuing to let her eyes roam over his face until slowly her features smoothed out and she gave him a soft tender smile. One he knew she reserved just for him; her blue eyes shimmered with unspoken emotions, crinkling around the edges, and her mouth tilted up crookedly, the one side lifting just slightly higher than the other.

"You okay Nicholas?"

"Fine…just tired, not looking forward to work tonight."

She nodded, her expression sympathetic. "You want me to come with you, hang out for a bit?"

Despite his dark mood, Nick couldn't help but smile at her offer, it was so genuine with just a hint of concern casually laced through it...typical Jess. "Nah, I'll survive." Turning fully towards her, he gave her his complete attention and taking a moment to really look at her, noticed her appearance; knee-length slightly flared gray skirt with a big black belt around the waist, white blouse with a ruffled collar, small black cardigan, hair in a perky ponytail and glasses placed pertly on her nose, she was essentially dressed as every nerd's wet dream. "Were you at school? You look like teacher-Jess."

She smirked, and nodding, came further into his room, closing the door behind her. "I had a meeting with my boss and then tried to get my room together, but Larry the janitor chased me away…apparently teachers aren't allowed to start setting up their rooms until _next _week…but I think Larry just has something against me since I caught him stealing pencils from Tanya's office last year." She paused, stopping just short of him. "Teacher Jess huh? That a fantasy of yours Nicholas?"

Nick raised a brow at her teasing tone. "Me and every other red-blooded male's."

She laughed at that and a spark lit in her eyes as she shuffled slightly closer to him. Lifting her hand to her hair, she drew her ponytail out, shaking her head and letting the soft waves fall over her shoulders while smiling suggestively with a quick tilt of her lips. "You wanna act that fantasy out?"

As the vanilla scent of her hair wafted over to him, his body screamed _yes, _but a more sane and rational, _less horny_, part of him knew it would be unfair to her. He needed space, needed to think some things over, needed to figure things out. And in order to do any of that, he had to get away from her...fast. "I've gotta be to work in an hour." He muttered, knowing his excuse sounded lame.

She frowned at his mumbled words and taking her cardigan off, dropped it to the floor as she moved closer. "Oh really?"

He nodded, his mouth going dry...he was pretty sure he was sweating.

"Yeah—yeah. And I should really get going soon…" his voice trailed off as she stepped up to him.

"Nick," she whispered, her chest brushing against his, her cool breath feathering across his face. "I want you, I've been thinking about it all day."

He didn't stand a damned chance—he never did...not against her.

She ran her hands up his body, across his chest, over his shoulders, weaving them into his hair and drawing him closer. "It's getting distracting…picturing you and me," she sighed, a slightly evil glint lighting her eyes. "But I guess, if you don't have time…I'll have to take care of it _by mysel_f…even if it's _hardly_ as satisfying."

_Christ. _

He clenched his jaw and tightened his hands into fists at his sides.

She smiled slowly at him, "you seem tense," her voice was a soft seductive whisper, her lips just barely touched his as she spoke, "why don't you let me help?"

She was a wonderfully, evil, manipulative, crazy, beautiful, woman, and she knew exactly what she was doing, knew exactly what buttons to press…but damnit he wasn't completely powerless against her.

_Yet._

Hooking her arms around his neck, Jess pulled his head towards her, bringing him in for a quick kiss. When his lips met hers, a surge of triumph rushed through her as she immediately felt any reluctance that his obviously sour mood had triggered, slowly melt away. Instantly he responded to her, his lips became hot on hers; demanding—almost brutal. His tongue forced its way into her mouth, battling hers in a war she wasn't aware she had waged. And as she struggled to keep up with his sudden assault on her, she felt a thrill race through her body as his arms wrapped around her fast, drawing her hard against him.

He never failed in making her heart hammer and her pulse race—he never failed in making her feel _alive._ Turning her head to the side she broke the searing kiss, moaning a little as he instead contented himself with feasting on her neck, nipping and biting at her sensitive skin, most likely leaving harsh red marks on her pale flesh.

"Nick," she gasped, her breath coming out fast. "I…bed…now."

She felt the quick curve of his mouth against her neck, but before she had the chance to ask him—demand him again, he was pushing her towards the bed, nearly causing her to stumble as he backed her up fast, with fumbled impatient movements. When they reached the bed and she went to lie down, her body humming in anticipation, he stopped her, and grabbing her by the arm, spun her around so that she was facing away from him. Before she could question him, in an act that was no where near gentle but just short of being rough, he pushed her onto her stomach— her legs still firmly planted on the ground. And as he hiked her skirt up, she bit her lip, the sarcastic and witty remark she had intended on making at his slightly aggressive move, died in her throat as excitement and desire rushed through her veins centering itself low and leaving her nearly breathless as she eagerly awaited his next move.

"You've been thinking about this all day?" He whispered in her ear, leaning over, so that he was fully pressed against her—pushing her further into the mattress.

As his words sent chills down her spine, dimly she wondered if she had played with fire—somewhat shocked by how quickly the tables had turned, by how fast the seducer had become the seduced. But as the heat of his body over hers caused her legs to tremble slightly and her hands to clench involuntarily, she figured she was definitely willing to risk getting burned.

"Yes," she choked out, her mouth going dry as he ran a hand up her back and then down again, following the curve and flare of her hips in a surprisingly gentle touch.

He didn't say anything at her broken answer, but she could hear and feel him move against her, one hand clearly working on his pants, while the other moved from her hips and quickly snaked under her skirt, shocking her by rubbing her harshly through her already damp underwear.

"Oh God," she moaned, bucking her bottom up towards him, letting out a small cry of protest, when he abruptly moved away.

She heard his dark chuckle of amusement, and while she knew she should be frustrated by it—the low sound only sent goosebumps down her arms. Wanting him more than was most likely healthy, she was about to comment on the loss of contact, ask him what he was doing, tell him to hurry up already—when she felt him step away and out of his pants before coming back and positioning himself behind her once more. Sucking in a deep breath, Jess bit her lip and closed her eyes tight, shuddering with barely contained excitement as she felt his heavy arousal pressing against her, while callused fingers yanked her underwear down.

"I want to hear you."

It was a quiet demand, barely above a whisper, and had her heart leaping to her throat while desire shot through her system. And before she had the chance to respond, to question his words, he pushed himself into her, drawing a long and low cry from her lips. Gladly, greedily, she gave her body over to him, wanting to experience nothing but the sensations he was driving on her—blindly she grabbed at the sheets underneath her, attempting to hang on to something—anything as she lost herself completely to him.

_He was on the verge of losing control._

Nick didn't want to be gentle; he was in no mood to whisper soft words while caressing her with tender touches. Something raw and primitive had taken over him almost the minute she had pressed her lips against his, and instead of fighting it—he just went with it, slamming into her mercilessly, taking her with reckless abandon. Dimly he heard her whimpers, vaguely he appreciated each moan of pleasure he drew from her, but mostly he was focused on the ever-growing need to continue to bury himself into her, brutally seeking his own pleasure, giving little thought or concern to hers.

When she turned her face to the side and whispered his name on a breathy plea, clawing desperately at sheets that she had already nearly torn from the bed, he grabbed her wrists, and pinned them near either side of her head; grunting as he drove himself further into her, enjoying how the position allowed him even greater access to her body, while the feel of her skirt rubbing against him created a dizzying friction. She resisted slightly against his grip on her arms, pushing up towards him as she did and with a somewhat animalistic growl, he leaned over her and pressed himself more fully on top of her, feeling her go slightly limp as she moaned her frustration and pleasure. And feeding off her cries, he continued to fuck her into the bed, knowing there was no way he could sugarcoat what they were doing, what _he_ was doing…not even in his head.

He was _fucking_ her hard and fast…and she was so wet and tight and desperate for him that as he listened to the dull rhythmic thump of the bed hitting the wall with each thrust he made, he had to concentrate hard on not allowing himself to come yet, afraid that maybe this would be the last time he would ever be allowed such privileges on her body. He wasn't sure what their future held, but deep down inside there was a part of him that both knew and feared that their time together was waning. And it was with that thought that he found himself suddenly slow his pace. His frantic and harsh thrusts gentled almost immediately as the ominous possibility of never having her, never seeing her this way again, clouded his mind.

And suddenly it wasn't enough—it wasn't right.

Pulling out of her, he barely paid attention to the strangled moan she made and instead quickly flipped her so she was lying on her back looking up at him as he hovered over her.

"I want to see you Jess." It was all he could manage before sliding back inside her, watching as her lips formed a slight smile and then an O of pleasure before her eyes fluttered shut and her hands slid up his back to grasp his shoulders. In awe of the sight of her, reveling in the feel of her, he concentrated on the woman beneath him, this time paying more attention to each sigh and shudder, moan and whimper.

Where his pace had been frenzied and almost punishing before, it suddenly turned slow, so, so, achingly slow, pulsing deep inside of her. Jess wasn't sure what was going on inside of his head; she didn't know what demons he was battling…but it was quite obvious that he was warring with himself about something big. His internal struggle had been as clear as day the minute she had stepped into his room. And if the way he had taken her at first—hard, fast, almost angrily, was any indication of his emotional turmoil, she knew that a mere quickie between the sheets wasn't going to completely rid him of whatever it was he was dealing with. But as he angled his body and grabbed her leg, wrapping it around his waist in a quick and calculated movement, she decided she definitely wasn't going to deny him the temporary stress relief.

"Stop thinking."

The command came out as a clipped growl and Jess opened her eyes, to find him staring down at her; his dark gaze burned into her, and with a slight raise of a brow he slid into her again with one swift movement, filling her completely and stopping when he could go no deeper. The sudden stillness had her brain protesting while her body shuddered in anticipation.

"Why—why did you stop?" She gasped, wiggling her hips up towards him, attempting to coax him into moving again.

"You're thinking about something."

She smirked up at him, even as her body screamed for him to continue his slow assault on her. "You."

"What?"

She lifted her hips again, watching as his eyes narrowed and deep brown darkened to a stormy black. "I was thinking about you."

He pulled back slowly, sending shivers of pleasure spiking through her, and with a slight quirk of his mouth leaned over and pushed himself into her again. One arm braced his body over hers, while the other sneaked under her neck and lifted her head, bringing her towards him and catching her mouth in another scorching kiss.

"Good." He whispered hotly against her lips.

And then he was finally, finally moving again—slow and deep and methodical. The intensity was still there—simmering just beneath the surface, but his touch was so tender and gentle that it made her ache all over and she knew she was one slight push, one soft caress, away from completely coming undone beneath him. And as if sensing her impending orgasm, Nick released her head, allowing her to rest it against the softness of the mattress as he continued to move inside her, gradually picking up the pace again until he was pumping into her with quick and hard movements once more. She let out a low moan and a slight whimper at the sudden change, and feeling as if she might go mad if she didn't come soon, threw her pride to the side and let her inner porn star come out; screaming his name, God's name— jumbled together with both pleas and curses, all said on the heels of a handful of indecipherable and inventive words as he quite literally rocked her world. And he seemed to enjoy how she was unraveling beneath him—dimly she was aware of his groans, rather faintly she heard him encouraging her—asking her what she wanted, if she liked what he was doing to her—all while continuing his deliberate sensual torment on her body.

"Please." She whispered, needing him to give her that last push, afraid the longer he waited the less chance she'd have of retrieving her sanity. And frustrated almost to the point of being beyond control, she made a move to help herself out; letting her fingers travel down her body fast so that she could finally release the tension. But catching her in the act, he hissed and grabbed her hand, stopping her just before she reached her goal.

"No," he said, his eyes locking with hers.

"Nick." Her voice came out slightly whiny, but she didn't care; she was well passed that point.

He shook his head and the smile he gave her was so taunting and evil that she thrust her hips up towards him in a huff of exasperation, drawing a groan from him and a sigh of pleasure from her. Enjoying the reaction she got both from her body and his, she did it again, and again, pumping her hips up to meet his, in bold and desperate movements. He cursed repeatedly under his breath at her actions and she hummed in approval, both turned on and amused by his choice words. They stayed like that for awhile; he stilled above her, while she pushed her hips up towards him, frantically chasing her pleasure. Her moans and whimpers turned into high pitched cries and she felt her whole body begin to tingle and grow hot as she drew closer and closer to tumbling over that looming edge, but just as she felt herself begin to go over...Nick stopped her.

"Damnit Jess, do you know what you do to me?" He asked in a slightly pained voice, through gritted teeth.

She didn't answer, it wasn't that kind of question anyway—and abruptly he released her hand, running his own down her body, he settled it low between her legs. A whimper of appreciation tumbled from her lips at the action and she waited, holding her breath as she did. She needed him to continue, she could feel her imminent release on the brink of exploding, and didn't think she could take it any longer. Her body began to shake and her walls started to tighten and even in her dazed pleasure-seeking state, she couldn't help the slightly satisfied smile that crossed her lips when his arms quivered over her and he thrust into her again with another muttered curse, followed by her name, whispered on a broken groan. But when he pressed a thumb against her and began to draw small circles, slowly, leisurely around her, that smile quickly fled her mouth. And pressing her head into the mattress, she shut her eyes tight, allowing that last gentle touch to do her in. Choking his name out on a sob, she shattered completely around him, coming hard and fast. Her body was on fire, and she trembled uncontrollably as he continued to pump himself into her, feeling the world dim out around her as she allowed herself to ride out the intense orgasm he had driven upon her.

Nick watched as her lips parted on a gasp and her eyes squeezed shut—she gripped him tight, clenching and unclenching as she came apart beneath him with small shudders and breathy erotic moans. She was exquisite in the throes of passion, the way she gave herself over entirely—completely absorbed by the powerful sensations that were wracking her body. And he was barely able to appreciate her vibrant beauty—barely able to allow her to finish out her orgasm before he quickly and violently followed with his own. Closing his eyes, he said her name quietly and shook as pleasure rocketed down his body, drawing out a grunt and a whispered oath as he collapsed on top of her, completely and totally spent; his mind reeling and his body twitching slightly in the intense aftermath of their lovemaking.

He couldn't move—couldn't bring himself to lift his body off her and she didn't protest. An almost deafening silence took over the room as he continued to lay on top of her—seconds ticked by, and slowly crawled into minutes. Dimly, he heard the sound of the loft door opening and closing, someone started the shower, and voices could be heard muffled in the hallway...still he refused to roll over to give her space and in return she refused to let him go— her arms still clung to him tight, her legs, while lax, were still wrapped lightly around his waist.

He was pretty damn sure he could happily stay in this exact position for the rest of his life and die a happy man.

After awhile of numbly laying entwined together, she mumbled something that sounded like _Ohhh God_, into his hair and letting out a shaky and musical little laugh, brought her hands up to his head, and began massaging his scalp lightly, stroking him soothingly. As his pulse struggled to slow and his breathing fought to return back to normal, he allowed himself a moment or two more to simply enjoy her presence, not wanting any of those pesky thoughts that had been badgering him before, to weasel their way back into his brain. Instead he just wanted to appreciate the moment with her, because even now, even after weeks of being intimate with her, even after having her almost every and any way imaginable, he reveled in the fact that she actually let him touch her—do that _stuff _to her.

"Hey." Her voice came out cracked and slightly husky.

At the sound, Nick lifted his head and looked down, noticing how her cheeks were tinged pink, her hair was a wild mess of dark waves, and her eyes were shining a brilliant and pale blue.

"Hey."

She smirked. "You okay?"

He stared at her hard a moment, unsure about the question—what she was really asking, before furrowing his brow. "Um, yeah, are you?"

With a slight chuckle, her smirk turned into a soft smile. "Oh me? I'm just fine, thanks for asking."

He matched her laugh with one of his own, still feeling slightly confused—as if he was missing something. "Good, I'm glad we're both fine."

"Nicholas."

"Jessica."

She raised a brow at him and tilted her head; a tender look passed over her features and in a quick gesture, she brought her hand up to cup the side of his face. "Hey…you don't have to hide stuff from me you know."

Nick swallowed, wondering when she had gotten so good at reading him. "Okay."

"I know you are dealing with some _stuff. _I can tell. I mean, before…."

"Before—" he cut her off, a lump rapidly forming in his throat. "Was that too much…are you…I mean…did I…" he trailed off, wondering if he had been too rough, maybe he had mistook her whimpers and moans for pleasure when it had really been _something else_. A sick feeling began to settle in his gut and he closed his eyes.

Almost immediately, she rubbed a thumb across his cheek, causing him to quickly look at her again. "Hey listen to me..._stop_. I'm not fragile. We've been over this before, remember." She said quietly, reminding him of the night earlier in the summer, when he had stormed into her room and catching her in the act of self-completing had thrown her down on her bed and had taken her hard. "You're fine, we're fine… so just stop alright? I was just saying...I could tell…you know, before you rocked my world...that something was up."

"Oh...okay." He said simply, feeling slightly dumb. Wincing, he shook his head, it was no wonder no one wanted to represent or publish him…apparently he wasn't as good with words as he had originally thought.

"I'm serious. I'm worried about you—you can talk to me if something is wrong."

He nodded, avoiding her eyes, "nothing's wrong Jess, I just—I'm just dealing with some stuff, figuring it out."

"But you can tell me you know."

"I know."

"But you won't."

"Not now."

She cast her eyes down and sighed softly, the sound coming out a bit defeated. "I care about you...you know. _A lot_. You drive me crazy sometimes—most of the time, but I care about you _so much_. I tried not to...at first. At the beginning, I just kinda tried to go with it, thinking we could have a little fling, not ready to admit my feelings but..." she paused seemingly collecting her thoughts, "Nick I'm in...I mean...Nick I…"

Her words trailed off and suddenly she looked up at him, piercing him with her penetrating pale blue eyes. And lost in that unwavering stare, he felt his heart begin to race and his head go fuzzy as every emotion she was feeling at that exact moment shimmered up at him, completely exposed in her gaze.

_He knew._

He didn't need to hear her say it. He had known for awhile, it was always there, swimming in her eyes, he only had to look hard enough to see it. Still, hearing it would make it real, would make it irreversible…final. And completely terrified, he wanted to shake his head, to cover her mouth and tell her to keep her words to herself, to not dare utter a damned thing to him. But like always, he was at war with himself, and frozen in place, he continued to stare down at her, feeling his own emotions begin to spiral out of control. And just as suddenly as he wanted to quiet her, he felt the urge to shake her and frantically demand she tell him...to say what a large part of him truly believed he desperately needed to hear.

Holding his breath he continued to meet her gaze, his world teetering and fighting for balance, as he waited for her to whisper the words—words he both hoped and dreaded to hear.

She smiled gently, a touch of sadness lurking at the corner of her lips with the small grin. "I—I'm here for you," she said so quietly he had to strain to hear.

It was a lame finish, they both knew it, but she shrugged her shoulders, silently telling him it was all she could offer at the moment. And as he stared down at her, he realized something he hadn't really considered before...she was just as scared as him. There was a time, not so very long ago, that she had been broken, defeated, and turned off by love. Sighing, he decided then and there it was most likely for the best—they were a couple of idiots, and throwing declarations around wasn't something either of them was ready to deal with just yet. Sitting back, he rolled off of her and sat down next to her, briefly scanning the floor for his pants, and seeing them balled up at the bottom of the bed, he reached down and grabbed them, quickly putting them on without sparing her a glance as she sat up and settled in next to him. His mind was racing—his brain frantically trying to figure out what course of action he should take, where the hell their relationship was headed. Now that his head was clearing he could feel the telltale signs of another Nick Miller freak-out set in. Why they hell had he slept with her when he was considering ending things? _Why the hell was he considering ending things?_ Frustrated with himself, he shook his head and was about to get up when her hand reached for his and finding it, grabbed it, squeezing ever so gently. And it was with that simple touch that he felt the disappointment, the anxiety, the confusion, melt away and looking over at her, he smiled, amazed by how easily she was able to calm him down without even trying. She smiled back, sweetly, innocently—further breaking down his shaky barriers and making him question once again if he really was all that bad for her.

"Sure you don't want me to come hang out at the bar...keep you company? You could drive and work and I could get drunk and eat bad bar food." She said, the smile still tugging at her lips.

He raised a brow. "Why do you want to hang out at some dark and depressing bar?"

She stood and releasing his hand and smoothing down her skirt, shot him a pointed look. "Oh I don't know Nick, maybe because I'm trying to spend some time with my stupid, ornery _boyfriend."_

It was odd how that word, _boyfriend,_ spoken from her lips and directed towards him, affected him. She made it sound possessive and lasting…and he couldn't help but like it.

"Well in that case…yeah, why don't you come." He told her quickly, surprising himself. She nodded, seemingly pleased by his answer and when she went to turn away, he reached out and grabbed her hand. "Jess?"

Looking down at him, she tilted her head to the side and shook it, silently inquiring what he wanted.

"I care about you too…_a lot, _more than you probably know...and it scares the hell out of me. And I know I'm a miserable son of a bitch that doesn't say all the right things, that doesn't do enough romantic stuff, and I know you deserve more…but you've gotta know that you've made me better. And I'm not just talking about this summer...since I met you, you've made me a better person, you've made me want to strive to be a better person—and you're important to me, really damn important and..." He shook his head, struggling to find the right words without overdoing it, not sure where the spontaneous speech had come from in the first place. He had just felt the sudden overwhelming need to let her know how much she meant to him– whether it was because he wanted to keep her in his life or was very close to losing her, he was still unsure. "And I guess that's it, I just thought you should know." He looked down at their still joined hands, rubbing his thumb softly over her skin, before looking back up at her.

Her smile was wavering slightly and her eyes were glimmering with unshed tears, and feeling his eyes widen and pure panic prickle down his spine, he shot her a slight frown. "Are you going to cry?"

Jess opened her mouth and then shut it again, yanking her hand from his with a stifled laugh. "What? No, I mean pshhhhht please. I mean, why would you even think that—are _you_ crying?"

Nick stood, watching as she wiped at her eyes and shook her head in obvious and furious denial. "You look like you could cry."

"_You look like you could cry_." She retorted, halfheartedly.

He chuckled, his initial panic melting away as amusement at her discomfort slowly seeped. "You can cry if you want, I won't tell anyone."

She rolled her eyes and began walking towards the door. "Don't be a jerk Nick, no matter how hard you try I'm not going to let you ruin this moment."

Feeling only slightly guilty, he nodded, agreeing with her. "You're right, I'm sorry, I won't make fun of you for crying."

She had just been about to open the door and pausing in her actions spun around. "I didn't cry!"

He made a face. "Kind of."

"Not even a little bit."

He began walking towards her, trying not to smile too broadly as she crossed her arms over her chest in a huff. "Maybe a little Jess."

"No, no! That's a lie, not one tear rolled down these cheeks." She said, pointing to her face.

He stopped in front of her and smirked. "Not one?"

She shook her head vigorously. "No. Not one, so apologize."

"For what?"

"For—for saying I was crying!" She sputtered, clearly exasperated.

He laughed at her demand, and cupping her face, placed a quick gentle kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry."

She kissed him back, soft and sweet. "Good, now if you'll excuse me, I have to clean up...this guy I know just had his way with me and I have to go make myself look presentable...can't have people thinking I'm a lady with loose morals." She said with a wink and slight snicker.

He shook his head. "You are such a little weirdo."

Rolling her eyes, she arched a brow. "That's not the most endearing pet-name you know. When my friends ask about you, I don't exactly gush about how you call me your weirdo."

"You talk to your friends about me?"

"Shut up."

"Jess." He said, quietly, his voice taking on a slightly serious note.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

She leaned against the door, looking up at him from under her thick curtain of bangs with a small smirk playing across her slightly pouty mouth. "For a hot quickie before work?"

Nick chuckled. "That…and you know...for just being you." He brushed a stray strand of hair back from her face, letting his fingers linger a bit, watching as her eyes widened almost comically—he was really racking up the points now.

She smiled slowly and holding his stare for a moment, shook her head with a light laugh. "I'm going to go clean up...and then we can get going…all hands on deck in twenty-minutes Miller." Stepping up on tiptoes, she pecked him on the cheek and turning left his room just as quickly as she had came, leaving him with a dumb satisfied smile plastered across his face.

As he turned from the door and walked further into his room, Nick shook his head, wondering how he had gone from debating ending things with her, to telling her how important she was to him. But then again, maybe it wasn't something worth questioning...maybe that was just life with Jess —she was so easy to get caught up in, so easy to get thrown off track by. And as the thought crossed his mind, he turned it over, considering it carefully, and curiously he wondered if maybe she had ended up throwing him back_ on_ track—distracting him from a rash decision…preventing him from making a horrible mistake.

As he walked by his desk, he glanced down at his phone as it lit and buzzed with the same unknown number from before flashing across his screen again. Frowning, he briefly wondered what bill he had forgotten to pay—because that _had_ to be it. No one else but someone looking to get your money was that persistent. Hitting silent, he figured if they wanted something from him so badly, they would leave a voicemail and bug him about it there—he had work to get ready for and a girl he didn't want to leave waiting.

Walking towards his closet to get a fresh shirt and jeans, he smirked when he heard Schmidt and Jess begin to argue in the hallway. Schmidt was ranting and raving about _loud early evening sex_, stating that he had clear and set rules and guidelines about _carnal activities between roommates_...and Jess being _Jess_, was singing over him, belting out notes to some most likely made up song. With a quiet chuckle he heard Schmidt try to pull Winston into the argument, only causing Jess' song to get louder and more screechy. Faintly he heard Winston mumble something about _hating his life_, followed by an exasperated Schmidt mentioning a mandatory roommate meeting to discuss the _new and improved roommate ground rules._ Throwing on his clothes and heading towards the door, he figured the least he could do was save Jess from the embarrassing interrogation and maybe...if he was feeling extra generous, throw a few dollars into the jar on his way out.

* * *

**So, I had some inquiries about what's taking Jess and Nick so long with the whole L-word thing. While yes, Jess has admitted to loving him to not only herself but Cece and Schmidt...and clearly Nick is infatuated and refusing to admit the obvious...AND YES they were good friends before this...they are still both terrified (that's how I've decided to write them).**

**And really while I've taken my sweet time in writing this story— they've only been seeing each other for a couple of months. Saying you love someone is a scary, scary thing especially if A.) you're not sure if the person will say it back and B.) you're not sure you deserve that person's love. Each of them have their own issues that they are trying to work on, and I can't do their characters justice by talking about said issues in one chapter and fixing them completely in the next. **

**Hope that gives ya a little inside to how my mind is working and leaves you less frustrated with the build up to that precious four letter word.**

**Slow Burn...that's the title of the story after all ;)**

**Please review! :)**


	20. Chapter 20

_**Sorry for the delay in updates. I've been a bit distracted. Honestly, I think I was dreading posting this chapter, so I kept putting it off. Warning: angst alert ahead. Please don't bombard me with hate-mail! As I've stated from the get go Jess and Nick will have some bumps in the road but I intend to write a Happily Ever After for them—just bare with me. Also, because I was quite pleased with Tuesday's episode and the spoilers for the upcoming episodes and because of Tamarakv's polite encouragement...I've dipped into my fan fiction folder and pulled out a one-shot I started around Christmas time. I've had a thing for some time thinking about Nick and a guitar and Jess' reaction to it. I'm cleaning it up a bit and looking to post it in a few days. Think of it as a peace offering.**_

_**Also I'm blown away by the reviews that trickled in for the last chapter…drop off the radar for a bit and people really start laying it on thick… ;) No, but really, thank you for your kind feedback, alerts, and favorites—it means a lot and whether writers here want to admit to being review whores or not…they make a world of difference when writing fan fiction!**_

_**Please review!  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**_

* * *

"You're really quiet."

Jess watched as Nick's attention focused on her as she spoke the words softly, hesitantly. He was closing out a customer's bar tab; his brow was furrowed and tight wrinkles creased his forehead as he looked over and stared hard at her. An old familiar feeling that she should really be used to by now but never ceased in taking her by surprise fluttered deep in her belly as his dark eyes briefly passed over her face before seeking out her gaze. For a moment, he seemingly searched for something there, silently he studied her before he apparently found what he was looking for—his expression softened and his shoulders lifted in a slight shrug before a sigh escaped his lips.

"I know…just not feeling talkative I guess."

Jess nodded, he had been fairly quiet all night long. While they had left the loft in good moods, shortly after they had arrived at the bar he had closed himself off again—laughing somewhat absently at her sorry attempts at joke telling, only humming his disapproval when she intentionally (and maybe not so intentionally) messed up punch line after punch line. She had even purposely ate her chicken wings with forced relish, rather sloppily allowing the sauce to drip down her chin, trying to coax a reaction from him—but he had merely clicked his tongue in disapproval, making a disgusted face, before quietly wiping the sauce away with a napkin and a shake of his head, only halfheartedly commenting on her lack of table manners.

"Something up?"

"Nope."

She bit her lip as he clearly ignored her tentative attempt at making conversation, "listen, I get it...you're not feeling talkative and all…and I mean earlier, with the intense Bow Chicka Bow Wow session—"

At her words, Nick scowled and sighed again—the sound coming out somewhat exasperated as he handed the credit card back to his customer. Nodding his thanks at the tip he received, he glanced over at her once again, this time with a more pointed look, "Jess how many times do I have to ask you to refer to sex as just that…_sex."_

She smirked at his frown and clipped statement but it quickly faded as she studied him more thoroughly—trying not to let her eyes linger on his somewhat fitted red flannel that even someone like Schmidt would have to at least reluctantly agree was a devastatingly attractive statement when complemented by Nick's rough stubble, casual mess of hair, and dark chocolate eyes. Scolding her brain for wandering off track, Jess snapped her attention back to her initial musings—not only had he been quiet that night, but he had also been a lot more distant_ lately_—seemingly worried about _something_. And while earlier, after their hot sex, her nerves about his behavior had been somewhat settled with his softly spoken words about how much she meant to him and his playful attitude towards her obviously emotional reaction…it still concerned her. Classic Nick studies have shown that once something was upsetting or bothering him, he tended to pull away—and they didn't need that in their relationship, not after they had struggled to get to where they were now.

"I'm just saying…_before_…I didn't give you a chance to talk…I mean I kinda jumped your bones with the whole naughty teacher fantasy routine—" he inhaled sharply at her reminder of their earlier intense sex, and she couldn't help the self satisfied grin that spread across her lips at his reaction. While distant, he clearly wasn't immune to her—but quickly she squashed the smug feeling, silently reprimanding herself that sex was_ not_ the reason she had broached the topic of his standoffish behavior in the first place. "I mean I know afterwards, you said you didn't want to talk about it…but you know...if you're ready to talk…then we can."

He began wiping down the counter between them, shaking his head at her gentle encouragement. "Nope I'm good. I just want to close up shop so I can go home and sleep."

As his gaze swept the nearly empty bar, Jess worried her lip again, trying to rid herself of the defensive feeling of annoyance that was prickling up her spine at his clear and quick shutdown. "Well I mean…maybe it would help."

"No it wouldn't."

"Nick just try me."

"Jess." His tone was slightly agitated, a warning softly laced through it.

She frowned, reminding herself to remain calm; they didn't need to fight right now. But as the last customer exited the bar, and Nick began to tidy up behind the counter while blatantly ignoring her, she could feel her temper begin to rev up. He was being impossible, and was most likely aware of it and just choosing to simply _not care._

"Nick, come on. You've been distant almost all week," she attempted again. "Not to mention, every time you go to your computer and check your email you immediately get all moody and on edge. _Plus_, you've been staring at your darn phone all night, ignoring whoever has been calling you—I've seen a voicemail flash at least _twice_ on your screen and you've yet to listen to it. What gives?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Nick narrowed his eyes as he stared down at her, the corner of his mouth lifting into a slight sneer. "So you're spying on me?"

She scoffed at that, insulted by his accusation, "if noticing my boyfriend is in an exceptionally bad mood is spying, then yeah, guilty as charged."

With a sigh, Nick ran a hand down his face and then back up again, "Jess I don't need this right now. I really don't."

Again a prickle of annoyance danced its way up her spine, and she shook her head, willing herself to keep her cool; she wasn't going to lose it just because he didn't feel like talking. But as he turned his back on her and carried a crate of glasses to the back of the bar she couldn't help but feel irritated. She hated being shut out; she couldn't stand that he wouldn't talk to her. She was constantly trying to get him to open up to her and he continually shot her down.

It was upsetting to say the least.

Sometimes she wondered if she was more invested in the relationship than he was. She had from the get-go clearly thrown herself at him, she was obviously head over heels in love with him, and sometimes she got the feeling that while fond of her…he merely tolerated her. Sure, she wasn't blind, he clearly desired and lusted after her, and after his slight declaration earlier that day—she knew he obviously cared about her. But was it enough? Could it turn into love? Could she be happy if it didn't?—of course not. Maybe she was just kidding herself. Maybe she had gone and gotten herself attached to the slightly broken bartender that thought of himself as a deadbeat and nothing more. Maybe no matter how hard she tried, he would always be unwilling to accept love…even when it was being so blatantly offered to him.

"You ready to go?"

Jess glanced up, shaking her head, she tried to clear her brain of the depressing thoughts. Ignoring the tightening in her throat and the hot pinprick of tears at her eyes, she watched as Nick swirled his car keys around his index finger while looking at her expectantly. Part of her wanted to continue their conversation—she wanted to demand answers from him, insist that he tell her what was on his mind, while another part argued to give him the space that she knew he craved, reminding her that Nick was unlike her when it came to dealing with problems. Besides, she was just letting her over active mind get the best of her…making a mountain out of a molehill.

He cared about her—he had told her as much mere hours ago.

Everything was fine.

They were fine.

Grabbing her purse with a defeated sigh, she nodded with a slight shrug of her shoulders, while tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Intent on pushing away the sinking feeling deep in her gut, she avoided his eyes and looked down at the ground while shuffling towards the door. "Yeah let's go."

* * *

Nick stifled a yawn as the elevator clucked and chugged it's way up to their floor. Listening to the dull humming that buzzed underneath the soft clangs as the lift shook slightly with the effort, he leaned against the wall and glanced over at Jess, noticing when she shifted and tapped her foot impatiently—her pretty features drawn into an odd and unusual expression of dull impassiveness. As the silence dragged on, she sighed softly but other than that small sound, she remained quiet, most likely unwilling to be the first to speak as she picked at her nails, staring hard at the floor, studying the designs of her purse, glancing up at the harsh bright lights—basically looking anywhere and everywhere but at_ him_.

They had been like this since leaving the bar.

The car ride home had been tense to say the least.

They had barely spoken two words to each other; he had concentrated on driving while she had looked out the window, singing quietly along with the songs that had softly played on the radio. The tension had simmered and built until the drive had become nearly insufferable. When _finally_ they had reached their apartment building he had found himself on edge, feeling defensive and annoyed—just waiting for the right moment to pounce.

As the elevator dinged signaling their arrival on their floor, Nick didn't even attempt to talk himself down—he was well aware that Jess was pissed at him. He knew she was upset that he kept pushing her away. He knew that she thought talking about what was bothering him would help—that she believed he would feel better once he laid it all out there for her to hear. But she was _wrong_. How could he feel better about himself if he admitted out loud to the person that made him want to be a better man, that he knew it was never going to happen…

He wasn't good enough, he wasn't smart enough…

He wasn't fucking lucky enough.

As the doors to the elevator swooshed open and they slowly stepped out, trudging towards the apartment door, he watched as she rifled around in her purse, seemingly searching for her keys. She was biting her bottom lip, worrying it between her teeth, her brow was furrowed in concentration and she kept swatting at her long hair as it repeatedly fell over her shoulders, blocking her view. And as she continued to look through her large bag, cursing quietly as she kept coming up empty handed, he frowned as a sudden feeling of panic washed over him.

He was going to lose her.

He was going to lose her and she was going to find a better, _more deserving_ man.

And it would kill him—it would fucking eat him alive…but she deserved that phantom better man…

Didn't she?

Of course she did.

"Found them!"

Her triumphant voice broke through his thoughts, and he glanced over, watching as Jess dangled the keys in front of them, and then apparently remembering that they were in an unofficial fight, her eyes dimmed and her smile faded.

_That's_ what he did to her…shadowed her brightness.

"Come on," she muttered turning towards the door and opening it quickly, "I'm tired."

He followed her wordlessly, surprised by the sudden and desperate feeling that overtook him—the need to apologize to her for being a miserable bastard hit him swift and strong. And frowning at the floor, he pushed the feeling away, attempting to rationalize with himself that he had done nothing wrong..._yet_. As they stepped through the doorway and into the entryway, he debated bringing up the obvious hostility between them, wondering if maybe he could make her see how wrong he was for her without hurting her in the process. But as the sound of Winston's barking laughter made its way to his ears, he barely hid his groan of frustration as his eyes landed on his other two roommates and Cece—they were all in the kitchen laughing and making sandwiches. And the obviously happy atmosphere and late snack did nothing for his bad mood, if anything it only caused it to become more sour—didn't anyone appreciate a good night's sleep anymore?

"Here's the happy couple now." Schmidt said brightly, looking up from the sandwich creation in front of him that quite possibly could have rivaled any New York deli's. "We were just talking about how long you guys would last before breaking up."

Nick saw Cece nudge Schmidt discreetly in the ribs, but barely paid any attention to his reaction, instead he focused his concentration on Jess—watching as she sucked in a deep breath and ran a slightly shaky hand through her loose dark hair. And as she shook her head sadly, seemingly just as aware as he was of Schmidt's poor choice of words and even poorer timing, he narrowed his eyes in a glare, willing the three idiots in the kitchen to just shut-up and go to bed.

But apparently undisturbed by both his and Jess' silence and Cece's elbow, Schmidt continued on with an infuriating smirk adorning his features, "don't get me wrong, you'll get back together, but you'll definitely break-up. _She_…" he pointed to Jess with his mustard covered knife, "might even attempt to marry someone else. But Nick will stop the wedding—get his act together…probably with the help of _yours truly,_ and then you'll reunite and live happily ever after…_until_ the divorce that is." Schmidt said the words jovially, still either unconcerned or unaware of the tense dynamic between him and Jess, clearly disregarding the obvious awkward and uncomfortable silence that overtook the kitchen.

And as their silence stretched on, and neither of them attempted to lighten the mood, Cece cleared her throat and offered them a small apologetic smile. "We weren't talking about that really…Schmidt was just being…well Schmidt, and basically spinning your lives into a romantic comedy, that's all."

Nick spared Jess a sideways glance, noticing how she tensed but still said nothing, only stared at her model friend hard for a moment or two—a silent conversation was exchanged between them and Cece raised a brow and glanced over at Nick and then looked back at Jess expectantly but before she could say or do anything else—Jess shrugged heavily and dropped her bag to the floor. "I'm going to bed," she mumbled, and still shaking her head, turned away from the group and began walking away.

"But you can't leave! We've got sandwiches!" Schmidt called after her retreating figure.

"Not hungry." Jess shot over her shoulder, barely pausing in her quick exit.

As Schmidt turned his gaze from Jess to Nick, Nick continued to glare at him, watching as Schmidt's eyes widened and noticing how the look he gave him was full of questions and just the slightest hint of concern. "Was it something I said?"

Aware of Cece's penetrating gaze boring into him, Nick chose to ignore her and instead continued to glare at his thoughtless and usually harmless friend. "You're an idiot Schmidt." he said, and with a scowl, he shot Cece and Winston an annoyed pointed look—just because they were dumb enough to be standing next to the douche-bag—before walking away. As he left, he heard Cece mutter something to Schmidt about lacking_ tact _and he shook his head silently agreeing with her, before hurriedly catching up with Jess. She was outside her bedroom, staring at her door with a small frown tugging down her expression, almost as if she was debating opening it.

Aware that there were straining ears in the kitchen, he kept his voice low, as he reached out and touched her arm, "hey, you okay?"

With a sigh, she glanced down at his light fingers on her skin, before turning to look up at him—her eyes looked tired and her face was slightly pale. "I'm fine…just sleepy...I think I'm just gonna go to bed."

"Okay."

"Alone."

"What?"

"I'm going to bed _alone_…I—I want to sleep by myself..." she stammered, her face flushing pink as her words trailed off meaningfully.

"Oh."

_Ohhhh._

So that was how the night was going to end? He couldn't say he was surprised…but it still pissed him the hell off. The immature and selfish part of him stood up a little straighter, not enjoying being the one to be shut out, even though the more rational part of him argued that he had been the one blocking Jess' attempts at conversation all night long. He deserved her coldness, her anger—and she was just barely showing him either. She was merely stating that she wanted to spend the night alone, quietly letting him know that she needed space. And maybe it was because he was already moody from earlier but it still angered him...made him want to lash out.

And he tensed as his body and mind prepared for a fight—the old familiar feelings of resentment and defensiveness that he recognized from when he was with Caroline began to course its way through his body. "So you're just going to go to bed because you're pissed off at me?"

She sucked in a breath at his question and looked up at him with wide slightly angry pale eyes. "Noooo I'm just going to bed because it's late, I'm tired, and I don't want to fight right now."

"Aha...so you are pouting."

"Really Nick?"

"Yes really! You didn't get what you wanted, so now you're going to bed pissed off and pouting. Figures." He was being an ass, deep down inside he realized it but he pushed the thought away, because a bigger part of himself just didn't give a damn right now. This argument, this fight, had been in the works (for him anyway) for weeks now.

She stepped back from him and looked up with a tight frown. "Wow, um okay. Let's think about this rationally for two seconds. You're the one that's been pushing me away okay? I've been trying…really trying. But I just need more from you Nick, I need you to talk to me. Tell me what's wrong! It's exhausting trying to get you to open up—"

"Here's a thought Jess…stop trying."

"I'm not going to stop trying Nick!"

"Why? That's what I want."

"Well it's not what I want…and it's not how relationships work."

He laughed at that, almost shuddering as the sick thrill of their argument ran through his veins. "Well then maybe there's your answer Jess."

She shook her head looking confused, and sighing deeply, rubbed her eyes. "What does that mean? What are you talking about?"

"Maybe this relationship is just not working."

His words hung in the air, and he could honestly say he regretted them as soon as they left his mouth, but at the same time…relief washed over him. He was throwing it out there...

It wasn't working.

Because it wasn't…right?

He was holding her back, stopping her from pursuing something, _someone_ better. The constant rejection letters that continued to filter in only further proved his theory. He was a low-life deadbeat destined to wait tables and serve drinks for the rest of his life. And even though this exact conversation was what he had feared for weeks now...he couldn't put a stop to it when finally, _finally_ he had gained the courage to throw it out there…to set the wheels in motion…_to end things._

"Excuse me?" Her voice was barely above a whisper and trembled with either fury or sadness or quite possibly a healthy combination of both.

_Do it!_ A voice in his head commanded, drowning out another more frantic panicked voice that begged him to take it back, to apologize for his foolish statement. But the words began tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them, "maybe it's not working out because maybe I don't know how to be what you want in a relationship."

She rolled her eyes and waved his comment away with an exaggerated huff, turning to open her bedroom door, she barely spared him another glance. "You're being ridiculous Nick…I'm not listening to this. I'm going to bed."

"I'm just stating the obvious."

"No…no—you're just being a moron," she muttered while opening the door. Facing him again, she leaned against the knob heavily while looking up at him from under dark lashes, her blue eyes shimmering with frustration.

She was so goddamned beautiful—it was almost his unraveling. It was hard to look at her, knowing what he was about to do. And somehow he knew she sensed how serious he was—her body was tense with fight and while she had barely raised her voice at him, her chest was heaving and her cheeks were just beginning to tinge a light pink.

And he frowned at his thoughts, knowing that focusing on her body was dangerous, especially if he was intent on seeing this thing through. "I'm saying what you're afraid to," he told her simply, watching as her shoulders slumped and she rolled her eyes again.

A stale silence hung in the air and then suddenly she shook herself, straightened to her full height, and leveled him with an icy blue glare. "No Nick, you're just taking the easy way out. We're having a fight. You can't threaten to end it just because you're tired, or I'm mad, or because you just don't want to friggin talk!"

"We fight all the time."

"No we bicker...it's our thing, it's what we do."

"We fight."

"Bicker."

"Same thing."

"Not really."

"It's not healthy Jess."

"What? Oh please! It's almost like foreplay."

"Does this feel like foreplay?"

She chuckled bitterly at that, "no because this is our first _actual_ fight as a couple...a real honest to goodness fight. You can't just run away when things gets tough okay? So knock it off with the talk about how this isn't working. We both need to take a step back and let our heads clear. I'm certainly not going to stand here while you toss out empty threats about ending things."

"Maybe they're not empty threats." He took in a deep breath, ignoring her small gasp and trying to prepare for what was coming next, "maybe I'm ending it because I'm not what you want, because—"

"Wait…just wait…you're ending it? Seriously? You're really trying to end things? You're really gonna go with that because you don't want to talk about your damn feelings!"

He hadn't realized how much he would regret it after he said it, but now that he had, now that he had thrown it out there, he couldn't take it back. He couldn't backtrack—the faster he did it, the faster she could move on. "Yeah…yeah I guess I am..._ending it._"

"Coward."

The words were spoken so softly he could barely hear them, he was actually unsure if he had even heard her correctly. But then she raised her head, her blue eyes glimmered with tears, and the way her lips quivered ever so slightly nearly did him in. "You coward!" She shouted, her face going from lightly flushed to bright pink and burning with emotion as she stared him down hard.

Flinching at her words, he shrugged his shoulders, summoning up the strength to finish what he'd started. "It is what it is Jess," he said softly, not sure if the words even made sense.

She squeezed her temples and shook her head furiously as if trying to block out what he was saying. "No. No! What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Just knock it off okay, we're _NOT_ doing this." She told him, her voice tinged with slight desperation as a single tear slipped out of her eye and began to make its way down her cheek—his fingers twitched, itching to reach out and brush it away.

"I'm not what you want."

"And how the hell do you know that? Huh?" She reached out suddenly, and in a move so quick, shoved him hard in the chest clearly surprising them both as he nearly stumbled back—her eyes widened with the action and her mouth dropped open fractionally. But then she apparently snapped out of her momentary shock and stepped up to him, shuffling closer so that they were almost chest to chest, "have you even asked for my opinion on the matter?" She practically screamed while shoving him again, even harder this time—obviously frustrated when he held his ground silently, and remained firmly in place. Letting out another frustrated shriek she pushed him once more, "what makes you such a goddamned expert on what I want Nick?" she yelled as another tear trailed down her cheek, leaving a single wet path in its place.

Grabbing her hands and wrapping his fingers tightly around her wrists, he stopped her before she could push him again and shrugged—internally demanding that he remain stoic, to appear unmoved by her tears. "We're too different."

Surprisingly she laughed at that, the sound coming out garbled, forced, and slightly hysterical. "And you're just realizing that now?" shaking her head, she ripped her hands from his grasp and hugged herself tightly, almost protectively. She looked so small at that moment, and for a second he almost gave in, almost pulled her into his arms, almost apologized to her for even suggesting that they end things in the first place. But he was stubborn, and he honestly believed that what he was doing was right—he needed to get his act together and she didn't need him bringing her down while he did.

As she sniffled and continued to wrap her arms around herself, and he stood unsure what to do or say—if he should walk away or wait until she left him—the dark and dull silence dragged on for what seemed like decades. Minutes ticked by slowly as the uncomfortable atmosphere tensed even more and the sound of soft voices filtered in from the kitchen.

And Jess continued to hold her tongue, refusing to speak to him, only glaring up at him angrily, accusingly. And then suddenly something sparked in her eyes, and a sad look crossed her delicate features while a frown tugged at the corners of her lips as a shuddering breath slipped out of her mouth. Straightening her shoulders she looked him square in the eyes with a cold blue gaze and to his surprise, a small sad smile touched her lips as she shrugged up at him helplessly. "You know I love you right? Is that why you're doing this? Are you afraid of it? Me loving you? Well I love you Nick...and it's not going to just go away. And you can't run from it. Not—not if you feel the same way."

His mouth dropped open at her devastatingly blunt statement, and he felt his defenses, his resolve come crumbling down—the effect her words had on him nearly brought him to his knees.

_She loved him._

_Jesus,_ he wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions that suddenly took over his body as the words resonated tauntingly in his brain. She fucking loved him. He had thought he had known…he had thought he had been prepared for it.

He was a damned fool.

"Do you—do you feel the same way? Is that why you're doing this? Because you're afraid." Her voice was small, almost weak, he hated that he had done that to her.

"Don't ask me that." He barely managed to get the words out, he was barely managing to breathe.

"I love you." She said the words more firmly, her voice stronger.

"Jess…" He stepped forward, suddenly he felt as if he was falling, maybe he was making a mistake—a horrible awful mistake. Maybe he had messed things up. He nearly laughed at that—of course he had…he would live to regret the day he ever broke things off with Jessica Day. He was no idiot, but he couldn't make her happy…how could he make someone else happy when he could barely even stand himself. Still, he couldn't help but attempt to reach out to her, to try to soften the blow he had delivered.

But she stepped away from his outstretched hand, her lips trembled as her back brushed the door, and something flashed in her eyes— sadness, regret, anger...betrayal. "No." she whispered softly. "Just don't come any closer to me."

"I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say, he was still reeling from her declaration—he was only slightly aware of the sleepy part of him that was waking up, that was itching to repeat the words back to her.

She was silent for a moment, the tension hummed between them, until finally she broke the quiet with a cold wavering voice, "so just out of curiosity…what was that before? Earlier today…was that some pity fuck? Some goodbye quickie with Jess before you ended things?"

He cringed at her brutal words, "no…_God no_...of course not…I'm just—"

"You're just a coward Nicholas Miller. That's what you are."

"Yes."

She opened her mouth at his confession and then snapped it shut again, and with a quick shake of her head, she stared at him for a moment, tears flowing freely down her face as she searched his gaze, her eyes seeking something desperately. And as he stood there, stuck in place, unable to move, she sighed and squeezed her eyes shut tight on a quick wince. A small horrible whimper escaped her mouth and with a distressed little cry, she turned from him and stepped into her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her. And when he heard the muffled sounds of her sobs filter through the heavy wood, it took everything in him not to break the door down and beg her forgiveness, demanding that she take him back.

Because he was doing the right thing.

_Right?_

He was looking out for her; he was ensuring her ultimate happiness. _She couldn't be happy with him_. He would bring her down—dim out that inner light in her that he so completely adored. This was for the best—maybe one day they could even be friends again. Maybe one day she would forgive him. Maybe one day he would even forgive himself.

Still, if it was ultimately the right thing to do...then why did he feel so lousy? Why did he feel like he had just irrevocably screwed things up…for the both of them?

_Because he had_, a sad voice whispered softly in his head, the one that had begged to be listened to before.

Staring at the closed door, Nick wasn't sure how long he stood there—contemplating his actions, debating his intentions, all while considering the sturdiness of the door and wondering whether or not he could truly break it down. It was only when he heard the sounds of someone approaching at his side that he shook himself out of his shocked daze.

"You idiot." It was a breathy statement, and he turned his head slightly, to see Cece standing not only a foot away from him, her eyes shining with tears and her expression full of sadness. "You stupid, stupid man." She whispered quietly, frowning when music softly made its way from Jess's bedroom, most likely an attempt to further muffle the sounds of her crying.

"I—I just…" he trailed off, because he was unsure what to say to her, unsure how to explain himself.

"You just blew the best thing you ever had." Cece stated sadly, but there was no anger, no bitterness in her voice, just pure unadulterated sadness.

He nodded, she was right—he couldn't argue with that. But he did it for _her_...she had to get that—he and Cece were alike in that way...weren't they?

Glancing up at her, he searched Cece's eyes, desperate for understanding, but unable to find it, he sighed, suddenly feeling his body go hot. "She—she deserves better. I'm sorry...I didn't know what else to do." He said lamely, and running a quick agitated hand through his hair, he walked away, needing to get out of the apartment, needing to distance himself from Jess. "I'm sorry." He whispered again to no one in particular, and making his way towards the kitchen, he came face to face with a solemn looking Winston and Schmidt. Knowing he couldn't stand their accusing stares and judging looks, aware that he was unable to answer their questions, he put a hand up stopping them before they could even ask.

"I've gotta go…tell her…I don't know tell her—I've just gotta go."

"Nick man—" Winston started.

But he shook his head, feeling a tight lump forming in his throat. Grabbing his keys and phone, he left the loft fast, choosing to ignore the muffled sound of Schmidt's cursing and Winston calling his name as he hurriedly walked past the elevator and pushed open the door to the stairwell instead. And running down the stairs, he swore each time his feet hit the hard concrete, feeling his emotions begin to spiral out of control. He needed cool, fresh air. He craved it. He had never had a panic attack before, but he was fairly certain what he was feeling was probably pretty damn close to one. _Air!_ His brain screamed, demanding that he run faster, that he seek his goal quicker. And reaching the ground floor, he pushed the door open with a hard shove, nearly laughing hysterically when he wasn't met with the cool air he craved but instead a thick wall of dense heat. It hit him hard as he exited the building and ran into the dark parking lot, causing him to gasp deeply as he did. His lungs screamed and protested with the effort as he sucked in the stale air, needing relief but unable to find it.

He couldn't catch a damned break.

Not that he deserved one.

Collecting himself, he made his way over to his car, blinking against the glaring overhead streetlight he was parked under and glancing down at his phone, he frowned when he saw that there were three voicemails that still had yet to be listened to.

And it was only later as he sat in the driver's seat of his old rusted red car, after listening to two slightly frantic messages in a row from his ma that he stared out the window completely dumbfounded while listening to the third—a low buzzing hummed in his ears as the soft friendly voice spoke to him through the speaker, tauntingly reminding him of what a complete self-doubting fool he was…

"_Hello Mr. Miller! My name is Tiffany Lawrence with Cooper and Sons Literary Agency. We're so excited to get in touch with you about your novel and can't wait to talk to you about representation. Your query letter clearly outlined something we'd like our name attached to and we think you would be a great fit for the agency and are looking to aggressively seek publication for your book as soon as possible. We eagerly await hearing back from you! So if you could just give me a call back at 555-760-0128 extension 241 at your earliest convenience that would be great. I look forward to speaking to you about your novel in much more detail soon. Have a great day Mr. Miller!  
_

And whether it was the largely self-deprecating part of him or complete and total shock that made him do it, he was unsure, but leaning back in his seat, he felt a full body tremble sweep its way through his system as he pressed a button on his phone and listened to the friendly voice again.

"_Hello Mr. Miller! My name is Tiffany Lawrence with Cooper and Sons Literary Agency. We're so excited to get in touch with you about your novel and can't wait to talk to you about representation. …"_

After about the third time in a row of listening to the message, did the low buzzing in his ears become a loud roaring and something shifted into place in his brain.

Jess loved him.

Jess had said _she loved him._

And he had wanted to say it back.

_He loved her._

Goddammit he loved her.

He fucking loved her and he had pushed her away.

And as his finger slipped and pressed the faded button on his phone and the message began to play again, he slumped his shoulders as the heavy gravity of what he had done settled hard upon him. And as his body began to shake as deep shuddering breaths overtook him and he fought hard not to give in to the urge to cry—to sob like a fucking little girl, he shook his head and beat his hands against the steering wheel, while cursing vehemently—swearing at love, at Jess, at life in general, but mostly at the mess he had made.

It was with both self-pity and disgust, that he let the first tears fall, landing soundlessly on clenched hands that tightly gripped the wheel.

He was lost and for the first time in over a year, he didn't have Jess to turn to.

* * *

**_Remember the one-shot I had mentioned earlier, with the guitar and cuteness and fluff? Yeah I'm just gonna go get to work on that for you. _**

**_We're all good right? _**

**_RIGHT?  
_**

**_Um review? PLEASE—I think. Seriously I would love to hear from you...I miss chatting with you guys and I plan on responding to all the reviews I haven't gotten back to later this afternoon! :)  
_**


	21. Chapter 21

**You guys! How amazing was the Pepperwood episode?! I was dying throughout the entire thing—my favorite one of the season so far. I'm sure all the Jess and Nick time had NOTHING to do with it… ;) ;) Seriously not only did I love_ that_, but I just thought it was just all around HILARIOUS! **

**I'm beyond excited for Cooler tonight ;)  
**

**Tangent aside, THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I mean, honestly, I don't think I've ever gotten so many reviews on a single chapter…EVER. Your encouraging words meant so much to me and I'm thrilled that you guys are rolling with the punches and going with the twists and turns I'm throwing at you. I believe in order to have a well-rounded story (and I'm not talking about one-shots or short fics) you need some conflict otherwise it gets boring. So, seriously, I was blown away by the response and OBVIOUSLY you motivated me to write more! Although with the gooey sweetly fun AMAZINGNESS that was Pepperwood I kinda feel bad for the angst that will be following shortly…**

**No worries, angst haters…it's not THAT bad.**

**Enjoy and please review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.**

* * *

She was moving out.

And then she wasn't moving out.

And then she was again.

Until, of course, she wasn't again.

Jess stood in the middle of her room with arms crossed over her chest and blew out a quick frustrated breath while glaring at the opened suitcase that lay on her bed. She had been debating moving out for the past two weeks now—turning the idea over in her head, weighing the pros and cons, until she ultimately ended up just as she was now…undecided. There was no denying it though, something had to be done soon—with the way things had spiraled out of control between her and Nick—everyone around them was suffering.

The loft was tense, the atmosphere uncomfortable—they were_ all _unhappy.

Not to mention it was just flat out _hard—_living in such a small space with three other people while constantly trying to avoid _one_ of them. More often than not, she found herself creeping around the apartment during the ungodly early morning hours—doing laundry, taking showers, watching her favorite DVR'd shows, all way before the sun even came up. It was impossible to live a normal life—not when she couldn't relax during the day…constantly afraid she'd run into _him. _

And poor Winston and Schmidt—both were trying to accommodate her…but she knew it was getting tiring; their need to get the _Loft Dynamic_ back to normal was as obvious as it was frustrating. She had seen the nervous twitch Schmidt had developed on the rare occasions that she and Nick happened to share the same breathing space. His eye would spasm and he would stumble all over himself trying not to step on the big fat elephant in the room. Thankfully for her poor roommates (and herself) it wasn't often that she and Nick were around each other these days, and usually when it did happen, one of them would leave quickly—mumbling some lame excuse before making a quick exit. But even those few awkward seconds in which the two of them were forced to tolerate the others presence was almost too much for her...the pain of the break-up was still too fresh.

_Good God_, she felt sad, pathetic, and weak, so, very, very weak.

It would have been so much easier if he had been a jerk about the whole thing. Heck, she honestly believed it would have been better in the long run if he had cheated on her, or she had been miserable, or something just hadn't_ clicked_…it would have made things simpler on her heart. But the problem was she had been happy in their relationship, really and truly happy. In the short time they had been together, everything had just felt so _right_ between them. And to make matters even more confusing, he seemed almost remorseful about the whole thing—just as upset and miserable as she. Just the other day she'd been in the kitchen fixing her breakfast when he had suddenly strolled in, up early for God knows what reason. She had buttered her toast with a stinkin' spoon, she had been so thrown off by his stupid surly presence. And she hadn't failed to notice that he had looked like he had wanted to say something to her—his stupid puppy dog chocolate eyes had sought out hers, and his expression had looked pained…almost desperate. But stubbornly, she had decided not to fall victim to his trap—she wouldn't give him the chance to ask her to listen to an apology or worse yet request that they be friends again. She just hadn't been able to stand the thought of having _that _conversation…not yet. So she had left quickly, muttering something about needing to get to work early.

And thank goodness school had started up a few days ago. With classes back in session, it really was much easier to avoid _him_. Having a full-time day job had its benefits that way she supposed. With her working days and Nick working mostly nights—it made avoiding unnecessary interaction with her once friend, still roommate, and the man who had broken her heart so_ so_ much easier.

Drawing her attention back to her suitcase, Jess frowned and considered it a moment—she honestly didn't know what to do. Just when she'd thought she wouldn't give into the ugly urge to move, she somehow always managed to find herself staring at the stupid thing again as it mockingly taunted her to pack, demanding that she pick up and move on.

_There was nothing left for her here…_

But wasn't that what she had allowed Spencer to do to her…force her from the life she had been comfortable with? Hadn't _she_ left—ultimately making it easier on him? Why should she do the same thing now? Why should she make it easier for Nick?

Why should _she_ leave again?

Bringing her fingertips to her temples she groaned while applying slow steady pressure—her head _ached_…she was continually at war with herself...and it was getting exhausting.

She just wished that she could move on, that she could begin to heal…because really, it wasn't like she was in friggin' mourning or anything. Nick had dumped her, he hadn't died…and it had already been two weeks since the unfortunate event. Two weeks since he had ripped her heart out, torn it to tiny little pieces, stomped on it, and then set it on fire for good measure.

_Ohhh yeaaaah _she was really darn close to moving on and letting go.

Rolling her eyes at her dramatic thoughts, Jess took her hands away from her head while sighing at the annoying inner voices in her brain—fully aware that they were pretty over-the-top. But really, at the end of the day, it didn't matter what the practical side of her knew…the self-deprecating part of her just couldn't help but think the cruel thoughts.

_Oh she was glutton for punishment._

With a sad little smile, Jess looked over at her door, wondering if Nick was home…

She supposed it didn't help that she missed him so much it _hurt._

It didn't help that on those very, very rare occasions that she did happen to see him—whether it was a fast glimpse in the kitchen as she was fixing her morning tea, an accidental brush by in the hallway when hurrying to the bathroom, or even a quick sighting in the afternoon before he left for work—her body, unable to help itself, unwillingly reacted to him. Her heart pounded painfully against her chest, brutally jarring her, reminding her that while broken and damaged it was still beating, still _there_. Her skin tingled, remembering the feel of his hot and branding touch. Her ears rang recalling the sound of his voice low and scratchy, playfully teasing her or desperately saying her name on a groan. And her stupid, stupid, treacherous mind flashed with images of his dark eyes— how they used to light with amusement at something silly she'd said or how easily they could go black and stormy when raging with desire.

Jess bit her lip and sighed, lowering herself to the bed, she closed her eyes and tried to push thoughts of him to the back of her mind…nearly laughing bitterly when she was unable to. She wasn't strong enough…it was practically impossible. They were always there, refusing to go away, mocking her cruelly and forcing her to remember how she had thrown herself out there while deliberately reminding her of how he had been unable to return her sentiments…

"_Do you—do you feel the same way? Is that why you're doing this? Because you're afraid?"_

"_Don't ask me that."_

"_I love you."_

"_Jess…"_

She wiped away the lone tear that had sneakily escaped the confines of her eye, and shook her head sadly. He hadn't been able to say_ it_—instead he had remained unmoved, had let her pour her feelings out to him, and then had let her walk away—hadn't even tried to bring her back.

And she_ hated_ him for it.

She loathed the fact that she had fallen so hard and he hadn't been there to catch her. Instead, he had simply stood unyielding and had watched…allowing her to crash and burn.

But even more than that…she hated herself.

Because at the end of the day, even with her life teetering at some odd crossroads, and her brain screaming at her that she should _know_ better…

She unquestionably, without a doubt, irrevocably loved him with all that was left of her stupidly hopeful broken heart.

Still, like always, a hopeless cause.

* * *

"Schmidt I'm not going out tonight."

"Nick we're going out tonight."

"Schmidt listen I know you're trying to be a good friend and while I appreciate that...it's just not happening."

"Nick—"

"Not. Happening. Sorry bud—"

"Now you listen to me Nicholas!"

Nick's eyes snapped up from the newspaper he had been casually browsing at the sound of Schmidt's slightly hysterical voice. Just home from work, he was impeccably dressed in a crisp suit and tie, his sharp features were twisted into an expression that collided somewhere in the middle of pain and sadness, and his blue eyes were staring at him hard, practically pleading for Nick to do this _one_ thing for him.

"We are going out. You, me, and Winston...we are celebrating…"

"There's nothing to celebrate Schmidt."

Schmidt sighed at that, his expression going from pained to that of disbelief, "nothing to celebrate? you've just decided to sign on with a very reputable literary agency! Dammit Nick...I've done my research, Cooper and Sons is the real deal. You are moving up in the ranks my friend."

Nick placed his head in his hands and leaned over the kitchen table. _This_…right here…was exactly why he had been hesitant on telling Schmidt anything at all. He knew that he would make a big deal about it. And while sure, over the past couple of weeks he had been in touch with a couple of agents, some had even expressed interest in him once they had learned that another agent had reached out to him...he refused to get his hopes up_ too much._ He was fully aware that if he ever expected to see his book published he had to realize he had a very long_ long_ road ahead of him.

"Listen Schmidt buddy, an agency is picking me up. They're gonna throw my book out there…it could take months before anyone bites. Hell, there's still a very real chance I may not get published at all."

"Forever the pessimist," Schmidt muttered, stirring his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

Nick frowned at that—it was something Jess would have said (had they been talking). And thinking about her, his frown deepened and a slightly sick feeling settled low in his gut. He missed her. It was amazing how much he missed her. He saw her nearly every friggin day but damn if he didn't miss her. He'd tried to keep his distance the past couple of weeks...not knowing what to do with the realization about his true feelings for her and the goddamn mess he had made of their relationship...but it was hard. How could he stay away from her when her mere fuckin' existence called to him, taunted him, tempted him? So instead of trying to dissect his own fucked up thought process, he instead decided to focus on familiarizing himself with the agency that had reached out to him. Tiffany Lawrence had been thrilled to talk to him— enthusiastic about his novel. She had seemed aggressive without being too pushy or over the top, calming his slightly frazzled nerves and encouraging him out of his disbelieving state. But even with her upbeat attitude and calming demeanor, he had pretty much gone through the last fourteen days in a pensive haze, teetering somewhere between a full-fledged nightmare and on the brink of a dream come true.

He was so close to making _something_ of himself.

And it had come on the heels of losing something more important to him than he had originally allowed himself to realize.

And wasn't that so typical? Leave it to Nick Miller to screw things up...making it impossible for him to be excited about the new, exciting, and potentially promising venture in his normally boring and unfortunately ordinary life.

So friggin' typical.

"What are we talking about?"

At Winston's voice, Nick looked up, welcoming the distraction from his wandering thoughts, "Schmidty is trying to convince me to go out tonight."

"Wait I thought we were definitely going." Winston glanced over at Schmidt, confusion flitting across his features. "Dude you said he was good to go."

"Well there's been a slight hitch in plans." Schmidt said, sounding slightly exasperated.

"And that would be?"

"Nick's refusing to go..._obviously_."

Winston looked at Nick with a small shrug of his shoulders, "Why? Come on Nick, we want to celebrate."

"I already told Schmidt there is nothing to celebrate," Nick stated. Really not wanting to fall back into the conversation again, he stood from the kitchen table and shot his friends a warning glare. "Let it go guys."

"Pessimist." Schmidt hissed, disappointment clear on his face.

"Hey what are we talking about?"

Hearing Cece's voice Nick was just barely able to stop the small frown from forming on his lips—and as the model came into view, he vaguely noted with a tiny sliver of disgust how the slightest hint of fear slowly slithered its way through his veins. Since he had ended things with Jess, the sometimes frightening woman hadn't held back her clear disdain for him, glowering angrily at him and muttering ugly curses whenever she got the chance. Not that he blamed her, he had hurt her best friend...but that didn't mean he had to enjoy the sour attitude and disparaging looks.

"We want to take Nick out to celebrate his good news and success." Schmidt said his voice taking on a slightly pouty tone, even as his face lit up at Cece's presence.

"Okay...no. No Schmidt don't tell her that." Nick sighed. For some reason he was desperate for Schmidt not to elaborate any further. The less Cece knew about his book, the literary agency, and his road to some form of success, the better. Anything she found out about his pursuit at publication would ultimately be relayed to Jess. And it wasn't that he didn't want to tell Jess at all...it was just that she had played such a vital role in his book that he wanted to tell her himself—it was just kinda hard, seeing as though they were barely speaking and all.

"Tell me now Schmidt." Cece pinned Nick with a dark glare, "Why don't you want him to tell me?"

"Because it's no big deal!" Nick sighed, frustrated.

"Being picked up by a literary agency is a big deal man." Winston informed him, speaking the words slowly, as if he might not realize what the whole fuckin thing might entail.

"Literary agency..._the book_?" Cece looked at him with wide eyes, her expression conveying mild disbelief, "the _zombie_ book?"

Nick straightened at that, "how do you know about my book?" he stared at her hard, confusion sneaking its way into his mind.

"Jess." Cece said simply with a casual shrug, clearly refusing to offer anymore information.

"Someone say my name?"

Her voice hit him hard, right in his gut, his heart clenched once then twice, and his pulse picked up in pace. It was like this every time she sneaked up on him unexpectedly. He reacted immediately, and he had to unwillingly endure, without any choice at all, the painful bodily reminders of how she affected him. Glancing over, he watched as she walked into the kitchen. She was wearing a sunny yellow sleeveless dress; it was a striking contrast against her pale skin and her dark hair which hung loose over her shoulders in taunting chocolate waves—and he remembered with some masochistic fondness how soft it felt when sliding silkily through his fingers and he frowned as his brain flashed with images he'd rather not think about. As her eyes, framed by thick black glasses, drifted over the small group gathered in the kitchen before landing on him, he couldn't help but notice the way the blue orbs dulled and her lips thinned out...and right then and there the self-hatred that always seemed to be lingering around the outer edges of his brain, made itself harshly known. He had done that to her, he had put that sad, dull look in her usually bright and cheerful blue gaze.

"The guys are taking Nick out." Cece said, her eyes still on Nick in a perceptively harsh stare.

"Oh?" the note of curiosity in Jess' voice couldn't be missed.

Cece nodded, "Literary agency wants to pick him up...the zombie book."

"Oh." Jess' eyes went wide and for a moment something bright and free passed over her pretty features. It was thrilling seeing her face light up, she was so damn beautiful when her guard was down, but quickly, before he could fully appreciate the quick glimpse of old Jess, the happy look was squashed and the dullness came back into her eyes while her mouth dipped back down into a frown. And slowly a lately all too familiar awkward silence hung over the once tight knit group. Winston cleared his throat, Cece sighed, Jess' gaze drifted to the floor and Nick felt himself tense—the uncomfortable atmosphere of the loft was nearly unbearable.

And he hated it.

"Jessica Day, isn't there something you want to say to Nick about this awesome news?" Nick glanced up at Schmidt's inquiry, which came on the heels of a slight eye spasm. His friend's face was uncomfortably contorted into a slight grimace and the upper half of his face twitched...the unfortunate tremor seemed to happen quite frequently—whenever he and Jess were in the same room.

"Schmidt." Nick warned, not entirely sure what his roommate was trying to pull—eye spasm induced by stress he and Jess had brought on or not...he'd much prefer the guy keep his mouth shut.

"_Can it_ Nick, she can congratulate you. You may have broken her heart, and ruined the_ Loft Dynamic_ but you're still our friend and we're proud of you. And damnit I can't do this anymore!"

And there it was, the blunt and bold statement that everyone had been thinking, that everyone had been dreading saying out loud. They were all aware of the elephant in the room—they had just been skillfully sidestepping it for the last couple of weeks. But even knowing that they were all on the same page... that wasn't going to stop Nick from killing Schmidt. He was going to wrap his fingers around his skinny little neck and squeeze tight, effectively shutting off his air supply. He was going to punch him in the face, over and over again until...

"Schmidt!" Cece finally said in a hitched voice, her mildly horrified tone breaking the tense silence.

"No. No he's right." Nick's gaze shot to Jess as she spoke softly, hesitantly, "he's right...I—um...that's great. That's really great. I'm—I'm happy for you." The corner of her mouth lifted into a tiny half smile and she bit her lip, worrying it lightly. "Your book is amazing...I knew if you sent it out that someone would be as excited as I was to read it. Congratulations Nick."

Her words sent him reeling, humbling him. They once again reminded him of how different they were—how good and pure she was and how he was...unquestioningly not. He had hurt her. He had as Schmidt had so uncouthly stated...broken her heart. And Jess being Jess was unable to hold it against him, not when he was on the brink of gaining something he so desperately wanted, something that she knew he badly needed.

Feeling shaken by her momentary kindness, and the small genuine smile playing across her lips, he nodded once, "thanks." The words felt thick and the sound was hoarse and dry.

Her smile tightened around the corners and she nodded back, "you're welcome."

The words had barely passed Jess' lips before Schmidt clapped enthusiastically, his eye spasm gentling slightly with the civil exchange between the two former lovers. "Great! That's taken care of, now Nick, we're leaving at eight, we're doing a light dinner and then hitting the nightlife to celebrate...Cecelia, I hope you can survive a night without your sex machine, I know how cranky you get when your needs haven't been fulfilled..._multiple_ times might I just add for those present. "

Cece rolled her eyes at that and giving Schmidt a delicate shrug of her shoulders, smirked softly. "I'm sure I'll manage," she stated dryly before glancing over at Jess. "Besides Jess and I have a girl's night planned. We're going to a few clubs."

Jess' gaze shot to Cece, her brow furrowed in clear confusion. "We are?"

"Yep, time to get you back out there! And I know just the place to go to introduce you to some Grade A hotties. We're going all out tonight babe."

At the model's blunt and bright words, Nick couldn't deny the tiny pricks of jealous awareness that tingled up his spine, but knowing he had no business butting into the conversation, no right to tell Cece like hell was it time for Jess to get back out _there_...he kept his mouth firmly shut, while mentally reassuring himself he would not commit murder if Jess brought another guy home to the loft.

"Oh Cece, I've had this headache all day, and my shoes need to be re-organized and my closet color coded and—"

"And we're going!"

Jess sighed, and biting her lip held Cece's fierce gaze, a silent battle of wills took place between the two girls, before on a huff, Jess nodded and glanced away with a tiny frown. "Finnneee." she said, drawing the word out unhappily.

Cece grinned, her features looking both calculating and satisfied with the action, "good it's set...we're doing a girl's night!"

Schmidt grinned back and glanced from Nick to Winston, "bros night what up!"

Unable to match their enthusiasm, Nick shook his head, and muttered something about needing a shower before leaving the kitchen and stalking towards the bathroom, still aware of the heated feeling of jealousy that was raging through him at Cece's not so subtle implications.

So she and Jess were going out for a girl's night. So Cece was going to try to introduce Jess to various men...most likely attempting to find her a rebound in the process.

So what.

He was fine with it.

Except he wasn't. Of course he wasn't...not even a little.

How could he be fine with it...he was in love with her.

And he was still too much of a chicken-shit to tell her, too self-deprecating to decide whether or not he really_ was_ good enough for her.

_Fuck his life._

* * *

Jess let herself into the apartment, sighing resignedly as the loft door closed softly behind her. She was exhausted. Her feet were tired, her head was still pounding with her earlier headache, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed, listen to her favorite playlist, and fall asleep.

When had she become so darn lame?

Walking into the kitchen she glanced down at her watch—it read a little before midnight, and seeing that, she scowled angrily while reaching up into the cupboard to pull a glass down. Making her way to the sink, she shook her head somewhat dejectedly as she turned the tap on to fill up her empty glass. So much for her crazy girl's night out. She had made it to exactly one club with Cece, had a couple of drinks, and then much to her friend's dismay, had bowed out, unable to get into the proper mood. And she hated being _that_ girl—the kind that sulked and moped around after a bad break-up. She didn't want that to define who she was. She was a good time dammit! She had worn heels, and had done her make-up smokier than usual, and the little black dress she was wearing was both fun _and_ flirty! Heck she had even gotten hit on...TWICE! And both men...okay well at least_ one_ of them...had seemed perfectly normal, respectable, and cute.

_Very_ cute.

But as she had sat at the bar listening to the first guy drone on and on about his job, his life, his aspirations, and his dog…she had found herself rolling her eyes to the ceiling. He had been too optimistic and bright and his happiness had almost set her off more than a few of times during their brief conversation. And the second guy, while not as cheerful as the first—his face had been clean shaven—and she had found herself staring at his baby smooth cheeks, frowning slightly, knowing that she much preferred the feeling of harsh stubble against her own delicately soft skin.

Damn Nick Miller. Damn his grumpy ways and scruffy face.

He had ruined her.

He was a ruiner.

With a sigh she turned from the sink and brought the glass up to her lips, and resting against the counter she took a long swig while closing her eyes. Tomorrow she would start new, tomorrow she would apologize to Cece for cutting out early, tomorrow she would officially move on—forget about the short-lived relationship she had had with one Nicholas Miller and set her sights on new beginnings.

Yep she'd do all of that…tomorrow.

Tonight she was just going to concentrate on falling asleep without thinking about _him._

"Hey."

At the sound of his voice, Jess's eyes snapped open and fumbling slightly, she nearly dropped the glass of water she held. Her wide-eyed gaze landed on Nick and steadying her pulse she took in the sight of his slightly slouched figure, one hand rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably while the other was jammed tightly into his jeans pocket. Seeing him, she felt her jaw go slack with surprise. He wasn't supposed to be here! He was supposed to be out celebrating.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, realizing her voice came out slightly shaky and somewhat reproachful.

Nick shrugged and moved his way into the kitchen, his dark eyes focused on a spot on the floor for a minute before he glanced up at her with a slight frown. "Came home a little while ago. I was tired and _bro's night_ wasn't doing anything for me..and I dunno...just couldn't fall asleep…or something…" he trailed off not offering anything else.

Jess nodded mutely, unsure what to say to him. When had it gotten so hard—just having a normal conversation with him? Her breathing suddenly felt a bit labored and her body tingled with the telling signs of a blush. She wished that Cece had come home with her or at least Winston or Schmidt were around…she needed a buffer! This set-up was _way_ too intimate for her liking. Late at night, a poorly lit kitchen, alone in a quiet loft—and while nowhere near to being drunk…the couple glasses of wine she had consumed were making her head feel a bit fuzzy, merely highlighting his unnerving presence.

Ack! Is this what he had reduced her to? She felt like such an idiot, a blundering, lame, heartbroken idiot.

And at the thought something inside her protested, violently disagreeing with the critical view of herself. She only felt that way because she was too busy dwelling on the ever-present lingering heartache—refusing to focus on moving on. Straightening her spine, she squared her shoulders. _Buck up Jessica Day_!–her inner voice mentally scolded, while giving her an imaginary comforting pat on the back. She needed to get it together; she needed to calm down…she needed to start acting like herself again.

So she was in the kitchen in the middle of the night with Nick.

Big deal.

"You're home early too."

His words snapped her from her thoughts and her gaze drifted back to him. Had he come closer to her? He had only been a few feet away before, and now he seemed close…uncomfortably close. He was invading her personal space and the kitchen seemed so small..._way_ too small.

"Yeah…um…" She glanced down at the glass in her hands, gripping it tightly. "I was tired, so much crazy, crazy partying tonight…" she said lamely, and shook her head with a quick little shake, wondering where the hell_ that_ had come from.

"It's barely midnight."

"Yeah I really need to learn to pace myself with all that crazy partying. There was just so much ummm craziness and uhhhh partying and stuffff…"

He cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her hard; he was standing close enough so that she could clearly smell his Old Spice. Unless of course her mind was just playing a mean trick on her and it was a only a figment of her imagination...a mere memory of his spicy slightly intoxicating scent.

"Uhhh-huh sounds fun."

"Yeah, oh yeah it was. I mean there was so much dancing, and shots, and dancing and…."

"Shots?"

"Um yeah…yes. Yep."

"Hmmmm…" he made a noise in his throat and briefly she wondered if he was laughing at her and immediately she felt herself go on the defensive.

"And I got so many numbers. Oh my God do I have so many dates and stuuuufff lined up next week. It's crazy...watch out world, Jessica Day is back in action!"

Why was she talking? Was there some reason that her lips were still moving and words were coming out?

"Excuse me?" He had straightened up and had moved even closer to her—suddenly she was reminded about the late hour, the intimate set up.

"Just—just a few numbers from some guys from the club. Cuz you know I was clubbin it up…with men. So_ so_ many men. Holla." She said softly, moving backwards only to be reminded that the counter was at her back and she had nowhere to go. And why was she lying to him anyway?

"I see."

The tone in his voice called her out on her bullshit lie and they fell silent for a moment. He held her stare, his dark eyes appearing black in the dim kitchen and they burned into her, imploring her to drop the fake act, to cut the crap. The intensity of his gaze was almost too much, not only humbling her but also shooting a surge of lust straight through her body— swiftly running its fast course in record time before settling deep in her core.

And on a sigh she looked away with a soft embarrassed laugh. "I don't know why I said that. That was a lie. Obviously that was a lie. I talked to two men total and…and clearly nothing happened. That was stupid...I'm sorry."

"Jess—"

She couldn't be around him anymore. She was too defenseless and she hated that.

"I need to go." She said it suddenly, abruptly cutting him off. Straightening she moved away from the counter, and placing her glass to the side, looked over at him again. "I need to go to bed."

"Jess—"

"No please don't keep me here, I'm going to say something stupid. Well something_ else_ stupid because clearly I've been saying stupid stuff since the minute you stepped into the kitchen, so I need to go to bed…_now._"

"Jess—"

"It's hard to be around you."

His posture tensed at that, and his eyes sought hers, and dammit like always they sucked her in and she felt her resolve—her determination to suddenly get as far away from him as possible weaken and begin to fade away.

"I'm in this constant state of war with myself," she whispered and vaguely she acknowledged the voice in her head that was quietly telling her to _stop talking_, but for some reason she was unable to listen to it. For some reason she felt compelled to barrel on. "Sometimes I hate you, I hate you so much for not giving us a chance, and then sometimes I'm just sad…sad that I wasn't enough for you, that you didn't trust me enough to love you...to make you happy. But really, most of the time…God most of the time I just miss you. I miss you so much and the feeling it's just settled _here_." She brought a clenched fist to her chest and rapped it lightly, "And it hurts…it physically hurts." She looked up at him, and smiled sadly. "Isn't that sad? I don't know why I told you that, that's so totally lame and weird and...just_ sad_." She sighed, the sound coming out shaky and dismal. "I'm sorry I should go, this is just so, so awkward now."

With a self-deprecating little chuckle she shook her head and went to move past him, needing to get away from him because suddenly it was very hard to breathe; it was like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

Stupid Nick Miller and his selfish lungs…stealing all the oxygen for himself.

But just as she was about to walk by, he reached out his hand and caught hers lightly, just barely touching her, just barely allowing skin to brush against skin. But it was enough to stop her in her tracks…enough to cause her breath to come in sharply and her whole body to shudder while little pinpricks of heat shot through her. She just barely suppressed a tiny sigh—why did he have this effect on her? Why did he have such total and complete control over her body?

"Jess." He said her name softly—she could hear the note of desperation, of _wanting_ tinged in it and just like that she was gone, completely gone. And in her place was something that was her but at the same time wasn't. It was something that she had no power over, something she couldn't control...something that was utterly and totally _his._

And when he wrapped his fingers around her hand tightly and slowly began to draw her to him, she knew without a doubt that she didn't stand a chance, and while she wanted to cry foul, while she wanted to hate herself for her weakness, she instead pushed the angry thoughts away and allowed him to pull her slowly, _so slowly_ towards him, until her body was brushing against his and she was flushed up against his chest. Somehow without her fully realizing it, his fingers had left her hand and one arm had wrapped itself around her waist while his other hand dove into her hair sliding fingers through her dark tresses and tugging on them slightly, forcing her to look up.

"Jess." He said her name one final time, on a nearly desperate groan, before his lips came crashing down on hers and her mind blacked out and went completely and totally blank.

* * *

**Grrr cliff hangers are _stuuuupid._**

**Who does that?**

**Oh ha. I just did. Sorry ;)**

**Jess will be getting some of her backbone back. No worries.  
**

**Review please!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey all. I am so so sorry for the long hiatus. It was never my intention to upset anyone with the long wait. I got distracted by a few things and kinda maybe sorta wrote two fics for _Once Upon A Time's_ Emma and Hook. *hides* My muse can be a bitch and she became totally obsessed with them. BUT enough of that, sexy times and angsty times ahead. We are getting close to wrapping this sucker up. SIGH.**

**Enjoy and please review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.**

* * *

Nick hadn't thought it through…not really.

She had just looked so sad and vulnerable and dammit she had said all those_ things_—things about trust, about loving him and missing him. Things that had gone straight to his heart—hitting him hard and piercing him right in his friggin' soul_._

He hadn't really considered what he was doing when he had stopped her—a simple brushing of hands and that was it. The desire, cloaked only by the more potent feelings of need, regret…and dammit _love_ had shot up through his body—the shock of it nearly knocking him back, sending him reeling.

And he had been unable to help it—no longer strong enough to deny himself of her; he had wrapped his fingers around her hand, holding her in place. It didn't really help that she hadn't attempted to reject him. It sure as hell didn't help that she had all but melted into him, willingly allowing him to pull her closer, almost eagerly anticipating his next move. So no, he hadn't thought, he had only_ acted_—whispering her name painfully, reverently, whether it had been a curse or a prayer he still wasn't sure.

And it didn't matter.

All that mattered was _Jess_, and having her in his arms again.

And now, now that she was…he couldn't get enough of her. Her lips, soft and sweet moved against his, matching his desperate and unquestionably reckless actions. Tiny whimpers escaped her mouth as she fisted his shirt tightly in her hands and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Their tongues clashed—colliding as they each struggled for the upper hand, seemingly both frantic to be the one in control.

_Control._

He almost laughed at the thought.

When it came to her, control was something he had very little of.

Drinking in her breathy sighs, he ran his hands down the sides of her body, quietly letting out a broken and strangled curse. Because dammit it had been two weeks…fourteen fucking days since he had held her, since he had truly felt at peace…_and he needed more. _Craving it more than he was sure was healthy, he turned them so that her back was pressed up against the counter, and snaking his hand behind her neck, he kissed her roughly, passionately, trying to convey through his lips and tongue his every emotion. Trying to make her understand what she was to him without actually saying the words.

Because whispering those words, allowing them to be said out loud…was something he knew he still wasn't worthy of.

"Nick," she breathed his name softly, the sound raspy and broken.

But he paid it no attention, wrapping his arms around her waist, he lifted her, hoisting her onto the kitchen counter. And she opened her legs willingly, allowing him to step in between them. Immediately his lips found her neck, sucking lightly and grazing his teeth against her sensitive skin. And when she let out a shocked little gasp followed by a breathy moan, he couldn't help but smile at the reaction. However, his smug grin was swiftly replaced with a tiny frown of surprise when she ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back, before quickly snaking them around his waist to his belt buckle.

"Jess—" he started, his eyes going wide. He wasn't sure where he had thought this whole thing was going but he was pretty damned sure they needed to consider what they were doing_...really doing_. And in the back of his head he heard a mocking voice calling him out softly, quietly taunting him for questioning and not just taking.

_Because Christ almighty he just wanted to take her._

"Shut-up." She whispered against his mouth, nipping his lips lightly with her teeth. "Just shut-up." Her fingers quickly flicked his buckle open and before he could protest, she had his zipper down and her hands inside his pants.

"Jess." He whispered again, his forehead against hers, his breathing stunted. "Do you really think this is a good idea?" And over the roaring in his head, he heard that soft voice again—screaming for him to just shut the hell up already.

When she reached into his boxers and wrapped a hand around him, he let out a violent curse and dimly, through his hazy vision, he saw her mouth turn upwards into a knowing smirk.

"No." She said softly, her words flitting across his lips like a promise yet kept. "It's a terrible idea."

The simple and honest words hung in the small space between them, and turning them over in his head, he held his breath for a beat or two, her mouth a whisper away, the sweet scent of her, warm and inviting, pulling him even closer. And then, damning reasoning to hell…damning_ them both _to hell…he closed the distance between them and kissed her hard, their teeth clashing and breaths mingling. When she began to stroke him, gently at first, gradually tightening her grip before picking up the pace, he cursed again, and running a fast hand up her thigh to the apex between her legs, he cupped her hotly, appreciating the way her body tensed and the sound of the small moan that escaped her lips before feathering across his face. Knowing he wouldn't last long, not with the ball of need that was coiled low in his gut and the way he was already throbbing and hard and ready, he hooked two fingers into her underwear and tugged—the action just bordering on rough. And when she lifted her hips without question he couldn't help the small smirk that pulled at the corners of his mouth, before dragging the fabric down and tossing it over his shoulder without thought.

"Nick—I need…" she broke off and sucking in a breath, attempted to speak again. "I need…"

Impatient, he didn't give her the chance to finish her thought, he was too far-gone, and leaning back and away from her, he watched as he brought his hand up to her again, thrusting two fingers into her without warning. Her head fell back, nearly rapping against the cupboards behind her, and her mouth formed a silent O of surprise. And he did nothing for a moment, just stared at her, appreciating the view—the way she looked on the verge of losing control completely—her pale cheeks flushed, her dark hair wild, her usually wide blue eyes half-mast and glazed over. She was so goddamned amazing. And like always, he briefly wondered what the hell he had done in his life to deserve the chance to be with her like this…_it wasn't right…_something didn't add up.

But he sure as hell wasn't going to complain.

Shaking himself from his brief reverie, he slowly began to pump his fingers in and out of her, watching as she tilted her hips up towards his busy hand, her own fingers which had previously been wrapped around him seemingly forgotten as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth while letting out a choked little gasp.

He knew how this would end; there was no way he could back away from her now…the need to bury himself deep inside of her and have his fill was far too great, the desire nearly overwhelming.

But first, first, he was going to watch her come undone.

Curving his fingers ever so slightly he stroked her gently, the sound of her broken moan and staggering breath echoing softly in his ears—the sweetest most erotic music he had ever heard.

"Nick…" she breathed, her hands grasping the edge of the counter, her body trembling against his touch.

"Come on Jess…I need to see you. It's been too fucking long…I want to watch you…just please…" He trailed off, leaning towards her; he thrust his fingers deeper into her while his lips found the sensitive skin of her neck once again.

"Oh_ God_," the words were whimpered, her voice soft and pleading.

"What do you want?" he asked through gritted teeth. And slowly licking the spot where his lips had been, he fought hard to hang on to control.

"I—I don't…I can't…" she broke, her head moving from side to side as he continued his gentle ministrations.

It was amazing to see her so hot and unraveled.

He loved when she was like that, past the point of being able to think and speak coherently. And selfishly he craved more; he wanted to push her further—something slightly sinister that bordered on desperate, needed to see her crash and burn around him.

Brushing up closer to her, he reached his free hand behind her neck and forced her limp head up; crashing his lips to hers again in another scorching and frenzied kiss. Picking up the pace with his fingers, he pumped them in and out of her fast as his mouth mimicked the actions, his tongue making love to her, intimately kissing her, hinting at what was eventually to come. And with the new pace, he could feel her tense, her arms wrapped around his neck tightly, her body trembled with need—she was so close.

"Let go Jess." He whispered against her mouth, brushing his lips softly against hers once, twice, before lifting his head so he could see her, and curving his fingers once more, he stroked her slowly and knowingly.

She moaned with the action and tilting her hips towards his hand, she threw her head back while digging her nails into his shoulders, abruptly coming hard and fast around him. The feel of her tight heat clenching his still thrusting fingers was enough for him to nearly embarrass himself then and there—it took almost everything in him to maintain his dignity as he fought hard to control himself with every fiber of his being.

But seeing her flushed and disoriented, feeling the way she fluttered around him, it was well worth the strain in his pants and the tightness in his chest.

As she slowly came down from her high, Nick watched as her body tensed for a moment, almost as if she seemingly realized what had just occurred between them, and then with a tiny hum in the back of her throat, she leaned forward and rested her head against his chest—the simple and familiar action nearly killing him completely.

And just when an uncomfortable silence was about to settle itself around them, she cleared her throat before speaking softly, "I don't want to talk tonight, I know we should but I just don't want to." She whispered in a hoarse voice, the sound muffled against his shirt.

He took a moment, unsure exactly what she meant, not entirely certain that what she was suggesting was the smartest idea. Hadn't that been what had ultimately landed them in the position they were in—slightly broken and once again dancing around each other?

At his silence she pulled back, her blue eyes gazed up at him, searching his face, patiently waiting for an answer.

Unable to deny her anything at the moment, he let out a defeated sigh. "Okay Jess," he said slowly. His fingers gently stroking the inside of her thigh, he watched as her eyes fluttered, struggling to remain open. "We won't talk tonight…if that's what you really want."

Her lips quirked into a half smile and then pushing him back gently, she motioned for him to move away. With a smirk, he obliged without question, shuffling back a step or two so that she could jump off the counter. Straightening her dress, she smoothed the fabric down slowly and turning to head out of the kitchen, she brushed her body against his as she passed him, the simple touch nearly causing him to reach out and drag her back to him. Making her way towards the hallway, she glanced over her shoulder and seeing his eyes on her, stopped, raising an eyebrow, she flashed him a slow sensual smile.

"You coming Miller?"

Her voice held light amusement and the humored glint in her pale blue eyes reminded him of a time, not so long ago, when they had been just Nick and Jess, attempting to figure out this _thing _between them.

A time before whispered confessions and a quarter life crisis.

A time when they'd been happy.

And seeing that her smile was faltering and the gleam in her eyes was fading, he shot her a fast grin, and managing a strangled _yes_, quickly followed her down the hall to his room, completely disregarding the warning bells that were ominously ringing in his head.

* * *

What had she done?

Staring at her tightly packed suitcase, Jess stood in the middle of her bedroom biting restlessly on her thumbnail as she tapped her foot against the floor, attempting to hum a quiet tune while simultaneously blocking out the too vivid images from the night before that tirelessly bombarded her brain.

But it was near impossible.

Every time she attempted to think of something,_ anything_ other than her night with Nick, she couldn't help but picture him hovering over her—his touch gentle and familiar, his eyes dark and stormy, his voice low and deep…

"_Jess are you sure?"_

_Looking up at him as he stared down at her, his gaze hot and searching, it took everything in her not to look away—boldly she met his stare with an unwavering one of her own. _

"_Yes."_

"_Maybe we should—"_

"_No." she cut him off. "No, I told you, I don't want to talk."_

"_Jess—"_

"_Just quit yapping and start doing Miller."_

"_Damnit Jess would you just—"_

"_Please Nicholas."_

_She almost cringed with the words, they were frantic and near pleading—a note of desperation hung in the air between them. And she bit her lip at the sound, finally looking away, unable to stand the intense scrutiny, knowing that if he looked any deeper into her eyes he'd see her for what she really was._

_A phony. _

_A fake._

_A poor pathetic girl still stupid-crazy in love, attempting to have one last night with the guy who couldn't…wouldn't…return her feelings._

"_Jess look at me." _

_His fingers were warm and gentle on her chin, and as he tilted it up towards him, she let out a shaky breath, silently begging herself not to break, demanding that she hold it together._

"_Tell me what you want." He whispered to her in a raspy voice, his breath hot on her face._

_Despite herself, she smirked at the question, looking down between them with a long lingering glance. Once Nick had closed the door behind him it had taken them mere seconds to shed their clothing and fall carelessly onto the bed. Lying naked, their faces mere inches away, their bodies intimately pressed together, she figured it was quite obvious what it appeared she wanted._

_And she did want him._

_God she wanted him._

_More than was probably normal._

_More than was most likely healthy._

_And she was fully aware that she had already put herself out there to him._ _Begrudgingly, she accepted that she__ wouldn't get anything other than hot embraces and heated touches…he wasn't capable of more. Sure he cared for her, sure he liked her...but she needed more.  
_

_And he wasn't ready to give that._

_Not to her._

_And with the depressing thought in mind, she almost caved. She almost pushed him away. She almost said no. _

_Almost. _

_But a small voice in her head whispered for her to take what she could get from him before cutting her losses. One more night of passion. One more night of being in his arms. _

_One last time.  
_

_So reeling her emotions in, she wrapped an arm around his neck while letting her other hand drift down between them, noticing with some misplaced sense of satisfaction his sudden intake of breath, appreciating the way his body tensed tightly.  
_

_And guiding him into her with a shaky sigh, she looked back up at him, clear blue eyes clashing with dark brown._

"_Just you Nick."_

Wiping away a tear that had sneakily escaped her eye, Jess muttered a soft curse under her breath and quickly walked over to her bed. Grabbing the heavy suitcase and yanking on it, she winced when she lost her grip and it fell to the ground with a loud resounding thud. Freezing, her eyes shot to her bedroom door in a panic. It was early, _too early_ for Nick to be awake, and besides, the guy slept like the freaking dead. Still, she didn't want to risk being caught by him and throwing around heavy suitcases probably made the list of quickest ways to draw his attention—even if he snored louder than her Great Uncle Henry passed out after Thanksgiving dinner. Waiting for a moment, she listened closely for any sounds of movement across the hall, and her heart pounded while her palms went damp with the scary prospect of Nick coming to see what all the noise was.

How the hell would she explain that she was fleeing the loft...more specifically that she was fleeing him?

She was well aware she was being a coward, she didn't need _him_ to point that out to her.

After spending most of the night lying in his bed, wide-awake and trying not to over-think their time together, she hadn't been able to take _it_ anymore—the warmth of his body, his intoxicating and spicy scent. So she had sneaked out of his room, her mind made up and her resolve firmly in place. The tempting possibility of taking a break from the loft had been simmering inside of her for weeks now—the events from the night before only further pushing her towards leaving.

She needed space.

She needed to get away from the apartment and the guys.

She needed to get away from _him._

With a sigh, Jess drew her attention back to her current predicament and straining her ears again for any sounds from across the hall, she finally deemed it safe when she was positive she heard none. Quickly she picked up her suitcase again, tightening her grip into a firm hold this time, she grabbed her oversized purse and quietly tiptoed her way towards the door. Stopping just short of it, she took a moment to calm herself. Drawing in a deep breath and closing her eyes briefly, she tried to steady her heartbeat while offering up a quick prayer to whoever was listening that all of her roommates remain in their respective rooms until she left.

Nick wasn't the only one she didn't want to run into—she could only imagine Schmidt's _Loft Dynamic_ rant if he were to find her leaving with a suitcase in tow.

Opening the door she poked her head out into the hallway and seeing that it was empty, quickly stepped into it, making her way down the hall and towards the apartment door fast.

_Freedom._

She could almost taste it. She was almost there. She was going to make it…

"What are you doing?"

Whirling around with a gasp, Jess felt her eyes widen as they fell on Cece, casually standing only a few feet away from her—her arms crossed over her chest, her eyebrows raised in question.

"Cece. Hi. Ummmm…I'm going grocery shopping. What are you doing up so early? Shouldn't you be hung-over and in bed or not here or _something_…"

Frowning at her answer, Cece took a step towards her, gesturing to her bulging luggage as she did. "And the suitcase?"

Swallowing over the sudden lump in her throat, Jess shrugged, hoping the action seemed nonchalant and relaxed rather than forced and tense. "Um donations. Yeah I got up early and decided…hey I have way too many clothes, I need to give some away…so here I am with my suitcase full of clothes. I'm just gonna drop them off on my way to the store, so I should go because—"

"Jess." Cece cut her off, her expression unimpressed, "Cut the crap."

"Excuse me?"

"You're telling me this has nothing to do with the fact that you and Nick slept together last night?"

"What?" Jess felt her cheeks go warm as the rest of her body tingled with a hot blush and letting out a forced laugh, she shook her head. "That—I mean Nick and I—we did not—you my friend are sadly mistaken. There was no—we did _not_—"

"You guys weren't exactly quiet." Cece said softly interrupting her ramblings. "We uhhhh kinda heard you when we got home last night…" She caught Jess' eye, a tiny smirk pulling at her lips. "And ummm Schmidt may have found your underwear in the kitchen."

Jess' mouth dropped open into what she was sure was a comically large O as the horrifyingly embarrassing statement tauntingly rang in her ears. Letting go of the handle of her suitcase, she buried her face in her hands with a deep wince. "Oh God." she moaned, "Oh God someone just kill me now. Why do I suck so bad?" Lifting her head she glanced in the direction of the hallway and frowned. "It's that no good grumpy, scruffy, miserable _jerk_. I can't help myself around him. I'm pathetic. I have no morals when it comes to him. He stole them all …threw 'em in a bag and dumped them in the ocean. They're gone."

Cece sighed at her words, the sound ringing with a hint of both light amusement and tentative defeat. "Listen babe I'm not going to judge you, it was bound to happen sooner rather than later—there's just too much_ there_ between you guys…but I mean Jess..._come on_...you can't just run away from it. You guys gotta figure this thing out." She paused seemingly attempting to let her words sink in, imploring with dark eyes for Jess to _listen_. "Where are you even planning on going?"

"Just away for a few days." She said vaguely, with a quick wave of her hand. Backing up a step towards the apartment door, she shot her gaze in the direction of the hallway once again—Cece's question reminding her that she wanted to leave before anyone else woke up.

"_Jess."_

"It's no big deal, I just need some space."

"_Where are you going_?"

"Cece if I tell you, you'll tell Schmidt, and then he'll tell Winston and then eventually it'll get back to Nick and I just really want to be left alone for a few days to figure out my next move, you know sort out some stuff."

Cece sighed, her expression unconvinced, tiny lines of concern were etched on her face and a small frown tugged at her lips. "Why don't you stay with me?"

"That's the first place they'll look! And I can't have Schmidt bugging me about the _Roommate Dynamic_ or Winston acting all brotherly or Nick…." She trailed off wondering what his reaction would be and shaking her head slightly, telling herself not to go _there,_ she continued. "Or Nick being all Nick like...I need time and space. You…" she swallowed thickly, hating the burn of tears that threatened her eyes, "you don't know what it's like living here…with _him_." She shrugged her shoulders and gave her friend a watery smile, her vision clouding, her throat constricting. "I love him…and—and it's hard, _really hard_ being around him. And I made a mistake last night, things got out of control and I let myself give in and it just made everything _so much worse_. And I just need to take a breather._ I need space_…please just let me go."

At her heartfelt plea, Cece looked down at the floor for a moment, seemingly contemplating her friend's request. "Jess I really hate not knowing where you'll be." she told her gently, the note of inquiry barely concealed in her soft voice.

"I'll be fine…I have my phone…I'll be in touch."

The model didn't say anything at that, and Jess waited, her heart beating faster with each second that ticked by, afraid that at any minute Nick would walk out of his room and catch her. Finally, with a sigh and a roll of her eyes the model gave her a tight smile. "Alright _fine_…get out of here. Call me later." She said quietly, waving Jess away.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Jess gave her a smile and turning from her, grabbed her suitcase. Quickly making her way towards the door, she glanced over her shoulder, frowning when she saw her friend eying her carefully, the worry nearly coming off her in waves.

Wincing, she mentally cursed herself for being a softy, and shooting the model a defeated glare, swung the apartment door open with dramatic flourish. "I'm staying at the Double Tree, I'll text you the address and my room number when I get there…just don't tell anyone."

"A hotel?"

At Cece's incredulous tone, Jess shrugged. "Just for a few days."

Shaking her head, a look that fell somewhere between amusement and exasperation flashed across Cece's sharp features, before she nodded her head slowly. They both knew that arguing with her at this point was useless.

"Thank you…for telling me."

"Yeah yeah yeah—you tell anyone else and I'm not talking to you for at least two weeks."

"Got it."

And shooting her a tight grin, Jess left the apartment, praying that Cece would keep her word—she couldn't have the guys knowing where she was.

Not until she got her life together.

Not until she successfully found a new place to live.

And hurrying down the hallway she tried to push away the voice in her head that cried foul, that yelled and screamed at her, calling her a _quitter—_reminding her that she had run when Spencer had broken her heart and cruelly throwing in her face that she was doing the same with Nick...

But sadly, she just couldn't bring herself to care anymore.

* * *

**_I don't know about you guys but I think every girl needs to be chased a little by her guy..._**

**_I hope you don't think Jess' little spur of the moment vacay to the Double Tree *snorts* is an overreaction. I can't imagine living with a guy I was stupid-crazy in love with and thinking he was too stubborn and stupid to ever love me back._**

**_NOPE. Wouldn't do it._**

**_Review please! They make me happy so so so happy!  
_**

**_Love you all and once again, sorry about the long break between chapters._**


	23. Chapter 23

**Ugh. Sorry for the wait.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**.

**Please review!**

* * *

She was gone.

It shouldn't have surprised him.

Last night had been different.

Intense.

It wasn't as if they'd never had heated and passionate sex before but something had felt _wrong_—sure she had thrown herself into every fervent action but still, at the same time, something hadn't been right.

She had held back.

She had closed herself off…

"_Oh God." _

_Her broken voice rang in his ears. He could feel her clenching around him; her nails dug into his back, her hips thrust upwards, encouraging him, welcoming him, needing him._

"_Jess," he whispered her name, his own voice sounding just as harsh and wavering as hers._

_Glancing down he watched as she squeezed her eyes shut tight, shaking her head slightly—he could feel her body shuddering as her impending release taunted her._

"_Look at me." He demanded, needing to see the bright blue eyes that were so effortlessly able to steady him and ground him while simultaneously throwing his whole world into an unbalanced frenzy._

"_Nick." She breathed his name once, and tightening her grip on him, she thrust her hips upwards again. Whimpering a breathy curse, her mouth fell open slightly, her chin tilted towards him but her eyes still remained firmly shut._

_For a moment he debated pushing her, for one brief second he considered holding back until she looked at him…until she opened her eyes and saw him, saw every single damn emotion he'd been holding back from her._

_The masochist in him wanted to force her to see him until she broke and shattered beneath him, dragging him down and pulling him under with her. But as he saw her lips begin to tremble and her head turn to the side, he relented and burying his face into her neck, he pushed further into her, the sound of her cries echoing softly in his ears as he followed her into blissful fleeting oblivion._

Shaking away the images from the night before, Nick stared at the empty space in his bed where he and Jess had fallen into an exhausted sleep only hours prior. They hadn't really talked. She had murmured something about him holding her and he had willingly obliged, wrapping his arms around her and silently promising he wouldn't let her go this time—and as they had fallen asleep he had assured himself with a confidence that had felt strong and firm that he would make things right again.

They would figure things out.

Drifting off with the warm familiar feeling of her soft skin against his, he had decided then and there that the time for running was over. It was time to man-up and admit to her what he'd been avoiding and she'd been seeking all along.

He loved her.

Running a hand down his face and up again, Nick tried to collect his warring and racing thoughts, attempting to remain calm, and failing somewhat miserably. _Now she was gone_. Earlier when he had woken up, the cold and empty space next to him signaling her absence he had refused to let himself panic—telling himself that she had merely gotten up to shower or have breakfast or something equally as mundane and harmless. But as he had laid in bed, images from over the past few weeks flashing in his head—his stupidity, the hurt and anger he had put into her eyes, the tears he had caused her to cry—he had realized that last night hadn't changed a damned thing. They were still in the same fucked up place they had been before they had given into their mutual need and had jumped into bed together.

After searching the apartment and both calling and texting her, receiving nothing in response, a sinking feeling in his gut had told him she hadn't merely started the day early. Something whispered to him that she had left to get away from him—it wasn't going to be as easy as simply walking across the hallway and knocking on her door to find her.

Standing up, he tried to collect his thoughts, tried to clear his head before figuring out his next course of action but as he heard a slight commotion followed by the hushed tones of Cece and Schmidt's whispered and frenzied conversation filter in through his door he paused—Schmidt's voice was mumbled, his tone high pitched and near frantic.

"I can't keep a secret like this from him, you devious and cruel enchantress."

"Shut up Schmidt."

"Cecelia I'm serious, if she left he's going to ask us…he's going to ask _me_…how the hell am I supposed to lie to him…"

As his voice faded away, the sound of running water replacing his words, Nick stopped, frozen in place, trying to piece together the brief snippet of conversation he had heard.

_She left. _

_Lie to him?_

Where the hell had she gone?

The same sinking feeling from before settled heavily in his gut—even as a small voice tried to reassure him that she could have gone_ anywhere_, that he shouldn't jump to conclusions, chastising him for the sudden panicky feeling that swept through his body—claiming it was an unnecessary overreaction.

But a louder more insistent voice whispered otherwise.

_He had pushed her away._

She had left—and she didn't want him to find her.

Cursing violently under his breath, Nick shook himself from his momentary reverie and headed towards the door, the need to figure out what the hell was going on burning hot in his veins. Stalking out into the hallway, he whipped his head in the direction of the closed bathroom door, narrowing his eyes as he focused on his intended destination.

"Schmidt!" he hurried down the hallway, their muffled voices barely carrying over the rush of the shower. "Schmidt!" pushing open the bathroom door he found Cece leaning against the sink. Glancing up at him, wary surprise flitted across her features before briefly fading into vague amusement as Schmidt's head poked out from behind the shower curtain.

"We could have been engaged in any number of sexual activities." Schmidt informed him somewhat sternly, his eyes darting to Cece quickly before looking down at the tiled floor, avoiding his stare—the action sending red flags dancing across Nick's vision.

"Where is she?" Nick asked, throwing his gaze between both friend and model.

Schmidt sighed and casting Cece a long hard look, he ducked back into the shower, "Cece tell him."

Whipping his attention back to Cece, Nick narrowed his eyes, waiting expectantly as she merely raised a sharp brow. "Tell me."

"No."

"Dammit Cece where is she? She at your place…is she coming back here?"

With a sigh, Cece glanced down at her nails, picking at them lightly for a moment before looking back up at him, her expression conveying slight boredom. But as Nick continued to stare at her, his eyes searching hers in earnest, briefly he saw something soft flash in her dark gaze, her features gentling fractionally.

"Listen, Nick…I can't tell you, she asked me not to."

"I_ don't care _what she asked you to do, I need to talk to her."

At his harsh tone, his less then gentle demand, the beginnings of anger quickly replaced the soft look in her eyes and sighing she shook her head. "She's confused and hurt and—"

"And I need to see her." He cut her off, his tone desperate his mind racing—ticking off the possible places she could be. "Is she at Sadie's?

"No."

"The school?"

"No."

"Where then?"

"I'm sorry Nick I can't."

Running a hand through his hair he began pacing the bathroom, his steps quick and stinted, his head pounding with the slow and sinking realization that he had chased her away. "Dammit Cece just tell me."

"Cece tell him." Schmidt's head popped back out from behind the shower curtain, his eyes seeking out his girlfriend's cool stare, his expression bordering on pleading. "Tell him." He repeated, his usually buoyant tone serious for once.

Shaking her head the model gave him a tight frown and then casting her gaze back towards a still pacing Nick she shrugged. "I'm sorry, when she's ready to talk—"

"No!" Coming to a halt he shook his head, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind that was telling him to calm down, to quit acting so desperate—it wasn't as if Jess had left forever, he was overreacting. But unwilling to listen, he pushed the thoughts away and turned his attention to Cece once again. "Please, I have to talk to her. Don't you get it?" He paused, trying to find the right words without saying too much. "I messed up...I—I have to make it right."

Straightening from her position near the sink, Cece placed her hands on her hips and leveled him with an even and unyielding stare. "I'm sorry but she's my best friend okay? You can't just expect me to just betray her because you said please. You can't just…you can't just run after her and expect to make everything okay after…" she trailed off, her dark eyes searching his, her mouth dipping down into a deep frown.

"After what?" he scoffed, angry with her for reasons he knew were entirely unfair.

"After you broke her heart." She whispered softly, the words barely carrying over the still rushing water of Schmidt's shower.

But he heard them.

And as they hung in the air, he took a step back, his heart dropping and a sick feeling washing over him. He knew he had hurt her. He wasn't stupid. Jess loved him and he hadn't been able to accept that, instead he had distanced himself from her—throwing away everything he had ever needed and stupidly hadn't realized he had wanted in the process.

"Cece—"

"I'm sorry Nick."

And hearing the finality in her voice, the unwavering steadiness in her tone, he sighed—his shoulders drooping in defeat with the action. "Yeah…yeah I get it." His voice was quiet, his tone weary. Jess needed time, she needed space, he understood, deep down he did—but he was also a selfish bastard, and staying away from her, leaving her alone, wasn't something he was sure he could give her—not now, not when he was finally willing to accept just how much he needed her.

"It's just…if you talk to her..tell her that…" He shook his head, unsure what to say, if there was_ anything_ to say, the hope he had felt the night before when holding her in his arms slowly began to dim, fading away, and in its place an old familiar feeling—self loathing mixed with depressing and crushing loneliness.

"I'll tell her you asked about her." Cece said softly, jarring him from his brief bout of self-pity.

Looking up, he caught her eye again and giving her a small nod of thanks, he glanced towards the shower—Schmidt, his head poking out from behind the curtain, still stood there, watching the conversation between the two of them unfold, compassionate sadness lurking in his pale blue eyes. And feeling bad for putting them in such an awkward situation Nick gave them both a tight smile before raising his hands, palms out and backing away. "Sorry for interrupting."

Neither said anything at that, and turning, he made a move to leave, intent on checking his phone one more time, wondering if maybe he should head to Sadie's anyway. It was Schmidt's voice, suddenly calling out to him, that had him stopping in his tracks.

"The Doubletree…downtown, on the corner of First and Madison, that's where she's staying."

Whipping around, Nick glanced over at Schmidt, his eyes going wide as Cece gasped and swore a livid curse under her breath.

Processing the information, feeling simultaneously elated that he knew where she was and angry at her for having disappeared to a friggin' hotel, he felt the corners of his mouth twitch up into a reluctant grin, the small smile widening as Schmidt shrugged his shoulders and lifted his head in a slight nod.

"Thanks buddy."

"Bro-tp."

Shaking his head, Nick narrowed his eyes in confusion, unsure if he had heard his friend correctly. "Um yeah."

"Please tell me you know what I'm talking about!"

Pursing his lips together, Nick squinted his eyes, and lifting his hands in an empty gesture, he gave his roommate a slightly apologetic smile. "Yeah I have no clue."

Frank and almost outraged disbelief crossed the other man's features, his eyes widening almost comically at Nick's revelation. "Nick! How do you_ not_ know? Dammit! I've only been talking about how you and I are BroTps for…oh I don't know…_EVER_!"

At his slightly disgusted, and undoubtedly exasperated tone, Nick raised a brow, suppressing a quiet chuckle—his mind already drifting elsewhere, attempting to figure out his next course of action with Jess. "Yeah okay buddy...I'll read up on it or something."

"Damn straight you will. You know what, never-mind, I'll email you about it, with named examples and pictures to go with them." Pausing, he stared at him curious. "Nick…do you even read my emails?

"Sure I do. Listen I gotta go but I owe you one."

Still looking slightly put-out, Schmidt shrugged, before ducking back into the shower once again. "Just don't mess this up, I can't take the tension in the loft anymore…the twitching has become a distraction in my daily life and unnecessary distractions are something I _won'_t tolerate!" He shouted the words over the sound of the still running shower, a heaving exaggerated sigh following the slight rant and ending with a muttered curse about his mango chutney.

Rolling his eyes at the overdramatic statement, Nick nodded at the shower curtain, briefly considering how it was even possible that he and Schmidt had remained friends for so long without killing each other. And turning he began to walk out of the bathroom, wondering if Winston would let him borrow his car to make the jaunt downtown as his wasn't exactly the most reliable mode of transportation these days.

"If you hurt her again I swear to God I will kill you. I won't even hire a hit-man to do it. I will take the pleasure in ripping you apart myself."

At Cece's words, Nick glanced over his shoulder, briefly he had forgotten she was there, and meeting her defiant stare, he looked her square in the eyes, his own gaze just as unyielding as hers. "I'm not going to hurt her, I mean, I'm going to try not to."

"She loves you." It came out more of an accusation than a statement and he couldn't help but wince at the reproachful sound.

"I know."

And as the model stared at him expectantly, searching his gaze, almost desperately seeking out answers to her unasked questions, her need and desire to protect her friend rolling off of her in waves, Nick quietly held her stare. Unwilling to say the words Cece was waiting for him to speak, refusing to tell her, to tell anyone, until he said them to Jess first.

"Nick—"

"Cece for the past two weeks I've been fucking miserable. Yeah I've seen her around, she's been in my life…but not really, not enough. I'm a better person with her. _She makes me better_. I realize that now okay? Without her things are just…I don't know darker. It's hard to explain, but the way I've felt these past two weeks…I don't want to feel like that again. I can't feel like that again. I need her okay? It's probably damn selfish on my part but I just…" He trailed off, a small smile dusting his lips as he pictured the dark-haired, blue-eyed, somewhat maddening girl who had changed his life. "I just need her."

It was all he was offering to give her, all he was willing to say.

At his words, Cece's expression suddenly softened and her eyes glimmered with something that very closely resembled tears. She nodded once, acceptance gradually making its way across her features with the small gesture and as she looked away from him, he could just barely make out the hint of a smile that quickly crossed her lips.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Go find her."

Nick grinned wide, the big smile most likely making him look more than a little deranged. "Thank you."

Always cool and calm, she merely raised a brow, "The threat still stands...hurt her and I will end you."

Nodding at that, he moved towards the door once again, just barely suppressing a shudder as he shot another look over his shoulder at the fierce and arguably dangerous model, noting the way she was trying to hide her soft and genuine smile as he did.

"If I hurt her again...I'll hold you to that."

* * *

Hotel life was boring.

Pacing around the room Jess sighed, her eyes flitting across the small area—to the large bed dressed in dull browns, towards the small bathroom tucked next to the door, up to the large window covered with heavy drapes, darting to the small desk with menus and flyers strewn across it, over to the massive cherry finished dresser which already held half her clothes, up to the TV, it's screen flashing some muted 90s sitcom—and then back again in slow and steady succession. She had only been there for a few hours and already she was feeling cooped up and antsy, her decision to leave the loft—to run away from Nick—looking stupider with each slowly passing hour. Already she had ordered room service, watched a movie, stalked the front desk and made friends with the cute elderly guy who worked there—Bernie, and now she was back in her room trying to ignore her tumultuous thoughts while avoiding her constantly beeping phone.

Nick sure was persistent—she'd give him that.

His texts and calls throughout the day had quickly reached double digits and while a part of her thrilled over the fact, another part bitterly scoffed at it, reminding her that in the not so distant past he had been hesitant to even look at her, let alone speak to her about their messed up relationship— ending it the minute things had gotten too intense. Still, even with the cautious reminder resonating in her head, the fluttering in her stomach with each text message received wouldn't go away, distracting her so much, she had just decided to stop looking at her phone altogether.

A task much harder than she previously would have thought.

Glancing at her suitcase, she considered it briefly, curious if she had remembered to pack her swimsuit. The hotel had a swimming area with a spa and gym and she debated wandering down to the main level to check them out, thinking perhaps a quick trip to the sauna and a dip in the pool could help in relaxing her, calming her nerves and taking away the ever-present anxiety that continued to lurk within her. But thinking of hotel pools always made her cringe, remembering her family vacations with her older cousins and how they used to taunt and tease her with peeing in the water—so almost as soon as she thought of the idea, quickly she chased it away, continuing her pacing with another sigh and a tiny frown. Maybe she'd call Cece, her friend would more than likely be willing to meet her for a shopping trip—the brunette always good for an ear to lend, a shoulder to cry on and her shared love for burning money and gaining unnecessary treasures.

With the plan in mind, tentatively she walked over to the desk, glancing down at her phone that lay on top of it. And eying it warily she picked it up, wincing as she saw the multiple unread messages and missed calls that flashed across the screen. Biting her bottom lip and worrying it between her teeth, she tapped the phone against the palm of her hand, considering it carefully, as if with one wrong move it might burst into flames in her grip. And still staring at it, her eyes narrowing into a little glare, she moved away from the desk, and continuing to pace, she began to hum a little made up tune—trying to clear her mind while rethinking her decision to call her friend. Suddenly she was second-guessing herself; unsure whether she was ready to face Cece's endless barrage of questions.

As she debated with herself, she just barely heard the light knock that sounded at the door, and pausing in her song and paces, she stared at it for a moment, still somewhat lost in her thoughts. At a second more forceful knock, she slowly walked across the room, her eyes lighting up a bit as she vaguely wondered if Bernie from downstairs was bringing her some of his wife's chocolate chip cookies he had promised her earlier in the day. Absently she placed a hand on the door, and without thinking opened it, her eyes widening in surprise and her mouth dropping open as she stood face to face with Nick—sporting his usual flannel, his phone in one hand and a bouquet of friendly looking flowers in the other.

"What. The. Hell?!" The exclaimed question flew past her lips as she stared at him in confused and disbelieving shock.

"Hey Jess."

"No. Just…no!"

Unable to process that he was standing in front of her, her mind racing and her heart pounding uncomfortably against her chest, she shook her head and reacting immediately, went to slam the door—needing to shut the image of him, flowers and all, out of her room and out of her head. But unfortunately for Nick, she made the move at the exact same time he took a step forward—the door hitting him square in the face.

"Oh God!" He shouted, dropping both phone and flowers, he brought his hands to his nose with a muffled curse.

"Dammnit Nick!" She sighed, watching as he doubled over, his eyes squeezing shut in pain.

"_Damnit Nick?_ You just tried to close the door on my face Jessica!" He raised his voice slightly and opening his eyes, gave her incredulous look—disbelief and the vague beginnings of amusement flashing in his dark gaze.

"Well you shouldn't have tried to stop the door with your face Miller!" She shouted back, worry edging its way into her mind as he pulled his hand back a little, a tiny trickle of blood trailing down his face from his nose. "Oh God you're bleeding…just…_God_…come in before you draw the attention of the Henderson family. They're here from Ohio and they just lost their great aunt Meryl and it's a hard time for them and the last thing they need is you acting all crazy and _'grumpy old man like'_ in the hall." She spit out the words on a hiss of anger, reluctant to invite him in, hesitant to have him with her in such a small space.

"Jess you've been here for only a few hours." He muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose, his voice sounding nasally and stifled through his cupped hand. "How the hell do you know the family across the hall already?"

Rolling her eyes, she bent down and picked up the fallen phone and flowers, her expression softening a little and her heart melting as she studied the pretty combination of happy white daisies and vibrant yellow sunflowers. Resisting the urge to bury her nose in them, she shook her head—trying to find her resolve, wanting to harness it, needing to keep it firmly in place. But the task proved difficult—her turbulent mind raced with questions, repeating them loudly, over and over again…

_Why was he here?_

_Could she get away with murder—because she was going to kill Cece?_

_What the hell did he want anyway? _

_What was with the flowers? _

_Why did he have to look so damn good? _

_Why? Why? Why?_

"Jess?"

"Hmmm?" She shook her head and knocking herself out of her brief reverie, ushered him through the door, closing it and locking it behind her. Gesturing for him to sit on the bed, she took a moment to lean against the wall, sighing deeply, and attempting to slow her racing heart before straightening once again. Casting his retreating figure a sideways glance, she made her way towards the bathroom, chewing on her lip nervously as she considered his unnerving presence.

"I said what was with the door act?"

Glancing over her shoulder she watched as he sat down, still holding his nose, the trickle of blood smearing above his lip. "Door act?"

"Slamming it on my face."

His tone still held a hint of disbelief and rolling her eyes at him, she stepped into the bathroom, her expression going from annoyed to mildly amused as she turned away from him. Once out of his line of vision, Jess grabbed a washcloth with her free hand and considering the flowers she still held in the other, reluctantly she gave into the urge— allowing herself to inhale the fresh and welcoming scent. Sunflowers and daisies were so fun, bright, and friendly—the combination bringing a faint smile to her lips even while a voice in her head whispered a warning that she better not go soft, letting him in would only cause her more heartache in the long run. And with the thought, she let out a breathy and bitter little laugh, her eyes drifting to the mirror at the sound. Looking at herself, her glassy gaze and flushed cheeks, she noted the circles under her eyes—wrinkling her nose at her overall disheveled appearance. At the sight, defiance and stubbornness both began coursing through her fast, and straightening her spine and squaring her shoulders, she gave her reflection a quick and encouraging nod—leaving the flowers on the sink, she wet the cloth before making her way back to him.

"I didn't know it was you…you surprised me." She said quietly, answering his question from before.

His eyes narrowed as she approached him and taking his hand away from his nose he stared at her hard. "You didn't look through the peep-hole?"

Shrugging somewhat carelessly, and stopping in front of him, she studied his nose, the bleeding had stopped, in its place nothing but a large smear of dark red blood. "I thought you were Bernie."

His eyes snapped up to hers, sudden anger flashing in them, and while the sight should have annoyed her it only made her pulse leap and her body heat.

"Who the hell is Bernie?"

"The kindly older gentleman that you probably saw sitting at the front desk…his wife Bonnie makes a mean chocolate chip cookie…or so I'm told, I'm waiting for him to deliver the goods. Speaking of, how the heck did you get past him…you don't have a key."

Nick raised a dark brow, the anger having faded away to light amusement. "Well if _Bernie_ is the same old guy I'm thinking of, it really wasn't that hard…I snuck by him while he was giving directions to some family."

"Stealthy."

He nodded, a small smile on his lips, and she wanted to narrow her gaze, curse him out and kick him in the shins, because being around him felt too easy, too comfortable, _too right_. "How did you know where I was here…heck how did you find out which room I was staying in? If you snuck past him, obviously Bernie didn't tell you...not that he would have had you asked."

"You have an awful lot of faith in an old guy you _just _met."

She merely shrugged at that and holding his stare, waited for him to answer her question.

"Schmidt."

"And he heard it from…"

He gave her a pointed look, his lips twitching a bit. "Cece."

"Right." She nodded, closing her eyes—obviously it had been Cece but hearing it out loud had her temper flaring while a tiny shiver of betrayal rushed over her fast. "Well I'm going to jail."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm going to kill Cece."

Nick sighed, the sound bringing her attention back to him, meeting his stare she swallowed—a sudden lump forming in her throat at the tender warmth she saw staring back at her from his deep brown eyes.

"Don't be mad at her, she didn't want to say anything, it was Schmidt…"

"I don't care, she should haven't told him, she—"

"Jess." He said her name quietly, cutting her off and grabbing her focus once more.

Staring at him, her eyes drifted over his face, and lingering on the red smear that marred it, she drew her bottom lip into her mouth. Chewing on it lightly, she considered him with a sigh—the sound coming out slightly defeated. Taking a few tentative steps towards him, she stopped just short of where he sat on the bed, and bending over a little, shot him a small reluctant smile, before reaching out and wiping the drying blood from his upper lip and nose—her breath hitching in her throat when he raised a hand to her wrist and catching it in his grasp, he looked at her hard before running a thumb gently across her suddenly warm skin.

"Stop." She said the word softly her body trembling, her voice shaky.

"What are you doing here Jess?"

She tugged uselessly on her hand, his grip only tightening on her wrist, his eyes intense and holding hers. "I needed some space." she said, the answer sounding lame and forced.

"So you sleep with me and then leave?"

She closed her eyes at the slight bitterness in his tone which was only masked by the deep and obvious hurt—the sound causing her to go defensively rigid. "It—it was a mistake," she whispered, her eyes shooting open on a gasp as he pulled her even closer, so that she was standing in between his legs, the sudden intimacy causing her vision to go hazy, his nearness making her entire body feel weak. Dimly she heard the warning bells in her head, sounding wildly, as a small and urgent voice screamed _RUN!_—but unable to find the strength to listen, she instead stared at him hard, feeling herself beginning to fall into the endless depths of his suddenly dark and serious gaze.

"It wasn't a mistake."

"Nick…"

"I messed up Jess. I _really _messed up. I was too scared, too deep in my own self-hate to realize what I had right in front of me and I pushed you away." He paused, the grin he shot her was sad and bordering on self-deprecating. "I'm not saying I've changed, I'm not saying over night I've suddenly become worthy of you because believe me I don't think that's something I'll ever be. But—but I'm trying." He laughed softly, the sound surprising her. "You know I think I might finally get my life together. And...and more importantly...you ground me. You make me better. And I know I don't deserve you. I'm not fucking deluded enough to think that. I know I'm not good enough for you…but…but I miss you." He smiled up at her a true and gentle smile—his features soft, his expression genuine. "I need ya."

Swallowing over the tightness in her throat, blinking back the tears that burned in her eyes, she felt her lips tremble as a shaky sigh escaped her, the sound of her shuddering breath nearly echoing in the room the silence that hung between them was so deafening.

"Nick—"

"We can make this work. I know we can."

"We fight all the time."

"Foreplay."

"We're too different."

"Being the same would be boring."

She shook her head at him, her body felt as if it were being split in two—she was so fiercely pulled in two completely opposite directions. Half of her whispered that it would never work...that much was obvious given their first attempt at something more. While another part of her shouted loudly, screaming for her to just give in, begging for her to give him another chance.

And she thought of the times they had laid together in bed talking about nothing, laughing about everything. She considered their many heated screaming matches, shouting hurtful things and slicing each other down with heated words. She pictured the way his touch could set her whole body on fire, leading her to the brink of insanity and back over and over again. And she remembered the way she had opened herself up to him, how she had so badly wanted him to let her in, to see himself how she saw him, only to be cut down and pushed away.

And with that last thought a frown formed on her lips and her decision was made.

She didn't want to be the one to love more.

She couldn't risk getting hurt again.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and yanking her hand from his grasp she backed away, watching as his face fell, his eyes widening in surprise. "I—I just can't." At the statement, he stood suddenly and she stepped back even further, her vision wavering with the seemingly ever-present threat of tears. "Please just go." she whispered.

"Jess."

He took a step towards her and she took another step back, a tear escaping her eye, she swore a livid curse.

"Dammit! Please just go, you shouldn't have come here Nick. I needed space! I needed time and..and you shouldn't have come here okay?"

He stared at her for a moment his expression so pained and confused that she had to resist the sudden urge to close the space between them, throwing herself into his arms.

"I'm sorry." He said, his tone genuine, his brow furrowing, and his eyes attempting to search hers.

Nodding, not sure she could find her voice, she watched as acceptance crossed over his features, noting when sadness slowly crept in. And at her continued silence, she saw the last of his fight fade away, and with the sight something inside of her dimmed a little.

"Okay then." He said in a gruff voice.

Looking away from her fast, he moved towards the door, passing her quickly, their bodies just barely brushing as he walked by. And putting his hand on the doorknob he stopped suddenly, shooting his gaze back over at her abruptly—his expression still pained, his eyes reflecting the hurt that most likely shone in her own.

"You sure about this Jess?"

_NO!_

Ignoring the panic shout in her head, she nodded, "Please just go." she whispered, looking away, unable to meet his stare any longer, knowing that with the request she was losing him..._losing a friend..._for good. And as the crushing weight settled itself within her, she struggled not to break down in front of him right then and there, determined not to let him see her cry.

He waited a moment or two, the long and silent drawn out pause was near torture, and holding her breath, refusing to look up she waited, wishing he would just leave—needing him to just go away. Finally, _finally_, she heard him sigh before the quiet sound of the door opening drifted to her ears and the muffled click of it closing behind him echoed like a bang— resonating throughout her head in taunting and painful waves.

He was gone.

She waited a heartbeat.

And then another.

And then, realizing it was safe, she let herself cry—the tears flowed down her cheeks freely, trailing over her skin, wet, hot, and branding. Above all the muffled noise in her brain a loud voice screamed at her—asking what the hell she had just done, loudly chastising her for her rash decision. He had come after her, he had chased her, he had put himself out there.

And she had turned him away.

Because she loved him so damned much it hurt.

So much it _terrified_ her.

Sobbing quietly, her throat burning, her heart heavy and her head dizzy with raging emotions and frenzied thoughts, she made a move to walk over to the bed, intent on throwing herself on it and indulging in a good long cry—the sound of a knock, fast and loud, banging on the door, stopping her in her tracks. Staring blankly through red-rimmed eyes, she hiccuped quietly as another muffled cry bubbled up past her lips. And when the knocking sounded again she bit her lip, knowing it was _him_, irritated that he had the nerve to come back—she needed, more than anything, for him to just leave her alone.

"Go away Nick!" she shouted, her voice sounding both angry and weary in her ears.

"Open the door Jess or I swear to God I'll make a scene."

He sounded serious, his tone determined, his voice firm. And at the sound, her trembling lips formed a scowl. Still, she debated ignoring him—it would serve him right, the jerk. But, as he pounded on the door again, yelling her name, thoughts of Bernie and the Henderson family across the hall unfairly and annoyingly swam in her brain. Cursing under her breath, she wiped at her eyes and marching to the door, threw it open, gasping as he moved into the room without warning, closing the door behind him with a loud echoing bang.

"What the hell—"

"I can't leave yet."

She sighed, bringing her hands to her head, she pressed her fingers against her temples, squeezing lightly. "Nick—"

"Jess I have to say this."

"Say what!" She laughed, the sound coming out harsh and bitter. "There's nothing left to say! We messed everything—"

"Someone once told me that if you really love someone it's simple."

Her heart skipped a beat as he cut her off, repeating her own words back to her. Words from what seemed like a lifetime ago, images flashing before her eyes of them standing in the loft bathroom together as she desperately tried to convince him that Caroline wasn't right for him. At the time, she hadn't realized where her desperation was coming from, back then she'd been unwilling to admit to her feelings for him.

Feeling her eyes well with yet more tears, she swallowed thickly. "Yeah well that idiot obviously had never really been in love."

"No...no she was right."

"_Nick come on!_" She practically cried, throwing her hands up in front of her, gesturing to everything and nothing at the same time. Her heart flaring with the beginnings of hope at his nonsensical talk of love, even while her brain tried to rationalize what she was hearing. "We're anything but simple"

"No...me and you...we're two very complicated people. I'm crazy, you're nuts, I'd argue we're both certifiable." He paused, and taking a step forward, brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face, allowing his thumb to linger on her damp, tear-stained cheek—gently he rested his palm there, the light touch sending tingles dancing down her spine. "But what I feel for you, now see.._.that's_ simple." Taking a breath he moved even closer, so that his body brushed up against hers, his hand still cupping her cheek. "I love you Jess...I don't care how crazy and nuts we are, what I feel for you, that's easy, that's uncomplicated." He shrugged, his smile soft, his eyes warm. "I love you...I'm an idiot for not saying it before. I'm an ass for making you believe I ever felt anything less than that."

She stared at him, wide-eyed, dumbfounded—her head swam as his words replayed over and over and over again, and her heart pounded wildly against her chest, she could feel the beats all the way down to her toes.

"What are you doing?" she whispered, another tear slipping its way past her eye, trailing down her cheek, stopping only when he brushed it away.

"I love you."

"Shut-up." she shook her head, her mouth fighting the urge to frown and smile at the same time as she desperately tried to grasp onto his seemingly effortlessly said words.

"Jess?"

"No...no..." she shook her head—panic, elation, fear, excitement,_ love_—all coursing their way through her fast in a jumble of flurried and mixed emotions. "Just shut-up."

She knew she should kick him out. She knew that she still needed space. She knew that she desperately needed time to sort things through. She knew that she shouldn't, _couldn't_ be one of _those_ girls that simply melted into a big puddle of goo at the mention of those three stupid little words.

But, staring up at him, blue eyes searching brown, Jess also knew and somewhat reluctantly accepted that she was a hopeless and undeniable romantic, and regardless how hard she tried she didn't, _had never_, stood a chance.

Not against him.

"Jess—"

Unwilling to give him the chance to say anything else, blocking out every single reason why she should do otherwise, she flung herself at him. Hooking her hands around his neck, she brought his face towards hers with a hard tug, the sound of his surprised and muffled laugh ringing in her ears as he wrapped his arms around her waist without hesitation. Lowering his head towards hers, his brown eyes lighter than she'd seen them in months, his expression gentled even more and she noticed with some wonder how it was touched with just the slightest hint of disbelief and awe. But before she had the chance to linger over it, he drew her even nearer, one last whispered _I love you_ feathered across her lips as his mouth crashed down on hers in a hot and searing mind-numbing kiss.

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Review?


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey roomfriends! Sorry for the delay..._again._  
**

**This is the chapter you have been waiting for. It's not massively long—I feel like what needed to be said and done was. So I hope you enjoy. Thanks so much for all of your love and support and kind words and figurative kicks in the butt when I was slacking! You're the best**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**

**Please review! :)**

* * *

Nick couldn't get enough of her.

Her vanilla scent, her sweet taste, the hot feel of her pressed against him—everything was too much and not enough all at the same time. And while he had been with her only hours ago…it was different now. So much had changed with an emotional confession all wrapped up in a few simply said and terrifyingly meaningful words.

_I love you._

Things had shifted.

Everything was more intense...somehow better.

He loved her.

She loved him.

And he wanted to be with her. He was done denying it; he no longer wanted to run from it. She got him. She understood him. She balanced out his own special brand of crazy and he did the same for her. She was blue skies and sunshine and he was gray clouds and rain.

And it worked.

They'd make it work.

"Nick." Jess murmured his name against his lips, her breath flitting out softly, hot and sweet, her wide blue eyes flickering up to his. "I want you."

It was a statement, demand, and question all rolled into one.

And hearing it, he couldn't help the groan of need that rose up from his throat. "Bed." he grumbled, catching her lips again in a quick kiss as he walked her backwards, their feet stumbling, their hands grasping at each other, their fingers everywhere at once; clawing at their clothing—the underlying desperation that lingered between them near tangible.

Helping her throw her shirt over her head, he made quick work of his own, tugging at his jeans and boxers impatiently. And unable to stop himself from touching her, he reached out fast as she was pushing her sweatpants to the floor, pulling her to him again and smiling against her lips when she let out a surprised little squeal. Crashing his lips to hers, he drank in her halfhearted protest, and tangling his tongue with hers, he felt her melt against him as he picked up the pace of their kiss—sensually caressing the contours of her mouth while running his hands up and down the sides of her body before letting them rest at the hook of her bra. His fingers clumsy and impatient, struggled with the clasp and she half laughed and half gasped as he muttered a curse under his breath before finally getting it undone. Tossing it to the ground, he captured her lips once more, the feel of her soft skin under his roaming hands hotly branding itself into him. And pulling her down onto the bed, he turned her, flipping her over so that she lay pinned beneath him, the breathy giggle that escaped her ringing in his ears. Lifting his head from hers, he stared down at her, watching as her eyes fluttered open, the blue in them bright and shining, a softness lingering in there, her obvious love for him clear and unmasked.

"Jess." he murmured softly, his throat suddenly feeling tight as thoughts of his idiocy bombarded him, a small part of him still whispering he didn't deserve her—the voice quickly drowned out by a louder more determined part of him that finally agreed that _this _was right.

_They were right._

"Nicholas?" Her voice rose in question, her mouth dipping downwards into a frown as uncertainty suddenly clouded her eyes.

She was afraid he was having second thoughts.

Afraid he'd turn his back on her..._again._

And unable to stand the slow look of wariness that was crossing her face, he flashed her a small grin. "I love you."

"Oh." Jess' mouth dropped open slightly and her eyes widened fractionally. It seemingly didn't matter that he had just said the words to her mere minutes ago—she still appeared surprised by the declaration, her features openly revealing her awe. "I—I love you too." her words were shaky, her slow smile beaming.

He was afraid still—he couldn't deny that. It would be stupid to try. Love was crazy and terrifying and uncertain and always new. But hearing her say the words, listening as they resonated in his head, echoing softly and encouragingly with not an ounce of hesitation laced through them, he felt an overwhelming feeling of contentment rush through his body as he soaked in the simple statement.

_I love you._

And feeling his lips tilt into a smirk he lowered his head again, kissing her softly, tenderly, deeply—knowing that while he had told her his true feelings there was still so much more he wanted to say but couldn't, _would never be able to_, find the right words for. And needing an outlet for the turbulent feelings and thoughts racing inside of him, he poured himself into kissing her—her soft moan driving him on as he almost unconsciously rocked himself into her, his body seeking solace with hers.

Turning her head from him, she let out a little whimper when he concentrated on the delicate skin at her neck instead—the husky sound falling from her lips shooting all the blood that had rushed to his head, straight to his groin.

"I—I need you Nick. God I can't wait. _Please. _I need you now."

Her broken plea, the desperation in her tone, was almost his undoing, and swallowing the low growl that bubbled up in his throat he hooked a finger in her underwear and dragged it down, silently appreciating the way she shuddered beneath him with the action. Kissing his way up the column of her throat, dusting her jaw lightly with his lips, he raised his head as he shifted and settled between her legs.

"Jess." he whispered her name, watching as her eyes lifted to meet his. "I'm sorry…for everything…I…"

"Really Miller?" she smirked cutting him off, her lips twitching a bit as she wrapped her arms around him, caging him in. "You're going to stop to apologize…_again_…now?"

He grinned, watching as her smirk widened into a slow smile, "I just want you to know—"

"Hey," she unhooked one of her arms from around him and raised a hand, cupping the side of his face gently, "Nicholas" she paused and tilted her head to the side, giving him a half smile. "We're moving on. I forgive you okay. It's done. So stop…whatever you were going to say just stop. _We're moving on."_

Sometimes she drove him crazy, sometimes she made him want to rip his hair out and scream like a friggin' maniac, sometimes amidst the polka dots and bright colors he honestly questioned her sanity. But now, _now_ he couldn't help but wonder if she was a goddamned saint, her unwavering loyalty and faith in him bringing a lump to his throat.

He had messed up—he had pushed her away and had broken her heart.

And she was taking him back.

Because she fucking loved him.

And staring at her a moment, taking in the sight of her, appreciating everything about her—her soft beauty, the warmth of her body, her intoxicating scent, he was once again flooded with emotions—strong, honest and raw emotions.

"I love you." he said the words easily again, wondering if he'd ever tire of telling her. But before he could even consider the notion, his body moved of its own accord and he pushed into her deeply, stopping when he could go no further, his ears ringing dully as the hot feeling of her wrapping around him overrode his somewhat dazed senses.

"Oh God." she whispered, her legs wrapping around him, her arms tightening their hold. _"Nick."_

And hearing his name tumbling from her, the sound broken and needy, he found himself unable to hold back any longer and he began to move, thrusting into her; watching as her eyes fluttered shut before opening again, her mouth parting into a soft O as tiny whimpers escaped her lips—the sound driving him on as he continued to pump into her deeply, losing himself to her tight wet heat.

It was different…so different now.

Being with her now, their feelings out in the open, the hurt and anger fading behind them, their movements were freer; everything was lighter. _Better._ Leaning down he caught her lips again, kissing her slowly, his tongue moving in sync with hers, mimicking the rhythm of his hips. Their bodies dampening with sweat slid against each other slickly as the sounds of their lovemaking filled the room in a flurry of grunts, moans, and pants.

He would never want anything as much as he wanted her.

Nothing would ever feel as _right_ as her.

Breaking away from the kiss he shifted between her legs again, bracing himself on his arms, his muscles quivering as his hips continued to grind against her, her head falling back on the bed as he stared down at her—the sight of her so uninhibited something he never wanted to forget.

"Harder." she whispered to him in a throaty voice, the request echoing in his head softly.

And unwilling to deny her anything at that moment, he changed the pace, pushing into her harder, deeper—his actions increasing slightly and becoming more frantic as his body slammed against hers relentlessly and without restraint.

And still he couldn't get enough.

Releasing her hold on him, her hands fell limply from around his neck, and raising them above her head, she locked eyes with him, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with her—a groan falling from his lips as he watched her face twist into an expression of pure unadulterated pleasure.

"I'm gonna come Nick….ohhh God."

And with her sudden and breathy words he knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer, the feel and sight of her too damn much to take. Swearing almost violently under his breath, noticing the way her lips twitched with the curse, he began to alternate between thrusting into her slow and deep and fast and stinted, the change in pace causing her eyes to widen as she let out a cry of surprise. Her hands gripping at the blankets, her hips rose to meet his as he continued to take her hard—the sounds of her desperate and frantic moans as he slid in and out of her, filling his already roaring head

"Fuck." he whispered, the curse slipping from his lips when he felt her begin to tremble and pulse around him, gently squeezing him, taunting him to let go.

And as his body tensed and tightened with the sensation, he knew he was mere seconds away, soon he would be unable to stop his impending release. Still, he wanted to see her come first, the need to watch her overriding what a large part of him desperately begged for. And pushing into her hard—knowing her body, knowing exactly what would help to coax her over that edge—he brought his thumb to her sensitive bundle of nerves, rubbing her hard and fast as he continued to drive himself into her.

"Oh God!"

With the abrupt and shocked cry, she reared her hips up and shattered beneath him, her walls gripping him tightly, the feeling causing him to falter in his movements before on a grunt and a groan, he allowed himself to finally give in. Burying his face into her neck, he let himself go, coming hard inside of her, his body shaking and his mind reeling as she murmured his name over and over again, clenching and unclenching around him in an unforgiving grip.

The world seemed to fade away, his brain only registering his pleasure before going completely and blissfully blank.

His chest heaving, his body limp and heavy, his pulse racing fast, it took him a moment or two before he was able to lift his head a bit to look down at her—her little sigh of protest bringing a smile to his lips as he slid out of her slowly, the action causing her cheeks to tinge a bright pink. The way she so easily blushed, regardless of the countless times they had been together never ceased to amaze him—how she flustered so readily something he hoped would never fade away. Staring down at her, he watched as her mouth quirked up into a tiny grin, and raising a hand he brushed a damp curl away from her face, her smile widening with the casual gesture.

"Hey," she whispered, her voice husky, her eyes bright.

"Hey."

"You're crushing me."

Nick chuckled at her blunt statement and raising a brow, rolled away from her and onto his back, noting when she turned onto her side to face him. Propping herself on her elbow, she rested her head in her hand as she stared at him openly. Her dark hair fell over her shoulder, curling over her breast enticingly, causing his fingers to twitch—the urge to reach out once again and pull her to him surprisingly strong.

"So maybe we should fight more often." she said after a moment or two of silently watching him—the smile that dusted across her lips slightly seductive, the gleam in her eyes somewhat knowing.

Nick furrowed his brow at the statement, his mouth dipping down into a confused frown as his still hazy brain tried to follow her softly spoken words. "Excuse me?"

Shrugging, Jess raised her eyes to the ceiling, a look of mock innocence crossing over her features. "That was some pretty amazing make-up sex Nicholas…kinda makes me wonder if we should fight more often."

At her explanation he rolled his eyes, noting the slightly smug singsong tone of her voice. And turning to his side, he mimicked her position, his lips struggling to keep his smile somewhat contained, a voice in his head hissing for him to at least pretend to be something other than an infatuated fool—he needed to attempt to appear to be somewhat in control. But as his mouth continued to kick up another notch, he mentally told the hissing tone to fuck-off, not really caring if he looked like a lovesick idiot. "I think we fight plenty Jessica…but I'm willing to repeat that performance anytime and_ then some."_

She nodded, leaning towards him with a hungry gleam in her bright eyes. "It was a pretty darn great performance."

"It was a fantastic performance."

Laughing she stretched her neck and placed a soft kiss on his lips, smiling against him when he immediately went to deepen it—his muttered curse when she pulled back only causing her smile to grow wider. And sitting up in the bed, she watched as he joined her, her features smoothing into a somewhat serious expression as she stared at him hard, her eyes while still light, narrowing somewhat as he saw the beginnings of doubt began to creep into them slowly.

"So no more running?"

He wasn't surprised that even with the light mood between them she still needed reassurance; he had been a damn idiot after all.

Straightening, he reached out and picked up a strand of her hair, tugging on it gently and drawing her eyes to his. "No more running."

At his words, Jess drew her bottom lip into her mouth, chewing on it lightly, the action nearly making him throw her down on the bed once again. "So we're like in this thing…together?"

Snapping his eyes away from her mouth, he grinned—he was pretty sure she had no clue how endearing her small voice and earnest eyes were. It amazed him he was ever able to walk away from her in the first place. And he could only thank God he knew better now. Now he was _in_...all in...completely gone—she fucking had him for as long as she wanted and then some.

"Yeah Jess we're in it together."

Nodding slowly, she glanced down at the bed, her fingers fidgeting somewhat nervously, her gaze suddenly avoiding his. "I mean I know things were said in the heat of the moment."

"They were but...

"Not that I didn't mean everything that I said. I meant it—_I mean it..._I love you, of course I love you it's just—"

"Jess..." he started.

But she barreled on seemingly lost in her own thoughts, "It's just we probably still need to talk about certain _stuff. _I know we do, and_—_and I'm just suddenly feeling a little…I mean I—I'm… dammit Nick I think I might be freaking out now…" she trailed off her eyes suddenly growing wide, realization dawning in their glimmering depths. "Why am I freaking out?"

"Jess…" he tried again

"I mean, I seriously meant everything I said before, but I mean maybe we really should talk more. Like now. Do you feel like we should? Are you sure about this? Because I am...but I know you…you still have stuff to work out with your book, and the bar, and is this…_us_…is it too much? Dammit Nick I think I'm seriously panicking. Why the hell am I suddenly panicking?"

Shaking his head at her, he just barely suppressed an eye-roll—_there was his little lunatic_—and resisting the urge to tease her, knowing that just because he had some new-found sense of confidence it'd be unfair to taunt her and throw it in her face, he placed a hand over hers, squeezing it gently. "Hey...stop…I'm not going anywhere…you're not going anywhere. You can freak out all you want but that doesn't change anything. This is real okay? I made a mistake." He paused considering his words for a moment, "Okay, I made a pretty big fucking mistake and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you if I have to...but I love ya Jess, I'm not going anywhere."

At his confidently spoken words, her eyes suddenly lost their slightly crazed look, her expression calming rapidly as her fingers squeezed his back, and nodding, she shot him a small smile, embarrassment dusting around the edges of it. "Okay." Letting out a deep shuddering breath, a tiny laugh escaped her lips as her eyes sought his, humor slowly creeping into them. "Oh my God…I'm sorry…that was…" she paused rolling her gaze to the ceiling and lifting her hand, she waved it in the air in a careless gesture. "that was weird."

He laughed, "a little bit...but it's you so I'm not surprised..."

"Shut-up."

Smirking, he settled himself against the headboard of the bed and reaching an arm out, he wrapped it around her, pulling her close and drawing her to his side, his smirk widening into a grin as she tucked herself against him, her head resting on his chest without hesitation as he tightened his embrace securely around her.

"We're doing this." he whispered softly, kissing the top of her head, inhaling the floral scent of her shampoo as she nestled even further into him.

"We're doing this." she repeated back to him, and even with her head on his chest with her face turned away from him, he could hear the smile in her voice, the warmth in her tone.

And falling into a deep and contented silence, he held her close, the lingering pains from the last few weeks fading away as they sat together in each others arms. Replaying their words to each other over and over again in his head—the way it felt to tell her he loved her, the look in her eyes each time he did, he felt the gray barrier that had been shading him from the brighter things in life..._from her_...slowly lift from his eyes. His self-loathing while not completely disappearing began to lessen as a thirst for something more flowed through him swift and fast.

And at that moment everything in his life seemed pretty damn okay.

Things were looking up...for real this time.

He was getting his act together, the time for stalling over.

He had his book—the potential to make something of himself within his grasp.

He had his friends, they were all nuts, completely insane—each of them dealing with their own life issues in their own slightly obnoxious and somewhat unhealthy roundabout ways. But for every time they did something that drove him absolutely crazy, it was balanced out by their unwavering loyalty, the constant knowledge that they would be there—no matter how many times he veered off track and messed up—a comforting and warming thought.

But most importantly he had _her._

Somehow he had manged to come out as the luckiest son of bitch in the world. It was something he wasn't willing to push away so easily anymore. It was time to seriously get his act together. Time to move on from his self-serving and self-deprecating ways.

It was time to grow up.

And as he felt her relax in his arms, murmuring something against his chest about how happy she was, he couldn't think of a better person to start this new chapter in his life with.

They were in this thing—in it for the long haul.

Suddenly life in general didn't seem so suffocating anymore, his future didn't appear so scary, the depressing tones fading, something hopeful and new replacing them.

They were doing this.

_Together._

And as he felt himself begin to drift off, aware that she was already well on her way to dreaming, her breathing heavy and her body going limp, he smiled into the dim hotel room, taking note of how his face practically ached, the muscles there protesting the suddenly over-used action. And closing his eyes, his body quickly began to relax as his thoughts slowly started to quiet.

Laying with her in his arms, with everything brought to light between them, their immediate future currently figured out, it took no time at all for exhaustion to consume him—the weight of her sleeping in his arms, her soft words of love, echoing in his head and luring him under.

No longer depressed or afraid by what waking would bring with it he was unsurprisingly asleep within seconds.

And it was, by far, the best damn sleep of his entire life.

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**_Hey roomfriends! Thanks so much for sticking with me. While that was the last regular chapter, please keep an eye out for an epilogue—basically a cute little scene with the entire gang, bringing to light more of Nick's journey with his book. But for now I hope you enjoyed this last chapter. *sobs* what a labor of love this has been. Thanks so much to every single one of you who joined me on it!  
_**

**_Love to all._**

**_I hope to pop out a few one-shots this summer! :)_**

**_Review?_**


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